View Full Version : Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)
Hmm... Now that I think about it, both Kha and Keroko made their own Aces to go with the young Ace Trio of Canon...
Now why didn't I make a similar Ace as well...?:p
Looks like I shafted myself there as well...<.<
:joke:
Keep working on Grandis then. ;)
'wasn't not a Sue?' :eyebrow: Which is it?
[QUOTE=stormturmoil;1698217]Just to bring up a somewhat insignificant seeming but nevertheless important point...
But while we've been flinging relationship accusations here there and everywhere over which pairings are established, there is no reason they couldn't all be....
<_<
>_>
and no, I'm not talking about polygamy, either, (except possibly in the case of Caro X Erio X Lutecia)
Rather, there's been this unwarranted assumption that all relationships that we establish must succeed...which, as we all know, is not necessarily the case...
That is to say, while it'a all well and good trying to establish the pairings of characters now, there's been a marked tendency to ignore the possibility of any other relationships that may have existed in the past, and/or, that may yet exist in the future if the current ones don't work out.
Even if Hayate Is paired with Grandis Now, that does nothing to prove that she wasn't previously involved with Aurion in the past (fell apart because of the age gap?)
Similarly, Nanoha x Fate and Nanoha X Yuuno may both actually have happened/be happening, and the only pertinent detail may be the order in which they happened/happen!
In other words, there is nothing saying these characters have not had other relationships in the past, nor that they won't have others in the future...
we don't have to be limited by just one pairing per character! damn, surely the Aces are going to have had some other prospective suitors...after all, they've probably got half the Bureau lusting after them secretly (or not so secretly, in the case of Subaru...)
It is a little known fact that Keroko and Chrono were dating at one point in time.
*Runs like crazy while dodging red blasts of magic*
If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to request a little help from fellow authors/readers here. As it is, I'm still continuing with GuardianS (albeit woefully slow, no thanks to the distraction I have in the form of Playstation 2), and the next chapter is building up nicely, currently pegged at ~8k words.
The entire plot is almost reaching its first climax already (if we follow Freytag's analysis), so what I wanted to ask from all of you is whether the story is missing anything that has been nagging in your mind, however big or small. It can be characterization, plot holes, structure, cohesion, anything you find particularly odd or confusing that hasn't been resolved in the story.
While I do keep myself to the plot that I've planned out so far, there are times when things just didn't come to mind at the time of writing, and these would most probably result in a holes that are most difficult to retrace. Given the pace and length, it wouldn't be surprising that these would be overlooked on my part, so I'd like them to be resolved, either as a side-note or implemented entirely in the plot later (if applicable). If those questions would later be answered in the planned plot, I'd say it as such, so there's no worry of spoiling the entire story.
This would serve as a great idea proposition as well as reminder for myself. You can ask anything, don't worry about it. I appreciate the help very much.
Thanks a lot. :)
Hmm, not that I can think of so quickly, no.
Though I'd love to see more Tesla. :3
Some slight crack in progress.
Two men stood on an outcropping, gazing across the barren wastes. They could not be more different. One was a giant of a man, carrying himself with a knightly demeanour. The other man had a rougher, less refined feel to him. If the giant was gold with inlaid jewels and precious metals. the shorter man was an uncut diamond streaked with coal. Yet in their purpose they were united.
"So there it is," murmured Franz Jaeger, scanning the horizon with his binoculars. "The target."
"I will rescue her," vovwed Noland Reineiger. "I will enter that place of vile desecration, and with these hands I will rescue the Sankt Kaiser."
"Takamachi Vivio is not the Sankt Kaiser reborn," replied Franz quietly, his eyes scanning the distance. "Seeking atonement is all fine and well, but the Sankt Kaiser is dead. Vivio is Vivio. No more, no less."
"All that matters," said Erick, walking up, "is tha' we git in there an' save that poor girl. It's time ta git goin'. We'll move out under the cover of darkness." He turned to look at the rest of the 7-man team and nodded. "Alright, men. Vivio's in hell. We're going to walk her out. Last chance to back out now."
"I speak for all of us, sir," said Glen seriously, "When I say, 'Who the hell do you think we are'."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Franz couldn't supress a snicker, Ivanovich snorted, and Chief actually smiled behind his visor.
"Alrigh', men, let's git there an' kick ass," ordered Erick, and the 7 men descended, making their way to the castle, Soldiers of the Wasteland.
jJOwDYDAtsM
As for Meister-Device relationships, I had Hayareinrion crack written. Because Rein zwei is cute and Healthy Full Size All Woman Rein is HAWT.
Vivio got kidnapped again? Curiosity burning.
stormturmoil
2008-07-03, 15:54
Vivio got kidnapped again? Curiosity burning
Nah, they probably got called in to try and break up another one of Hayate's secret Cosplay parties...
<_<
>_>
What, you KNOW Nanoha would do that, especially over Vivio (So would Fate, though in her case it'd probably be more along the lines of " If anyone's going to put Vivio in Adorable Cosplay outfits it's going to be ME!)
Vivio got kidnapped again? Curiosity burning.
Don't worry, Nanoha and Fate will don their barrier jackets and run across pipes and landscapes while beaming stupid turtles. And eat mushrooms to grow bigger.
"Sorry White Devil. The Kaiserin is in another castle!"
It is a little known fact that Keroko and Chrono were dating at one point in time.
*Runs like crazy while dodging red blasts of magic*
Keroko: "Yuuno-kun's late.. :("
Chrono: "Ah Keroko there you are. Yuuno said he couldn't make it at the last second so he asked me to replace him."
Keroko:"Oh..I suppose it can't be helped then. Work takes precedence after all."
Chrono: "Shall we ;)?"
*around the corner Yuuno lies gagged and Struggle Bound*
Yuuno: "Chrughh urgh urghtrd :frustrated:!"
:p
Nah, they probably got called in to try and break up another one of Hayate's secret Cosplay parties...
<_<
>_>
What, you KNOW Nanoha would do that, especially over Vivio (So would Fate, though in her case it'd probably be more along the lines of " If anyone's going to put Vivio in Adorable Cosplay outfits it's going to be ME!)
The mental image of a squad like that breaking up a cosplay party is to great not to be writen down. :D
Don't worry, Nanoha and Fate will don their barrier jackets and run across pipes and landscapes while beaming stupid turtles. And eat mushrooms to grow bigger.
"Sorry White Devil. The Kaiserin is in another castle!"
I see I'm not the only one thinking of that. :p
Keroko: "Yuuno-kun's late.. :("
Chrono: "Ah Keroko there you are. Yuuno said he couldn't make it at the last second so he asked me to replace him."
Keroko:"Oh..I suppose it can't be helped then. Work takes precedence after all."
Chrono: "Shall we ;)?"
*around the corner Yuuno lies gagged and Struggle Bound*
Yuuno: "Chrughh urgh urghtrd :frustrated:!"
:p
Wouldn't surprise me. Chaos would love it.
TheShinySword
2008-07-03, 16:28
Don't worry, Nanoha and Fate will don their barrier jackets and run across pipes and landscapes while beaming stupid turtles. And eat mushrooms to grow bigger.
"Sorry White Devil. The Kaiserin is in another castle!"
Eat... mushrooms
Nanoha: But which is the real Vivio? The pink one, the blue one?
Fate: I think its the rainbow one. All the pretty colors look~ it's a prettiful magical Kharckacorn let's ride on it! Wee!
Everyone else: >.> Let's leave them here -_-;
Stay away from 'shrooms kids they'll screw with your head.
PhoenixG
2008-07-03, 16:37
Don't worry, Nanoha and Fate will don their barrier jackets and run across pipes and landscapes while beaming stupid turtles. And eat mushrooms to grow bigger.
"Sorry White Devil. The Kaiserin is in another castle!"
Heh.... it's reminds my of the soundtrack where Marisa accidently gave a mushroom to Suika and became a gaint XD
Evangelion Xgouki
2008-07-03, 16:46
It is a little known fact that Keroko and Chrono were dating at one point in time.
*Runs like crazy while dodging red blasts of magic*
...interesting...:eyebrow:
Vivio got kidnapped again? Curiosity burning.
Burning? Is it BURNING RED? IS THE EAST BURNING RED?!
*RUNZ*
Keroko: "Yuuno-kun's late.. :("
Chrono: "Ah Keroko there you are. Yuuno said he couldn't make it at the last second so he asked me to replace him."
Keroko:"Oh..I suppose it can't be helped then. Work takes precedence after all."
Chrono: "Shall we ;)?"
*around the corner Yuuno lies gagged and Struggle Bound*
Yuuno: "Chrughh urgh urghtrd :frustrated:!"
:p
Bwahahaha :heh:
Poor Yuuno :heh:
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
Name: Syn Virage
Mage rank: AAA
Military Rank:
Age: 12
Gender: Female
Magic type: Belkan
Magic colour: Blue
Hair color: Blue
Eye color: heterochromia, her right eye is red, while her left eye is blue.
Hair style: Syn’s hairstyle varies often, as both her mother and Vivio love to play with her hair.
Favourite quote: "Boredom, mostly."
Apearance:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/hf02.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Mom.png
Personality:
Blunt, sharp with the tongue and a smartass to boot. The terror of teachers, you could say. Syn can be extremely annoying at times, driving people up the walls with smart remarks. Smartass she may be, though, she is not stupid. Most of the times when she is in one of her moods, she will drive to the edge, but never over it. If she is not in one of her moods –which must be said, is more often the case-, you will find that while she may poke fun at other people’s expense, she doesn’t mean it in a harmful way. When encountering Syn on one of her more calm moods, she is easy to get along with, albeit a bit stubborn.
Syn if often willing to help if you ask it, and she finds it enjoyable to simply have a nice conversation to pass the time. She can get very defensive on subjects and locking horns with her in an argument means spending time getting through her stubbornness, as she tries to keep an open mind, but at times fails completely. She also has a habit of losing focus if a task at hand doesn’t hold her interest, which result in her usually finishing everything frantically at the last time. Miraculously, Syn rarely misses deadlines.
Background:
Syn is a Mid-Childan born girl, her parents being high-ranking officers in the navy, the talent for magic was quickly discovered and a career in the TSAB seems almost assured. However, when it came to picking a school, Syn was more interested in going to the far calmer school run by the Saint Church. Her parents agreed easily, possibly because they realized schools run, or otherwise funded by the TSAB may show favoritism.
When in the class, Syn felt isolated. With her mother being an Admiral in the navy, and her father a captain, she was treated with a certain amount of respect, awe, and unfortunately distance from her fellow classmates. This is probably why she quickly made friends with Vivio, whose mother was the even more famous Takamachi Nanoha. The two felt a shared connection between each other, and quickly they would work, eat and hang out together. It was during one of these hangout sessions that Vivio began to play with Syn’s hair, and developed a liking for it, much to Syn’s embarrassment.
Vivio quickly met Syn’s mother, Elena Virage, who had settled down for a desk job after becoming pregnant with Syn in order to raise their child. The two hit of perfectly, as Elena’s openness quickly accepted Vivio, and the two shared a liking for making sure the ‘plain’ Syn looked attractive.
To this day Syn still isn’t sure whether to bless or curse the fact that these two get along so fine.
A few years later, after successfully graduating, Syn applied to the TSAB along with Vivio. Their talent and heritage allowed them to bypass the lengthy Ground Force Training and the two were given the crash-course of several months. After successfully passing the AAA-rank test, the two quickly applied for the Armed Corps in the Main Branch.
Barrier Jacket:
Syn’s Barrier Jacket was designed by her mother and Vivio. Her initial idea was to simply use the standard Barrier Jacket the Armed Forces used, but the two would have none of that, and set of to design Syn her very own and personal Barrier Jacket.
The result was this:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Barrier_Jacketcopy.png
Needless to say Syn was downright mortified, in fact at first she flatly refused to believe this was true, and frantically kept telling herself it was a dream and she would wake up soon. Syn’s Barrier Jacket is focused on high-defense, with as much maneuverability as possible, but only as a secondary concern. The wings floating just off her jacket help stabilize her flight magic.
Device:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Helskor.png
Hellskor is Syn’s Bow-type Device, its stored mode materializes as a bracelet worn on Syn’s right wrist. Hellskor is an Armed Device, and as such is not equipped with an AI as advanced as the types of Raising Heart and the like. Hellskor’s AI is more on the level of Levantine or Graff Eisen. Hellskor is made to specialize long-ranged bombardment magic, as well as physical shots. It allows Syn better control over her guided shots, and increases the accuracy of unguided high-speed and long-range projectiles.
Being in a Belkan school, and having a friend very important to Belkan history, Syn grew up favoring the Belkan school of magic. However, from her nature Syn had always been more of an archer then a swordfighter, so she decided to take a rare step for a Belkan mage: Become a ranged Belkan fighter.
Due to the nature of Belkan Reinforcement magic, this meant that her choice of weaponry was limited. Most gun-based Devices were build to support the Mid-style magic, and lacked any form of physical shots. Rescue came in the form of Signum, whom Vivio had told lots of stories about, and the Bow-form of her Device.
A bow allowed for the use of as many physical projectiles as the user could generate, and arrows were the perfect weapons to Reinforce, as they could take on any shape the mage desired with few restrictions.
Syn has virtually no melee skills, nor spells to support them, so she is completely dependant on getting her enemies from a far range.
Spells:
Offensive spells
Sperrfeuer -- Curtain Fire: A bombardment-type magic, while only one arrow is strung on the bow; many more arrows materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These projectiles strike with high speed and strength, but cannot be controlled.
Flakfeuer – Aerial Barrage: A controlled fire spell, while only one arrow is strung on the bow, multiple arrows, ranging from 3 to seven, materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These shots have the lowest speed among Syn’s spells, but are controllable.
Caladbolg: A single-shot bombardment spell. It uses a single projectile, shaped like a strangely twisted sword-like arrow with a drill-like pattern, which is shot at high speed at the target. Its danger lies in that fact that it is a fast projectile, making it tricky to dodge. This is Syn’s most commonly used spell due to its low mana cost.
Hrunting: With little argue the most powerful of Syn’s offensive spells, with the longest of ranges in Syn’s arsenal. Despite firing only a single projectile, this spell can cause massive damage. Instead of spreading the damage over a large radius, as most bombardment spells do, this spell focuses all that damage in that single projectile, increasing its destructive qualities while lessening the damage radius. Hrunting is known for its high penetration, and few defences of its level can stand up against it.
Defensive/Movement
Movement Magic: Because Syn focuses on defence rather then mobility, she is not extremely fast. Using movement magic she is able to teleport away and reposition for another shot. The advantage of this is that it may throw an enemy of guard, the downside is that casting and coordinating the spell takes a short time.
Panzer Schild: A Belkan shield spell, this is arguably the most used defensive spell in Syn’s arsenal, using it to block her enemies attacks and counterattack afterwards. Syn is very talented in defensive spells, so her shield can take a pounding before going down.
Panzer Hindernis: A Belkan Barrier Spell, while less used then Panzer Schild, it often sees use to block attacks coming from the sides or attacks made while Syn’s hands are otherwise occupied.
Panzer Geist: A Belkan field spell, most often used to block attacks coming from all around her. Syn also uses it for its intimidating effect, because there is nothing more intimidating then someone simply standing there and taking your attacks without even flinching.
Enkidu: A binding spell, capable of being cast both at short and long ranges. Enkidu has no magic sealing or magic repelling, abilities but as a trade-off it is a very tough bind to break. It manifests as steel chains rather then magical ribbons, as the steel chains can be reinforced with Belkan magic.
Rho Aius: The second claim for the most powerful spell in Syn’s arsenal, Rho Aius would best be described as a multi-layered Barrier Spell. When casting, it appears in the form seven petals, each of which is as powerful as a concentrated Barrier. Rho Aius is a purely defensive spell created to block high-level spells. Because of its immense power required, Rho Aius is not a spell cast on a whim, and has a casting time, limiting its use to blocking high-level bombardment spells, or other spells that require a casting time before being fired.
I see I'm not the only one thinking of that. :p
.
Could be worse like.... Fate speeding across roller coaster-like levels to collect rings, free loli clones at the end of stages and giving a beating to Dr Jail. Then optionally turn into Super Fate after collecting the seven Jewel Seeds hidden all over the game.
TheShinySword
2008-07-03, 18:03
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
Name: Syn Virage
Mage rank: AAA
Military Rank:
Age: 12
Gender: Female
Magic type: Belkan
Magic colour: Blue
Hair color: Blue
Eye color: heterochromia, her right eye is red, while her left eye is blue.
Hair style: Syn’s hairstyle varies often, as both her mother and Vivio love to play with her hair.
Apearance:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/hf02.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Mom.png
Personality:
Blunt, sharp with the tongue and a smartass to boot. The terror of teachers, you could say. Syn can be extremely annoying at times, driving people up the walls with smart remarks. Smartass she may be, though, she is not stupid. Most of the times when she is in one of her moods, she will drive to the edge, but never over it. If she is not in one of her moods –which must be said, is more often the case-, you will find that while she may poke fun at other people’s expense, she doesn’t mean it in a harmful way. When encountering Syn on one of her more calm moods, she is easy to get along with, albeit a bit stubborn.
Despite her tough-girl attitude, Syn can actually be a very shy girl, as she is very uncomfortable when it comes to physical contact. She won’t blush and faint, but you will clearly note that she gets very uncomfortable when people start getting intimate with her. A hand on her shoulder can make her slightly nervous, but not much, while a friendly hug makes her very nervous.
Background:
Syn is a Mid-Childan born girl, her parents being high-ranking officers in the navy, the talent for magic was quickly discovered and a career in the TSAB seems almost assured. However, when it came to picking a school, Syn was more interested in going to the far calmer school run by the Saint Church. Her parents agreed easily, possibly because they realized schools run, or otherwise funded by the TSAB may show favoritism.
When in the class, Syn felt isolated. With her mother being an Admiral in the navy, and her father a captain, she was treated with a certain amount of respect, awe, and unfortunately distance from her fellow classmates. This is probably why she quickly made friends with Vivio, whose mother was the even more famous Takamachi Nanoha. The two felt a shared connection between each other, and quickly they would work, eat and hang out together. It was during one of these hangout sessions that Vivio began to play with Syn’s hair, and developed a liking for it, much to Syn’s embarrassment.
Vivio quickly met Syn’s mother, Elena Virage, who had settled down for a desk job after becoming pregnant with Syn in order to raise their child. The two hit of perfectly, as Elena’s openness quickly accepted Vivio, and the two shared a liking for making sure the ‘plain’ Syn looked attractive.
To this day Syn still isn’t sure whether to bless or curse the fact that these two get along so fine.
A few years later, after successfully graduating, Syn applied to the TSAB along with Vivio. Their talent and heritage allowed them to bypass the lengthy Ground Force Training and the two were given the crash-course of several months. After successfully passing the AAA-rank test, the two quickly applied for the Armed Corps in the Main Branch.
Barrier Jacket:
Syn’s Barrier Jacket was designed by her mother and Vivio. Her initial idea was to simply use the standard Barrier Jacket the Armed Forces used, but the two would have none of that, and set of to design Syn her very own and personal Barrier Jacket.
The result was this:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Barrier_Jacketcopy.png
Needless to say Syn was downright mortified, in fact at first she flatly refused to believe this was true, and frantically kept telling herself it was a dream and she would wake up soon. Syn’s Barrier Jacket is focused on high-defense, with as much maneuverability as possible, but only as a secondary concern.
Device:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Helskor.png
Hellskor is Syn’s Bow-type Device, its stored mode materializes as a bracelet worn on Syn’s right wrist. Hellskor is an Armed Device, and as such is not equipped with an AI as advanced as the types of Raising Heart and the like. Hellskor’s AI is more on the level of Levantine or Graff Eisen. Hellskor is made to specialize long-ranged bombardment magic, as well as physical shots. It allows Syn better control over her guided shots, and increases the accuracy of unguided high-speed and long-range projectiles.
Being in a Belkan school, and having a friend very important to Belkan history, Syn grew up favoring the Belkan school of magic. However, from her nature Syn had always been more of an archer then a swordfighter, so she decided to take a rare step for a Belkan mage: Become a ranged Belkan fighter.
Due to the nature of Belkan Reinforcement magic, this meant that her choice of weaponry was limited. Most gun-based Devices were build to support the Mid-style magic, and lacked any form of physical shots. Rescue came in the form of Signum, whom Vivio had told lots of stories about, and the Bow-form of her Device.
A bow allowed for the use of as many physical projectiles as the user could generate, and arrows were the perfect weapons to Reinforce, as they could take on any shape the mage desired with few restrictions.
Syn has virtually no melee skills, nor spells to support them, so she is completely dependant on getting her enemies from a far range.
Spells:
Offensive spells
Sperrfeuer -- Curtain Fire: A bombardment-type magic, while only one arrow is strung on the bow; many more arrows materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These projectiles strike with high speed and strength, but cannot be controlled.
Flakfuer – Aerial Barrage: A controlled fire spell, while only one arrow is strung on the bow, multiple arrows, ranging from 3 to seven, materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These shots have the lowest speed among Syn’s spells, but are controllable.
Caladbolg: A single-shot bombardment spell. It uses a single projectile, shaped like a strangely twisted sword-like arrow with a drill-like pattern, which is shot at high speed at the target. Its danger lies in that fact that it is a fast projectile, making it tricky to dodge. This is Syn’s most commonly used spell due to its low mana cost.
Hrunting: With little argue the most powerful of Syn’s offensive spells, with the longest of ranges in Syn’s arsenal. Despite firing only a single projectile, this spell can cause massive damage. Instead of spreading the damage over a large radius, as most bombardment spells do, this spell focuses all that damage in that single projectile, increasing its destructive qualities while lessening the damage radius. Hrunting is known for its high penetration, and few defences of its level can stand up against it.
Defensive/Movement
Movement Magic: Because Syn focuses on defence rather then mobility, she is not extremely fast. Using movement magic she is able to teleport away and reposition for another shot. The advantage of this is that it may throw an enemy of guard, the downside is that casting and coordinating the spell takes a short time.
Panzer Schild: A Belkan shield spell, this is arguably the most used defensive spell in Syn’s arsenal, using it to block her enemies attacks and counterattack afterwards. Syn is very talented in defensive spells, so her shield can take a pounding before going down.
Panzer Hindernis: A Belkan Barrier Spell, while less used then Panzer Schild, it often sees use to block attacks coming from the sides or attacks made while Syn’s hands are otherwise occupied.
Panzer Geist: A Belkan field spell, most often used to block attacks coming from all around her. Syn also uses it for its intimidating effect, because there is nothing more intimidating then someone simply standing there and taking your attacks without even flinching.
Enkidu: A binding spell, capable of being cast both at short and long ranges. Enkidu has no magic sealing or magic repelling, abilities but as a trade-off it is a very tough bind to break. It manifests as steel chains rather then magical ribbons, as the steel chains can be reinforced with Belkan magic.
Rho Aius: The second claim for the most powerful spell in Syn’s arsenal, Rho Aius would best be described as a multi-layered Barrier Spell. When casting, it appears in the form seven petals, each of which is as powerful as a concentrated Barrier. Rho Aius is a purely defensive spell created to block high-level spells. Because of its immense power required, Rho Aius is not a spell cast on a whim, and has a casting time, limiting its use to blocking high-level bombardment spells, or other spells that require a casting time before being fired.
Is that more information on Syn TT-TT<= happy tears now I can write her properly in RebelS (maybe :uhoh:)
Yup, that's Syn's profile. I may tweak a thing or two later on (most likely the history when I start writing myself), but that's the gist of it. :)
And Syn may have a role in RebelS? :eek: Awesome! :D
TheShinySword
2008-07-03, 18:29
Yup, that's Syn's profile. I may tweak a thing or two later on (most likely the history when I start writing myself), but that's the gist of it. :)
And Syn may have a role in RebelS? :eek: Awesome! :D
Well she's in ch 1 :p And I plan on using her more :3 Syn's too cool not to use
LimitedEternal
2008-07-03, 20:28
Thread...moves...so...fast...
*falls over*
Your loss, its a weekend of good fun playing around, creating scuffles, backstabbing people, being a merchant, you name it, and you can do it.
It does sound pretty fun. ;)
Bleh. Healing set. Well, I'd go after it for the looks, maybe.
Hey, don't make fun of the healers. :p
But if it looks cool...why not?
*clucks tongue* My throat feels dry after reading this. It seems that even the creator himself feels like shafting Hayate.
His loss.
Unfortunately, FF.net and FP.net do not give enough character limits for me to write up a descent summary T.T
Your summary would be...longer than the character limit??? :confused:
I may use Noland for a non-canon one-shot...in which Franz gets pwnt by Meido Guy Noland. :heh:
Now that I consider it about the only time canonically Franz has gone up against anyone in OC and not lost was during the events of BelkaRed vs AbareHunter, though Glen and Naomi combopwnt him before he could do too much damage there... :heh: Garh, poor Franz, you were once a haxxed and powerful Stu, and now even your own creator amuses himself by toying with you. :p
Such as assigning him ludicrous amounts of paperwork? :3
The internet has divided weirdness by zero it can never be stopped now...
Divided weirdness by zero??? How does one do that, and more importantly, what's the result???
There are those that just go with the flow of life and then there are those that grab it by the throat and tell it to start heading where they want it to go. I like to think of myself as one of the later. :p
Good philosophy to follow...but sometimes it's as well to go with the flow. :)
See I actually do it by choice I like playing team doctor. Just don't piss me off: "Oh opps sorry I was a LITTLE late on that heal was out of mana! yeah that's it..." You'll be sorry as Team Medic I control life and death you best remember that lug heads!
Heh, that's like the Warrior forum for the WoW guild my lan's making - it's titled "Why'd I die? Oh, the healer was AFK."
Sometimes I get the feeling healers do "accidentally" look away during the raid...
Hmm indeed... *wanders off looking for sweet things*
Sweet tooth? Ya don't come across as the type...*shrug*
Indeed, fire VERY good... err. :uhoh:
Someone say "fire"?
*LE proceeds to incinerate everything within sight, laughing like an idiot*
Ya know what, I'm glad I napped to prepare for working until midnight instead of following this discussion.
The above is also why when it relates to canon information I would rather the Canon Info section of OCNano be restricted to mods and admins only: the honor system is all fine and well for keeping out normal malicious edits (...mostly...) but it cannot protect against someone who has confused the line between his fanon interpretations and canon information.
Or to put it simply: Honor system cannot stop khrack.
...That may be true, but still...
This is why I think we need to come up with some concrete baseline for this stuff, so we don't have to fight over which "canon" is right...
And it would also save pages of wading through Barrier Jacket/Linker Core/what-have-you argument #umpteen-thousand.
Problem: for the purposes of Comacanon, all these things damn well do exist. I mentioned already that I'm trying to come up with a working definition for the purposes of usage in Comacanon right around the time I first mentioned the astral and material planes.
True, but you still have to work within the confines of true canon. Otherwise what's the point?
You're both right. Linked mana can be generated within the body by drawing on unlinked mana from outside the body. There, problem solved.
Hmm, that might work.
Thanks for the lovely mental image....
http://www.watch.impress.co.jp/game/docs/20030310/ggxx02.gif
Wha- does not compute. :eyespin:
When I said I was looking for a genderbent Fate, I was looking for a picture where'd you could see his face. Not this. :p
(I know its somebody else, but stop for a while, and look closely. :uhoh:)
No wonder everyone thinks you're out of your mind - you are. :3
The civility policy works two ways. -_-
There is a stark difference between a person who is annoying to some because of his normal manner of communication and a person who goes out of his way to annoy another person (and of course, plainly acting violently beyond his/her normal point of intensity). I'd appreciate it of this talk about my old warnings is stopped right now. It's not needed as far as I see how things are going here. Tk's always been blunt and sharp of tongue. But he has enough self-control to relent when needed or apologize when he goes too far. No need to press this matter any further like liingo said.
Let me clarify something, I made that warning not to make Cadia a No-harshness Angelic Utopia, but rather to keep a sufficiently high level of civility. That's the main point I care about. I don't really care if a person has a sharp tongue as long as I can gauge the intent and level of self-control as appropriate. And as such, I don't see any reason for unnecessary friction to arise right now.
That's all.:/
^This.
Long as we keep it civil, I don't really care. We're all gonna have our own opinions, ways of speaking, and views on different concepts. Variety is the spice of life, they say, and it'd be pointless if we all had no leeway to speak.
That said, keep it the hell down, folks. ;)
Don't forget that the Mids have a different understanding of armor compared to us; in this case it appears that its referring to magical protection - IE the barriers and fields.
If they can make a protective field with a gem and a spell, why not?
25 PAGE BACKLOG BREAKER!!!!!!!!!!!
Bleah, I don't have the patience to do breakers that long anymore. I barely go to ten pages anymore...
...you are cruel, Keroko.
And I'm going to get you for this.
What are you gonna do, expose him as a trap? :p
*pats Cadia Zwei's head*
I lol'd when I dropped by the Wrath of the Lich King.
Remember when I had Jail as a Death Knight? Guess what? It's gonna fit, because DKs are gonna get this skill called Anti-Magic Field (http://www.wowhead.com/?forums&topic=26041). :)
When I first saw that entry on WoWWiki, I knew it was just a matter of time...
Dwah?! Okay that CANNOT be a coincidence...
So Kha's some kind of double agent-
:eek:
I see Spy!!!
Kha, you are an incredibly lucky person who manages to turn everything into Keikakku doori. Luck is just that: luck.
Stop. Gloating.
Oh lighten up. What's the point of an ego if you can't stroke it now and then? :p
It's quiet....too quiet....
Quiet, eh...
*takes a long, slow breath*
BURN TO OBLIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
*a cataclysmic fire blast engulfs everything*
Bleh, I see no reason to play Whack-a-coma, I just find porting Ki in Nanoha to be completely useless. Belkan mages virtually are Ki users already, and adding Ki to a show centered around magic doesn't atract me at all, so I'll just handwave it as a MSN crossover gone haywire and let it pass, no reasons for hissy fits if other authors see the merrits where I don't.
You could even write it in as an alternative kind of magic - now that I think of it, it could work like the multiple alchemy styles in FMA.
Never thought of it that way.
/still ponder how to adapt berserk rage, as shown in D&D or Diablo 2, in Nanoverse.
Enrages at 5 minutes, berserks at 10.:uhoh:
*runs*
I think I'll go the Warp Spasm or historical berserker route, maybe a bit shamanic. Remember San in her first appearance in Mononoke Hime? We could only see her mask and hood, and it was very animal-like. When the frontier between the man and animal is blurred, when the berserker can't even talk but just howl and growl like a raging wolf or bear, that's something I found more impressive.
Shaman, huh...
...you've just given me an idea.
Well, "Prototype" is usually a plot excuse for Mary Sue-ing up a character. After all, Sol Badguy was the prototype of all Gears and was accused of being a Mary Sue (not to mention that Daisuke has made it clear that sol is partially based on himself). And don't get me started on Gundam prototypes that are ALL assumed to be better than their production models. IRL, a prototype will be more flawed than production models.
True. If you're gonna do the "proto" route you have to do it right.
On the subject of self-control, when was the last time I exploded on the forums? Anyway, like I said, 'vivid imagination' that, and I have this skill that allows me to ignore pretty much everything I want to ignore, to the point where those guys damn near do become invisible to me.
I envy you now...self-control has never been one of my strong points.
I guess it depends on how detailed you want the explanation. "Barrier Jackets generate Barriers and Fields" is enough for me to explain everything from how a bikini can offer high-grade protection to explaining why the people in Nanoha get up after getting chucked through concrete.
Yup. Simple and explains the majority of everything.
...
.....
Ahahahaha! Genius! Now I am definetely rolling a Deathknight! :D
It took you that long? I was hooked from the name "Death Knight." :D
I'm not that bad, actually. You should see my sister. Most girls find ponies and kitties cute, she thinks humongous scaly fire breathing creatures are cute.
That's like this girl I know who plays games with us...she has an immense fascination with the shotguns...and is damn dangerous with them to boot...
Hmm... Now that I think about it, both Kha and Keroko made their own Aces to go with the young Ace Trio of Canon...
Now why didn't I make a similar Ace as well...?:p
Looks like I shafted myself there as well...<.<
:joke:
Why not think of it as deeper devotion to Hayate-sama? :3
*runs*
Pish...I can still MC people off cliffs and such. Like the bridge to the backdoor of KZ...
A little to the left...little more...there!
*jumps MC'd player off and it breaks allowing then to flail around right before they hit the river bank*
*runs up to MC-ing Priest, drops totems, and proceeds to Windfury him to death*
HK for the day. :3
And on a little sidenote, looks like FUNimation is going to be releasing (http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/press-release/2008-07-03/funimation-entertainment-and-geneon-entertainment-sign-exclusive-distribution-agreement-for-north-america) Nanoha :)
Hm. Nice. 'Bout time.
In my defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time....
Famous last words, Comar, famous last words. :p
Keroko: "Yuuno-kun's late.. :("
Chrono: "Ah Keroko there you are. Yuuno said he couldn't make it at the last second so he asked me to replace him."
Keroko:"Oh..I suppose it can't be helped then. Work takes precedence after all."
Chrono: "Shall we ;)?"
*around the corner Yuuno lies gagged and Struggle Bound*
Yuuno: "Chrughh urgh urghtrd :frustrated:!"
:p
...Why does this scene compute more than it has a right to? :eyespin:
Eat... mushrooms
Nanoha: But which is the real Vivio? The pink one, the blue one?
Fate: I think its the rainbow one. All the pretty colors look~ it's a prettiful magical Kharckacorn let's ride on it! Wee!
Everyone else: >.> Let's leave them here -_-;
Stay away from 'shrooms kids they'll screw with your head.
Oh no...now someone's gonna write a crack one-shot where everyone gets high...*facepalms*
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
*snip*
Syn's new and improved build, hm?
A bit jarring going from her Alpha build to this straight ranged one, but I guess you know what you're doing. I like the build, though - glad to see she's still a smartass. :p
Is her spell list supposed to be that small, though?
Could be worse like.... Fate speeding across roller coaster-like levels to collect rings, free loli clones at the end of stages and giving a beating to Dr Jail. Then optionally turn into Super Fate after collecting the seven Jewel Seeds hidden all over the game.
...
...I facepalmed. -_-;
Well she's in ch 1 :p And I plan on using her more :3 Syn's too cool not to use
Heh. Can't wait. :3
Comartemis
2008-07-03, 20:49
True, but you still have to work within the confines of true canon. Otherwise what's the point?
"The confines of canon" are far too constricting. Much better to extrapolate on what we see and try to explain it with good old fashioned fanon than to say "it's not canon so you can't use it! Nyah!" Contradictions to canon are all that should really be left out, and on rare occasions, not even those should be excluded if it makes a story better than it would be without them.
This is why I'm including a decidedly religious bent in Comacanon like what Kha's done. The Saint Church is one of the most unexplored aspects of the Nanohaverse, and if we've got ourselves an interdimensional religion, why not expand on it and put some truth into the teachings? Hence the mentioning of angels and demons and celestial beings back in my examination of the Planes; these will be showing up in some form in the post-StrikerS timeline, becoming more and more likely to make appearances as Vivio grows up and starts to make her own waves in the Bureau. Hell, the way things are now, there might be a demonic meddler poking his nose into Jail's business even during StrikerS, perhaps working for Original Jail... or perhaps not.
Anybody wanna see Xellos show up every now and then, acting--as usual--on his own agenda?
You could even write it in as an alternative kind of magic - now that I think of it, it could work like the multiple alchemy styles in FMA.
A possibility, but it negates the point of creating an alternate energy source to be used with mana to create Kanka. This could easily be left out, though, since it seems my Void Magic concept is being better received than anything else I've created for Asuna so far.
I envy you now...self-control has never been one of my strong points.
Nor mine. I like to think I've been improving on that lately, though.
Famous last words, Comar, famous last words. :p
Don't I know it. I believe I said something similar when I first created Rico Sachara. Remember him? My first character, Mr. "I'm too cool to use magic systems"?
:twitch:
*facepalms*
KHAAA!!! :frustrated:Are you screaming at Khalthuzad, of the Scaglettis? :p
'wasn't not a Sue?' :eyebrow: Which is it?Somebody cast Memory Lapse on me. :uhoh: I meant Keroko was the Ace who wasn't a Sue. The other 5 have rep in varying degrees to be one; Keroko's agreed Sue rating is 0. :D
It is a little known fact that Keroko and Chrono were dating at one point in time.
*Runs like crazy while dodging red blasts of magic*Hayate had a crush on Kha before choosing Grandis. Sophia was actually dere for Artei once. Arisa was confused between Nanoha, Suzuka and Artei. Yuuno also went for Keroko. Kha had a soft spot for Carym. Keira admired Signum a lot. Shamal and Zafira were hinted, and so was Arf and Zafira. Keroko was egging Nanoha to date Kha, despite herself being a little interested. Erio found himself staring at Fate. And the list goes on, Cardcaptor Convoluted Style.
That entire web evolved and ironed out, finally arriving at the set point at end of Cente Gravia. Hence why relationshipwise, StrikerS onwards are all focused on the new cast, but there ins't much to fool around with. Teana goes for Dylandy who in turn is after someone we don't know yet. Subaru is stubbornly Teana. Vivio is free game for a while. Juliet Scagletti is too sly to be committed. Serena is too cold, and her tsun-affection for Allie is more onee-chan than anything else. Allie's just running free. So our main fun may well be from the Erio x Lutecia x Caro Macross Triangle. :eyespin:
Thread...moves...so...fast...
*falls over*WEEK. :3
Heh, that's like the Warrior forum for the WoW guild my lan's making - it's titled "Why'd I die? Oh, the healer was AFK."
Sometimes I get the feeling healers do "accidentally" look away during the raid...I can give a wakeup call by bubbling and sending the boss at the errant healer. :p
So Kha's some kind of double agent-
:eek:
I see Spy!!!:twitch:
What first you guys accused me of being a double agent for 7Arcs, now Blizzard? I'm honored! :p
And this will be the last time you see me. *backstabs LE*
*runs up to MC-ing Priest, drops totems, and proceeds to Windfury him to death*
HK for the day. :3I heard a loud Squish there. :uhoh:
...Why does this scene compute more than it has a right to? :eyespin:Because it does, like Lyrical Fate. ;)
PhoenixFlare
2008-07-03, 22:12
@PF: Thoughts on my re-read of all of it below, separted into chapters and scenes for easy reference. Also random spelling points :heh:
C-> Chapter S-> Scene
Prologue S2
Reason for the scene being 5 years earlier?
Info in C3 S3 would suggest that the scene is in the present since they’ve gone and stolen a star before we know about the prophecy.
C1 S2
How are you Mmilady (Milady)
C1 S5
I advice (advise) you not to underestimate the GF <- Subaru
C2 S5
I take it that you’re not altering the story to accommodate the new info about enforcers. Although it's easily solved since you don't have a slew of them in your story.
54 min pass between end of this scene and C3 S3? Seems a bit long...
C3 S3
I find the shift from angst/despair etc to happy happy joy joy a little weird once they know Nanoha is at the door… but not really a major issue.
C4 S3 Cont
You know my father (knew) <- Chrono
C4 S5
I’m amazed at the speed of bureaucracy shown in getting the unit together… 1000 members in less than 3-4 days. Where did they all come from? Or more importantly, do these 1000 members get used other than a 10th of them.
- Couldn't see any major pitfalls while I was re-reading it all, but it'll be best to see what the others say first.
- I do have questions on the plot... although i'm certain that those will be answered eventually in the next couple of chapters :D
Liingo.
That's fast! :twitch:
Anyway, here's the response.
Prologue, Scene II
No, it didn't take place five years earlier. Zakharov Alexei Chevaron, Central Laboratories' Head of the Consortium of Lost Logia Research and also Noble Fellow of the Consortium, obtained all nine Jewels from a space expedition some time ago (exactly a year earlier before GuardianS) and made them unavailable for public information, even to the Bureau (Chapter Six, Scene VII). This was the information that Carim managed to get during the prologue (Prologue, Scene I), but she could only confirm it later because of the labs' stringent information security. The Templars made their move three months before Carim used Profeitin Shrifti and managed to steal two of the nine Jewels. The losses were covered up by the lab authorities who could not let the information about the Jewels slip, per Zakharov's orders (Chapter Three, Scene III). Hopefully, this makes sense. :heh:
A spelling error I note myself is that I wrote Tomes (my original intent for the Lost Logia) somewhere there when it's supposed to be Jewels. :heh: Silly me, doing the correction later.
Chapter One, Scenes I and V
Errors noted. :heh: (Why didn't I notice them before?)
Chapter Two, Scene V
I'm sorry, Liingo, but I can't find the reference about the Enforcers that you're talking about. Mind to point me to it?
Yep, time-stretch is definitely weird. Thanks for the look-up, changing them. :heh:
Chapter Three, Scene III
The angst/despair wasn't deep to begin with, and it was sidelined by the fact that they could not confirm the issues at hand. When they started to formulate plans, the atmosphere supposedly lifted somewhat. Moreover, Nanoha and Verossa didn't know what they were discussing about, so they came in looking cheerful. Fate and Hayate quickly warmed up to their friends. It's not helped by Verossa's joke (perhaps it's too dry, I can't really write jokes if it cost me my life :p).
Chapter Four, Scene III (cont.)
Again, noted. :)
Chapter Four, Scene V
They are picked up from various departments who have manpower to spare. Most of them (around 60%) comprise of Ground Forces (since Chrono made it his priority to have less friction with the Ground Forces' leader), a handful from Air Force, Navy, and Enforcers. Part of them were also drafted from reserves that were approved by their respective chiefs. von Khrull doesn't have much problem with the Ground Forces' units, but he paid extra attention to those that Chrono wanted to bring in from other departments.
As it is, the thousand-strong members also include housekeepers, cooks, general staff, pages, and maintenance crews. I made it a point for them to be present as well, since it's their inaugural inception, and despite them being not as detailed as the frontline, they would be used. I already have their representatives worked out. :D
Thanks, Liingo, this helps a lot. :D
By the way, if you do have questions about the plot, I don't mind you asking. If it's a major one, I'll probably say so, though minor ones are perfectly all right.
======
@Keroko: Don't worry about it, Tesla has a lot more in store for her. She has romantic partnership; she cooks (in the next chapter, no less :p); she makes a particularly useful insight during their meeting; she leads a small squadron against the enemy; and she fights the battle of her lifetime against a Magus two ranks higher than she is. I always find character development in Nanohaverse shouldn't just revolve around their fighting abilities, so Tesla pretty much gets an all-round development. Hopefully, it's up to your taste and imagination. :D
Aaron008R
2008-07-03, 23:02
I am damn glad you didn't; or the HAYAURION pairing made of epic wrongness would've never been born!!! :D:D:D
-_-
:3
That is just one of the things that make him awesome and special. And notice that he is father-figure to 2 Aces. Kha as well, if you remember why. :D
Yeah.:p
And the end of A's Destiny, is a photo of all 6 characters. And if you didn't know them, you'd think that Aurion is a proud father of 5 boisterous kids. :D
:D:D:D
HAYAURION!
=_=
LYRIANDIS!!! :D:D:D
Hold on a damned second there... =_=
That's not gonna work.
*RRRRRRRUNZ*
*stabs Kha with Hatchet. -_-*
Deshou? More points of distinction. :D:D:D
:nod:
And an irreplaceable one at that. :nod:
:nod::nod::nod:
Even if Hayate Is paired with Grandis Now, that does nothing to prove that she wasn't previously involved with Aurion in the past (fell apart because of the age gap?)
Hey, I took this into consideration too considering I made Hayate had a crush on Chrono at one time...:p
And the ones with Aurion were just rumors.:p
Indeed good point storm raised up. Even then implied relationships don't always have to work out; or can't work out in the future after failing once.
:nod::nod:
And as for pairings/relationships, I do believe everyone here has one they want to write out but hasn't due to any combination of reasons. On my end I have been stuck at setting the scenario for a cursed love between device and master that I have been wondering lately if I should just jump the gun and straight into it. >_>
Device and... Master...?:twitch:
*stares at Null's one-sided love for the oblivious Daddy Saga...>.>*
*RUNS!!!*
Keep working on Grandis then. ;)
But he's more of Knight-turned-Skilled-Maverick-turned-Knight compared to an Ace-class.:p
But will do.:D
It is a little known fact that Keroko and Chrono were dating at one point in time.
*Runs like crazy while dodging red blasts of magic*
...
......
.........
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek:
@______________________________@
ZOMG EPIC BRAINWAVE!!!! @___@
So... that's how it was...:D
Hayate, whom those that read my GenerationS version of her would find out that she had a crush on Chrono during her early pubescent years mainly because of how much he stood up for her in front of Graham's plan... Not to mention completely brushing aside her unneeded guilt with Clyde's death (which she had nothing to do with in the first place)... And then she actually later gave up on him because she was still kinda hooked up on that unnecessary large amount of selflessness schtick when she finds out that Keroko and Chrono had been getting along... Just when she almost manages to get over that minor heartbreak, Kha comes along and then puts on the harem-lead-patented 'Nice to all the girls' charm (as in being nice to Hayate a bit more than usual because of her gloominess) and manages to score a lot of affection points from her. But then Hayate desists yet again in favor of Fate... That second heartbreak kinda gives her a small trauma that she decides to focus fully in her career even more (120%!!!) instead of pursuing romance. But then, there comes this time that her playful flirting with Aurion gets misinterpreted and they get rumored to have a relationship when there is actually nothing of the sort happening...:twitch::twitch::twitch: :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
This is...@_@
(In a good way...:p)
*is bashed with the Tome on the head by a blushing Hayate*
X_x
Keroko: "Yuuno-kun's late.. :("
Chrono: "Ah Keroko there you are. Yuuno said he couldn't make it at the last second so he asked me to replace him."
Keroko:"Oh..I suppose it can't be helped then. Work takes precedence after all."
Chrono: "Shall we ;)?"
*around the corner Yuuno lies gagged and Struggle Bound*
Yuuno: "Chrughh urgh urghtrd :frustrated:!"
:p
XD XD XD
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
*snip*
MASSIVE TURNAROUND OF STYLE?!?! :eek:
Well... Though I was jarred by the AAA-rank when I read it, I eventually read thru the entire profile. And what can I say, I like Tsun-tsun Archer Syn compared to eyepatch brawler Syn!:D:D:D
Her relationship with Vivio is interesting, more so with Elena.:D Her Barrier Jacket is CUUUUTTTEEE~!!!:D:D:D
*dodges Hrunting* :uhoh:
Good work.:D And I find Rho Aius to be my favorite spell in her list.:D
^This.
Long as we keep it civil, I don't really care. We're all gonna have our own opinions, ways of speaking, and views on different concepts. Variety is the spice of life, they say, and it'd be pointless if we all had no leeway to speak.
That said, keep it the hell down, folks. ;)
Exactly.:nod::nod::nod:
Why not think of it as deeper devotion to Hayate-sama? :3
*runs*
:heh::heh::heh::p
Hayate had a crush on Kha before choosing Grandis.
Hayate had a crush on CHRONO before giving up on him in favor of Keroko (and eventually Amy), then had some attraction to Kha before giving up for Fate, been rumored to have a relationship with Aurion (which happens to be NOT the case), and then eventually settles down with Grandis.:p
:dots:
Aaron: Broken Heart much, Hayate...?:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
Hayate: Don't remind me...:(:(:(
Aurion: There's a fine line between reasonable selflessness and plain gratuitous martyrism...:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Grandis: Well, that turned out to be interesting...:heh::heh::heh:
Sophia was actually dere for Artei once. Arisa was confused between Nanoha, Suzuka and Artei. Yuuno also went for Keroko.
:nod:
Kha had a soft spot for Carym.
Grandis actually regards Carym with some amount of reverence...:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
Keira admired Signum a lot.
Onee-sama?:p:p:p
Shamal and Zafira were hinted, and so was Arf and Zafira.
:nod::nod:
Keroko was egging Nanoha to date Kha, despite herself being a little interested.
Grandis eventually becomes really buddy-buddy with Keroko while he reminds Nanoha of Kyouya (*coughMidorikawacough* >.>)...
Erio found himself staring at Fate.
:nod::nod::nod:
And the list goes on, Cardcaptor Convoluted Style.
:nod::nod::nod::nod:
That entire web evolved and ironed out, finally arriving at the set point at end of Cente Gravia. Hence why relationshipwise, StrikerS onwards are all focused on the new cast, but there ins't much to fool around with. Teana goes for Dylandy who in turn is after someone we don't know yet. Subaru is stubbornly Teana. Vivio is free game for a while. Juliet Scagletti is too sly to be committed.
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
Serena is too cold, and her tsun-affection for Allie is more onee-chan than anything else. Allie's just running free. So our main fun may well be from the Erio x Lutecia x Caro Macross Triangle. :eyespin:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
TheShinySword
2008-07-03, 23:14
:nod:
:nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod:
:nod:
:nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
Good lordy your head's gonna fall off from all the nodding Aaron.
Wild Goose
2008-07-03, 23:20
Ah forget it. I have to go to work and won't be back until late. The pitfalls of being the noob at work.
Can't really complain; my manager's working from 9.30 am to 1.00am tomorrow. I'm only going in at 2 pm.
Also, I roll eyes at Comartemis and Kha and their inclusion of church. They're probably going to get it all mostly wrong, seeing as how neither of them have had the level of exposure to churches that I have had.
Ironic, innit, that the guy with the most immersion in religious life makes no reference to organised religion in his work, but two guys who know zilch beyond stereotypes and supposed coolness are intent on turning the saint church into a mockery of christianity.
RE: Soldiers of the Wasteland: I'm kicking myself for not thinking of the idea of a crack assault team (in the military context, unlike here, "crack" means AAA to S-ranked) breaking up a cosplay party. SotW is a lot darker and grimmer than stuff I normally write, and is not for the faint of heart.
Nanoha is out of the picture, having been wounded in the ambush that was sprung on her as she tried to save Vivio. She was also sent a message by the kidnappers not to intervene, and was given a present from Vivio and the kidnappers.
A small, bloody cross.
Made from fusing two of Vivio's fingers together.
It's now up to a small team of 7 men to get in there and save Vivio.
Erick von Long, first Erusian recruited into the TSAB, the Flawless Gunslinger. A. J. Ivanovich, Mage Hunter of North Point. Glen Schattenmann, the Fire Knight. Master Chief John-117, the Green Demon. Yuuno Scrya. Franz Jaeger. And one man, seeking his redemption: Noland Reineger, the Calamity Knight.
Noland will walk into that Wasteland, with only one purpose: to rescue his beloved Sankt Kaiser.
And Death follows behind him.
Comartemis
2008-07-03, 23:36
Now wait just a goddamn second, Goose. Who ever said I was planning on turning the Saint Church into a mockery of Christianity, or even making it anything like Christianity? There appear to be a few stylistic similarities, true, but it's obviously a completely different religion with its' own set of rules. We don't even know if the SC holds a regular mass or anything of the like.
Basically the only thing we know about it is that it's a very liberal religion dedicated to the Kaiser. Beyond that, it's pretty much a total unknown and I intend to take advantage of that fact to create a unique religion more or less from scratch.
*stabs Kha with Hatchet. -_-*I don't recall Axe weapons having a Stab animation. :twitch:
...
......
.........
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek:
@______________________________@
ZOMG EPIC BRAINWAVE!!!! @___@
So... that's how it was...:D
Hayate, whom those that read my GenerationS version of her would find out that she had a crush on Chrono during her early pubescent years mainly because of how much he stood up for her in front of Graham's plan... Not to mention completely brushing aside her unneeded guilt with Clyde's death (which she had nothing to do with in the first place)... And then she actually later gave up on him because she was still kinda hooked up on that unnecessary large amount of selflessness schtick when she finds out that Keroko and Chrono had been getting along... Just when she almost manages to get over that minor heartbreak, Kha comes along and then puts on the harem-lead-patented 'Nice to all the girls' charm (as in being nice to Hayate a bit more than usual because of her gloominess) and manages to score a lot of affection points from her. But then Hayate desists yet again in favor of Fate... That second heartbreak kinda gives her a small trauma that she decides to focus fully in her career even more (120%!!!) instead of pursuing romance. But then, there comes this time that her playful flirting with Aurion gets misinterpreted and they get rumored to have a relationship when there is actually nothing of the sort happening...:twitch::twitch::twitch: :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
This is...@_@
(In a good way...:p)
*is bashed with the Tome on the head by a blushing Hayate*
X_x*smacks Aaron on the back*
It didn't want to say this just now, but its already all Keikakudoori... :)
Hayate had a crush on CHRONO before giving up on him in favor of Keroko (and eventually Amy), then had some attraction to Kha before giving up for Fate, been rumored to have a relationship with Aurion (which happens to be NOT the case), and then eventually settles down with Grandis.:p
:dots:
Aaron: Broken Heart much, Hayate...?:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
Hayate: Don't remind me...:(:(:(
Aurion: There's a fine line between reasonable selflessness and plain gratuitous martyrism...:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Grandis: Well, that turned out to be interesting...:heh::heh::heh:To me, both crush and attraction mean the same thing, the only thing outside of my in-action plans was Chrono weighing in more than Kha did.
No battle plan survives contact with battle, but the wise will adapt. :)
Grandis actually regards Carym with some amount of reverence...:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:I see we both agree on Carym's Yukito power. :D
Onee-sama?:p:p:pYup. Omake-wise, throw in a Signum Kissu. :nod:
But not so much now; Keira's taken to fussing over little Anya Ashley. :)
Grandis eventually becomes really buddy-buddy with Keroko while he reminds Nanoha of Kyouya (*coughMidorikawacough* >.>)...Keikakudoori... :)
:nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:Good lordy your head's gonna fall off from all the nodding Aaron.Don't worry he's well-practiced. :D
Subete wo keikakudoori... :)
Wild Goose
2008-07-03, 23:42
Now wait just a goddamn second, Goose. Who ever said I was planning on turning the Saint Church into a mockery of Christianity, or even making it anything like Christianity? There appear to be a few stylistic similarities, true, but it's obviously a completely different religion with its' own set of rules. We don't even know if the SC holds a regular mass or anything of the like.
Basically the only thing we know about it is that it's a very liberal religion dedicated to the Kaiser. Beyond that, it's pretty much a total unknown and I intend to take advantage of that fact to create a unique religion more or less from scratch.
Sorry, was referring to Kha and his Ecclesiarch and Inquisition, which is pulled from 40k and pretty much a mockery of Christianity. You got hit in the crossfire. My bad.
C.S. Lewis had it hard for Chronicles of Narnia, and so did anything out there from vaguely parallel to directly contravening Christianity. Valid arguments, been there done that. To be honest, hearing all those criticisms now seem "about time", after plain-sailing so long in the OC. Or in my decade of fanfiction for that matter, since while the exact lore for each universe changes, the theme of Naaru and Ces'rauva hasn't.
Belka is unique in that this belief is the first I've worked on to center around a divine being, and the first where I've painstakingly tried to build a lore around. Like you said Goose, the more I wrote, the more conflict I'll generate. I've always been a controversial figure, so get used to it. And thanks for helping me get used to criticism. :)
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-04, 00:04
Ah forget it. I have to go to work and won't be back until late. The pitfalls of being the noob at work.
Can't really complain; my manager's working from 9.30 am to 1.00am tomorrow. I'm only going in at 2 pm.
Also, I roll eyes at Comartemis and Kha and their inclusion of church. They're probably going to get it all mostly wrong, seeing as how neither of them have had the level of exposure to churches that I have had.
Ironic, innit, that the guy with the most immersion in religious life makes no reference to organised religion in his work, but two guys who know zilch beyond stereotypes and supposed coolness are intent on turning the saint church into a mockery of christianity.
RE: Soldiers of the Wasteland: I'm kicking myself for not thinking of the idea of a crack assault team (in the military context, unlike here, "crack" means AAA to S-ranked) breaking up a cosplay party. SotW is a lot darker and grimmer than stuff I normally write, and is not for the faint of heart.
Nanoha is out of the picture, having been wounded in the ambush that was sprung on her as she tried to save Vivio. She was also sent a message by the kidnappers not to intervene, and was given a present from Vivio and the kidnappers.
A small, bloody cross.
Made from fusing two of Vivio's fingers together.
It's now up to a small team of 7 men to get in there and save Vivio.
Erick von Long, first Erusian recruited into the TSAB, the Flawless Gunslinger. A. J. Ivanovich, Mage Hunter of North Point. Glen Schattenmann, the Fire Knight. Master Chief John-117, the Green Demon. Yuuno Scrya. Franz Jaeger. And one man, seeking his redemption: Noland Reineger, the Calamity Knight.
Noland will walk into that Wasteland, with only one purpose: to rescue his beloved Sankt Kaiser.
And Death follows behind him.
... Hehe. This makes me grin. Though it's spelled "Reiniger," German for Purifier. :p
Wild Goose
2008-07-04, 00:17
C.S. Lewis had it hard for Chronicles of Narnia, and so did anything out there from vaguely parallel to directly contravening Christianity. Valid arguments, been there done that. To be honest, hearing all those criticisms now seem "about time", after plain-sailing so long in the OC. Or in my decade of fanfiction for that matter, since while the exact lore for each universe changes, the theme of Naaru and Ces'rauva hasn't.
Belka is unique in that this belief is the first I've worked on to center around a divine being, and the first where I've painstakingly tried to build a lore around. Like you said Goose, the more I wrote, the more conflict I'll generate. I've always been a controversial figure, so get used to it. And thanks for helping me get used to criticism. :)
Pretty much, Kha. Plain sailing has to end at some point - may as well be now. ;D
To be honest though, whatever Kha writes really has no effect on anything I write, precisely because I stay away from such religious bents.
Part of the conflict Kha, is also that you tend to throw things into your work without thinking them through, which is VERY painful for me, because:
You remind me of my old and stupid self, the me that I left behind.
... Hehe. This makes me grin. Though it's spelled "Reiniger," German for Purifier. :p
Ah, I knew I was forgetting something. :p
But yeah, despite being serious dark crack, this is a story, in a way, of, Noland's redemption. It's a long process and a long road, but redemption has always IMO been about the journey and less the destination. Take FFVIIAC, which was essentially Cloud's journey of coming to terms with himself and the whole destination of self-forgiveness; we knew he was going to be forgiven in the end, but it's the journey that made Advent Children so interesting.
...okay, I also didn't like the idea of calamity Noland and wanted to redeem him. :heh: It's sorta been because of my upbringing, but I kinda believe that all people deserve redemption - but they need to want it.
Incidentally, if you don't mind, Noland will be learning one borderline-ranged spell in Soldiers of the Wasteland. It's based on a little-used spell of Franz's (which I'll be using a bit more inTF6), and is called... Sturm Bolter.
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-04, 00:36
Ah, I knew I was forgetting something. :p
But yeah, despite being serious dark crack, this is a story, in a way, of, Noland's redemption. It's a long process and a long road, but redemption has always IMO been about the journey and less the destination. Take FFVIIAC, which was essentially Cloud's journey of coming to terms with himself and the whole destination of self-forgiveness; we knew he was going to be forgiven in the end, but it's the journey that made Advent Children so interesting.
...okay, I also didn't like the idea of calamity Noland and wanted to redeem him. :heh: It's sorta been because of my upbringing, but I kinda believe that all people deserve redemption - but they need to want it.
Hey, that's cool man. Redemption is going to be a future theme of Gospel too, once I get to that part of the story. I'm excited to see how this plays out though, so don't disappoint me. ;)
Incidentally, if you don't mind, Noland will be learning one borderline-ranged spell in Soldiers of the Wasteland. It's based on a little-used spell of Franz's (which I'll be using a bit more inTF6), and is called... Sturm Bolter.
Haha nice. Well... depending on what it does, it may be the same as Noland's Gatling Raze spell. :uhoh: I was using the gauntlet mounted Storm Bolters that Grey Knights use as inspiration when I was making the spell up. :heh:
I just don't have the volume of writing to show otherwise. I'm not in Year 1 Medicine anymore, I'm Year 2, so those who wondered why I had so much time last year, don't rub it in!!! :frustrated:
Comartemis
2008-07-04, 01:01
Alright gang, my muse went and hit me over the head with something akin to a lead pipe of an idea, and I’d like some opinions on it before I give it serious consideration. I’ve been kicking this idea around in my head for a few hours and I think it has the potential to be viable if used properly.
Comacanon as it stands now diverges from established canon several months after A’s with the Fate Incident replacing the Nanoha Incident. Well, what if I put the divergence a considerable distance farther back? As in all the way back to first contact with the TSAB and Earth?
Here’s what my muse is pushing on me: change the Earth of Nanoha canon into the Earth of Mahou Sensei Negima canon and see where things go from there. The early divergence point begins when Earth is discovered by the TSA to have a sizable population of mages living in secret amongst the mundanes. Contact with the Terran mage community occurs long before the series begins, but the mages of Earth express a desire to maintain the status quo and keep the public in the dark about magic, something the TSA agrees with. The end result is that Earth becomes a “work-in-progress” Non-Administered World where the local mages are left to their own devices, but are allowed to make contact with the TSAB and join up if they should wish to do so.
If I were to go with this idea, Nanoha canon would occur several years before the start of Negima canon; Negi himself would still be a newborn while Nanoha is attending Mahora Academy’s primary school with Suzuka and Arisa. In this universe, the Ala Rubra would be working for the Saint Church as agents in Earth’s magic world, which is where Asuna would be encountered and eventually turned over to the Church for safekeeping (What exactly the Ala Rubra are doing there in the first place still needs to be discerned, as I can’t seem to find any data on their activities in the manga). She retains her Void Magic abilities but also has the “older than she looks” quality to her, so she’s still only about 14 or so when StrikerS rolls around.
Anyways, Nanoha, Suzuka, and Arisa attend Mahora Academy. Yuuno comes looking for the Jewel Seeds and Nanoha joins up with him. This is where things start to get interesting, because it’s not very long before Nanoha encounters a 10-year old Alex, a young knight of the Saint Church ordered to come to Earth on Carim Gracia’s orders (Carim’s following a prophecy, as usual). Alex joins up with Nanoha and assists her with the Jewel Seed collecting, but right around the time Fate first shows up, Nanoha and Alex have the distinct misfortune of catching the attention of Miss Evangeline A.K. McDowell, who's still in a really bad mood over being caught in the Infernus Scholaticus curse for what will probably be the rest of eternity.
Evangeline doesn’t care much for the TSAB butting in on her territory, nor is she particularly sympathetic to Fate’s plight, so whenever the three of them meet on Mahora’s campus grounds, the fight turns into a three-way battle royale, usually pitting Alex against Eva (with the Infernus Scholasticus curse on her, so no uberspells yet), Fate against Nanoha, and Arf against Yuuno. Eventually the situation is resolved when the Asura shows up in orbit and the school dean all but orders Eva to stand down and let the bureau take control of the situation.
During Classic, Eva becomes intrigued with Nanoha’s extremely rapid progress as a mage and decides to take Nanoha under her wing following the end of the Jewel Seed incident. Alex stays on Earth with Nanoha and spends several months training with her family, who are still somewhat involved in the bodyguard business in this timeline, so Alex winds up learning a bit of Fuwa-style kenjutsu to match Nanoha’s experience with Evangeline. When the Wolkenritter enter stage left, Eva decides to use them to test Nanoha’s progress and sides with the Wolkenritter, just to keep the fight from getting too off-balance for the Wolks when Fate and company return.
After A’s, things more or less return to normal in Mahora. Comacanon picks up where it’s supposed to with the onset of the Fate Incident, and Eva now takes Hayate under her wing despite misgivings about her personality. The match between them is actually eerily similar, not only because Hayate’s and Eva’s specialties are both with Dark and Ice-elemental spells, but also because Eva’s attitude starts to rub off ever-so-slightly on Hayate. Devious!Hayate plays occasional pranks on her friends just for the lulz but also displays uncanny tactical abilities in magical combat, a bit like Lelouch but more focused on single combat than on commanding armies.
In the StrikerS timeskip, Suzuka and Arisa wind up becoming involved with the activities of Class 3-A (Arisa as Baka Red?) and will most likely become powerful Terran mages in their own right. While they won’t play any role in StrikerS RemiX (formerly known as Nanoha BladeS), they will almost certainly have some role to play in the post-StrikerS timeline. This will become easier to discern as I gain access to more of the post-Chao Negima manga volumes (Speaking of Chao…) and see where the story is going; it’s possible that Fate Averrnicus and his associates may have some history with the TSAB, but that will have to wait until I can get a clearer picture of the events of the Second Term.
TheShinySword
2008-07-04, 01:10
Alright gang, my muse went and hit me over the head with something akin to a lead pipe of an idea, and I’d like some opinions on it before I give it serious consideration. I’ve been kicking this idea around in my head for a few hours and I think it has the potential to be viable if used properly.
Comacanon as it stands now diverges from established canon several months after A’s with the Fate Incident replacing the Nanoha Incident. Well, what if I put the divergence a considerable distance farther back? As in all the way back to first contact with the TSAB and Earth?
Here’s what my muse is pushing on me: change the Earth of Nanoha canon into the Earth of Mahou Sensei Negima canon and see where things go from there. The early divergence point begins when Earth is discovered by the TSA to have a sizable population of mages living in secret amongst the mundanes. Contact with the Terran mage community occurs long before the series begins, but the mages of Earth express a desire to maintain the status quo and keep the public in the dark about magic, something the TSA agrees with. The end result is that Earth becomes a “work-in-progress” Non-Administered World where the local mages are left to their own devices, but are allowed to make contact with the TSAB and join up if they should wish to do so.
If I were to go with this idea, Nanoha canon would occur several years before the start of Negima canon; Negi himself would still be a newborn while Nanoha is attending Mahora Academy’s primary school with Suzuka and Arisa. In this universe, the Ala Rubra would be working for the Saint Church as agents in Earth’s magic world, which is where Asuna would be encountered and eventually turned over to the Church for safekeeping (What exactly the Ala Rubra are doing there in the first place still needs to be discerned, as I can’t seem to find any data on their activities in the manga). She retains her Void Magic abilities but also has the “older than she looks” quality to her, so she’s still only about 14 or so when StrikerS rolls around.
Anyways, Nanoha, Suzuka, and Arisa attend Mahora Academy. Yuuno comes looking for the Jewel Seeds and Nanoha joins up with him. This is where things start to get interesting, because it’s not very long before Nanoha encounters a 10-year old Alex, a young knight of the Saint Church ordered to come to Earth on Carim Gracia’s orders (Carim’s following a prophecy, as usual). Alex joins up with Nanoha and assists her with the Jewel Seed collecting, but right around the time Fate first shows up, Nanoha and Alex have the distinct misfortune of catching the attention of Miss Evangeline A.K. McDowell, who's still in a really bad mood over being caught in the Infernus Scholaticus curse for what will probably be the rest of eternity.
Evangeline doesn’t care much for the TSAB butting in on her territory, nor is she particularly sympathetic to Fate’s plight, so whenever the three of them meet on Mahora’s campus grounds, the fight turns into a three-way battle royale, usually pitting Alex against Eva (with the Infernus Scholasticus curse on her, so no uberspells yet), Fate against Nanoha, and Arf against Yuuno. Eventually the situation is resolved when the Asura shows up in orbit and the school dean all but orders Eva to stand down and let the bureau take control of the situation.
During Classic, Eva becomes intrigued with Nanoha’s extremely rapid progress as a mage and decides to take Nanoha under her wing following the end of the Jewel Seed incident. Alex stays on Earth with Nanoha and spends several months training with her family, who are still somewhat involved in the bodyguard business in this timeline, so Alex winds up learning a bit of Fuwa-style kenjutsu to match Nanoha’s experience with Evangeline. When the Wolkenritter enter stage left, Eva decides to use them to test Nanoha’s progress and sides with the Wolkenritter, just to keep the fight from getting too off-balance for the Wolks when Fate and company return.
After A’s, things more or less return to normal in Mahora. Comacanon picks up where it’s supposed to with the onset of the Fate Incident, and Eva now takes Hayate under her wing despite misgivings about her personality. The match between them is actually eerily similar, not only because Hayate’s and Eva’s specialties are both with Dark and Ice-elemental spells, but also because Eva’s attitude starts to rub off ever-so-slightly on Hayate. Devious!Hayate plays occasional pranks on her friends just for the lulz but also displays uncanny tactical abilities in magical combat, a bit like Lelouch but more focused on single combat than on commanding armies.
In the StrikerS timeskip, Suzuka and Arisa wind up becoming involved with the activities of Class 3-A (Arisa as Baka Red?) and will most likely become powerful Terran mages in their own right. While they won’t play any role in StrikerS RemiX (formerly known as Nanoha BladeS), they will almost certainly have some role to play in the post-StrikerS timeline. This will become easier to discern as I gain access to more of the post-Chao Negima manga volumes (Speaking of Chao…) and see where the story is going; it’s possible that Fate Averrnicus and his associates may have some history with the TSAB, but that will have to wait until I can get a clearer picture of the events of the Second Term.
Well that certainly sounds interesting. I don't know what your original plans were but those plans seem to take the best of both worlds and make them uberly awesome. Besides Evangeline Vs Fate sounds too cool for my mind to process much more :uhoh. And I just thought of this, of course there's no real relevance but since Nanoha and Negima started in the same year they're both about the same age. :heh:
Comartemis
2008-07-04, 01:24
Nanoha is out of the picture, having been wounded in the ambush that was sprung on her as she tried to save Vivio. She was also sent a message by the kidnappers not to intervene, and was given a present from Vivio and the kidnappers.
A small, bloody cross.
Made from fusing two of Vivio's fingers together.
Ye gods Goose, I feel physically ill just from reading the premise. :upset:
This'll probably be my last post for the weekend unless I can get to an internet cafe up north. Look forward to my first ever backlog breaker on Monday if I can't get online this weekend.
Alright gang, my muse went and hit me over the head with something akin to a lead pipe of an idea, and I’d like some opinions on it before I give it serious consideration. I’ve been kicking this idea around in my head for a few hours and I think it has the potential to be viable if used properly.
Comacanon as it stands now diverges from established canon several months after A’s with the Fate Incident replacing the Nanoha Incident. Well, what if I put the divergence a considerable distance farther back? As in all the way back to first contact with the TSAB and Earth?
Here’s what my muse is pushing on me: change the Earth of Nanoha canon into the Earth of Mahou Sensei Negima canon and see where things go from there. The early divergence point begins when Earth is discovered by the TSA to have a sizable population of mages living in secret amongst the mundanes. Contact with the Terran mage community occurs long before the series begins, but the mages of Earth express a desire to maintain the status quo and keep the public in the dark about magic, something the TSA agrees with. The end result is that Earth becomes a “work-in-progress” Non-Administered World where the local mages are left to their own devices, but are allowed to make contact with the TSAB and join up if they should wish to do so.
If I were to go with this idea, Nanoha canon would occur several years before the start of Negima canon; Negi himself would still be a newborn while Nanoha is attending Mahora Academy’s primary school with Suzuka and Arisa. In this universe, the Ala Rubra would be working for the Saint Church as agents in Earth’s magic world, which is where Asuna would be encountered and eventually turned over to the Church for safekeeping (What exactly the Ala Rubra are doing there in the first place still needs to be discerned, as I can’t seem to find any data on their activities in the manga). She retains her Void Magic abilities but also has the “older than she looks” quality to her, so she’s still only about 14 or so when StrikerS rolls around.
Anyways, Nanoha, Suzuka, and Arisa attend Mahora Academy. Yuuno comes looking for the Jewel Seeds and Nanoha joins up with him. This is where things start to get interesting, because it’s not very long before Nanoha encounters a 10-year old Alex, a young knight of the Saint Church ordered to come to Earth on Carim Gracia’s orders (Carim’s following a prophecy, as usual). Alex joins up with Nanoha and assists her with the Jewel Seed collecting, but right around the time Fate first shows up, Nanoha and Alex have the distinct misfortune of catching the attention of Miss Evangeline A.K. McDowell, who's still in a really bad mood over being caught in the Infernus Scholaticus curse for what will probably be the rest of eternity.
Evangeline doesn’t care much for the TSAB butting in on her territory, nor is she particularly sympathetic to Fate’s plight, so whenever the three of them meet on Mahora’s campus grounds, the fight turns into a three-way battle royale, usually pitting Alex against Eva (with the Infernus Scholasticus curse on her, so no uberspells yet), Fate against Nanoha, and Arf against Yuuno. Eventually the situation is resolved when the Asura shows up in orbit and the school dean all but orders Eva to stand down and let the bureau take control of the situation.
During Classic, Eva becomes intrigued with Nanoha’s extremely rapid progress as a mage and decides to take Nanoha under her wing following the end of the Jewel Seed incident. Alex stays on Earth with Nanoha and spends several months training with her family, who are still somewhat involved in the bodyguard business in this timeline, so Alex winds up learning a bit of Fuwa-style kenjutsu to match Nanoha’s experience with Evangeline. When the Wolkenritter enter stage left, Eva decides to use them to test Nanoha’s progress and sides with the Wolkenritter, just to keep the fight from getting too off-balance for the Wolks when Fate and company return.
After A’s, things more or less return to normal in Mahora. Comacanon picks up where it’s supposed to with the onset of the Fate Incident, and Eva now takes Hayate under her wing despite misgivings about her personality. The match between them is actually eerily similar, not only because Hayate’s and Eva’s specialties are both with Dark and Ice-elemental spells, but also because Eva’s attitude starts to rub off ever-so-slightly on Hayate. Devious!Hayate plays occasional pranks on her friends just for the lulz but also displays uncanny tactical abilities in magical combat, a bit like Lelouch but more focused on single combat than on commanding armies.
In the StrikerS timeskip, Suzuka and Arisa wind up becoming involved with the activities of Class 3-A (Arisa as Baka Red?) and will most likely become powerful Terran mages in their own right. While they won’t play any role in StrikerS RemiX (formerly known as Nanoha BladeS), they will almost certainly have some role to play in the post-StrikerS timeline. This will become easier to discern as I gain access to more of the post-Chao Negima manga volumes (Speaking of Chao…) and see where the story is going; it’s possible that Fate Averrnicus and his associates may have some history with the TSAB, but that will have to wait until I can get a clearer picture of the events of the Second Term.Yup, I'm reading Negiha here. Not that I mind; I do have a Chao Lingshen in my cast, and I've long toyed with the idea that the Infinite Library could be linked to the Library Island via a channel undiscovered by both the TSAB and the Library Exploration Club. I was wondering whether dkellis would give me the liberty to have Rancer-tachi make first contact. :3
Naaah Marisa's been doing the beamspam seven years before Nanoha even picked up the habit. If anything, Nanoha learned from Marisa. :D
Besides, it's not that hard.
http://images.wikia.com/touhou/images//5/52/Spark_lesson.jpg
So does this mean Nanoha is a Touhou player? :uhoh:
It would explain her unnaturally good adaptation to magic, flight, and dodging.
...
"I said I'd be her mother, that I'd protect her. But I couldn't be by her side, I couldn't protect her."
Fate moved to embrace her distressed friend, but before her arms reached Nanoha-
-TWACK!-
....
Silence reigned supreme, and Fate stared in shock and surprise as the broom that had just smacked Nanoha's head moved away.
"Mataku, what kind of pathetic girl are you? A little bad thing happens and you go to pieces. What happened to your spine? Do I need to cram it back in?"
Fate was at a loss for words as she stared at the blond girl dressed in what looked like a... black witch costume? She even had a broom, which was currently tapping against her shoulder in frustration as her purple eyes glared at Nanoha.
Speaking of Nanoha... Fate turned to her friend. Nanoha was also staring at the intruder with shock, but her shock was different, her eyes were wide, and her mouth open trying to form words... did she know this person?
"Shi- shishou-sama?"
...
Wait.
Roll back.
"MASTER!?" Fate yelled out in shock.
...
Gah! Crack! Go away! I don't even know a thing about Touhou, why is this crack assaulting me!?
Join us in Touhou madness!
the Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
The Power Of Touhou Compels You
Oh-hooo...........
Looks like everybody's expecting a Nanoha/Touhou crossover? I like where this thread is going :cool:
and while we're at it...
The portal widened, and from it came out an elegant, if not mysterious, lady carrying a parasol. Almost in surreal manners she floated in midair, lingering for a while before her feet touched the snow-covered land.
“Well, you seem to have arrived later than my expectations,” the parasol lady said.
“Who told you about this?” Nanoha demanded.
“A close friend of mine,” the parasol lady answered. “Of course, I assume none of you would know the name if I say it now.”
“We can settle that later, but first please tell us your name and this place,” Keroko said.
“Oh, I’m sorry for my lack of manners,” the parasol lady giggled; a few seconds later another person appeared from the portal, this time bearing the unmistakable resemblance of a kitsune albeit with a fox-ear hat on her head one tail less to make it nine. “I am Yakumo Yukari, and this is my assistant Ran. (The kitsune woman bowed to them.) As the head of the Yakumo Mansion I welcome you to Gensokyo.”
Yeah, you know what will happen next :eyespin:
On related note, Keroko, is Keroko-chan available? :confused:
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-04, 03:28
Nanoha is out of the picture, having been wounded in the ambush that was sprung on her as she tried to save Vivio. She was also sent a message by the kidnappers not to intervene, and was given a present from Vivio and the kidnappers.
A small, bloody cross.
O_O
>_<++
These kidnappers must meet....
"DEEEEEEEEEEATH!""]
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KDRAhiBtOrQ
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
Name: Syn Virage
Mage rank: AAA
Military Rank:
Age: 12
Gender: Female
Magic type: Belkan
Magic colour: Blue
Hair color: Blue
Eye color: heterochromia, her right eye is red, while her left eye is blue.
Hair style: Syn’s hairstyle varies often, as both her mother and Vivio love to play with her hair.
Apearance:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/hf02.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Mom.png
Personality:
Blunt, sharp with the tongue and a smartass to boot. The terror of teachers, you could say. Syn can be extremely annoying at times, driving people up the walls with smart remarks. Smartass she may be, though, she is not stupid. Most of the times when she is in one of her moods, she will drive to the edge, but never over it. If she is not in one of her moods –which must be said, is more often the case-, you will find that while she may poke fun at other people’s expense, she doesn’t mean it in a harmful way. When encountering Syn on one of her more calm moods, she is easy to get along with, albeit a bit stubborn.
Despite her tough-girl attitude, Syn can actually be a very shy girl, as she is very uncomfortable when it comes to physical contact. She won’t blush and faint, but you will clearly note that she gets very uncomfortable when people start getting intimate with her. A hand on her shoulder can make her slightly nervous, but not much, while a friendly hug makes her very nervous.
Background:
Syn is a Mid-Childan born girl, her parents being high-ranking officers in the navy, the talent for magic was quickly discovered and a career in the TSAB seems almost assured. However, when it came to picking a school, Syn was more interested in going to the far calmer school run by the Saint Church. Her parents agreed easily, possibly because they realized schools run, or otherwise funded by the TSAB may show favoritism.
When in the class, Syn felt isolated. With her mother being an Admiral in the navy, and her father a captain, she was treated with a certain amount of respect, awe, and unfortunately distance from her fellow classmates. This is probably why she quickly made friends with Vivio, whose mother was the even more famous Takamachi Nanoha. The two felt a shared connection between each other, and quickly they would work, eat and hang out together. It was during one of these hangout sessions that Vivio began to play with Syn’s hair, and developed a liking for it, much to Syn’s embarrassment.
Vivio quickly met Syn’s mother, Elena Virage, who had settled down for a desk job after becoming pregnant with Syn in order to raise their child. The two hit of perfectly, as Elena’s openness quickly accepted Vivio, and the two shared a liking for making sure the ‘plain’ Syn looked attractive.
To this day Syn still isn’t sure whether to bless or curse the fact that these two get along so fine.
A few years later, after successfully graduating, Syn applied to the TSAB along with Vivio. Their talent and heritage allowed them to bypass the lengthy Ground Force Training and the two were given the crash-course of several months. After successfully passing the AAA-rank test, the two quickly applied for the Armed Corps in the Main Branch.
Barrier Jacket:
Syn’s Barrier Jacket was designed by her mother and Vivio. Her initial idea was to simply use the standard Barrier Jacket the Armed Forces used, but the two would have none of that, and set of to design Syn her very own and personal Barrier Jacket.
The result was this:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Barrier_Jacketcopy.png
Needless to say Syn was downright mortified, in fact at first she flatly refused to believe this was true, and frantically kept telling herself it was a dream and she would wake up soon. Syn’s Barrier Jacket is focused on high-defense, with as much maneuverability as possible, but only as a secondary concern.
Device:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Helskor.png
Hellskor is Syn’s Bow-type Device, its stored mode materializes as a bracelet worn on Syn’s right wrist. Hellskor is an Armed Device, and as such is not equipped with an AI as advanced as the types of Raising Heart and the like. Hellskor’s AI is more on the level of Levantine or Graff Eisen. Hellskor is made to specialize long-ranged bombardment magic, as well as physical shots. It allows Syn better control over her guided shots, and increases the accuracy of unguided high-speed and long-range projectiles.
Being in a Belkan school, and having a friend very important to Belkan history, Syn grew up favoring the Belkan school of magic. However, from her nature Syn had always been more of an archer then a swordfighter, so she decided to take a rare step for a Belkan mage: Become a ranged Belkan fighter.
Due to the nature of Belkan Reinforcement magic, this meant that her choice of weaponry was limited. Most gun-based Devices were build to support the Mid-style magic, and lacked any form of physical shots. Rescue came in the form of Signum, whom Vivio had told lots of stories about, and the Bow-form of her Device.
A bow allowed for the use of as many physical projectiles as the user could generate, and arrows were the perfect weapons to Reinforce, as they could take on any shape the mage desired with few restrictions.
Syn has virtually no melee skills, nor spells to support them, so she is completely dependant on getting her enemies from a far range.
Spells:
Offensive spells
Sperrfeuer -- Curtain Fire: A bombardment-type magic, while only one arrow is strung on the bow; many more arrows materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These projectiles strike with high speed and strength, but cannot be controlled.
Flakfuer – Aerial Barrage: A controlled fire spell, while only one arrow is strung on the bow, multiple arrows, ranging from 3 to seven, materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These shots have the lowest speed among Syn’s spells, but are controllable.
Caladbolg: A single-shot bombardment spell. It uses a single projectile, shaped like a strangely twisted sword-like arrow with a drill-like pattern, which is shot at high speed at the target. Its danger lies in that fact that it is a fast projectile, making it tricky to dodge. This is Syn’s most commonly used spell due to its low mana cost.
Hrunting: With little argue the most powerful of Syn’s offensive spells, with the longest of ranges in Syn’s arsenal. Despite firing only a single projectile, this spell can cause massive damage. Instead of spreading the damage over a large radius, as most bombardment spells do, this spell focuses all that damage in that single projectile, increasing its destructive qualities while lessening the damage radius. Hrunting is known for its high penetration, and few defences of its level can stand up against it.
Defensive/Movement
Movement Magic: Because Syn focuses on defence rather then mobility, she is not extremely fast. Using movement magic she is able to teleport away and reposition for another shot. The advantage of this is that it may throw an enemy of guard, the downside is that casting and coordinating the spell takes a short time.
Panzer Schild: A Belkan shield spell, this is arguably the most used defensive spell in Syn’s arsenal, using it to block her enemies attacks and counterattack afterwards. Syn is very talented in defensive spells, so her shield can take a pounding before going down.
Panzer Hindernis: A Belkan Barrier Spell, while less used then Panzer Schild, it often sees use to block attacks coming from the sides or attacks made while Syn’s hands are otherwise occupied.
Panzer Geist: A Belkan field spell, most often used to block attacks coming from all around her. Syn also uses it for its intimidating effect, because there is nothing more intimidating then someone simply standing there and taking your attacks without even flinching.
Enkidu: A binding spell, capable of being cast both at short and long ranges. Enkidu has no magic sealing or magic repelling, abilities but as a trade-off it is a very tough bind to break. It manifests as steel chains rather then magical ribbons, as the steel chains can be reinforced with Belkan magic.
Rho Aius: The second claim for the most powerful spell in Syn’s arsenal, Rho Aius would best be described as a multi-layered Barrier Spell. When casting, it appears in the form seven petals, each of which is as powerful as a concentrated Barrier. Rho Aius is a purely defensive spell created to block high-level spells. Because of its immense power required, Rho Aius is not a spell cast on a whim, and has a casting time, limiting its use to blocking high-level bombardment spells, or other spells that require a casting time before being fired.
And here we have Syn... growing from a 7 year old C to a 12 year old AAA.
Pretty good profile!
Oh! And glad you got rid of the eyepatch, she looks better that way.
On a side note... may I belive that "Flakfuer" is a spelling mistake? :heh:
Hayate had a crush on Kha before choosing Grandis. Sophia was actually dere for Artei once. Arisa was confused between Nanoha, Suzuka and Artei. Yuuno also went for Keroko. Kha had a soft spot for Carym. Keira admired Signum a lot. Shamal and Zafira were hinted, and so was Arf and Zafira. Keroko was egging Nanoha to date Kha, despite herself being a little interested. Erio found himself staring at Fate. And the list goes on, Cardcaptor Convoluted Style.
:eyespin::eyespin::eyespin: Pairing Frenzy! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
Nanoha is out of the picture, having been wounded in the ambush that was sprung on her as she tried to save Vivio. She was also sent a message by the kidnappers not to intervene, and was given a present from Vivio and the kidnappers.
A small, bloody cross.
Made from fusing two of Vivio's fingers together.
O_O
>_<++
These kidnappers must meet....
"DEEEEEEEEEEATH!""]
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Carnage: Don't worry. Most favorable outcome will be achieved.
PhoenixG
2008-07-04, 05:44
Oh-hooo...........
Looks like everybody's expecting a Nanoha/Touhou crossover? I like where this thread is going :cool:
and while we're at it...
The portal widened, and from it came out an elegant, if not mysterious, lady carrying a parasol. Almost in surreal manners she floated in midair, lingering for a while before her feet touched the snow-covered land.
�Well, you seem to have arrived later than my expectations,� the parasol lady said.
�Who told you about this?� Nanoha demanded.
�A close friend of mine,� the parasol lady answered. �Of course, I assume none of you would know the name if I say it now.�
�We can settle that later, but first please tell us your name and this place,� Keroko said.
�Oh, I�m sorry for my lack of manners,� the parasol lady giggled; a few seconds later another person appeared from the portal, this time bearing the unmistakable resemblance of a kitsune albeit with a fox-ear hat on her head one tail less to make it nine. �I am Yakumo Yukari, and this is my assistant Ran. (The kitsune woman bowed to them.) As the head of the Yakumo Mansion I welcome you to Gensokyo.�
Yeah, you know what will happen next :eyespin:
On related note, Keroko, is Keroko-chan available? :confused:
:O:O:O
That's something interesting
Well she's in ch 1 :p And I plan on using her more :3 Syn's too cool not to use
She is? *goes to check* Whoo! She is! :D
*runs off to comment*
Syn's new and improved build, hm?
A bit jarring going from her Alpha build to this straight ranged one, but I guess you know what you're doing. I like the build, though - glad to see she's still a smartass. :p
Is her spell list supposed to be that small, though?
Well, it was late and I was tired, so I figured I'd just get her core spell-list running. Most of the times a lot of spells listed don't get used anyway, or see maybe one or two uses.
Somebody cast Memory Lapse on me. :uhoh: I meant Keroko was the Ace who wasn't a Sue. The other 5 have rep in varying degrees to be one; Keroko's agreed Sue rating is 0. :D
Hmm, well except for the orphan bit I guess.
Hayate had a crush on Kha before choosing Grandis. Sophia was actually dere for Artei once. Arisa was confused between Nanoha, Suzuka and Artei. Yuuno also went for Keroko. Kha had a soft spot for Carym. Keira admired Signum a lot. Shamal and Zafira were hinted, and so was Arf and Zafira. Keroko was egging Nanoha to date Kha, despite herself being a little interested. Erio found himself staring at Fate. And the list goes on, Cardcaptor Convoluted Style.
That entire web evolved and ironed out, finally arriving at the set point at end of Cente Gravia. Hence why relationshipwise, StrikerS onwards are all focused on the new cast, but there ins't much to fool around with. Teana goes for Dylandy who in turn is after someone we don't know yet. Subaru is stubbornly Teana. Vivio is free game for a while. Juliet Scagletti is too sly to be committed. Serena is too cold, and her tsun-affection for Allie is more onee-chan than anything else. Allie's just running free. So our main fun may well be from the Erio x Lutecia x Caro Macross Triangle. :eyespin:
The web or romance is a complicated web indeed. :eyespin:
@Keroko: Don't worry about it, Tesla has a lot more in store for her. She has romantic partnership; she cooks (in the next chapter, no less :p); she makes a particularly useful insight during their meeting; she leads a small squadron against the enemy; and she fights the battle of her lifetime against a Magus two ranks higher than she is. I always find character development in Nanohaverse shouldn't just revolve around their fighting abilities, so Tesla pretty much gets an all-round development. Hopefully, it's up to your taste and imagination. :D
Oh yes, very much so. Looking forward to it. :D:D
...
......
.........
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek:
@______________________________@
ZOMG EPIC BRAINWAVE!!!! @___@
So... that's how it was...:D
Hayate, whom those that read my GenerationS version of her would find out that she had a crush on Chrono during her early pubescent years mainly because of how much he stood up for her in front of Graham's plan... Not to mention completely brushing aside her unneeded guilt with Clyde's death (which she had nothing to do with in the first place)... And then she actually later gave up on him because she was still kinda hooked up on that unnecessary large amount of selflessness schtick when she finds out that Keroko and Chrono had been getting along... Just when she almost manages to get over that minor heartbreak, Kha comes along and then puts on the harem-lead-patented 'Nice to all the girls' charm (as in being nice to Hayate a bit more than usual because of her gloominess) and manages to score a lot of affection points from her. But then Hayate desists yet again in favor of Fate... That second heartbreak kinda gives her a small trauma that she decides to focus fully in her career even more (120%!!!) instead of pursuing romance. But then, there comes this time that her playful flirting with Aurion gets misinterpreted and they get rumored to have a relationship when there is actually nothing of the sort happening...:twitch::twitch::twitch: :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
This is...@_@
(In a good way...:p)
*is bashed with the Tome on the head by a blushing Hayate*
X_x
Well, looks like I set off something good. :D
MASSIVE TURNAROUND OF STYLE?!?! :eek:
Well... Though I was jarred by the AAA-rank when I read it, I eventually read thru the entire profile. And what can I say, I like Tsun-tsun Archer Syn compared to eyepatch brawler Syn!:D:D:D
Her relationship with Vivio is interesting, more so with Elena.:D Her Barrier Jacket is CUUUUTTTEEE~!!!:D:D:D
*dodges Hrunting* :uhoh:
Good work.:D And I find Rho Aius to be my favorite spell in her list.:D
Well, the AAA rank is to make her and Vivio about equal in strength (as my mind fails to compute Vivio at anything less then AAA rank at that age) but as it stands, she won't rise much higher then AAA+, though that is of course subject to change.
and yes, her Barrier Jacket is cute. Much to Syn's mortification. :p She can't even get rid of the wings, as the two designed them to help stabilize her flight magic. :p:p
Hayate had a crush on CHRONO before giving up on him in favor of Keroko (and eventually Amy), then had some attraction to Kha before giving up for Fate, been rumored to have a relationship with Aurion (which happens to be NOT the case), and then eventually settles down with Grandis.:p
:dots:
Aaron: Broken Heart much, Hayate...?:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
Hayate: Don't remind me...:(:(:(
Aurion: There's a fine line between reasonable selflessness and plain gratuitous martyrism...:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Grandis: Well, that turned out to be interesting...:heh::heh::heh:
Hayate. Most dramatic past of the Aces, and still going that way. :heh:
Ah forget it. I have to go to work and won't be back until late. The pitfalls of being the noob at work.
Can't really complain; my manager's working from 9.30 am to 1.00am tomorrow. I'm only going in at 2 pm.
Also, I roll eyes at Comartemis and Kha and their inclusion of church. They're probably going to get it all mostly wrong, seeing as how neither of them have had the level of exposure to churches that I have had.
Well, to be fair, does your religion have its own militairy force consisting of armed knights?
The Saint Church doesn't function like any religion we have here today, so to say they will get it 'wrong' is debatable to say the least, as we don't have a 'right' to bein with.
Ironic, innit, that the guy with the most immersion in religious life makes no reference to organised religion in his work, but two guys who know zilch beyond stereotypes and supposed coolness are intent on turning the saint church into a mockery of christianity.
If you choose to precieve it as such. I highly doubt Kha intends to mock any religion with this, he's writing this for fun after all.
RE: Soldiers of the Wasteland: I'm kicking myself for not thinking of the idea of a crack assault team (in the military context, unlike here, "crack" means AAA to S-ranked) breaking up a cosplay party. SotW is a lot darker and grimmer than stuff I normally write, and is not for the faint of heart.
Nanoha is out of the picture, having been wounded in the ambush that was sprung on her as she tried to save Vivio. She was also sent a message by the kidnappers not to intervene, and was given a present from Vivio and the kidnappers.
A small, bloody cross.
Made from fusing two of Vivio's fingers together.
....
I want these guys dead.
Painfully.
And bloody.
I won't settle for anything less.
Alright gang, my muse went and hit me over the head with something akin to a lead pipe of an idea, and I’d like some opinions on it before I give it serious consideration. I’ve been kicking this idea around in my head for a few hours and I think it has the potential to be viable if used properly.
Comacanon as it stands now diverges from established canon several months after A’s with the Fate Incident replacing the Nanoha Incident. Well, what if I put the divergence a considerable distance farther back? As in all the way back to first contact with the TSAB and Earth?
Here’s what my muse is pushing on me: change the Earth of Nanoha canon into the Earth of Mahou Sensei Negima canon and see where things go from there. The early divergence point begins when Earth is discovered by the TSA to have a sizable population of mages living in secret amongst the mundanes. Contact with the Terran mage community occurs long before the series begins, but the mages of Earth express a desire to maintain the status quo and keep the public in the dark about magic, something the TSA agrees with. The end result is that Earth becomes a “work-in-progress” Non-Administered World where the local mages are left to their own devices, but are allowed to make contact with the TSAB and join up if they should wish to do so.
If I were to go with this idea, Nanoha canon would occur several years before the start of Negima canon; Negi himself would still be a newborn while Nanoha is attending Mahora Academy’s primary school with Suzuka and Arisa. In this universe, the Ala Rubra would be working for the Saint Church as agents in Earth’s magic world, which is where Asuna would be encountered and eventually turned over to the Church for safekeeping (What exactly the Ala Rubra are doing there in the first place still needs to be discerned, as I can’t seem to find any data on their activities in the manga). She retains her Void Magic abilities but also has the “older than she looks” quality to her, so she’s still only about 14 or so when StrikerS rolls around.
Anyways, Nanoha, Suzuka, and Arisa attend Mahora Academy. Yuuno comes looking for the Jewel Seeds and Nanoha joins up with him. This is where things start to get interesting, because it’s not very long before Nanoha encounters a 10-year old Alex, a young knight of the Saint Church ordered to come to Earth on Carim Gracia’s orders (Carim’s following a prophecy, as usual). Alex joins up with Nanoha and assists her with the Jewel Seed collecting, but right around the time Fate first shows up, Nanoha and Alex have the distinct misfortune of catching the attention of Miss Evangeline A.K. McDowell, who's still in a really bad mood over being caught in the Infernus Scholaticus curse for what will probably be the rest of eternity.
Evangeline doesn’t care much for the TSAB butting in on her territory, nor is she particularly sympathetic to Fate’s plight, so whenever the three of them meet on Mahora’s campus grounds, the fight turns into a three-way battle royale, usually pitting Alex against Eva (with the Infernus Scholasticus curse on her, so no uberspells yet), Fate against Nanoha, and Arf against Yuuno. Eventually the situation is resolved when the Asura shows up in orbit and the school dean all but orders Eva to stand down and let the bureau take control of the situation.
During Classic, Eva becomes intrigued with Nanoha’s extremely rapid progress as a mage and decides to take Nanoha under her wing following the end of the Jewel Seed incident. Alex stays on Earth with Nanoha and spends several months training with her family, who are still somewhat involved in the bodyguard business in this timeline, so Alex winds up learning a bit of Fuwa-style kenjutsu to match Nanoha’s experience with Evangeline. When the Wolkenritter enter stage left, Eva decides to use them to test Nanoha’s progress and sides with the Wolkenritter, just to keep the fight from getting too off-balance for the Wolks when Fate and company return.
After A’s, things more or less return to normal in Mahora. Comacanon picks up where it’s supposed to with the onset of the Fate Incident, and Eva now takes Hayate under her wing despite misgivings about her personality. The match between them is actually eerily similar, not only because Hayate’s and Eva’s specialties are both with Dark and Ice-elemental spells, but also because Eva’s attitude starts to rub off ever-so-slightly on Hayate. Devious!Hayate plays occasional pranks on her friends just for the lulz but also displays uncanny tactical abilities in magical combat, a bit like Lelouch but more focused on single combat than on commanding armies.
In the StrikerS timeskip, Suzuka and Arisa wind up becoming involved with the activities of Class 3-A (Arisa as Baka Red?) and will most likely become powerful Terran mages in their own right. While they won’t play any role in StrikerS RemiX (formerly known as Nanoha BladeS), they will almost certainly have some role to play in the post-StrikerS timeline. This will become easier to discern as I gain access to more of the post-Chao Negima manga volumes (Speaking of Chao…) and see where the story is going; it’s possible that Fate Averrnicus and his associates may have some history with the TSAB, but that will have to wait until I can get a clearer picture of the events of the Second Term.
Well, this looks like it will be interesting. I am looking forward to Devious!Hayate influenced by Eva. :D
And please tell me you'll do something with Chao. Seeing her leave was the biggest tearjerking moment of the manga so far. I mean, I can understand why, but still... Chaaaoooo :upset::upset::upset:
One thing though, Arisa as Baka Red? Does not compute! XD Arisa has top grades, and is prefectly bilangual too (so she'd be the perfect person to get along with Negi, as she can talk to him in his home language ;)).
On related note, Keroko, is Keroko-chan available? :confused:
As always, go right ahead.
And here we have Syn... growing from a 7 year old C to a 12 year old AAA.
Pretty good profile!
Oh! And glad you got rid of the eyepatch, she looks better that way.
On a side note... may I belive that "Flakfuer" is a spelling mistake? :heh:
Did I write Flakfuer? *checks*
Huh, I did, I wonder where that second e ran off to. :heh: Yep, typo fixed, thanks for picking it out. :)
"Today, we celebrate, our Independence Day!" ~ ID4
This goes out to our US friends out there. :D
Hmm, well except for the orphan bit I guess.That is more cliche than Sue actually. Besides, on the flip side there'd be little to differentiate Keroko from Nanoha, and Nanoha's status as the rare "Powerful Ace with living relatives/non-emo past" would've been reduced.
The web or romance is a complicated web indeed. :eyespin:I like my candy floss tangled. :D
Well, looks like I set off something good. :DAnd exposed my surprise. :uhoh:
Well, to be fair, does your religion have its own military force consisting of armed knights?
The Saint Church doesn't function like any religion we have here today, so to say they will get it 'wrong' is debatable to say the least, as we don't have a 'right' to begin with.Indeed, Belka is an organized liberal religion. No Terran equivalent, which is why I ended up drawing from multiple places, and filling in the humongous gaps with loads of self-thought putty. Goose has a right to disagree, just no right to annoy others while doing so.
If you choose to perceive it as such. I highly doubt Kha intends to mock any religion with this, he's writing this for fun after all.I gave up bothering to reply directly, considering that nobody let C.S. Lewis off the hook. :rolleyes:
And please tell me you'll do something with Chao. Seeing her leave was the biggest tearjerking moment of the manga so far. I mean, I can understand why, but still... Chaaaoooo :upset::upset::upset:There, there... *pats Keroko*
And she didn't leave. Time travellers will learn that, despite all their calculations and precautions, the mere act of travelling into the past will affect the future. Her intervention, however unsuccessful, has altered the Grand Plan in ways she can never imagine.
Be it Rebuilt, Kerokanon and I dare say even canon, she's...
*glances at "Wang Liu Meng", who's trying to look inconspicuous*
...still with us, I'm sure. :uhoh:
One thing though, Arisa as Baka Red? Does not compute! XD Arisa has top grades, and is prefectly bilangual too (so she'd be the perfect person to get along with Negi, as she can talk to him in his home language ;)).Yeah, I mean, Arisa remembers Artei's Social Security number while he can't. She even goes as far to claim that he can't tie his shoelaces without her!
...:uhoh:
*runs from people who get the ref*
LoweGear
2008-07-04, 08:36
Yeah, I mean, Arisa remembers Artei's Social Security number while he can't. She even goes as far to claim that he can't tie his shoelaces without her!
...:uhoh:
*runs from people who get the ref*
So Arisa is Artei's "Most qualified, capable person" he's ever met?
*RUNS FASTER*
Keroko: "Yuuno-kun's late.. :("
Chrono: "Ah Keroko there you are. Yuuno said he couldn't make it at the last second so he asked me to replace him."
Keroko:"Oh..I suppose it can't be helped then. Work takes precedence after all."
Chrono: "Shall we ;)?"
*around the corner Yuuno lies gagged and Struggle Bound*
Yuuno: "Chrughh urgh urghtrd :frustrated:!"
:p
:heh: Anyone want to write this up properly? :D
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
Nicely put together profile :D And as usual, nothing to complain about. A touch of Archer in some of the spells as well as a hint of summoning proficiency as well. Very cool:cool:
That's fast! :twitch:
:heh: What can I say, reading is a strong point :D
See replies to some of the issues below.
Prologue, Scene II
Your explanation makes sense, but I was referring to the dates that you've got down. In Scene 1, it's Jan 16, 0081 but in Scene 2 it's suddenly Jan 16 0076.
Chapter Two, Scene V
I'm sorry, Liingo, but I can't find the reference about the Enforcers that you're talking about. Mind to point me to it?
Yep, time-stretch is definitely weird. Thanks for the look-up, changing them. :heh:
I'm not exactly sure where it is myself anymore :heh: It was pretty much a discussion on what the 'enforcers' do, how they're pretty much lone wolves, not tied to specific units, leading to the start of a dramatic overhaul for myself in particular with my OC's. Don't worry too much about it, it's not going to have a large role in your fic.
Chapter Three, Scene III
The angst/despair wasn't deep to begin with, and it was sidelined by the fact that they could not confirm the issues at hand. When they started to formulate plans, the atmosphere supposedly lifted somewhat. Moreover, Nanoha and Verossa didn't know what they were discussing about, so they came in looking cheerful. Fate and Hayate quickly warmed up to their friends. It's not helped by Verossa's joke (perhaps it's too dry, I can't really write jokes if it cost me my life :p).
Noted.
Chapter Four, Scene V
They are picked up from various departments who have manpower to spare. Most of them (around 60%) comprise of Ground Forces (since Chrono made it his priority to have less friction with the Ground Forces' leader), a handful from Air Force, Navy, and Enforcers. Part of them were also drafted from reserves that were approved by their respective chiefs. von Khrull doesn't have much problem with the Ground Forces' units, but he paid extra attention to those that Chrono wanted to bring in from other departments.
As it is, the thousand-strong members also include housekeepers, cooks, general staff, pages, and maintenance crews. I made it a point for them to be present as well, since it's their inaugural inception, and despite them being not as detailed as the frontline, they would be used. I already have their representatives worked out. :D
I guess it's a reasonable explanation. Good to see you had one :D I had brought it up since it just seemed a little extraordinary that Chrono was able to put together a group of 1k members together in such little time. Not to mention that he didn't have to fight tooth and nail for suddenly stripping units of members out of the blue. That and the fact that paper work was pushed through the chain so quickly. In a lot of places it'd probably be good to have such a turn around time for small requests, let alone what he wanted (and got..)
Thanks, Liingo, this helps a lot. :D
By the way, if you do have questions about the plot, I don't mind you asking. If it's a major one, I'll probably say so, though minor ones are perfectly all right.
No worries. Give us a yell if you need someone to read over anything.
I'll leave the plot questions rest. No point in rushing anything.
Good lordy your head's gonna fall off from all the nodding Aaron. :heh: You should have seen some of the posts back in the original OCT.
....
I want these guys dead.
Painfully.
And bloody.
I won't settle for anything less.
I second this motion.
*sigh* And there goes my intention of writhing shorter chapters...
It again turned out longer than planned...
Ah well... anyway. Chapter 5 of my main story is ready!
And as promised... a bigger titel so it won't be overseen. :heh:
Memories of Blood and Sorrow
Part 5: Ghost Hunt
[Midchilda central, TSAB GAS HQ, canteen] [August, MC 076]
The clanking sound made Elric look up as a tablet was put down on the table he was sitting at. While the owner of the tablet sat down opposite Elric’s own seat, Elric scanned the content of the tablet.
Cutlery, a glass of juice, a small salad and some kind of pudding, the main dish was composed of meat and other ingredients in some orange/brown sauce and rice.
“Curry…” Elric confirmed and looked up to Rinya, the tablets owner.
“You don’t like curry?” Rinya asked while putting a spoonful of curry into her mouth.
“I don’t dislike it. I was just thinking aloud.”
“Hm.” Rinya made before swallowing down and pointing her spoon at Elric’s tablet. “And you are the type of mage who’s always eating noodles right? And lot’s of them too.”
“Can’t help it, I need the Mana.” Elric said while spiking some rigatoni on his fork.
They ate a little while in silence until Rinya spoke again. “So we have to board the Auriga at 1430?”
It has been a week now since Rinya was discharged from hospital. And even though she didn’t live in Central like Elric did, she very often came to the canteen to have lunch with him.
Elric had no problems anymore to talk to her, but they never talked much about private things. They still were just good colleagues and not friends.
“Yes.” Elric answered while still chewing and continued after he swallowed. “I still got some stuff to pack.”
Rinya nodded. “Yeah, me two. I must admit it is my first time on a cruiser.”
Elric didn’t look up as he was eating. “Don’t worry; the cabins are a little smaller as your normal dorm room but you normally don’t feel any different from being on planet.”
“Well, I don’t really expect to become dimensional sick or something like that.”
“And even if, there is pretty good medication should that happen.” Elric joked and put his fork on the empty plate.
“That was fast!” Rinya commented as she saw that Elric had finished his much bigger portion.
Elric smiled slightly as he grabbed his tablet and stood up. “Well… I see you later Shuri-san.”
“Sure thing, Thorn-san.” Rinya said goodbye, returning the smile.
She didn’t watch Elric leave the canteen, but hurried to eat the rest of her curry instead, as she also had to finish packing.
It was then that she heard the voices behind her.
“You saw that? The Freak just went out.”
“What Freak?”
“Yeah I saw it. That was the Blood Mage right?” a third voice.
“Yup, the Mage of Carnage himself. Damn psycho killer! I wonder why they didn’t put him against the wall!”
“But didn’t the chief librarian of the infinity library proved his innocence?” The second voice objected. “Wasn’t he mind controlled or something?”
“Fuck the chief librarian! I don’t think one of his[/] buddies was killed in action! Mind control my ass!” the first voice answered angry.
“I agree. They should just lock him away or give him suicide missions. Better than letting him run around freely, right?” the third voice again.
“Calm down guys, it’s not like we can do something about it.” The second voice.
“Well I know what I could do…” first voice started but fell silent after that.
Rinya stared at the plate in front of her.
It was not the first time she heard something like that and it was not like she couldn’t comprehend the feelings of the people sitting behind her. She also lost friends and comrades and that’s why... Her gaze fell on the clock at the wall. [I]"Ah damn! I don’t have time for this!"
She wasn’t hungry anymore anyway.
==========
[Midchilda Southfort, 5th Airport]
Elric felt out of place as he looked around. Flocks of blue uniformed navy personnel surrounded him, making him a little uneasy in his brown uniform.
They all belonged to the crew of the Auriga, a TSAB patrol cruiser he and Rinya would board. He didn’t know how the crew felt for suddenly having two non navies on board, but he was used to be an outsider so he didn’t really care. And as no one giving him strange looks, he guessed it was alright. Come to think of it, navy was the only branch he had not really a bad reputation.
Someone touched his shoulder so he turned around. He knew both newcomers well, so he was touched a little that they would see him off.
“Inspector Acous, Lieutenant Colonel Yagami.” He saluted them.
Hayate returned the salute and Verossa even reached him his hand. Elric shook it.
“How are you feeling?” Hayate ask.
“Not bad, Ma’am. It’s been a while since I was off planet, so I’m a little excided.” He answered honestly.
Hayate smiled. “I know what you mean; I will board the Claudia in an hour. And even it is like a second home I still feeling a little excited about it.”
“That’s because traveling is always fun!” The miniature version of a person suddenly landed on Hayate’s shoulder.
Elric blinked in surprise. “I didn’t know you were here, Sergeant Major.”
Sergeant Major Reinforce Zwei looked at him with her big blue eyes, slightly confused. “Well, Hayate is going on a mission, so I am with her. Is that strange?”
Reinforce Zwei was Hayate Yagami’s personal Unison Device, so it was only natural that she followed her around. How strange; Elric really met Hayate more often without Reinforce. But she was right of course.
Elric bowed a little to the small figure. “You are right Sergeant Major, forgive me my thoughtlessness.”
Reinforce’s look expression shifted a little towards panic as she was surprised by the sudden formal apology. She even waved her hands about. “No you didn’t Elric-san, don’t worry! You never offended me!”
Elric straitened up and smiled. “That makes me I feel relieved.”
Reinforce rewarded him with a brilliant smile which made Hayate and Verossa chuckle.
They all knew that Elric didn’t made fun of Reinforce even if it may looked like it. Everything he said to her was meant honest, as he was someone who had to learn the hard way that a Device is more than just a tool. Sadly it was out of the same reason that Elric kept some distance even towards Reinforce.
“Oi, Hayate!” a voice rang through the hall, causing more than just one person to turn around and stare at the redheaded girl that was waving with her hand. “We’re going to be late!”
Well, girl was not the right word, as Elric knew that this ‘girl’ was a lot older than him. Vita of the Wolkenritter ignored the stares and kept waving. Signum was standing behind her, the arms crossed and the eyes closed. Her serious looks was somewhat foiled by Agito, her Unison Device, who was sitting cross-legged on her head. Besides Signum was Shamal, visibly embarrassed of the attention Vita was causing. Guardian beast Zafira on the contrary, who was sitting in his beast form at Shamal’s feet, looked glad that he was not the one who was stared at.
“Mou, Vita-chan!” Hayate mumbled and even Elric was unable not to grin at the situation. She turned back to Verossa and Elric. “I’m sorry, but it seems I have to go now. Inspector Acous, Operative Thorn.” She saluted them. “Let’s go, Rein.”
“Yes!” the Device answered cheerfully, waved the two men goodbye and followed the Mistress of the Night Sky.
“She likes you…” Verossa stated after Hayate disappeared.
“Sir?” Elric looked at him curious from the corner of his eye, not sure if he was teased again.
“A girl without family, whose life was heavily influenced by a Lost Logia artifact. I and Hayate both know that your life was a lot rougher then hers, but she is seeing that you two share many similarities in your background. This is why she is taking a liking in you.”
Elric relaxed a little, so that was the “like” he was talking about.
Verossa smiled as he continued: “She even mentioned that she wants to introduce you to Carim.”
“Carim, Sir?” Elric was unable to recall which ‘Carim’ Verossa meant, maybe another investigator.
“You will see.” Verossa answered smiling, but then he faced Elric with a serious expression. “I know you’re a nice person Elric Thorn, and Hayate is like a sister to me, so I am asking you directly: Would you become friends with her?”
Elric managed pretty well to hide his surprise. After a second of silence he asked in a neutral tone: “Is that an order, Sir?”
Verossa looked like he had bitten into some very sour fruit, but only for a moment. Then he chuckled. “I see you’re practicing your humor.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Elric replied in his neutral tone again, but this time with a small smile. “But I can’t answer your question. I don’t dislike Lieutenant Colonel Yagami, you could even say that I grew to respect her a lot, but I don’t know if that is enough to become friends.”
“I see.” Verossa nodded.
Both men stood there a little while in silence which was interrupted by Verossa again as he looked down the hall. “It seems you partner has finally arrived.”
Elric followed his gaze to see Rinya arrive. In her blue uniform she didn’t stuck out in the crowd of navy personnel. The brunette woman she was talking to was attracting much more attention in her white instructor uniform. For one moment the painful memory of a pink light flashed into Elrics mind.
After Rinya said goodbye to Nanoha Takamachi, who then headed to the same direction Hayate and the Wolkenritter went, probably to see them off, she noticed Elric and Verossa and headed their why, pulling a small trolley behind her.
“Good day. Inspector Acous, Hello Thorn-san!” she greeted them.
“Good day, Lieutenant.” Verossa said smiling.
“You know Instructor Takamachi?” Elric asked bluntly.
Rinya smiled. “She was one of my instructors back in flight training but I only had her in Air Tactics and Squadron Combat. I was mostly instructed by someone else. Why are you asking? Do you know her?”
“Slightly.” Elric said nothing more.
And as if there was some kind of signal, the conversations between the fleet personnel silenced.
The cause was the arrival of a blond, young man, his bright blue eyes surveying the hall.
“It looks like the captain is here.” Verossa said and started to head in his direction, while the crew of the Auriga started to muster. Elric and Rinya didn’t quit know where to go, so they stood in attention a little aside.
After the Captain exchanged a few words with Verossa he turned and addressed his crew.
“Gentlemen, it is an honor to see you again after this two weeks of shore leave.” He smiled. “You all know that normally, I would not address you this formal before our departure, but this time we have special circumstances.”
His one hand painted at Verossa. “Inspector Verossa Acous, from the TSAB Intelligence Department, proposed a joint operation between this ship and two handpicked combatants of other TSAB branches, I ensured him our full cooperation for operation ‘Ghost Hunt’.” He now pointed at Elric and Rinya. “This is Special Combat Operative Elric Thorn and 2nd Lieutenant Rinya Shuri A’Kalash, both from the temporary formed ‘Mantis Stalker Investigation Unit’, they will accompany us on our patrol, which allows them to react faster to the emergencies that will require their full attention. There will be no changes in our patrol mission besides this. I thank you for attention, Gentlemen. Dismissed.”
Every single person in the hall returned his salute precisely before they started to leave to the teleport field from which they would teleported to the Auriga which was waiting in orbit, some in groups some alone. Acous again exchanged some final words with the captain.
“He is younger than I expected.” Rinya suddenly said.
“Admiral Jorin Fafnir.” Elric started to explain. “He graduated training school together with Admiral Chrono Harlaown and worked as an Enfocer until he was promoted two years ago. Since then he commanded the Auriga on its missions. He was promoted thanks to hard work, so I think we will have no problems working together with him.”
Rinya gave Elric an amazed look. “I didn’t know you where this good informed.”
“He is my supervisor for this operation, so I thought it may be a good idea to know about him.”
“Supervisor?” Rinya asked.
“I will tell you another time about this.” Erlic shouldered his rucksack.”We should go on board too.”
Rinya nodded smiling. “Of course you are right. Shall we?”
Elric nodded only as answer and followed her towards the teleport field.
Puuh... next chapter is already in the works... :)
*sigh* And there goes my intention of writhing shorter chapters...
It again turned out longer than planned...
Ah well... anyway. Chapter 5 of my main story is ready!
And as promised... a bigger titel so it won't be overseen. :heh:
Memories of Blood and Sorrow
Part 5: Ghost Hunt
[Midchilda central, TSAB GAS HQ, canteen] [May, MC 076]
The clanking sound made Elric look up as a tablet was put down on the table he was sitting at. While the owner of the tablet sat down opposite Elric’s own seat, Elric scanned the content of the tablet.
Cutlery, a glass of juice, a small salad and some kind of pudding, the main dish was composed of meat and other ingredients in some orange/brown sauce and rice.
“Curry…” Elric confirmed and looked up to Rinya, the tablets owner.
“You don’t like curry?” Rinya asked while putting a spoonful of curry into her mouth.
“I don’t dislike it. I was just thinking aloud.”
“Hm.” Rinya made before swallowing down and pointing her spoon at Elric’s tablet. “And you are the type of mage who’s always eating noodles right? And lot’s of them too.”
“Can’t help it, I need the Mana.” Elric said while spiking some rigatoni on his fork.
They ate a little while in silence until Rinya spoke again. “So we have to board the Auriga at 1430?”
It has been a week now since Rinya was discharged from hospital. And even though she didn’t live in Central like Elric did, she very often came to the canteen to have lunch with him.
Elric had no problems anymore to talk to her, but they never talked much about private things. They still were just good colleagues and not friends.
“Yes.” Elric answered while still chewing and continued after he swallowed. “I still got some stuff to pack.”
Rinya nodded. “Yeah, me two. I must admit it is my first time on a cruiser.”
Elric didn’t look up as he was eating. “Don’t worry; the cabins are a little smaller as your normal dorm room but you normally don’t feel any different from being on planet.”
“Well, I don’t really expect to become dimensional sick or something like that.”
“And even if, there is pretty good medication should that happen.” Elric joked and put his fork on the empty plate.
“That was fast!” Rinya commented as she saw that Elric had finished his much bigger portion.
Elric smiled slightly as he grabbed his tablet and stood up. “Well… I see you later Shuri-san.”
“Sure thing, Thorn-san.” Rinya said goodbye, returning the smile.
She didn’t watch Elric leave the canteen, but hurried to eat the rest of her curry instead, as she also had to finish packing.
It was then that she heard the voices behind her.
“You saw that? The Freak just went out.”
“What Freak?”
“Yeah I saw it. That was the Blood Mage right?” a third voice.
“Yup, the Mage of Carnage himself. Damn psycho killer! I wonder why they didn’t put him against the wall!”
“But didn’t the chief librarian of the infinity library proved his innocence?” The second voice objected. “Wasn’t he mind controlled or something?”
“Fuck the chief librarian! I don’t think one of his[/] buddies was killed in action! Mind control my ass!” the first voice answered angry.
“I agree. They should just lock him away or give him suicide missions. Better than letting him run around freely, right?” the third voice again.
“Calm down guys, it’s not like we can do something about it.” The second voice.
“Well I know what I could do…” first voice started but fell silent after that.
Rinya stared at the plate in front of her.
It was not the first time she heard something like that and it was not like she couldn’t comprehend the feelings of the people sitting behind her. She also lost friends and comrades and that’s why... Her gaze fell on the clock at the wall. "Ah damn! I don’t have time for this!"
She wasn’t hungry anymore anyway.
==========
[I][Midchilda Southfort, 5th Airport]
Elric felt out of place as he looked around. Flocks of blue uniformed navy personnel surrounded him, making him a little uneasy in his brown uniform.
They all belonged to the crew of the Auriga, a TSAB patrol cruiser he and Rinya would board. He didn’t know how the crew felt for suddenly having two non navies on board, but he was used to be an outsider so he didn’t really care. And as no one giving him strange looks, he guessed it was alright. Come to think of it, navy was the only branch he had not really a bad reputation.
Someone touched his shoulder so he turned around. He knew both newcomers well, so he was touched a little that they would see him off.
“Inspector Acous, Lieutenant Colonel Yagami.” He saluted them.
Hayate returned the salute and Verossa even reached him his hand. Elric shook it.
“How are you feeling?” Hayate ask.
“Not bad, Ma’am. It’s been a while since I was off planet, so I’m a little excided.” He answered honestly.
Hayate smiled. “I know what you mean; I will board the Claudia in an hour. And even it is like a second home I still feeling a little excited about it.”
“That’s because traveling is always fun!” The miniature version of a person suddenly landed on Hayate’s shoulder.
Elric blinked in surprise. “I didn’t know you were here, Sergeant Major.”
Sergeant Major Reinforce Zwei looked at him with her big blue eyes, slightly confused. “Well, Hayate is going on a mission, so I am with her. Is that strange?”
Reinforce Zwei was Hayate Yagami’s personal Unison Device, so it was only natural that she followed her around. How strange; Elric really met Hayate more often without Reinforce. But she was right of course.
Elric bowed a little to the small figure. “You are right Sergeant Major, forgive me my thoughtlessness.”
Reinforce’s look expression shifted a little towards panic as she was surprised by the sudden formal apology. She even waved her hands about. “No you didn’t Elric-san, don’t worry! You never offended me!”
Elric straitened up and smiled. “That makes me I feel relieved.”
Reinforce rewarded him with a brilliant smile which made Hayate and Verossa chuckle.
They all knew that Elric didn’t made fun of Reinforce even if it may looked like it. Everything he said to her was meant honest, as he was someone who had to learn the hard way that a Device is more than just a tool. Sadly it was out of the same reason that Elric kept some distance even towards Reinforce.
“Oi, Hayate!” a voice rang through the hall, causing more than just one person to turn around and stare at the redheaded girl that was waving with her hand. “We’re going to be late!”
Well, girl was not the right word, as Elric knew that this ‘girl’ was a lot older than him. Vita of the Wolkenritter ignored the stares and kept waving. Signum was standing behind her, the arms crossed and the eyes closed. Her serious looks was somewhat foiled by Agito, her Unison Device, who was sitting cross-legged on her head. Besides Signum was Shamal, visibly embarrassed of the attention Vita was causing. Guardian beast Zafira on the contrary, who was sitting in his beast form at Shamal’s feet, looked glad that he was not the one who was stared at.
“Mou, Vita-chan!” Hayate mumbled and even Elric was unable not to grin at the situation. She turned back to Verossa and Elric. “I’m sorry, but it seems I have to go now. Inspector Acous, Operative Thorn.” She saluted them. “Let’s go, Rein.”
“Yes!” the Device answered cheerfully, waved the two men goodbye and followed the Mistress of the Night Sky.
“She likes you…” Verossa stated after Hayate disappeared.
“Sir?” Elric looked at him curious from the corner of his eye, not sure if he was teased again.
“A girl without family, whose life was heavily influenced by a Lost Logia artifact. I and Hayate both know that your life was a lot rougher then hers, but she is seeing that you two share many similarities in your background. This is why she is taking a liking in you.”
Elric relaxed a little, so that was the “like” he was talking about.
Verossa smiled as he continued: “She even mentioned that she wants to introduce you to Carim.”
“Carim, Sir?” Elric was unable to recall which ‘Carim’ Verossa meant, maybe another investigator.
“You will see.” Verossa answered smiling, but then he faced Elric with a serious expression. “I know you’re a nice person Elric Thorn, and Hayate is like a sister to me, so I am asking you directly: Would you become friends with her?”
Elric managed pretty well to hide his surprise. After a second of silence he asked in a neutral tone: “Is that an order, Sir?”
Verossa looked like he had bitten into some very sour fruit, but only for a moment. Then he chuckled. “I see you’re practicing your humor.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Elric replied in his neutral tone again, but this time with a small smile. “But I can’t answer your question. I don’t dislike Lieutenant Colonel Yagami, you could even say that I grew to respect her a lot, but I don’t know if that is enough to become friends.”
“I see.” Verossa nodded.
Both men stood there a little while in silence which was interrupted by Verossa again as he looked down the hall. “It seems you partner has finally arrived.”
Elric followed his gaze to see Rinya arrive. In her blue uniform she didn’t stuck out in the crowd of navy personnel. The brunette woman she was talking to was attracting much more attention in her white instructor uniform. For one moment the painful memory of a pink light flashed into Elrics mind.
After Rinya said goodbye to Nanoha Takamachi, who then headed to the same direction Hayate and the Wolkenritter went, probably to see them off, she noticed Elric and Verossa and headed their why, pulling a small trolley behind her.
“Good day. Inspector Acous, Hello Thorn-san!” she greeted them.
“Good day, Lieutenant.” Verossa said smiling.
“You know Instructor Takamachi?” Elric asked bluntly.
Rinya smiled. “She was one of my instructors back in flight training but I only had her in Air Tactics and Squadron Combat. I was mostly instructed by someone else. Why are you asking? Do you know her?”
“Slightly.” Elric said nothing more.
And as if there was some kind of signal, the conversations between the fleet personnel silenced.
The cause was the arrival of a blond, young man, his bright blue eyes surveying the hall.
“It looks like the captain is here.” Verossa said and started to head in his direction, while the crew of the Auriga started to muster. Elric and Rinya didn’t quit know where to go, so they stood in attention a little aside.
After the Captain exchanged a few words with Verossa he turned and addressed his crew.
“Gentlemen, it is an honor to see you again after this two weeks of shore leave.” He smiled. “You all know that normally, I would not address you this formal before our departure, but this time we have special circumstances.”
His one hand painted at Verossa. “Inspector Verossa Acous, from the TSAB Intelligence Department, proposed a joint operation between this ship and two handpicked combatants of other TSAB branches, I ensured him our full cooperation for operation ‘Ghost Hunt’.” He now pointed at Elric and Rinya. “This is Special Combat Operative Elric Thorn and 2nd Lieutenant Rinya Shuri A’Kalash, both from the temporary formed ‘Mantis Stalker Investigation Unit’, they will accompany us on our patrol, which allows them to react faster to the emergencies that will require their full attention. There will be no changes in our patrol mission besides this. I thank you for attention, Gentlemen. Dismissed.”
Every single person in the hall returned his salute precisely before they started to leave to the teleport field from which they would teleported to the Auriga which was waiting in orbit, some in groups some alone. Acous again exchanged some final words with the captain.
“He is younger than I expected.” Rinya suddenly said.
“Admiral Jorin Fafnir.” Elric started to explain. “He graduated training school together with Admiral Chrono Harlaown and worked as an Enfocer until he was promoted two years ago. Since then he commanded the Auriga on its missions. He was promoted thanks to hard work, so I think we will have no problems working together with him.”
Rinya gave Elric an amazed look. “I didn’t know you where this good informed.”
“He is my supervisor for this operation, so I thought it may be a good idea to know about him.”
“Supervisor?” Rinya asked.
“I will tell you another time about this.” Erlic shouldered his rucksack.”We should go on board too.”
Rinya nodded smiling. “Of course you are right. Shall we?”
Elric nodded only as answer and followed her towards the teleport field.
Puuh... next chapter is already in the works... :)
I think you might need a bigger title :p
There were a few typos that i spotted, but other than that the chpater flowed well. The paragraph with the Knights was good. It was in character for them.
Will be looking forward to the next chapter! And like with PF, I'm happy to read over things if you want me to :D
PhoenixFlare
2008-07-04, 12:03
See replies to some of the issues below.
Your explanation makes sense, but I was referring to the dates that you've got down. In Scene 1, it's Jan 16, 0081 but in Scene 2 it's suddenly Jan 16 0076.
Speak of obvious time-jump! :twitch::twitch: My apologies, it's a purely typographical error! :heh:
I'm not exactly sure where it is myself anymore :heh: It was pretty much a discussion on what the 'enforcers' do, how they're pretty much lone wolves, not tied to specific units, leading to the start of a dramatic overhaul for myself in particular with my OC's. Don't worry too much about it, it's not going to have a large role in your fic.
I hardly think Enforcers are lone wolves from the start, seeing as Fate has been tagging along for quite some time, but yeah, the line blurred so much that I wasn't particularly sure myself as well. :heh:
I guess it's a reasonable explanation. Good to see you had one :D I had brought it up since it just seemed a little extraordinary that Chrono was able to put together a group of 1k members together in such little time. Not to mention that he didn't have to fight tooth and nail for suddenly stripping units of members out of the blue. That and the fact that paper work was pushed through the chain so quickly. In a lot of places it'd probably be good to have such a turn around time for small requests, let alone what he wanted (and got..)
Thank you :D. Since he pretty much helped Hayate established her RF6 previously, so he knew what was involved in the unit creation, and by chalking up help from those who helped them before (I don't know who, and I don't intend to create any :heh:), the order passed up the chain quite easily. The only real battle he had to fight was with von Khrull, and he made ample preparation for that. Everything worked out, I guess.
No worries. Give us a yell if you need someone to read over anything.
I'll leave the plot questions rest. No point in rushing anything.
Noted. And don't worry, I will. As it is, the questions have helped me form my thoughts in a better way, and not leaving any yawning plotholes while I plod along. :D
FlameSparkZ
2008-07-04, 14:24
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
Name: Syn Virage
Mage rank: AAA
Military Rank:
Age: 12
Gender: Female
Magic type: Belkan
Magic colour: Blue
Hair color: Blue
Eye color: heterochromia, her right eye is red, while her left eye is blue.
Hair style: Syn’s hairstyle varies often, as both her mother and Vivio love to play with her hair.
Favourite quote: "Boredom, mostly."
Apearance:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/hf02.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Mom.png
Personality:
Blunt, sharp with the tongue and a smartass to boot. The terror of teachers, you could say. Syn can be extremely annoying at times, driving people up the walls with smart remarks. Smartass she may be, though, she is not stupid. Most of the times when she is in one of her moods, she will drive to the edge, but never over it. If she is not in one of her moods –which must be said, is more often the case-, you will find that while she may poke fun at other people’s expense, she doesn’t mean it in a harmful way. When encountering Syn on one of her more calm moods, she is easy to get along with, albeit a bit stubborn.
Despite her tough-girl attitude, Syn can actually be a very shy girl, as she is very uncomfortable when it comes to physical contact. She won’t blush and faint, but you will clearly note that she gets very uncomfortable when people start getting intimate with her. A hand on her shoulder can make her slightly nervous, but not much, while a friendly hug makes her very nervous.
Syn if often willing to help if you ask it, and she finds it enjoyable to simply have a nice conversation to pass the time. She can get very defensive on subjects and locking horns with her in an argument means spending time getting through her stubbornness, as she tries to keep an open mind, but at times fails completely. She also has a habit of losing focus if a task at hand doesn’t hold her interest, which result in her usually finishing everything frantically at the last time. Miraculously, Syn rarely misses deadlines.
Background:
Syn is a Mid-Childan born girl, her parents being high-ranking officers in the navy, the talent for magic was quickly discovered and a career in the TSAB seems almost assured. However, when it came to picking a school, Syn was more interested in going to the far calmer school run by the Saint Church. Her parents agreed easily, possibly because they realized schools run, or otherwise funded by the TSAB may show favoritism.
When in the class, Syn felt isolated. With her mother being an Admiral in the navy, and her father a captain, she was treated with a certain amount of respect, awe, and unfortunately distance from her fellow classmates. This is probably why she quickly made friends with Vivio, whose mother was the even more famous Takamachi Nanoha. The two felt a shared connection between each other, and quickly they would work, eat and hang out together. It was during one of these hangout sessions that Vivio began to play with Syn’s hair, and developed a liking for it, much to Syn’s embarrassment.
Vivio quickly met Syn’s mother, Elena Virage, who had settled down for a desk job after becoming pregnant with Syn in order to raise their child. The two hit of perfectly, as Elena’s openness quickly accepted Vivio, and the two shared a liking for making sure the ‘plain’ Syn looked attractive.
To this day Syn still isn’t sure whether to bless or curse the fact that these two get along so fine.
A few years later, after successfully graduating, Syn applied to the TSAB along with Vivio. Their talent and heritage allowed them to bypass the lengthy Ground Force Training and the two were given the crash-course of several months. After successfully passing the AAA-rank test, the two quickly applied for the Armed Corps in the Main Branch.
Barrier Jacket:
Syn’s Barrier Jacket was designed by her mother and Vivio. Her initial idea was to simply use the standard Barrier Jacket the Armed Forces used, but the two would have none of that, and set of to design Syn her very own and personal Barrier Jacket.
The result was this:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Syn_Barrier_Jacketcopy.png
Needless to say Syn was downright mortified, in fact at first she flatly refused to believe this was true, and frantically kept telling herself it was a dream and she would wake up soon. Syn’s Barrier Jacket is focused on high-defense, with as much maneuverability as possible, but only as a secondary concern. The wings floating just off her jacket help stabilize her flight magic.
Device:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/Helskor.png
Hellskor is Syn’s Bow-type Device, its stored mode materializes as a bracelet worn on Syn’s right wrist. Hellskor is an Armed Device, and as such is not equipped with an AI as advanced as the types of Raising Heart and the like. Hellskor’s AI is more on the level of Levantine or Graff Eisen. Hellskor is made to specialize long-ranged bombardment magic, as well as physical shots. It allows Syn better control over her guided shots, and increases the accuracy of unguided high-speed and long-range projectiles.
Being in a Belkan school, and having a friend very important to Belkan history, Syn grew up favoring the Belkan school of magic. However, from her nature Syn had always been more of an archer then a swordfighter, so she decided to take a rare step for a Belkan mage: Become a ranged Belkan fighter.
Due to the nature of Belkan Reinforcement magic, this meant that her choice of weaponry was limited. Most gun-based Devices were build to support the Mid-style magic, and lacked any form of physical shots. Rescue came in the form of Signum, whom Vivio had told lots of stories about, and the Bow-form of her Device.
A bow allowed for the use of as many physical projectiles as the user could generate, and arrows were the perfect weapons to Reinforce, as they could take on any shape the mage desired with few restrictions.
Syn has virtually no melee skills, nor spells to support them, so she is completely dependant on getting her enemies from a far range.
Spells:
Offensive spells
Sperrfeuer -- Curtain Fire: A bombardment-type magic, while only one arrow is strung on the bow; many more arrows materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These projectiles strike with high speed and strength, but cannot be controlled.
Flakfeuer – Aerial Barrage: A controlled fire spell, while only one arrow is strung on the bow, multiple arrows, ranging from 3 to seven, materialize around Syn, which can be fired simultaneously. These shots have the lowest speed among Syn’s spells, but are controllable.
Caladbolg: A single-shot bombardment spell. It uses a single projectile, shaped like a strangely twisted sword-like arrow with a drill-like pattern, which is shot at high speed at the target. Its danger lies in that fact that it is a fast projectile, making it tricky to dodge. This is Syn’s most commonly used spell due to its low mana cost.
Hrunting: With little argue the most powerful of Syn’s offensive spells, with the longest of ranges in Syn’s arsenal. Despite firing only a single projectile, this spell can cause massive damage. Instead of spreading the damage over a large radius, as most bombardment spells do, this spell focuses all that damage in that single projectile, increasing its destructive qualities while lessening the damage radius. Hrunting is known for its high penetration, and few defences of its level can stand up against it.
Defensive/Movement
Movement Magic: Because Syn focuses on defence rather then mobility, she is not extremely fast. Using movement magic she is able to teleport away and reposition for another shot. The advantage of this is that it may throw an enemy of guard, the downside is that casting and coordinating the spell takes a short time.
Panzer Schild: A Belkan shield spell, this is arguably the most used defensive spell in Syn’s arsenal, using it to block her enemies attacks and counterattack afterwards. Syn is very talented in defensive spells, so her shield can take a pounding before going down.
Panzer Hindernis: A Belkan Barrier Spell, while less used then Panzer Schild, it often sees use to block attacks coming from the sides or attacks made while Syn’s hands are otherwise occupied.
Panzer Geist: A Belkan field spell, most often used to block attacks coming from all around her. Syn also uses it for its intimidating effect, because there is nothing more intimidating then someone simply standing there and taking your attacks without even flinching.
Enkidu: A binding spell, capable of being cast both at short and long ranges. Enkidu has no magic sealing or magic repelling, abilities but as a trade-off it is a very tough bind to break. It manifests as steel chains rather then magical ribbons, as the steel chains can be reinforced with Belkan magic.
Rho Aius: The second claim for the most powerful spell in Syn’s arsenal, Rho Aius would best be described as a multi-layered Barrier Spell. When casting, it appears in the form seven petals, each of which is as powerful as a concentrated Barrier. Rho Aius is a purely defensive spell created to block high-level spells. Because of its immense power required, Rho Aius is not a spell cast on a whim, and has a casting time, limiting its use to blocking high-level bombardment spells, or other spells that require a casting time before being fired.
Nice :D
The previous Syn was good, but this one is quite promising :D:D
Looking forward to seeing her in action :3
...also...right eye red and the left blue? :uhoh:
Just like Wyen in his awakened form...
*warps away*
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-04, 15:04
Okay, the happy go lucky trials of our crazed test pilots... full chapter...
Comes out to 76 kb of text for this chapter, longer than I had anticipated.... but hey.
MGLN Test Dummies Chapter Five
EDIT: -WARNING-
Huge amount of Text Ahead
"I really thought I was toast for a while there," Crash told Cooper as they made their way to the DIFAC. "I mean the attack pretty much shreded everything around me, but that defense setup was just insane. That Wedge Shield was a nice touch, where'd you get that idea?"
"It was actually Don's idea," Cooper shrugged. "He was the one who worked on practical engineering aspects and said that altering the designs of the magical defenses away from the traditional round and triform shield designs would probably yield results similar physical material structures."
"You're kidding," Crash gaped. "Double Spanners helped design the stuff he KNEW I'd be messing with?"
"He doesn't hate you as much as he'd like everyone to think," Cooper smirked. "You just piss him off with your brand of luck, and he lacks a good outlet."
"Coulda' fooled me," Crash responded with a shrug. "I think today's session was a record for me... I'd never seen him that red before."
"Meh," Cooper rolled his eyes. "Speaking of records..."
Cooper dropped back a few paces to the Ladies that were following close behind, giving Fate, a sudden, overly friendly slap on the shoulders. "Nice job breaking that airspeed record!"
Fate ressisted a stumble from the surprise hand to her back. Cooper may be an overwieght engineer unfit for combat, but large men can still throw weight around.
"It's not really anything special," she denied. "I burned through all my cartridges to achieve that velocity for only a few seconds."
"You maintained velocity though," Cooper grinned back. "The Bardiche-"
[ 'BARDICHE'... NOT 'THE BARDICHE'... SIR.]
"Sorry," Cooper appologized to the triangular core on the necklace. "Bardiche managed to get the barrier shape down and increase your flight efficiency before the cartridge ran out. You were actually flying on your own power before you used your barrier as a brake."
"I'm not sure I fully understand," Fate replied. Well, actually, she did... To an extent. Aerodanmics Barriers kept the wind off a mage in flight like a windshield on a car. What she wasn't getting was why exactly the shape made her faster.
"Well, most airborne mages can only achieve mach one at their best level sprints or steep dives," Cooper continued. "They just don't have the power resserves to break the sound barrier and maintain it, so barrier shaping was never given much consideration, unlike aircraft frames. However, you have more energy resserves which gives you a better..." Cooper paused to look for a word.
"A better thrust to weight ratio!" In front, Crash rolled his eyes a little. Here we go.
"So with the extra power, you have the brute force required, but you're still using a sub-sonic barrier shape, which produces a high drag coefficient and makes you waste a significant amount of energy flying."
Fate opened her mouth to speak. Cooper didn't let her.
"But then here's the fun part. A magical barrier is the perfect aerodynamic frame, it's as strong as it needs to be, can flex, never experiences stress fatigue over time, and can take any shape that can be visualized, or calculated by a computer... instantly. Now as you appraoch the mach four barrier, air pressure build up from conventional barrier designs means the drag rises significantly with every square inch of forward surface area. But if you take hypersonic forms and apply them to barrier shapes, you can create an areodanamic surface that cuts through the air better and reduces the drag by a significant portion, it's the same concept Crash's system uses, but EDI managed to calculate your barrier functions and review them with Cherry and Bardiche..."
Fate tried to speak again, but Cooper was on a roll.
"Now, combine your superior thrust to weight ratio, and this barrier, and you are essentially cutting through the fluid... because at hypersonic the air is so dense it's more like going through water, well... PLASMA really, but that's not the point... What it means is that you get more speed for less energy. Now, since a barrier also has a perfect surface that is not suceptable to frictional forces, you also don't have to worry about surface heating in high speed flight, so the laminar flow around the barrier-"
"You're going to bore the poor girl to death at this rate!" Key suddenly snapped from under Cooper's shirt. "Do us all a favor and cut the Fluid Dynamics lecture."
"I... don't mind," Fate responded to the small device, Cooper tried to form a response but Key was determined to shut him up and keep it that way.
"Oh please girl," Key responded. "You give him even a little incentive and he'll talk your ear off all night and into the next day... a week from now. Cooper loves the sound of his own voice. If it's anything he loves more it's robots. Combine the two and he'd probably bring the TSAB down just like Al Hazred!"
"I'd listen to the device," Crash broadcasted from the lead position in the group. "I don't think I've managed to stay awake through a single one of his lectures."
"You'd rather be getting your ass blown up," Cooper responded with a smirk.
"You'd be the one pressing the button," Crash rolled his eyes.
"Airheads," Fox muttered from slightly ahead of Nanoha.
"Agreed," Vita muttered back.
"Speaking of Air," Cooper brushed the remarks off... Rolling right from Fate to Nanoha without so much as stopping.
"Here we go again," Key seemed to almost mutter herself from under his shirt.
"Sixty Thousand Feet up!" He smirked. "Mage Combat at extreme altitude, nothing quite like it!"
"It's nothing as good as what Fate did," Nanoha tried here own attempt to shrug off the extra attention. "It's not like I broke any high altitude flight records. Those were set at a hundred thousand feet years ago."
"Maybe," Cooper shrugged. "But you were still up there, flying toe to toe with EDI. You don't find mages that can do something like that all too often."
"And for good reason," Shamal interjected. "She suffered acute Hypoxia from the low oxygen level at that altitude and nearly passed out. That's a long nasty drop."
Shamal had been doting over Nanoha and Fate almost since they had finished Don's dressing down of Crash, double checking their hearing and ensuring Nanoha wasn't suffering any adverse effects, especially after witnessing nanoha caught in several moderate explosions.
"That's something else I wanted to look into," Cooper stated. "If I could get a full system Log from Raising Heart before you leave, I want to see if I can do something about the barrier jacket system maintaining a functional oxygen envolope at high altitude.
At the back of the group, Roland was having a semi-private chat with Hayate.
"-performed well above my expectations," the General finished. Hayate nodded.
"The vehicle certainly performed excelently for the armaments it had. But I liked the level of coordination and adherence to teamwork it had. One of the biggest issues those at HQ will have, will be if they can TRUST the machine AI enough to give it a real assignment."
"Indeed," Roland nodded. "If the pilots the aircraft will be assisting don't trust it to keep their well being in mind along side the mission, a certain level of combat coherency will be lost. The MADCAP displayed quite a level of both mission priority, as well as an aspect of keeping its own wingman out of hot water. I normaly only expect that of well integrated units, not from an AI the first time on the job."
"I personally liked how it showed restraint," Hayate shrugged. "When Nanoha was barely conscious after the high altitude fight, EDI made no attempts to finish her off, despite how ensuring she was unconcious would pretty much assure them a successful mission. It may be assigned a task as drone hunter for now. But should it go into regular use, it could see security operations or hostility suppression actions on some of the remote worlds. A very firm control on the escalation of the use of force "
"You really think that'll buy them a little more?" Roland asked, arching an eyebrow.
"We try to catch the troublemakers in one piece," she smiled. "They'll be more than happy if their new toy can wear white gloves to a fight."
"So what's your word on the subject?" the General finally asked. Hayate smiled big.
"I like it, keeps my friends safer. I'll ask Nanoha and Fate about their personal oppinions after we've seen the performance logs themselves and if they agree, you've got yourself an Endorsement from us."
Anything else the General might have said was cut off at this Point. Crash made his way up to the double doors of the Difac and gave them a push inwards. The pilot only made it about two steps into the cafeteria before he was nearly blown off his feet by an earth shaking cheer.
Nanoha and Fate came to a dead stop as Crash litterally jumped in surprise. Something they hadn't seen him do. Only a few seconds later, they were swarmed with a number of support staffers and engineers.
"That was totally awesome!" one of them managed to say.
"You went like this, she went like that, and then you were just GONE!" another interrupted.
"And then you brought out that huge sword!" must have been directed at Fate.
"The top of the sky with that jet!" yet another of the many engineers, directed at Nanoha.
Nanoha and Fate were used to a little fame from their work. But they'd never gotten swarmed like this before. Crash seemed nearly freaked out however. He always seemed more imfamous than famous, even among people he knew so well like all the Engineers here. But now they were up in his face like they'd never been, talking faster than he could catch, and asking questions he couldn't answer.
"How fast were you going?"
"How did you escape those binds?"
"What went through your mind when you were trying that long range shot?"
"Which one are you going to sleep with tonight?"
If Crash could figure out who asked the last question, he'd have someone to punch in the nose and make himself an opening. Judging by the way hairs started standing up on the back of his neck, he absentmindely guessed the girls heard it too. They were only a foot away after all.
The rest of the group managed to make their way into the door and could hardly belive how the three were the center of one big, as Roland called it, 'gaggle.' The word was actually a composite, but the General thought the extra explicative that went on the end wasn't needed in the company of ladies.
"What the hell is going on?" he squinted in confusion. Hayate glanced around, trying to see over people's shoulders, then pointed discreetly at the far wall.
The large screen that sat in the center showed a rather high quality detail replay of the fight. It showed Crash and Nanoha in a steep dive... obviously in the last few minutes of the replay.
"Lime." the General nodded in understanding.
A short man with a clipboard managed to squeeze his way through the crowd and pushed his way clear to the exit. Roland bit down on his urge to let his old U.S. military training take over and chew him out over his rather impolite nature. Instead, he'd just slow him down a little.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry Logan?"
"It's too noisy in here," the short man stated. "I can't work in noise..."
Roland shrugged. "We might have a party in here before long, any excuse for a party as they say."
"I've got to head over to D complex and take an inventory," Logan continued. "I want to ensure before next inspection comes along that the VA-111 Shkvals are all accounted for, and that nobody's been tampering with them."
"Very well then," Roland nodded. Not one to keep from very important duties such as Disposal Site management. "Carry on then."
And Logan was gone.
"Who was that?" Hayate asked.
"Disposal Logistics manager," the General stated, noting Vita and Fox had vanished from sight. "He's not the sociable type. Preffers books and keeps to himself. Makes him very good at managing inventory, but doesn't deal with crowds too well."
As he finished the sentence, he spotted the two smaller girls, having used the opertunity when everyone rushed Crash to jump to the front of the food line, where Marylin was serving them with a pleasant smile.
"What's a Shkval?" Hayate continued. Roland shrugged and answered.
"Russian made nuclear torpedo."
After a long silent (reletively speaking) pause, he finally turned to Hayate. She'd lost some coloration. It took a few seconds before the General realized why and quickly waved it asside..
"Oh don't worry about that, the nuclear materials were removed and shipped offworld for disposal as soon as they got here. I oversaw that myself."
Hayate seemed to relax, a little. Roland continued.
"Your position probably doesn't appreciate the amount of stuff that gets transfered to this base on a constant basis," he stated. "Otherwise, the Disposal site would have shut down fifty years ago when the last if the orignial mid-childan munitions were finished off. Despite the hush hush that's been kept, it's a well known fact Earth 'exports' more munitions a month than it's Non-Administered status would have people believe. Russia especially. Their security on materials was never the best, but magic using dimensional arms dealers have a field day with it. Then the TSAB catch them, and all the junk has to go to disposal facilities. I think we've got a stash of AK-47s over on D-Complex big enough to supply a brigade sized unit. If the Russians only know how interdimensionally popular the Kalashnikov was..."
He sighed, shaking his head.
"Still, occaisionally someone gets a nuke through, and that has to be dealt with. The shkvals have a puny ten kiloton warhead, but that's enough to rip a city apart. The torpedos and their detonation mechanisms are scheduled for a recorded detonation disposal two weeks from now. That'll be sent straight to command. But inspection's in a week, so they need to be documented and easy to find."
Roland noted Vita and Fox already sitting in a corner, eating and talking while pointing out items on the screen, now starting another replay. At this rate, they'd be done before anyone else even got to the line. Judging from the way Crash's face looked, and the huge blushes on Nanoha and Fate's faces, the situation was coming close to getting out of hand.
It didn't seem possible, but the ear splitting whistle the General emitted when he stuck his fingers in his mouth managed to halt any and all conversation in the room almost instantly. After several seconds of absolute silence, which Roland passed a long and calculated glare around the group, he spoke.
"This is a dining facility, not a circus sideshow," he began. "Though if you so desire attractions, I'm sure I could come up with a little entertainment while I prepare some smoked meat for Marilyn's grill."
He waited a calculated three seconds to let the meaning permiate.
"So if that's what you want, keep up the gaggle... otherwise. Dissappear."
The girls had never seen a room clear so fast outside of combat excersizes. The General's punishment routine, known only as a 'smoking' was one of the most imfamous and unpleasant experiences on the entire island. Crash's bulging biceps could attest to many a time where he'd crossed the General, much as he'd done earlier that morning. What had only moments before been a near screaming crowd of people, had thinned out into those who were still eating their lunch, a few engineers, and kitchen staff.
"Works every time," Roland smirked, brushing his way past Crash and over to the serving line where Marilyn was already starting a tray.
"The usual General?" she asked.
"Go light today," he shrugged. "I'm probably going to be on my feet for the rest of the day."
Marilyn smiled as she handed the base commander a place consisting of a high protien meal. Roland wasn't sure what exactly it was, but he was sure it was Mid-childa's local version of chicken. Cooper was up next, having only enough patience to let what was essentially his 'boss' get food first. Marilyn glared at him a few seconds as she triple loaded his plate with the heaviest food on the line.
"You really should cut back sweety," she tried. It was the same speach every day.
"You don't cultivate THIS kind of pressence by cutting back," he smirked, patting his bulging belly.
"What you're cultivating is cholesterol, sugar," Marilyn responded evenly. "If you don't start cutting it back, I'll start cutting you back. Here in the middle of nowhere, I control the flow of food."
"You can try," Cooper grinned. "But I have ways of getting around your food blockades."
Marilyn shook her head as Cooper wandered away to sit down and watch the replay. Then she turned to the pint sized one who was staring through the seperation glass, slavering away. Reinforce Zwei had zipped sharply in front of Crash at the last second when she realized just how diverse the selection was.
"See anything you like sweety?" she asked.
"Heh, probably everything on display," Crash laughed, looming up behind the Unison. "You're not HUNGRY are you?"
Rein turned quickly and smiled in the cutest fashon possible, her eyes twinkling like tiny stars. Crash stood up and laughed.
"Careful now," he stated. "Watch that appetite or you'll end up looking like Cooper."
"NOT POSSIBLE!" Cooper piped up across the room. "It takes dedicated practice to achieve this level of perfection."
"Yeah, perfection... Whatever." It was Key, barely audible under his shirt. Crash rolled his eyes and turned back to Rein, reaching down to poke her in the belly.
"Just watch out, or your stomach could swell up and go B-"
-BOOM!!!-
Nanoha and Fate, who were bringing up the Rear, jumped backwards as the spot immediately surrounding Crash erupted in sparks and smoke. Everyone else in the Room, turned around in their spots to see what had happened.
Crash stumbled back a step, his hair standing straight up. Rein was in similar shape, about ten feet away, caught by a condiment packet tower at the end of the food line and cushioned by packets of various sauces Roland hadn't quite figured out whether to call Ketchup, or cocktail sauce.
After a few seconds of total silence, the shattered light socket above Crash sparked, and the florescent bulb dropped to the ground and shattered. Those inspecting the spectacle turned back to their food as if it was nothing out of the ordinary.
"What just happened?!" Hayate asked in a near panic as she rushed over to check on Rein.
"I think..." Crash began, coughing a little. "I think that was a failed Unison-In attempt."
Nanoha visibly screwed her face up as she twisted her head to the side.
"Eh?"
Hayate reached down and pulled Rein from the Cushon of packet sauces, cradling her like a newborn kitten.
"Are you okay?"
"No mama, that meatball was plenty spicy, can I have another?"
Hayate sighed. Even blasted silly, all this little one could think about at times was food.
"What makes you think that was a Unision failure?" Fate asked.
"It was definately a rejection," Signum stated. Up until now, she'd been completely silent ever since they'd left TICTOCC. Shamal was there right beside her. "There's no mistaking that feeling of incompatable forces conflicting with each other like that."
Nanoha looked from Signum to Crash, her face still a mask of confusion.
"But he didn't DO anything," Fate stated the obvious.
"Yes he did," Signum stated stoicly. "He touched her."
Fate ressisted the urge to match Nanoha's blank look. Signum, never the less, saw it and crossed her arms, leaning her head down as she often did when she was revealing what should have been simple common fact.
"Are you forgetting she's still a DEVICE?"
Ding! Signum litterally could count the two seconds it took for Nanoha and Fate to mutually achieve the same revelation, just from the looks on their faces. As one, the two aces turned and looked directly at Crash, who was busy patting his clothes down, trying to shake any glass bits and florescent powder off of himself.
"Maybe you two missed it all this time," Signum continued. "But he's been very careful about what he touches. You can read it if you watch his body language and posture. He doesn't touch anything, period. He doesn't brush walls, he doesn't randomly kick things like small rocks, not a random tap or motion out of place."
Of course, SIGNUM would notice something like that. Crash put up the manner of a laid back fighter jock, but the Knight had spent more time watching and learning than the rest of the group. It was habbit. She'd picked up on it early on, his seemingly random warnings, even the offhand comment from SkyEye when they'd arrived. The comm tower incident and now this only served to reinforce her conclusion.
"I have a cronic case of never ending Murphy's Law," Crash stated into her internal monologue. "Nearly everything I touch finds a way to break. Why do you think I'm good at my job? What can go wrong, has a bad habbit of doing so around me. And it's almost ALWAYS related to anything I touch... like a Unison device."
Crash tried again to flatten his hair a little, failing to do so. After a short moment he turned and held his index finger out to the metal rail of the food line.
"What would you say?" he asked. "Twelve Volts?" And touched his finger to the metal.
'POP!'
"You just ask yourself, 'What could POSSIBLY go wrong'," he continued. "And then when you have your answer, apply that as the most likely thing to happen the moment I touch it."
"It must be terrible living like that." Nanoha had gone right into Pity Mode from Confused Mode.
"Naaaaaah," Crash waved her pity away. "If anything, quiet girl over here-"
Signum silently objected to the nickname...
"-called it a minute ago. I simply don't touch anything. Plus, all these years, I've kinda' learned to spot what I could break before I break it."
He sighed as Hayate walked over to them, Rein in her arms.
"Of course, it's real easy to forget a Unison is TECHNICALLY equipment... My bad."
Crash resisted the urge to follow it all up by patting Rein on the head, out of fear of another... Reaction. Instead, he opted to turn to the food line where Marilyn had a rather smug look, her ladle down by her side as she rested her hands on her hips.
"I'm sure Marilyn can tell you all about it."
"Certainly can sugar," she nodded. "You just stay out of my kitchen and everyone stays happy..."
Nanoha laughed unevenly at what was hidden behind the words before the head cook looked at Crash with a warm smile.
"Good work with the simulated battle honey. You threw everything you had into it, even if I wanted to dump a vat of hot cooking oil on your for that wet sand stunt you pulled."
"Oh come on Ma!" Crash sighed. "I was in a mock BATTLE! I'm SUPPOSED to do mean stuff like that."
"Indeed you were," Marilyn nodded. "That along with how everything balanced out is why I'm letting you off. But if I EVER, catch wind that you did that to a nice young lady EVER AGAIN... I'll tan your hide so badly you'd WISH you were in the middle of LIVE COMBAT."
And then she flipped right back over to friendly as if the previous exchange never happened.
"Here's your food sweety, go eat up, you earned it."
Crash took a double large plate, covered in a high carb meal the likes of which even Cooper would be slightly jelous, and wandered quickly away with an obligatory 'Thanks Ma!'. He quickly found a spot across from Fox and Vita near the monitor, and started watching the replay around the time they began the fight in earnest.
Nanoha and Fate recieved similarly large plates of food, active mages burned a hell of a lot more energy than the typical staffer, and Marilyn knew the metabolism of an active mage quite well. After recieving their food, they both tried to thank her, but faltered... unable to decided how to address her.
"Call me Ma," she stated. "Everyone around here does."
That resolved, they moved on and allowed Hayate to get her plate. Almost the moment she did so, Rein, rather predictably, sat bolt upright and took in the welcoming aroma of what the General assumed was the TSAB match for Spaghetti.
"You took quite a zap sweety," Marilyn cooed. "Here, this will make it all better."
Rein recieved her own plate... well, actually, it was a tiny one-eigth size jello desert plate, but it was her own plate none-the-less. And it was piled high, comparatively to Rein, with 'spaghetti', and only slightly unweildy in the hands of the Unison. The improvised utensils were interesting as well. It looked as if Marilyn had improvised them rather handily from a child's doll set. When and where would remain a mystery however.
After Hayate and Rein, came the remainder, Shamal and Signum, who had only moderate portions, having done virtually nothing up to this point asside from looking sharp. Vice managed to show up with a mechanic earlier and was already finished, sitting in a corner watching the replay.
Having found their own spot, Nanoha and Fate immediately began eating their meals rather quickly, pausing only to watch the respective moments of the fight they were not pressent for, or to watch the opponent's perspective.
Nanoha seemed particularly interested when Crash tried to use the Hyperlance Extension shot to take Fate out at extreme range. When the shot was fired, extra statistics displayed from anylized data put the shot above nine-hundred meters a second. She imagined a dozen ways to have Raising Heart duplicate the simplistic mechanical principle that fired the Hyperlance Extension. Having a beam that could hit farther away, all that much faster would allow her to pluck targets off all the quicker. Or perhaps make a homing version of the shot... That's it, a nine-hundred meter a second homing shot. Dodge THIS! It made her grin, and almost start chuckling out loud.
Fate noticed after a few seconds Nanoha was laughing to herself, and quickly began to sweat... Oh god, she didn't want that toy for herself did she? Nanoha held the record for longest range direct shots in the TSAB, all she needed now was a way to make them hit even farther away and faster. However, she found the window in the corner of the replay showing a Crash's Visor HUD Point of View quite fascinating. Even as Crash was busy getting his ass handed to him in their hand to hand duel, she watched as the bracket that identified her changed color to indicate threat level, and took stock of the small indicators next to it displaying relevant data.
"Oh god, I think I pissed her off..."
Nanoha burried her face in her arm to keep from laughing outright, causing Fate to simply turn red in embarrassment. Those in the room had caught on to the spectacle in Crash's HUD and were also barely containing their own laughter. Fate decided after a moment, that despite not really feeling it, she DID look rather pissed off as she hoisted Bardiche up in its Zanber Form.
'THUMP!'
Suddenly, all laughter in the room ceased. The girls took a second to realize the deathly silence that had come over the room, yet the strange feeling of a dark aura finally drew their attention to the entrance.
Don stood, hard hat still on, right at the entrance. He seemed preocupied with something in front of him... Actually, it was the glass and shattered light bulb on the floor in front of the food line. After a long, almost scary pause, many in the room dreading a repeat of earlier, Don took a slow, deep breath and walked over the damage, and quickly exchanged quiet words with Marilyn. A quick dart of his head in Crash's direction gave them a good idea of the conversation before he scowled. Before he could say anything though, Marilyn suddenly shook her ladel at him, speaking quietly with a look on her face that was most certainly not offering him a five star dinner. The head mechanic seemed to bite lip to prevent whatever he wanted to say from coming out, but he relaxed and tipped his hat a little, then accepted a plate of food from her. Appearant dissaster averted, attention returned to the replay, now matching Nanoha's high altitude dogfight with the Madcap.
"Clunk!"
Nanoha and Fate jumped as a tray came down right in front of them. Don joined it a second later.
"I hope you don't mind an old angry man like myself joining you," he stated, almost apologetticly.
They both shook their heads quickly, and he smirked in what seemed to be the antithesis of the personality they'd seen him display, then sat down.
"I don't like to be mean," he stated, grabbing up his fork and taking a bite. "It's just that I work very hard around here. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who knows what he's doing."
"I bet that can be really hard sometimes," Nanoha nodded. Don instantly recognized that she was 'keeping her distance' in the conversation, and simply attacked a piece of meat.
"Look ladies," he stated after a few more bites. "I'm an engineer, and that means I solve problems."
He took a fork and stabbed some of his food rather agressively.
"Not problems like, 'what is romance', no. That would fall under the perfue of your cunundrums of philosophy."
As he said that, his eyes drifted to a small fly that was attracted to the aroma of their meals, then snapped back up to them.
"I solve practical problems," he continued. "For example... how do you keep some nasty little piece of filth from ruining hours of hard work?"
For a few seconds, the senior mechanic's eyes went back and forth between Nanoha and Fate.
"The answer," he began.
WHOOSH-WHAM!!
Both aces jumped as his arm came up fast, and then slammed hard on the table, holding a large fly swatter he'd somehow managed to produce from seemingly thin air. The rest of the room had frozen again at the loud report, only to go back to eating after spotting the reason.
"Use the right tool."
Don lifted the fly swatter up, inspecting its matted surface to note the rather flat remains of the little pest that had been attempting to enjoy what would now be its last meal. With an idle swish, he shoved the fly swatter out of sight and reached up, pushing his hard hat up and pulling a tiny little spray bottle out while fishing a small white cloth towel out of a pocket.
"And if that don't work," he continued, spraying the spot he'd struck a few times. "Invent a better tool."
Don quickly wiped the spot he was spraying and stuck the stuff he'd used back where they came from. One couldn't tell at first glance how much he really had on him.
"But Crash is different," he stated, shaking his head as he returned to eating. "No matter what tools I use, what I make, how much I plan, he foils any attempt to stay ahead of the game."
Starting to understand how the engineer felt, the aces began to relax a little and resume eating, feeling just a slight sympathy now that they had witnessed enough to make sense of it.
"I don't hate the boy," Don continued. "But I hate wasted effort, and that boy invariably leads to more hours of wasted effort than I thought physically possible in one day. Do you know how many times I have had to change the card readers in the test facilities before we simply switched over to using personelle to watch the entrances?"
Nanoha expected him to give them the answer, but instead he skipped onto another train of thought.
"It's extremely frustrating waking up each day and wondering what you'll have to clean up after this time, and how much it's going to cost in time, effort, and money, to deal with. If I wanted to be a janator, I needn't have worked so hard to get this position."
After another bite he looked Nanoha square in the eyes.
"And that leaves me a bit grouchy," he stated evenly. "I'd like you to understand, that even if I look ready to kill somebody, I can't really say it's anyone's fault, not even the Boy's. And I don't mean anyone any ill will. I'm just good at yelling, it's generally the only way I've ever been able to get anyone to listen and perform as I need them to. As I've said... the right tool."
More silence, dominated by the engineer quickly going through a portion of meat. The one-sided conversation, seemingly over, the girls resumed their focus on the replay again. At this point, it seemed to be around when EDI and Crash had retreated. They listened to the Dialogue as the pair went over their combat options, having only just missed Crash realizing they weren't fighting top level. A muted screech announced when EDI began jamming.
"Simple but effective," the girls heard Don state. Turning, they noted he was watching the events unfold with an anylitical eye. "The more complicated a countermeasure, the more intricate a plan, the more complex the design, the more things you have that can go wrong."
Nanoha nodded. "Simple plans are the best ones. too many pieces and it becomes impossible to manage it all."
"But they should have waited," the Engineer continued. "That stunt would have been more effective if they waited until they reengaged."
"It didn't serve them any good asside from give us a headache," Nanoha shrugged.
"It stopped you colder than dry ice in a tank of liquid Nitrogen," Don responded.
"He's right," Fate cut in. "If they waited and struck with their sensory deprivation attacks AND used that jamming at the same time, the combined effect of being deaf, blinded, and having a screaming fog in our own minds would be enough to give them the time to mop the floor with us even with the slopiest moves."
"Exactly," Don nodded. "But Crash lacks experience in combat, he knows how to watch his own bacon and pick out holes in things, but he lacks effective planning skills. I can't say I blame him. A planbook would probably burst into flames after he managed a rough sketch... just to spite him."
And with that, he stood up rather suddenly, taking a now empty tray with him. Don had eaten rather fast, but from the looks of his gate as he walked away, he had plenty left to do. After depositing his tray on the conveyer that took it into the kitchen, he quickly made his way over to General Roland, where he muttered something to the base commander. Roland looked up for a second, then nodded solemnly.
Crash looked up from his half eaten plate as Don made a B-line for the spot he was sitting in across from Vita and Fox. Great, just what he needed, chewout number two for the day. However, instead of coming to yell at him, the mechanic stopped next to Fox.
"I'd like you in the test hanger at thirteen thirty," he stated curtly, sparing only a twitch-like glance at Crash.
Fox nodded as she tried to finish swallowing the last of her own food. Don quickly turned away, fishing a notepad seemingly out of nowhere and marking something down as he walked past the glass pile on the floor, then vanished as quickly as he'd come.
After a few seconds silence, Crash finally breathed a sigh of relief.
"I survive one more day! Phew, I thought he was going to blow a fuse when he came in, I've always managed not to bust something after he's lost it once."
"Don't be dumb," Fox rolled her eyes. "Everyone knows Marilyn has him on a tight leash anywhere NEAR the DIFAC. If he blew a fuse in here, she'd starve the temper right out of him."
"Good way to do it too," Vita suppressed a chuckle. "I remember once about seven years ago, I made the mistake of pissing Hayate off, and she sent me to bed without dinner, never made the same mistake again."
For a few seconds Crash nodded with a sly smile, then suddenly he paused and his face went blank. Seven years didn't compute right.
"How old are you again?" he asked.
"I'm," Vita began, then she furrowed her brow, pausing for several seconds. "I can't remember, older than you at least."
Crash scratched his head as he gave her a solid onceover.
"You say that, but my brain can't seem to add it up at all."
"I get that a lot," Vita shrugged. "Hey, who's the Twerp? Where's your momma kid? Hey shrimp!"
Vita smirked.
"But then I simply tell them who I am, and if they don't want to believe that well..."
She leaned forward, reaching up and grabbing the collar of her shirt as she did so. Crash instantly put both hands on the table and was about to catapult himself backwards when Vita pulled a necklace up into view. A tiny hammer shaped object glinted back at him.
"...I let them argue with Graf Eisen instead."
With a deft flick, she brought Graf Eisen out of storage mode, and displayed the magical warhammer proudly to the test pilot. Deep in the back of his mind, Crash noted the piston styled cartridge loader the hammer had, and recalled just how much punishment in the tests it took to cause it to fail so many months before. The answer was 'A-FUCKING-LOT' , at which he involuntarily gulped at the prospects of what that meant in the hands of the deceptively young body before him.
"There was this one time some moron tried to kidnap me," she continued, lowering Graf Eisen. "Probably some pedophile or other sick maniac thinking I was just 'some kid'. We'll probably never know, he ended up in the psychiatric ward of a hospital after I taught him a lesson."
True to the word of course, the man had been admitted with two broken ribs, a concussion, all his limbs shattered, and was screaming non-stop about killer bunny rabbits in red dresses with sledgehammers coming to finish him off, and had been that way for at least four years. Crash's mental image of the situation wasn't too different, though he was having trouble identifying with just how much brutality could reduce someone to a gibbering paranoid shell that once claimed to be human. Either way, the prospects of the answer only reinforced his previous conclusion.
Fox noted the smug look on Vita's face as Crash's own face went through a series of easily visable emotional responses as he mulled over what he'd seen and heard. Deciding he wasn't paying attention for once, she nudged Vita slightly and spoke quickly under her breath.
"Don't overdo the big stick routine, he's an idiot and he'll stick to it."
Vita nodded, but continued to bask in the aura of someone who'd just been humbled. It seemed the two girls had quickly started to get along after Fox's little display on Cooper earlier that day. Probably because they connected better than their abraisive personalities would seem. In the middle of this, Vita managed a double take.
"What routine?"
Fox nearly spat out her drink as she downed it.
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-04, 15:05
General Roland's office, as best as Hayate could put it, was something of a museum display of his past achievements. This was almost completely controversial to the rather bland knobbed door he had for it. In fact, his office seemed to be one of the less advanced in the building, where as most other offices had the fancy high-tech TSAB doors. Roland simply thought the old style door had a more friendly look to it.
However, almost immediately when she came through the rather plain looking door, she was struck by the amazing amount of... knick-knacks he had strewn about. She was greated first by the large poster sized picture right behind his desk. It dipicted a large yellow shield with a diagonal black stripe going from the top left, towards the bottom right. In the upper right hand yellow space, a black, horse-head shaped sihloett was placed. It seemed somehow familliar. Along side it on each side, various other emblems could be seen. One arched ribbon read, in plain English lettering, "AIRBORNE" and had below it, another shield, but with a full color image of an eagle with a white head. Another was a solid black background with the gold outline of another arched ribbon, this one had the lettering for "RANGER" on it. Based on the way they were mounted on each side of the large wall scroll, they seemed to be very important for the General.
Below these, were something she more readily recognized, pictures. Seemed to be class pictures similar to the TSAB's basic training schools for mages, but they weren't of mages, but camoflauged soldiers. The first image had a rather youngish looking group, with a commander in a rather, interesting looking brown hat off to one side. Another was a similar image, but with a more weather-beaten looking group that somehow seemed to be extremely proud of themselves. On the opposite side, an image of a younger version of Roland sitting atop a large tan vehicle she recognized as a Tank. What kind, she couldn't identify, and wherever he was in that image, it seemed to be a dessert. The final picture of the group of four on the wall showed him, many years younger, wearing a dress uniform and decorated moderately well.
The wall to her right held a different museum of items. She recognized some kind of Earth firearm in a glass case mounted to the wall almost immediately, but it seemed unloaded. Next to it was another case holding a large helmet and the camoflauged uniform he'd been wearing in the pictures. It was neatly pressed, decorated, and displayed immaculately for any wandering eyes.
The desk, was another story... despite the low amount of paperwork, it became clear why the general hated it in the first place.
He sucked at it.
A large number of papers lay unsorted in a seemingly random stack, mixed with manilla folders that covered nearly every square inch of work space in a haphazzard manner she was glad Rein didn't have to see, save for a small spot where he would be working on whatever paper was most important. She noted several numbered pages of a document laying 'lost' to different corners of the desk and realized they belong to a seventy-two page report that he seemed to only have six pages of. The only other empty space on his desk seemed to one other display piece, a miniature model of the tank he was riding in the picture. It's 'gun' pointed towards the door, and whomever would be coming through it, as if guarding the dissaster.
To her left, Hayate noted the chaos continued, somewhat. Roland had a bookshelf, some shelves containing books she couldn't identify, and others fill with various knick-knacks she could only believe went with his 'set', ranging from odd pins to an assortment of TSAB, and non TSAB rank pins. This was immaculate in contrast to the filing cabinet along side it, the middle drawer half open and a disarray with one manilla folder sitting open on top, a paper about ready to drop to the floor. The top drawer was cracked open, and seemed to have it's own folder that looked like it hadn't gone in all the way and the general got fed up and tried to shut the drawer on it anyway.
All in all, it was as if Roland had been right in the middle of paperwork and simply dropped what he was doing to perform some other, 'more important' task on the base.
This, she had all taken in during the few minutes it took for the General to apologize for forgetting something, step out, and return with a data disk to place in the holographic computer console that seemed to rise up from the paperwork mess like a zombie from a grave.
"Comprehensive Performance Anallysis from the Maidens and Devices," he explained as he sat down in his chair (which squeaked awkwardly as he did so). Then he noted her apprehensive look at the sheets of white before him.
"Oh, sorry about the mess, paperwork's not my thing."
Obviously. Hayate had been around her knights so long, she could HEAR Vita making that comment offhandedly.
Roland continued unperterbed at her constant uncomfortable glances at the mess on the desk, bringing up the holographic screen of his console and fishing for the compiled summary the AI's had done of the test.
"According to Bloodberry's strategic compilation, the MADCAP performed well above the statistical break-even point of the combat trial by an order of magnitude. The statistical break-even point was that it would be able to handle large numbers of unintelligent or vastly inferior foes handily with a secondary precident of being able to evaid and survive higher level enemy units."
Hayate nodded, waiting for the General to continue.
"After affirmation of results with Cherry, and performance cross refferencing with Raising Heart and Bardiche on the manner, Bloodberry has concluded that EDI's performance in all tactical and strategic sectors to be of an ace level value. The combined summary quite clearly puts him on par with a well balanced Double S combat mage."
Roland waited for that to soak in, then continued his mini-brief.
"Strategic Planning, Tactical Evaluation, Reflexive Response, Preemptive measures," Roland Continued. "All vastly superior to any mage performance. Not surprising since EDI is a computer that can calculate thousands of combat scenerios in a second."
Hayate nodded, no argument there.
"Judgement, excelent. Compassion, I'm surprised this was ranked... but still. EDI temporarily suspended its mission to compete with Fate and then assisted her and Bardiche in breaking the speed record. Excelent level."
Roland flipped through a statistics point graph.
"Speed, more than any mage can handle save for what Fate displayed. Manueverability and Agility. Not as good as a combat mage, but there's a tradeoff for being an airframe. Brute Power, well, unlike linker cores, the MADCAP has a defined magical power system and has a set amount of magic it can burn through at any given time."
"So he's lacking in offensive power?" Hayate asked.
"Oh he's got plenty of power," Roland waved her response back. "Thing is, while the overall output and in general, the stamina of the system would outlast any mage, EDI lacks the burst power a top level artillery mage such as yourself can put out. Whatever he can do is limited to the power of his generator over the course of time. What that translates into is what we saw."
Roland hit a button and displayed EDI's assault on Fate.
"EDI could theoretically engage with mid level buster shots almost non-stop," Roland stated. "However, unlike say, the stunts Nanoha can pull with that experimental Blaster System, the MADCAP cannot gain a significant short term increase in raw power to deal with significant threats. Not without a core overhaul, and it's rather difficult to increase core output without increasing it's size."
"That makes his limits more or less well defined," Hayate nodded. "That makes his threat predictable, but at the same time..." she looked up, smiling. "A reliable and consistant platform."
"Yes," Roland nodded. "And Reliability is something mage forces can find rather difficult to maintain, seeing as our puny organic bodies constantly change."
"I remember when I was shooting down Jail's drones while Quatro was masking them with high level illusions," Hayate thought alloud. "I didn't have a problem taking them down, by the hundreds at some points, but the constant effort to stay on top of the numbers was taking its toll. Having some kind of assistance that would never get tired of dealing with them would have been a strong card to play, even more so later on."
Then Hayate looked up.
"But Jail in particular was learning from every move either of us made, and he proved it with his next offensive. What about Versatility."
Roland paged through the onscreen report.
"EDI is equipped with a basic combat package based off the most popular Mid-Childa combat mechanisms. He's got basic 'guns', so to speak, a pair of low power magical gatlings really. And he's equipped with two deployable combat systems that simplisticly duplicate the buster shot, and the multi sphere homing bullet system. However, he's got a rotary rack with eight slots for installation of mission specific elements. So there's six slots that can be used to hold anything from specialized sensor elements, to exotic or mission specific arms."
"What kind of arms?" Hayate asked. Roland's eyes darted to the screen.
"Anything."
"Anything?"
"Well," Roland sighed. "Anything that FITS. The rotary rack is designed to accept a wide range of both standard and non-standard equipment on it's locking clamps. So long as EDI knows the hookup and operational mechanisms of the installed equipment, if you can make the clamps hold it, EDI could use it."
"Does that include mass based weaponry?"
Roland did a double take, but understood the genuine concern underlying the rather loaded question.
"Yes, strap a bomb in that slot and EDI would be no different from a supersonic fighter bomber," the General nodded. "We did a test of that with the rack system. The rack can hold up to four thousand lbs of ordinance and still function effectively. Magical equipment generally doesn't get that heavy, so you can fill every slot. Real bombs though, the MADCAP could potentially carry two to four JDAMs."
"That brings me to another question," Hayate stated. Roland had a pretty good idea where this was going. "Why is it, out of all the TSAB, this facility has the authorization to for all intents and purposes, to play with banned mass weaponry, in what amounts to their own backyard?"
"Guts, Determination, and lots of WAAAGH!" Roland responded, looking off to the side.
"I'm serious!" Hayate crossed her arms.
"Okay," Roland shook his head. "I'll be fair about it. The short version is that I convinced the brass that the most effective use for the confiscated material destined for destruction at this facility was best put to use in a constructive manner. That the TSAB should not fall behind in the ways of mass weaponry, or risk falling victim to a situation in which they would be utterly unprepared to account for them in a large scale picture."
"Mid-Childa almost got destroyed by war one-hundred and fifty years ago," Hayate countered. "I don't see you convincing anyone, especially Regius who supervised you, that it would be a 'good idea' to let the weapons that nearly annihilated them become toys to some guy on a remote island... No offense of course."
"None taken," Roland nodded as if to say. 'Fair Enough.'
"But that's the abridged version, I never said it was easy. I had to pull facts, I had to pull experience, I had to pull favors and make trust calls. I had to compile a-three-hundred-page-report documenting what I wanted to do, why I wanted to do it, and the costs and benifits to the TSAB at large on almost every level. I had to do PAPERWORK."
Somehow, Hayate could see that as being a kind walk through Hell Itself for Roland.
"Not only that, but I had to provide a feasable scenario in which the TSAB's magical superiority could go from an advantage to a Liability. And as hard as that sounded, somehow, I got lucky."
Roland stood up, walked over to his bookshelf, and pulled one carefully placed binder from its spot. Opening it up, he pulled out six sheets of paper, obviously a summary of the details in the stacks of papers kept in the binder's rings, and handed them to Hayate.
The girl scanned them for several minutes. The General watched as her face went from scrutiny, to the apex of utter disbelief over the course of seven minutes and thirty seconds.
"This... THIS," Hayate began at last, her mouth partially open in a shocked gape as she tried to find the words to fit what she was thinking.
"Is utter, and complete, bullshit of the highest magnitude possible, yet still completely TRUE." Roland smirked. "I took the United States' overview of the Soviet Union during the height of the Cold War, and constructed a scenerio where in the Soviets got access to the most base of magical support just by capturing one Bureau mage, and snowballed the worst case scenario in details too well written to be made up. I played upon every strength the Soviets had at the time. Numbers, industry, ruthlessness. Yet in classic journalism style, I neglected to mention their abismal maintanance, failing economy, and poor morale amongst the people."
"And they BELIEVED this?" Hayate looked at the General shocked.
"Believed it?" Roland shook his head. "I could litterally identify the very moment Gais hit the number of thermonuclear warheads in the Russian stockpile. The guy went white as a sheet before asking me if that number was real."
"What did you tell him."
"The truth," Roland crossed his arms. "I cut the number in half in the report."
Hayate turned as white as Roland had remembered Regius.
"Not only that, but once Gias realized just how easily even a basic transport magic could put a nuke on an unprepared cruiser, or even in HQ itself, he started asking for countermeasure options to the transport magic and/or the actual weapon. I didn't have permission to do anything, but he wanted countermeasues, for the navy. Regius HATED the navy. I think it scared the guy shitless for a week."
"But the Soviet Union fell nearly twenty years ago," Hayate countered after a few seconds. Roland leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.
"You know that, I know that..." then he leaned forward and smirked. "They don't know that. Not to harp on the wonder that is the TSAB and what it's trying to do for mankind, but I'm a soldier, and those armchair commanders who run things are at best, rookies playing at politics when they've never actually been in a full scale war."
"But, Mid-chil-" Hayate began.
"Mid-childa nearly MADed itself to death a hundred and fifty years ago... and it scared them so much they threw their weapons down and shoved anything war-like away from themselves as hard as they could trying to forget. Trouble is, they've actually succeded to some extent, and it's DANGEROUS."
"And having weapons so easy a child could use them isn't?" Hayate asked.
"And a nine-year old with a built beam cannon isn't?" Roland counteracted. Hayate knew exactly who that stab was aimed at.
"I know it's flawed logic to say it," he continued before she could object. "But fluke or not, Nanoha was a child capable of demolishing buildings should she had wished it, and nothing short of full military action would have stopped her otherwise. With magic weapons, yes, no person is simply going to pick up a weapon and destroy worlds, but where do you draw the line at what is acceptable? A child abused by her biological mother sent around to be the violent but unwitting errend runner for a mad scheme that could potentially shatter realities? Or maybe the girl who accidently discovers an ancient artifact that runs out of control and nearly destroys a city as a side effect?"
Hayate went deathly quiet, glaring silently with every fiber of her being, suppressing that hostile feeling of having her own personal history used as ammo in an argument. Roland laced his fingers under his chin and learned on it, suddenly looking far older than he previously had.
"Happy endings these tails," he nodded solemnly. "Happy endings thanks, not to some bureaucratic bullshit about how Weapon X is Greater than five hundred weapon Ys and should be smushed the moment its seen, but because someone put their ass on the line to get the job done, for better, or for worse."
He paused, allowing Hayate time to respond, she remained cold silent, but the look in her eyes softened.
"All I know is this," he stated. "It doesn't matter if it's mass based, or magic based, easy or hard, young or old, weapon or no. If it's dangerous, it will kill. One in a hundred, or one in a thousand. It's simply a matter of when, and where... all it takes is One. One failure to adhere to safety policy, one madman with a scheme to play, one dissenter who thinks he's more important than everyone else.... and BAM. You kill one, you kill a hundred, you kill a hundred million. What are acceptable losses? Would you rather have to guess because policy makers decided it's too dangerous for the stuff you have to deal with to even exist? Or would you rather know exactly what that stuff can do, so you can know half the battle before it even starts, and defeat the enemy so quickly and thoroughly that it's not even worth calling a fight?"
Roland looked up, seeming to regain his composure.
"I'm not going to force you to change your mind, but I will ask you to think for yourself, just as I stated when you showed up. You are from the same planet I am. You know for a fact that while the very thing the TSAB fears can unleash horror... Just because it can, doesn't mean it has to. Even if it's a kid pushing a button... it still takes a kid to push the button. I would rather the people know the button could destroy the world, so someone knows to keep the child away from it. The alternative is a DeeDee... 'Oooo what does THIS button do?' and such."
Hayate looked down for a while as roland continued to stare, absentmindedly noting he had fallen into a meloncholy looking version of the Gendo Position. After about two minutes of complete silence, Hayate looked up again, seemingly almost sad.
"If only it were that easy to convince people..." she began.
"There would be no wars," the General looked solemly over his hands. "And the universe would be a far happier place for everyone." And then his uncharacteristicly soft gaze stiffended into the steel he had once before. "Until then... I have work to do."
And with a quick and purposeful motion, rose from his desk, sliding around the side somehow managing not to disturb the paperwork, and opened the door.
"Lt. Col Yagami, if you would please follow me..."
Crash felt like shooting himself. Ever since lunch, he'd had to play tour guide yet again for the Aces and their team. Only now he had no 'attractions' to distract them, and it felt like he was currently under a microscope. Nanoha and fate were talking quietly between themselves, chittering from time to time at some random comment, usually after pointing at him. Crash had also noticed, every few seconds, Nanoha would take a quick glance at him with a strange look in her eyes. For most guys, a pretty girl who can't stop looking at you would probably be the thing they practically begged for. But somehow, Crash knew this wasn't the case... He had a sixth sense for trouble. Being a walking murphy's law tends to do that to you.
Signum knew the look. It was the same kind of look instructors gave new recruits who showed massive promise. Said new recruits usually got the star treatment. And in combat training... that meant hell itself for the rookie. She watched him twitch involuntarily after spotting one of Nanoha's glances. He may not know what the look really meant, but his instincts knew. As far as Crash knew, Nanoha was a bloodthirsty predator eying a particularly top cut of meat. Not too far from the truth given how intensive Nanoha's training could get. Signum of course, saw the raw potential Crash had exhibited as well, and that made things even worse. She couldn't in good strategic sense, NOT back a reccomendation. And if Nanoha has her way (which she usually does, Signum learned that the hard way), Crash would be doing combat training with the forwards at RF6 in no more than two weeks. The poor guy probably doesn't even realize his doom.
And then there was Vita. Ever since lunch, Crash gave Vita an extra few feet of space. Obviously her reputation was out, and Crash was staying what he considered to be, 'outside of hammer range'. Signum knew Vita tended to be hot headed, but she also knew Vita wasn't as explosive as she let on. However between her reputation, caustic manner, and blunt threats of physical violence (reinforced with brash displays of Graf Eisen...), well... she couldn't really blame Crash for wanting to avoid the experience. After all, the kidnapping incident wasn't false, so there was SOME truth to the tails... plus Vita seemed to be so 'proud' of that one, Signum KNEW it was the first one divulged.
Then there was Fox. The girl was having a rather animated conversation with Vita... Getting along alot better than their first encounter. They were both smartaleks with big mouths, but Signum could only notice the complimentary way they managed to mesh. Vita was blunt, and had plenty of brute force to back it, but Fox had the wit and that holier than though temperment of superiority. Put them together and you have the beatdown of a lifetime, and then an equally sad gloating session.
The horror.
But then again, Fox was somewhat detatched from Vita, having only just met. Fox and Crash on the other hand. A very nice complementation. Fox had the attitude but was learning, and Crash had a reverse of the personality, but the raw grit, nack for combat (whether he liked it or not), and restraint.
It was almost like Fox was... No, not a girlfriend... She didn't quite fit the bill for surrogate little sister either. It was more like... like. Like a sidekick. They'd poke at each other with verbal jabs, but Crash was clearly the leader in terms of personality, and not just rank.
After lunch, the General had yanked Hayate off to his office to review the data with her, leaving Crash to play the job of tour guide again... but without any place to tour, they'd simply spent about twenty or thirty minutes 'hanging out' for lack of a better term, in the Day Room. The Day Room itself was little more than a miniaturized, and under enthusiastic recreation center. A big screen Television ocupied one wall, with a few couches and chairs centered on it. Some vending machines that dispensed drinks (Including a machine with lightning and magic circle artwork labeled POWERTHIRST. Rein was eying it constantly.) were stashed in a far corner. A couple of spare tables and some board games occupied the back of the room.
The remote was off limits to Crash for obvious reasons, so they were stuck watching some saga about a hyperactive blond girl, and her partner who seemed to die every other scene. Luckly, for Signum's own sanity, the stay was reletively short and the... unique entertainment of the blond girl's dialogue kept to one episode only.
Instead, Crash had opted to follow Fox to the test hanger, which required a few security checks before they were admitted to the section. Vita of course, wondered aloud if there was any place on this island that DIDN'T require a security screening. Fox supplied the answer quickly, and effectively.
"No."
Vita was moving towards responding about needing Security Clearance to use a bathroom when Hayate and Roland came up the corridor ahead of them. Upon seeing the entire group conveniently reassembled, he smirked.
"Enjoying your stay in Paradise?" he asked.
The girls shrugged. Roland took that as a yes and continued without hesitation.
"Well, I'm glad you're all here. It saves me the trouble of paging you over the PA system."
He motioned them over to a door leading into the hanger itself.
"We've reviewed the fight data, and I'm happy to say it's quite good. Plus I got the registration with the main database, and Fate over there officially holds the highest unsupported mage air speed record of all time."
There was a small round of applause from the group before the General intterupted them and turned to Fox.
"I think you're wanted inside," he stated. "Don said he has something for you to take a look at, so you might as well go in."
Fox nodded and opened the door, passing through before the General turned back, allowing it to shut on its springs.
"Now, before the rest of you head in there, I must say what you see is considered classified. We have EDI in there, but we also ha-"
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nobody knew exactly when or how Crash had transformed. But no sooner did it register that the voice on the other end of the screem was Fox's, did a heavy armored boot from the Olympian armor plow into the door, hitting with enough force to tear the hinges from the frame. The entire mess spun inwards violently before clanging into the ground somewhere in the room. Crash was right behind it, bringing the multiform rifle out and up to power before the battered door had struck the floor. In the darker expanse of the hanger, he was already cycling to nightvision and thermal imaging on his HUD before he finally took stock of the situation.
Despite the flashy entrance, Fox stood, mouth agape, staring at something in front of her. Lowering the rifle, Crash looked at it too, and fell dumbstruck. The MADCAP was one thing, but the amount of detail he was looking at... Crash felt like his every waking moment was taking a further turn for the odd. First the feeling of living a movie... now a Video Game. But there was no mistaking the mass of Triangular metal shapes in front of him.
"You're kidding me right?" he asked. "That... that's..." He knew the name, but seemed to have trouble forming the words in his own shock.
"It's an Arwing," Shamal supplied from behind him... The group had spilled in on his heals when he smashed the door in, so they were clustered around him. When she said that, all of them, including the General, looked at her as one.
"What?" she asked. "I like a game occaisionaly too you know."
"Well, is it real?" Vita asked. Fox still seemed to be stuck staring at it.
"OF COURSE it's real," Don suddenly announced, coming around one of the landing struts. "It took me a month to build."
"WHY do we have one built?" Crash asked, starting to twitch under his armor.
"Birthday gift," Roland supplied from the back of the group. Again, as one, everyone turned. He eyed them all briefly and then crossed his arms and looked at them all smugly.
"Fox's birthday was two weeks ago," he stated. "Don knew how much she liked flying the jets, and thought about building her one of her own to fly. A little flashy, but I thought it was okay. However, Cooper suggested the type of craft as a bit of a refference to her callsign and so he decided to build it as a full on starfighter. I suggested that to keep it a secret, we built it in here with the MADCAP so we could surprise her. So... well. SURPRISE."
Fox continued to gape, her head turning slowely to look at the General and then back to the aircraft, and then it began to register.
"You mean I get to fly this thing?" she asked.
Don crossed his arms and nodded. There was a brief pause as her shocked face turned into that of purest glee.
"OhmygodthankyouthisissoawesomeIcan'tbelieveI'mgoin gtoflyanArwingYouguysarethebest!!!Thankyouthankyou rthankyouthankyouthankyousomuch!!!"
"Battery..." Crash began.
[PRIMED]
"I think we need a slow motion instant replay... Because I didn't catch any of that."
Roland laughed as Nanoha walked up to the silver and blue starfighter and ran her hand along the metal.
"How well do you think it will perform compared to its game counterpart?" she asked. Don wandered away from the fighter, noticing the remains of the door, but responded as he did so.
"Well, it's got pretty much the Mid-Childa equivilant to every system it should have based on the game. It's rolling performance can't be replicated... and that deflection roll just won't work... but it'll accellerate like a rocket compared to every other vehicle on this base, including the MADCAP, and it's actually pretty good as far as it's atmospheric aerodynamics go. It's fully pressurized too, so it can go into space and dimensional space like a true starfighter."
While Don shook his head at the wreckage of the door, Crash followed Nanoha over to the Arwing, and raised his own armored hand to mimic what she had done, but stopped short when he realized he couldn't really touch with it, and lowered it again.
"I wonder how well I can make this baby perform with those kind of parameters," he wondered aloud.
"You so much as put a fingerprint on that Arwing," Don suddenly spun around. "And I'll string you up by your toes in only your underwear and beat on your with Phobos and Deimos like one of those Earth culture dolls that spew candy! That fighter is for FOX, and you will NOT! TOUCH IT!"
"Noted," Crash took a step backwards. A moment later, he remembered he was still in his armor, and powered down.
"So can I give it a test run?" Fox asked. Like any kid getting a new toy, they wanted to start playing with it as soon as they knew it was there.
"Actually, not until Saturday," Roland stated with a solemn tone. "We have to run you through the startup procedures, control systems, emergency procedures if something goes wrong, a safety brief... Just like any aircraft. It's not just a toy... and we don't have time for all that today."
"Oh."
To a newcomer, it was as if the world had just ended for Fox. Nanoha hid a smile, even a mature child was still a child on some level.
"Consider it an advantage for your situation," a synthetic tone resonated through the hanger. They had forgotten that the MADCAP was in here too. In fact, in the arwing hype, they had completely failed to notice EDI parked directly along side the starfighter. The sleek arrowhead shaped drone was a dark color and blended well with the shadows despite the number of lights illuminating the hanger's work area.
"If you consider the weekday airspace requirements of the fighter wings, associate the burden of the AWACS flights and Abenobashi Air Traffic Control, you would have undue restrictions placed on your actions. On Saturday, you will have complete dominance of the local airspace to push the performance envolope of the Arwing to its fullest, and Air Traffic Control as well as the AWACS flights will have little trouble monitoring you and doing their jobs without hinderance."
Fox paused, then smiled.
"You're right," she stated. "Thanks."
"You are quite welcome," EDI responded.
"Not a bad piece of logical advice there," Crash aplauded. "So you can do other things besides calculate destruction probability."
"As long as my operational assignment is for the test units," EDI began. "I am part part of your squadron. As part of the squadron, it is my responsibility to take care of my wingmates, both in the air and on the ground, to the best of my abilities. As it is said, that is how a team acts."
"Bravo," Crash nodded, clapping. "Bravo and good show."
"Well, as was the good news from the test results," Roland cut in. "EDI ranked rather high on the compassion charts, so I'd say we're all in good hands... er, uh... wings."
-BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!!!!-
Everyone froze on the spot as a hideously loud attention noise blaired over the PA... after a second or so, the familliar voice of Martin.
"Attention, Priority one: General Roland and all visiting Riot Force Six members, report to TICTOCC Immediately. Level three situation, I say again, level three situation. General Roland, Riot Force Six, report to TICTOCC immediately. Martin out."
When everyone turned to leave, Roland was half way to the door at a quick trot.
"Sitrep!" Roland barked the moment he came through the doors to the Test Operations Command Center. The MSM showed the global map of Mid-childa, but a new overlay with a pulsating red orb was highlighting a spot on one of the southern continents.
"New tasking orders for RF6 came in from HQ," Martin responded, even as the girls and Crash filed in quickly behind the General. "Level three situation, designated an investigative situation for the Lost Property Riot Force Six's jurisdiction."
"Brief us then," the General ordered.
"Yessir," Martin nodded. "Twenty minutes ago, HQ suddenly experienced a communications blackout with the main magical power plant just outside the city of Selene. At the fifteen minute mark, when no communications came in from local forces investigating the situation, HQ turned MIDSAT C on the area. Sensor equipment encountered something unusual. An area over ten kilometers across is being covered by a blanket effect Anti-magi-link field."
There was an audible murmur from the aces at that point.
"As such, this was considered a potential after-shock of sorts from the JS incident a few months ago. With that assumption made, RF6's ace unit is being dispatched," and he rolled his eyes. "Since they are closer than other special operations units at this time."
"Pft! CLOSER?!" Crash suddenly scoffed aloud. "HQ needs to get some concept of distance in normal space then rethink that assessment! You know what they say about people and assuming."
"Quite," Martin stated. "However these orders are authenticated. Ground Command is quite serious."
"When they care enough to send the very best," Crash rolled his eyes. Roland put his hand on his chin has he skimmed the tasking orders again, his brow furrowing as he did so.
"What City was that again?" Nanoha asked. Martin pointed up at the MSM, the red dot blinking ominously.
"Selene."
Nanoha's jaw nearly hit the floor. Something Fate admitted she never had really seen.
"SELENE?!" she asked incredulously. "That's on the other side of the planet. Even at our best speed, it'll take over twelve hours to get there by helicopter, and that's the best we can do short of a transfer!"
"Without a ship in orbit, that kind of Transfer's too tiring," Shamal frowned. "They can't expect us to get there quickly and be ready for a fight."
As if he'd only just heard Nanoha's last comment, Roland looked up.
"Other side of the planet?" he asked, as if it was somehow not a concern. Everyone looked at him. "I can get you there fast."
Nanoha looked to him in surprise, but quickly hid it with scrutiny. "Like, HOW fast?"
Even Crash, at the back of the room, crossed his arms and waited for the answer. The General seemed to have something up his sleeve. It was that smug 'I know something you don't know!' voice.
"How does thirty minutes sound?" Roland asked. Fate's head snapped around, and they all looked at the General like he was crazy.
"And how do you plan to do that?" the blond asked, clearly not believing it.
"I have my ways," Roland stated, now so fully smug it was disurbing. He then hardened his gaze and turned to his second.
"Hey Martin!"
"Sir?"
"Ready the Deep Sky for takeoff," he ordered. "We're going for a ride."
Nanoha and Fate blinked.
"Yes SIR!" Martin responded with enthusiasm. In the back of the room, Signum looked at Hayate.
"Deep..." she began.
"SKY?" Hayate finished.
As they shared a look, Crash's head snapped up, and he slapped his fist in his palm. Of COURSE!
4AyAQRkOYw4
Comartemis
2008-07-04, 15:18
I have absolutely no idea how I'm getting a wireless connection on an undeveloped lot in the middle of Leelanau County, Michigan but I'm sure as fuck not complaining about it.
Gotta make this a real quick post, so I'll have to reply to the Negi/Nano fusion opinions later.
Comartemis
2008-07-04, 18:57
....
I want these guys dead.
Painfully.
And bloody.
I won't settle for anything less.
They shall burn in the fires of Unlimited Blade Works. Cinque will make certain of that; either that or she'll skin them alive, one layer of skin at a time.
Yes, Cinque + Imaging Mastery is a long-range plan of mine intended for post-StrikerS; hers is a story of redemption similar to Noland's, based on the idea that the cyborgs were constructed with a modified version of Project FATE, and therefore Cinque has repressed memories of the mage she was created from, who happens to have been a master of Tracing sorcery. As she struggles to reclaim her identity and come to grips with who and what she has become, she latches on to her young charges, Syn and Vivio, who may yet become her only chance at making peace with herself. Be afraid, evildoers. Be very afraid. Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!
Well, this looks like it will be interesting. I am looking forward to Devious!Hayate influenced by Eva. :D
And please tell me you'll do something with Chao. Seeing her leave was the biggest tearjerking moment of the manga so far. I mean, I can understand why, but still... Chaaaoooo :upset::upset::upset:
Worry not Kero, I have plans for Chao after Arisa, Suzuka, and Negi take a page out of Nanoha's book and Befriend her with extreme prejudice. Most likely she'll get pwned so hard between the three of them that she'll completely lose consciousness and awaken sometime after the World Tree has gone dormant for the next two decades.
One thing though, Arisa as Baka Red? Does not compute! XD Arisa has top grades, and is prefectly bilangual too (so she'd be the perfect person to get along with Negi, as she can talk to him in his home language ;)).
Yeah, I forgot about Arisa's grades until after I thought about this some more. Guess cram school has its benefits, eh?
But you know what this means? Between Suzuka and Arisa boosting the class's average and Asuna not being around to bring it down, the entire Library Island arc can be completely averted.
krisslanza
2008-07-04, 19:30
Nice :D
The previous Syn was good, but this one is quite promising :D:D
Looking forward to seeing her in action :3
...also...right eye red and the left blue? :uhoh:
Just like Wyen in his awakened form...
*warps away*
Heterochromnia ftw :D
TheShinySword
2008-07-04, 20:00
Heterochromnia ftw :D
Heterochromia automatically makes any character cooler :p
krisslanza
2008-07-04, 20:00
Heterochromia automatically makes any character cooler :p
So does that make Rune and Aegina automatically cool? :heh:
TheShinySword
2008-07-04, 20:06
So does that make Rune and Aegina automatically cool? :heh:
Cooler ( course 0 x cool is still 0 :uhoh:) :P
krisslanza
2008-07-04, 21:11
Cooler ( course 0 x cool is still 0 :uhoh:) :P
I felt like that saying if they have no cool in the first place even with heterochromania they're still uncool... :sad:
I really SHOULD finish Rune's profile at least but with all The World Ends With You playing I'm doing lately that may be... A bad idea... :heh:
ghazghkull
2008-07-05, 03:08
Off topic question:
俺を誰脱兎思ってやがる
Is that the correct characters for the Gurren Lagann motto? :3
*sigh* And there goes my intention of writhing shorter chapters...
It again turned out longer than planned...
Ah well... anyway. Chapter 5 of my main story is ready!
And as promised... a bigger titel so it won't be overseen. :heh:
Memories of Blood and Sorrow
Part 5: Ghost Hunt
[Midchilda central, TSAB GAS HQ, canteen] [May, MC 076]
The clanking sound made Elric look up as a tablet was put down on the table he was sitting at. While the owner of the tablet sat down opposite Elric’s own seat, Elric scanned the content of the tablet.
Cutlery, a glass of juice, a small salad and some kind of pudding, the main dish was composed of meat and other ingredients in some orange/brown sauce and rice.
“Curry…” Elric confirmed and looked up to Rinya, the tablets owner.
“You don’t like curry?” Rinya asked while putting a spoonful of curry into her mouth.
“I don’t dislike it. I was just thinking aloud.”
“Hm.” Rinya made before swallowing down and pointing her spoon at Elric’s tablet. “And you are the type of mage who’s always eating noodles right? And lot’s of them too.”
“Can’t help it, I need the Mana.” Elric said while spiking some rigatoni on his fork.
They ate a little while in silence until Rinya spoke again. “So we have to board the Auriga at 1430?”
It has been a week now since Rinya was discharged from hospital. And even though she didn’t live in Central like Elric did, she very often came to the canteen to have lunch with him.
Elric had no problems anymore to talk to her, but they never talked much about private things. They still were just good colleagues and not friends.
“Yes.” Elric answered while still chewing and continued after he swallowed. “I still got some stuff to pack.”
Rinya nodded. “Yeah, me two. I must admit it is my first time on a cruiser.”
Elric didn’t look up as he was eating. “Don’t worry; the cabins are a little smaller as your normal dorm room but you normally don’t feel any different from being on planet.”
“Well, I don’t really expect to become dimensional sick or something like that.”
“And even if, there is pretty good medication should that happen.” Elric joked and put his fork on the empty plate.
“That was fast!” Rinya commented as she saw that Elric had finished his much bigger portion.
Elric smiled slightly as he grabbed his tablet and stood up. “Well… I see you later Shuri-san.”
“Sure thing, Thorn-san.” Rinya said goodbye, returning the smile.
She didn’t watch Elric leave the canteen, but hurried to eat the rest of her curry instead, as she also had to finish packing.
It was then that she heard the voices behind her.
“You saw that? The Freak just went out.”
“What Freak?”
“Yeah I saw it. That was the Blood Mage right?” a third voice.
“Yup, the Mage of Carnage himself. Damn psycho killer! I wonder why they didn’t put him against the wall!”
“But didn’t the chief librarian of the infinity library proved his innocence?” The second voice objected. “Wasn’t he mind controlled or something?”
“Fuck the chief librarian! I don’t think one of his[/] buddies was killed in action! Mind control my ass!” the first voice answered angry.
“I agree. They should just lock him away or give him suicide missions. Better than letting him run around freely, right?” the third voice again.
“Calm down guys, it’s not like we can do something about it.” The second voice.
“Well I know what I could do…” first voice started but fell silent after that.
Rinya stared at the plate in front of her.
It was not the first time she heard something like that and it was not like she couldn’t comprehend the feelings of the people sitting behind her. She also lost friends and comrades and that’s why... Her gaze fell on the clock at the wall. "Ah damn! I don’t have time for this!"
She wasn’t hungry anymore anyway.
==========
[I][Midchilda Southfort, 5th Airport]
Elric felt out of place as he looked around. Flocks of blue uniformed navy personnel surrounded him, making him a little uneasy in his brown uniform.
They all belonged to the crew of the Auriga, a TSAB patrol cruiser he and Rinya would board. He didn’t know how the crew felt for suddenly having two non navies on board, but he was used to be an outsider so he didn’t really care. And as no one giving him strange looks, he guessed it was alright. Come to think of it, navy was the only branch he had not really a bad reputation.
Someone touched his shoulder so he turned around. He knew both newcomers well, so he was touched a little that they would see him off.
“Inspector Acous, Lieutenant Colonel Yagami.” He saluted them.
Hayate returned the salute and Verossa even reached him his hand. Elric shook it.
“How are you feeling?” Hayate ask.
“Not bad, Ma’am. It’s been a while since I was off planet, so I’m a little excided.” He answered honestly.
Hayate smiled. “I know what you mean; I will board the Claudia in an hour. And even it is like a second home I still feeling a little excited about it.”
“That’s because traveling is always fun!” The miniature version of a person suddenly landed on Hayate’s shoulder.
Elric blinked in surprise. “I didn’t know you were here, Sergeant Major.”
Sergeant Major Reinforce Zwei looked at him with her big blue eyes, slightly confused. “Well, Hayate is going on a mission, so I am with her. Is that strange?”
Reinforce Zwei was Hayate Yagami’s personal Unison Device, so it was only natural that she followed her around. How strange; Elric really met Hayate more often without Reinforce. But she was right of course.
Elric bowed a little to the small figure. “You are right Sergeant Major, forgive me my thoughtlessness.”
Reinforce’s look expression shifted a little towards panic as she was surprised by the sudden formal apology. She even waved her hands about. “No you didn’t Elric-san, don’t worry! You never offended me!”
Elric straitened up and smiled. “That makes me I feel relieved.”
Reinforce rewarded him with a brilliant smile which made Hayate and Verossa chuckle.
They all knew that Elric didn’t made fun of Reinforce even if it may looked like it. Everything he said to her was meant honest, as he was someone who had to learn the hard way that a Device is more than just a tool. Sadly it was out of the same reason that Elric kept some distance even towards Reinforce.
“Oi, Hayate!” a voice rang through the hall, causing more than just one person to turn around and stare at the redheaded girl that was waving with her hand. “We’re going to be late!”
Well, girl was not the right word, as Elric knew that this ‘girl’ was a lot older than him. Vita of the Wolkenritter ignored the stares and kept waving. Signum was standing behind her, the arms crossed and the eyes closed. Her serious looks was somewhat foiled by Agito, her Unison Device, who was sitting cross-legged on her head. Besides Signum was Shamal, visibly embarrassed of the attention Vita was causing. Guardian beast Zafira on the contrary, who was sitting in his beast form at Shamal’s feet, looked glad that he was not the one who was stared at.
“Mou, Vita-chan!” Hayate mumbled and even Elric was unable not to grin at the situation. She turned back to Verossa and Elric. “I’m sorry, but it seems I have to go now. Inspector Acous, Operative Thorn.” She saluted them. “Let’s go, Rein.”
“Yes!” the Device answered cheerfully, waved the two men goodbye and followed the Mistress of the Night Sky.
“She likes you…” Verossa stated after Hayate disappeared.
“Sir?” Elric looked at him curious from the corner of his eye, not sure if he was teased again.
“A girl without family, whose life was heavily influenced by a Lost Logia artifact. I and Hayate both know that your life was a lot rougher then hers, but she is seeing that you two share many similarities in your background. This is why she is taking a liking in you.”
Elric relaxed a little, so that was the “like” he was talking about.
Verossa smiled as he continued: “She even mentioned that she wants to introduce you to Carim.”
“Carim, Sir?” Elric was unable to recall which ‘Carim’ Verossa meant, maybe another investigator.
“You will see.” Verossa answered smiling, but then he faced Elric with a serious expression. “I know you’re a nice person Elric Thorn, and Hayate is like a sister to me, so I am asking you directly: Would you become friends with her?”
Elric managed pretty well to hide his surprise. After a second of silence he asked in a neutral tone: “Is that an order, Sir?”
Verossa looked like he had bitten into some very sour fruit, but only for a moment. Then he chuckled. “I see you’re practicing your humor.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Elric replied in his neutral tone again, but this time with a small smile. “But I can’t answer your question. I don’t dislike Lieutenant Colonel Yagami, you could even say that I grew to respect her a lot, but I don’t know if that is enough to become friends.”
“I see.” Verossa nodded.
Both men stood there a little while in silence which was interrupted by Verossa again as he looked down the hall. “It seems you partner has finally arrived.”
Elric followed his gaze to see Rinya arrive. In her blue uniform she didn’t stuck out in the crowd of navy personnel. The brunette woman she was talking to was attracting much more attention in her white instructor uniform. For one moment the painful memory of a pink light flashed into Elrics mind.
After Rinya said goodbye to Nanoha Takamachi, who then headed to the same direction Hayate and the Wolkenritter went, probably to see them off, she noticed Elric and Verossa and headed their why, pulling a small trolley behind her.
“Good day. Inspector Acous, Hello Thorn-san!” she greeted them.
“Good day, Lieutenant.” Verossa said smiling.
“You know Instructor Takamachi?” Elric asked bluntly.
Rinya smiled. “She was one of my instructors back in flight training but I only had her in Air Tactics and Squadron Combat. I was mostly instructed by someone else. Why are you asking? Do you know her?”
“Slightly.” Elric said nothing more.
And as if there was some kind of signal, the conversations between the fleet personnel silenced.
The cause was the arrival of a blond, young man, his bright blue eyes surveying the hall.
“It looks like the captain is here.” Verossa said and started to head in his direction, while the crew of the Auriga started to muster. Elric and Rinya didn’t quit know where to go, so they stood in attention a little aside.
After the Captain exchanged a few words with Verossa he turned and addressed his crew.
“Gentlemen, it is an honor to see you again after this two weeks of shore leave.” He smiled. “You all know that normally, I would not address you this formal before our departure, but this time we have special circumstances.”
His one hand painted at Verossa. “Inspector Verossa Acous, from the TSAB Intelligence Department, proposed a joint operation between this ship and two handpicked combatants of other TSAB branches, I ensured him our full cooperation for operation ‘Ghost Hunt’.” He now pointed at Elric and Rinya. “This is Special Combat Operative Elric Thorn and 2nd Lieutenant Rinya Shuri A’Kalash, both from the temporary formed ‘Mantis Stalker Investigation Unit’, they will accompany us on our patrol, which allows them to react faster to the emergencies that will require their full attention. There will be no changes in our patrol mission besides this. I thank you for attention, Gentlemen. Dismissed.”
Every single person in the hall returned his salute precisely before they started to leave to the teleport field from which they would teleported to the Auriga which was waiting in orbit, some in groups some alone. Acous again exchanged some final words with the captain.
“He is younger than I expected.” Rinya suddenly said.
“Admiral Jorin Fafnir.” Elric started to explain. “He graduated training school together with Admiral Chrono Harlaown and worked as an Enfocer until he was promoted two years ago. Since then he commanded the Auriga on its missions. He was promoted thanks to hard work, so I think we will have no problems working together with him.”
Rinya gave Elric an amazed look. “I didn’t know you where this good informed.”
“He is my supervisor for this operation, so I thought it may be a good idea to know about him.”
“Supervisor?” Rinya asked.
“I will tell you another time about this.” Erlic shouldered his rucksack.”We should go on board too.”
Rinya nodded smiling. “Of course you are right. Shall we?”
Elric nodded only as answer and followed her towards the teleport field.
Puuh... next chapter is already in the works... :)Lingo said what I would've said, so I'll just say it's also simply yet nicely done. Not everyone needs to be cheesy to succeed. :D
Off topic question:
俺を誰脱兎思ってやがる
Is that the correct characters for the Gurren Lagann motto? :3Probably so. Not a moonspeaker though. :p
EDIT:
I wonder what's the big deal about heterochroma. It looks awesome on screen, but did you know that it is a symptom of several rare untreatable conditions, and even if benign is an indication of congenital damage of the eye?
So think twice before painting this rare trait on your OC without attributing it to a magical side-effect. You might be giving him/her a deadly disease.
This Character Health message was brought to you by the Khrack Khlinic. :cool:
PhoenixG
2008-07-05, 08:20
Off topic question:
俺を誰脱兎���や�る
Is that the correct characters for the Gurren Lagann motto? :3
I think you mean this
俺を誰か思ってやる
krisslanza
2008-07-05, 08:56
EDIT:
I wonder what's the big deal about heterochroma. It looks awesome on screen, but did you know that it is a symptom of several rare untreatable conditions, and even if benign is an indication of congenital damage of the eye?
So think twice before painting this rare trait on your OC without attributing it to a magical side-effect. You might be giving him/her a deadly disease.
This Character Health message was brought to you by the Khrack Khlinic. :cool:
...
Reaaallllly now? :uhoh:
Well I guess that only matters to Rune... Aegina's isn't natural :heh: No.47 is a genetic experiment so its also just a cosmetic thing... Rune's is the natural one :eyespin:
But I didn't know that :uhoh:
...
But can we also trust a doctor from a place named after KHRACK? :p
FlameSparkZ
2008-07-05, 10:52
Heterochromnia ftw :D
:D
Heterochromia automatically makes any character cooler :p
Quite true :D:D
So does that make Rune and Aegina automatically cool? :heh:
Cooler ( course 0 x cool is still 0 :uhoh:) :P
It multiplies the cool factor? :twitch:
I felt like that saying if they have no cool in the first place even with heterochromania they're still uncool... :sad:
I really SHOULD finish Rune's profile at least but with all The World Ends With You playing I'm doing lately that may be... A bad idea... :heh:
Say what? :eyebrow:
EDIT:
I wonder what's the big deal about heterochroma. It looks awesome on screen, but did you know that it is a symptom of several rare untreatable conditions, and even if benign is an indication of congenital damage of the eye?
So think twice before painting this rare trait on your OC without attributing it to a magical side-effect. You might be giving him/her a deadly disease.
This Character Health message was brought to you by the Khrack Khlinic. :cool:
Err...let's not bring such things into fiction...
But yeah, it's better if it's rare and special, rather than "Oh, so it's just the color of the eyes that is different? Nothing special? Nothing at all?!"
:heh:
...
Reaaallllly now? :uhoh:
Well I guess that only matters to Rune... Aegina's isn't natural :heh: No.47 is a genetic experiment so its also just a cosmetic thing... Rune's is the natural one :eyespin:
But I didn't know that :uhoh:
...
But can we also trust a doctor from a place named after KHRACK? :p
Ain't that true.... :heh::heh::heh:
Just a random thought actually. That last line is to show I wasn't serious. :D
ghazghkull
2008-07-05, 12:10
*snipped due to odd results if I include quote*
First of all, it's nothing but weird garbled text on this end.
Second of all, I told you last night. I found it already :P
俺をだれだと思ってやがる？！
PhoenixG
2008-07-05, 12:22
>.<
I had a weird encoding on...
俺を誰か思ってやる
*sigh* And there goes my intention of writhing shorter chapters...
It again turned out longer than planned...
Ah well... anyway. Chapter 5 of my main story is ready!
And as promised... a bigger titel so it won't be overseen. :heh:
Memories of Blood and Sorrow
Part 5: Ghost Hunt
snip
Puuh... next chapter is already in the works... :)
Elric's bad rep catches up with him here while the hunt is starting soon. I like this chapter, explains quite a few things both between the characters and certain in-verse stuff like mana consumption being the most obvious. :p
Okay, the happy go lucky trials of our crazed test pilots... full chapter...
Comes out to 76 kb of text for this chapter, longer than I had anticipated.... but hey.
MGLN Test Dummies Chapter Five
Funny I thought it would be CRASH Dummies instead. :p
Insightful chapter explaining quite alot of stuff. The explanations were well-done through the characters viewpoints and Roland's conversation with Hayate was great. Have to say it's good consistent work done here. :)
======
Question 1
Asking for a in-fic detail on firearms usage in admin worlds. What kind of weaponry can be expected to be used by say armed security agencies in charge of providing body-guard service?
Magic handguns are definitely in but I have no idea whats the limit beyond that.
Question 2
Again another in-fic detail, as much out of interest. So we know Vivio's an Artificial Mage created from the SK's genetic data. Is she a clone of that person, ie meaning the current Vivio looks about the same as her long-dead base or is her current appearance simply that of hers alone while only having the genetic traits of
her successor?
And to clarify one last point, would Vivio have inherited any memories of her base as well? Unlikely as it seems any involvement of Project F was included, the dvd booklets does mention !Teen Vivio's jacket was based off her memory of someone she knew, implying that she has memories not belonging to her current lifetime.
TheShinySword
2008-07-06, 01:21
======
Question 1
Asking for a in-fic detail on firearms usage in admin worlds. What kind of weaponry can be expected to be used by say armed security agencies in charge of providing body-guard service?
Magic handguns are definitely in but I have no idea whats the limit beyond that.
All I seem to remember on the subject is that nonmagical weapons are illegal (at least I believe they are if memory serves:uhoh:)
Question 2
Again another in-fic detail, as much out of interest. So we know Vivio's an Artificial Mage created from the SK's genetic data. Is she a clone of that person, ie meaning the current Vivio looks about the same as her long-dead base or is her current appearance simply that of hers alone while only having the genetic traits of
her successor?
And to clarify one last point, would Vivio have inherited any memories of her base as well? Unlikely as it seems any involvement of Project F was included, the dvd booklets does mention !Teen Vivio's jacket was based off her memory of someone she knew, implying that she has memories not belonging to her current lifetime.
I'm curious too :heh:
Wild Goose
2008-07-06, 01:59
All I seem to remember on the subject is that nonmagical weapons are illegal (at least I believe they are if memory serves:uhoh:)
Conventional weapons by today's standards are illegal, which is to say projectile weapons, missiles, and such.
"But then what about Vita's Sw-"
There is a Loophole for Belkan weapons. First off Belkan weapons are melee weapons. Secondly all physical weapons we see in Nanoverse are used by mages or knights. So long as it uses magic the TSAB lets it slide. If you have a gun that fires solid rounds via magic, the TSAB would let it slide due to it being a magical weapon.
Question 1
Asking for a in-fic detail on firearms usage in admin worlds. What kind of weaponry can be expected to be used by say armed security agencies in charge of providing body-guard service?
Magic handguns are definitely in but I have no idea whats the limit beyond that.I get a very cheesy image of non-descript big guys in black shades and suits running beside a dignitary carrying star-tipped wands in their holsters. :p:p:p
On a serious note, I would say magic handguns, daggers, swords, basically any device optimized for short range combat should do. A bodyguard's, especially when under fire, first priority is safety of the package, so I see low-power, fast reaction devices that you can whip out and fire in an instant being used along with short-lived but durable barriers in order to protect the person until they are scooted off in an shielded car. Any spells cast, though it would be good if they do, isn't meant to kill but make the target duck and so buy you time to run. Leave the fighting to the men with the big staves. :D
Also, their barrier jackets would be tuned for the defensive, as they will also be shielding the package with their bodies, but materialized as something non-offensive. I would imagine a bullet-proof tuxedo would suffice.
Question 2
Again another in-fic detail, as much out of interest. So we know Vivio's an Artificial Mage created from the SK's genetic data. Is she a clone of that person, ie meaning the current Vivio looks about the same as her long-dead base or is her current appearance simply that of hers alone while only having the genetic traits of
her successor?
And to clarify one last point, would Vivio have inherited any memories of her base as well? Unlikely as it seems any involvement of Project F was included, the dvd booklets does mention !Teen Vivio's jacket was based off her memory of someone she knew, implying that she has memories not belonging to her current lifetime.Vivio was created using Project F, and Erio did mention that Vivio had some memories of her past self, however, it is evident that its all rather blurry to the little girl. I'd hazard a guess that given certain visual clues, for example a Cleric-Knight dressed in ceremonial armor kneeling before her, Vivio would act out those memories on impulse, maybe even speak the words that her original would've spoken, but will have no idea what she just did.
AFAIK, Vivio was cloned from the genetic material acquired from the Sacred Parchment sitting in Monarch Church. Just a sidenote, this already is a small reference to a Christian artefact. :D
As for the barrier jacket, the remarkable similarities to Nanoha's jacket kinda makes it look like Vivio was remembering Nanoha more than something from her original's.
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-06, 02:10
Funny I thought it would be CRASH Dummies instead. :p
Insightful chapter explaining quite alot of stuff. The explanations were well-done through the characters viewpoints and Roland's conversation with Hayate was great. Have to say it's good consistent work done here. :)
*SIGH of RELIEF*
Oh GOOD... I thought the explaining was becoming overkill, but I didn't want to make the scenes very 'curt' in their flow.
I'm glad the Roland vs Hayate conversation comes out nicely. I felt it was important for the story that the characters are intelligent enough to understand the same things we notice. What originally was supposed to go in that spot was that 2000 or 6000 word essay on the mass weapons... but the readers don't want some boring technical essay to trod through. (And I don't want to write a boring essay on the topic to tell you the truth.)
Instead, I thought it was more entertaining to give it some witty conversation and then have a near-argument develope. (The moment I fell in love with the way I did it was when roland responded with the completion of Hayate's shock with "Is utter, and complete, bullshit of the highest magnitude possible")
But now that the 'slow' chapter here is out of the way, I can roll on into the first encounter with S21 and begin the plot.
Did you happen to notice the subtle hint I dropped near the begining of the Cafeteria scene about the plot? To help you out, Logan's got it on a list.
I get a very cheesy image of non-descript big guys in black shades and suits running beside a dignitary carrying star-tipped wands in their holsters. :p:p:p
On a serious note, I would say magic handguns, daggers, swords, basically any device optimized for short range combat should do. A bodyguard's, especially when under fire, first priority is safety of the package, so I see low-power, fast reaction devices that you can whip out and fire in an instant being used along with short-lived but durable barriers in order to protect the person until they are scooted off in an shielded car. Any spells cast, though it would be good if they do, isn't meant to kill but make the target duck and so buy you time to run. Leave the fighting to the men with the big staves. :D
Also, their barrier jackets would be tuned for the defensive, as they will also be shielding the package with their bodies, but materialized as something non-offensive. I would imagine a bullet-proof tuxedo would suffice.
Well-noted. Plenty to go over now since I forgot about what they would have for BJs and their typical gear. :heh:
Though what about bigger guns, and other equipment? Are rifle and SMGs devices possible? Kinda hard to put up a good fight scene if all the bodyguards have are handguns. :p
Vivio was created using Project F, and Erio did mention that Vivio had some memories of her past self, however, it is evident that its all rather blurry to the little girl. I'd hazard a guess that given certain visual clues, for example a Cleric-Knight dressed in ceremonial armor kneeling before her, Vivio would act out those memories on impulse, maybe even speak the words that her original would've spoken, but will have no idea what she just did.
AFAIK, Vivio was cloned from the genetic material acquired from the Sacred Parchment sitting in Monarch Church. Just a sidenote, this already is a small reference to a Christian artefact. :D
As for the barrier jacket, the remarkable similarities to Nanoha's jacket kinda makes it look like Vivio was remembering Nanoha more than something from her original's.
Oops forgot about Erio's tidbit. And visual clues. :hmm:
And a point I forgot to ask earlier. I know Kha and Keroko are working off the base Vivio is a clone of the SK, ie what Fate is to Alicia. Any one taking the opposite opinion otherwise?
*SIGH of RELIEF*
Oh GOOD... I thought the explaining was becoming overkill, but I didn't want to make the scenes very 'curt' in their flow.
I'm glad the Roland vs Hayate conversation comes out nicely. I felt it was important for the story that the characters are intelligent enough to understand the same things we notice. What originally was supposed to go in that spot was that 2000 or 6000 word essay on the mass weapons... but the readers don't want some boring technical essay to trod through. (And I don't want to write a boring essay on the topic to tell you the truth.)
Instead, I thought it was more entertaining to give it some witty conversation and then have a near-argument develope. (The moment I fell in love with the way I did it was when roland responded with the completion of Hayate's shock with "Is utter, and complete, bullshit of the highest magnitude possible")
But now that the 'slow' chapter here is out of the way, I can roll on into the first encounter with S21 and begin the plot.
Well there was enough to understand and not more to bore.Cooper's talk to Fate was easy to digest. Roland bringing in a hard argument with the Aces as example against Hayate did make for a good scene.
And as expected, their explanations were an outlet to let those things be known to the reader without being overbearing. :p
Did you happen to notice the subtle hint I dropped near the begining of the Cafeteria scene about the plot? To help you out, Logan's got it on a list.
Not quite. :heh: Though doing the math, Don's going to very mad later when S21 visits the base later on :D
Question 2
Again another in-fic detail, as much out of interest. So we know Vivio's an Artificial Mage created from the SK's genetic data. Is she a clone of that person, ie meaning the current Vivio looks about the same as her long-dead base or is her current appearance simply that of hers alone while only having the genetic traits of
her successor?
And to clarify one last point, would Vivio have inherited any memories of her base as well? Unlikely as it seems any involvement of Project F was included, the dvd booklets does mention !Teen Vivio's jacket was based off her memory of someone she knew, implying that she has memories not belonging to her current lifetime.
In episode 25, Vivio revealed that she knows she is 'just a copy' of a long dead person. This suggests that both her appearance is the same as the last Saint King (and we lack any evidence to assume otherwise) and that she has memories of that life, which is supported by Erio, and is also supported by the fact that she knows her own name. However, how much of her old memories she has is unknown. It's probable that she remembers things by flashes, like Fate who didn't remember everything either.
Her Barrier Jacker was the cause of the 'OMG that means Keroko is a clone of a long dead sister of Vivio' crack. :p Anyway, its resemblance to Nanoha's jacket makes it more likely to be a memory of Nanoha rather then someone we have never seen.
Question 1
Asking for a in-fic detail on firearms usage in admin worlds. What kind of weaponry can be expected to be used by say armed security agencies in charge of providing body-guard service?
Magic handguns are definitely in but I have no idea whats the limit beyond that.
I think about the same limits the TSAB has, the only restriction being security guards don't get access to devices that can boost performance to leveling buildings. :p I'd also think that Belkan (either Ancient or Neo) would be incredibly hard to find, as they are mostly either old relics or a fairly recent militairy development.
That is more cliche than Sue actually. Besides, on the flip side there'd be little to differentiate Keroko from Nanoha, and Nanoha's status as the rare "Powerful Ace with living relatives/non-emo past" would've been reduced.
You're right, and now I have Syn to fill the 'no emo-past' niche anyway.
There, there... *pats Keroko*
And she didn't leave. Time travellers will learn that, despite all their calculations and precautions, the mere act of travelling into the past will affect the future. Her intervention, however unsuccessful, has altered the Grand Plan in ways she can never imagine.
Be it Rebuilt, Kerokanon and I dare say even canon, she's...
*glances at "Wang Liu Meng", who's trying to look inconspicuous*
...still with us, I'm sure. :uhoh:
I know she will be back some time in the manga. She left saying 'Zaijian' after all.
It's just that I want that moment to be five chapters ago rather then some time. T_T
Nicely put together profile :D And as usual, nothing to complain about. A touch of Archer in some of the spells as well as a hint of summoning proficiency as well. Very cool:cool:
Yeah, I was working on German names for several off the spells (which is quite hard, as sometimes English names don't sound anywhere near as cool in German), and consulting several sources for possible Mythological names a'la Hraesvelgr. Somewhere along the line though I went 'screw it' and stopped terrorizing my half-asleep head and simply ripped some names of Archer's and Gilgamesh's list that filled the descriptions I already had.
*sigh* And there goes my intention of writhing shorter chapters...
It again turned out longer than planned...
Ah well... anyway. Chapter 5 of my main story is ready!
And as promised... a bigger titel so it won't be overseen. :heh:
Memories of Blood and Sorrow
Part 5: Ghost Hunt
[Midchilda central, TSAB GAS HQ, canteen] [May, MC 076]
-snip-
Puuh... next chapter is already in the works... :)
Looks like someone isn't very liked... I hope he gets some nice support soon.
Nice :D
The previous Syn was good, but this one is quite promising :D:D
Looking forward to seeing her in action :3
...also...right eye red and the left blue? :uhoh:
Just like Wyen in his awakened form...
*warps away*
Syn always had the heterochromia, its just that she covered it up with the eyepatch before.
And who is Wyen? It doesn't ring any bells...
Okay, the happy go lucky trials of our crazed test pilots... full chapter...
Comes out to 76 kb of text for this chapter, longer than I had anticipated.... but hey.
MGLN Test Dummies Chapter Five
Excellent work. Now see how the points that suffered hours of debate are far more logical when put into actuall fic form? It now makes perfect sense why and how these guys manage to sneak around the TSAB's 'no mass-based weaponry' concept.
Well done, and really amusing to read. :D
They shall burn in the fires of Unlimited Blade Works. Cinque will make certain of that; either that or she'll skin them alive, one layer of skin at a time.
Yes, Cinque + Imaging Mastery is a long-range plan of mine intended for post-StrikerS; hers is a story of redemption similar to Noland's, based on the idea that the cyborgs were constructed with a modified version of Project FATE, and therefore Cinque has repressed memories of the mage she was created from, who happens to have been a master of Tracing sorcery. As she struggles to reclaim her identity and come to grips with who and what she has become, she latches on to her young charges, Syn and Vivio, who may yet become her only chance at making peace with herself. Be afraid, evildoers. Be very afraid. Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!
Now this I would like to see. :D
Worry not Kero, I have plans for Chao after Arisa, Suzuka, and Negi take a page out of Nanoha's book and Befriend her with extreme prejudice. Most likely she'll get pwned so hard between the three of them that she'll completely lose consciousness and awaken sometime after the World Tree has gone dormant for the next two decades.
Good. :3
Yeah, I forgot about Arisa's grades until after I thought about this some more. Guess cram school has its benefits, eh?
But you know what this means? Between Suzuka and Arisa boosting the class's average and Asuna not being around to bring it down, the entire Library Island arc can be completely averted.
I cheer at that. While amusing, that Arc was completely pointless.
I wonder what's the big deal about heterochroma. It looks awesome on screen, but did you know that it is a symptom of several rare untreatable conditions, and even if benign is an indication of congenital damage of the eye?
So think twice before painting this rare trait on your OC without attributing it to a magical side-effect. You might be giving him/her a deadly disease.
This Character Health message was brought to you by the Khrack Khlinic. :cool:
Huh. That's interesting to know. Yet one more item of realism to ignore when creating characters. :p
Conventional weapons by today's standards are illegal, which is to say projectile weapons, missiles, and such.
"But then what about Vita's Sw-"
There is a Loophole for Belkan weapons. First off Belkan weapons are melee weapons. Secondly all physical weapons we see in Nanoverse are used by mages or knights. So long as it uses magic the TSAB lets it slide. If you have a gun that fires solid rounds via magic, the TSAB would let it slide due to it being a magical weapon.
That, and we know that those weapons don't function like normal weaponry. After all, how can we forget the sword that failed to cleave? (http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Issenfailure.png)
Though in all honesty this particular slash is till shrouded in lack of knowledge. <_<
We all know why heterochromia is so trendy in anime. Anime designers all have wet dreams about Jane Seymour! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Seymour_(actress))
Doctor Quinn <3
Estavali
2008-07-06, 06:51
Just curious, but if I write something in a font that I have but everyone else doesn't, would it still show correctly (aka the way it appears on my screen) on the forums? Because I might be using the Quenya font for Al Hazredian.
Or maybe I can just experiment a bit here...
Are you reading this in English fonts, or Elvish?
It's in English.
I made a minor edit to Syn's profile by ripping out the shy part. It just didn't fit with the rest of her.
That, and writing Syn as the leading one between her and Vivio is just so much more fun.
Aaron008R
2008-07-06, 07:14
@Esta: English. =/
@Keroko: And Keroko, that means Syn is now a mostly toughie-tough girl with the family/friends that wants her to be cute...? XD
Instead of tsundere, which is tough-to-soft with lots of denial, Syn is the straightforward type with lotsa spunk and shows her soft side thru violencetough love?:3
And yeah, nice avy/sig combo.:D Vivio's just lovely there.:D:D:D
@Kha: Same to you, cool Kha avy/sig pair.:3
Though I guess that breaks up our Ace trio prima facie status, eh?:((:p)
Well, I guess I might as well change my set as well.:D (Of course, just like with several other matters, I tend to take things differently from Keroko and Kha, in this situation still having Hayate in my sig/avy.XD)
(But then again, the only chance of me ever changing my sig/avy <not both> is when I could get an Almaria sig or avy...>.>)
Estavali
2008-07-06, 07:26
Ah well, I'll just add the Quenya font to the post when necessary and make everyone install it anyway =3.
@Keroko: And Keroko, that means Syn is now a mostly toughie-tough girl with the family/friends that wants her to be cute...? XD
Instead of tsundere, which is tough-to-soft with lots of denial, Syn is the straightforward type with lotsa spunk and shows her soft side thru violencetough love?:3
Pretty much, she can get embarrased in some situations, like the mentoined intent of family/friends to make her 'cute' but there's no denial, and certainly no embarrasment at close contact. ;)
And yeah, nice avy/sig combo.:D Vivio's just lovely there.:D:D:D
Thank you.
Though I guess that breaks up our Ace trio prima facie status, eh?:((:p)
Was bound to happen sometime.
Well, I guess I might as well change my set as well.:D (Of course, just like with several other matters, I tend to take things differently from Keroko and Kha, in this situation still having Hayate in my sig/avy.XD)
I merely switched to my currently number 1 favourite character. :p (seriously, the more I dive into Vivio and her background, the more I like her. I hope the other booklets I posted in General get translated soon :3)
And a very nice set, by the way. :D
FlameSparkZ
2008-07-06, 08:39
Syn always had the heterochromia, its just that she covered it up with the eyepatch before.
Yeah, I know.
And who is Wyen? It doesn't ring any bells...
Of course it doesn't, he's fanon but an original character in an original story of mine :D:D:D
I made a minor edit to Syn's profile by ripping out the shy part. It just didn't fit with the rest of her.
That, and writing Syn is the leading one between her and Vivio is just so much more fun.
:D
Well-noted. Plenty to go over now since I forgot about what they would have for BJs and their typical gear. :heh:
Though what about bigger guns, and other equipment? Are rifle and SMGs devices possible? Kinda hard to put up a good fight scene if all the bodyguards have are handguns. :pI'm not too sure. My basic close protection training didn't include SMGs, just a P226 handgun. But if you want cinematic volume of fire, try an Uzi. It's a handgun that's an SMG. :p
You're right, and now I have Syn to fill the 'no emo-past' niche anyway.To be honest, I find Rebuilt Syn kinda on the cute side. Like... psycho moe-ish with more moe than psycho. :uhoh:
I know she will be back some time in the manga. She left saying 'Zaijian' after all.
It's just that I want that moment to be five chapters ago rather then some time. T_TYeah me too. So I did what I would normally do to a character that disappeared in one anime that I really wanted to live on. :uhoh:
On another note, my experience working with Keroko as well in the OC Thread, and my disdain for the anime takes of Negima, have combined to create a character insertion fic which includes:
a red-headed girl who has a deep interest in Chao named Keroko;
a pup-- I mean wolf cub, named Kouya that's more than meets the eye;
...as character choices...
Khrack, overloading. :eyespin:
Huh. That's interesting to know. Yet one more item of realism to ignore when creating characters. :pWell... Yeah... :uhoh:
As for me, I always had heterochromatics as having 2 unmixed souls (2 non-red colors) or half a soul (color + red). Vivio therefore only has half a soul. Where's the other half? When I last checked, Sak-chan is heterochromatic as well, but colors reversed. :D
That, and we know that those weapons don't function like normal weaponry. After all, how can we forget the sword that failed to cleave? (http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Issenfailure.png)
Though in all honesty this particular slash is till shrouded in lack of knowledge. <_<>_>
@Keroko: And Keroko, that means Syn is now a mostly toughie-tough girl with the family/friends that wants her to be cute...? XD
Instead of tsundere, which is tough-to-soft with lots of denial, Syn is the straightforward type with lotsa spunk and shows her soft side thru violencetough love?:3
And yeah, nice avy/sig combo.:D Vivio's just lovely there.:D:D:DI find it disturbing that I'm starting to like Syn more because of this description... >_> / <_<
@Kha: Same to you, cool Kha avy/sig pair.:3
Though I guess that breaks up our Ace trio prima facie status, eh?:((:p)Thx! Couldn't have done it without Fate, Mercurianangel, Kyral and Kai the Reaper. :heh:
Keroko changed, and subsequently I went for this. :p
No, actually...
Well, I guess I might as well change my set as well.:D (Of course, just like with several other matters, I tend to take things differently from Keroko and Kha, in this situation still having Hayate in my sig/avy.XD)
(But then again, the only chance of me ever changing my sig/avy <not both> is when I could get an Almaria sig or avy...>.>)...all we need is Keroko to recolor Vivio into Keroko (Yes I know we'll then have ecchi Keroko pics, a first for an OC :uhoh:), I stick with mine, and you get your Almaria, and Almaria + Aurion siggy, and we have the Trio once again, with OCs! :D
And nice set to ya too! :nod:
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 10:19
Ecchi OCs? I already have one of Rune so it won't be a first :heh:
I meant full color ecchi pics of an OC. :eyespin:
And since she has such a big fan base, she deserves to have at least some, even doujins of them! :D...
...:uhoh:
*RUUUUUUUUUUNZ*
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 10:28
I meant full color ecchi pics of an OC. :eyespin:
And since she has such a big fan base, she deserves to have at least some, even doujins of them! :D...
...:uhoh:
*RUUUUUUUUUUNZ*
Oh :heh: Should've been more specific... :uhoh:
Keroko doujins!? WHAT MADNESS ARE YOU SUGGESTING! :frustrated:
Oh :heh: Should've been more specific... :uhoh:
Keroko doujins!? WHAT MADNESS ARE YOU SUGGESTING! :frustrated:Epic photoshocking that induces OVER 9000 liters of blood loss. :nod:
*RUNZ FASTER*
I think you might need a bigger title :p
There were a few typos that i spotted, but other than that the chpater flowed well. The paragraph with the Knights was good. It was in character for them.
Will be looking forward to the next chapter! And like with PF, I'm happy to read over things if you want me to :D
kk bigger titel... *makes note*
Well I already wrote in your profile. Would be glad if you could check the next one ^-^
Okay, the happy go lucky trials of our crazed test pilots... full chapter...
Comes out to 76 kb of text for this chapter, longer than I had anticipated.... but hey.
MGLN Test Dummies Chapter Five
EDIT: -WARNING-
Huge amount of Text Ahead
*snip*
Hm... I think I see what Liingo means with "bigger titel" :heh:
Ah yes... fun with engineers... :D
That was... long! xD
DO A BARRELROLL!!
Lingo said what I would've said, so I'll just say it's also simply yet nicely done. Not everyone needs to be cheesy to succeed. :D
Thank you!
But please define cheesy! xD
Elric's bad rep catches up with him here while the hunt is starting soon. I like this chapter, explains quite a few things both between the characters and certain in-verse stuff like mana consumption being the most obvious. :p
All thanks to the people who postet here about a mage's diet! :heh:
I try put in such stuff if I can. :heh:
Looks like someone isn't very liked... I hope he gets some nice support soon.
Well... he understands very well why some people hate him. But more to this in future flashbacks. :D
Keroko doujins!? WHAT MADNESS ARE YOU SUGGESTING! :frustrated:
Oooh! Me like!
*gets shot*
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 10:48
Epic photoshocking that induces OVER 9000 liters of blood loss. :nod:
*RUNZ FASTER*
But you know if we start it Keroko will suddenly invoke that one rule and you'll begin seeing futa!Keroko doujins and tentacles... :uhoh:
Of course it doesn't, he's fanon but an original character in an original story of mine :D:D:D
Ahhh, yes that explains why I hadn't heard of him. :heh:
I'm not too sure. My basic close protection training didn't include SMGs, just a P226 handgun. But if you want cinematic volume of fire, try an Uzi. It's a handgun that's an SMG. :p
My take on it is simple: We've already had magic handguns and magic snipers, I don't see why magic variants of other weapons aren't possible.
To be honest, I find Rebuilt Syn kinda on the cute side. Like... psycho moe-ish with more moe than psycho. :uhoh:
And that's.... bad?
Yeah me too. So I did what I would normally do to a character that disappeared in one anime that I really wanted to live on. :uhoh:
On another note, my experience working with Keroko as well in the OC Thread, and my disdain for the anime takes of Negima, have combined to create a character insertion fic which includes Keroko and Kouya as character choices...
Khrack, overloading. :eyespin:
The new OAV looks to be promising though. They certainly are sticking close to the original artstyle, so that's a bonus.
Well... Yeah... :uhoh:
As for me, I always had heterochromatics as having 2 unmixed souls (2 non-red colors) or half a soul (color + red). Vivio therefore only has half a soul. Where's the other half? When I last checked, Sak-chan is heterochromatic as well, but colors reversed. :D
I always thought of them as having mixed souls (one with red eyes, one with green) that share the same body.
I find it disturbing that I'm starting to like Syn more because of this description... >_> / <_<
Why disturbing? I like it.
...all we need is Keroko to recolor Vivio into Keroko (Yes I know we'll then have ecchi Keroko pics, a first for an OC :uhoh:), I stick with mine, and you get your Almaria, and Almaria + Aurion siggy, and we have the Trio once again, with OCs! :D
I'm keeping these two for a while though, gotta show people that Vivio is more then just a NanoFate moe-blob after all.
I meant full color ecchi pics of an OC. :eyespin:
And since she has such a big fan base, she deserves to have at least some, even doujins of them! :D...
...:uhoh:
*RUUUUUUUUUUNZ*
If you insist.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.png
Epic photoshocking that induces OVER 9000 liters of blood loss. :nod:
*RUNZ FASTER*
I'm going to need source material first though.
But you know if we start it Keroko will suddenly invoke that one rule and you'll begin seeing futa!Keroko doujins and tentacles... :uhoh:
'that rule?'
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 10:54
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.png
:bow:
And was the yakyuken comment because I said Vivio is bad at it when I saw it? :heh:
...
*Brain begins to click*
Rune, Vivio, and Keroko yakyuken or strip poker match? CRACK SENSES SAY - *Shot*
'that rule?'
That one rule. The uh... Rule... 47? Or... Something. I forget it :uhoh:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.png
Ah yes... it's about time a shop showed up! *saves*
:nod:
:bow:
And was the yakyuken comment because I said Vivio is bad at it when I saw it? :heh:
...
*Brain begins to click*
Rune, Vivio, and Keroko yakyuken or strip poker match? CRACK SENSES SAY - *Shot*
Keroko's reflexes are her main defence, the chances of beating her in yakyuken are very low.
But she's also very impulsive, and not exactly a shining star at hiding her emotions, so beating her at poker is like taking a walk in the part.
That one rule. The uh... Rule... 47? Or... Something. I forget it :uhoh:
You mean Rule 34?
"If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 11:05
Keroko's reflexes are her main defence, the chances of beating her in yakyuken are very low.
But she's also very impulsive, and not exactly a shining star at hiding her emotions, so beating her at poker is like taking a walk in the part.
Ah I see :heh:
Hmmm... Sounds like fun crack :nod: But I'll probably never get to it... :sad:
Yakyuken ftw!
*Runs*
You mean Rule 34?
"If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
Yeah that one :heh:
Thank you!
But please define cheesy! xDLong. Very very long. And with extended narration. PF does it nicely though. :D
My take on it is simple: We've already had magic handguns and magic snipers, I don't see why magic variants of other weapons aren't possible.It's not about whether is it possible, its about whether is it practical. I think the device needs to be small to be hidden from view, and yet fast enough to be pulled out and used in an instant. This is why rifles and bigger weapons aren't carried while escorting dignitaries in a safe location. Something about avoiding 'show of force'... Can't remember. :eyespin:
Doing an escort in a warzone, or very hostile territory, now that's different. Carry all the guns and armor you like. :D
And that's.... bad?See below? :uhoh:
The new OAV looks to be promising though. They certainly are sticking close to the original artstyle, so that's a bonus.Hmm... I've been jerked around twice. Gonna take a while before I throw a rose in. >_>
I always thought of them as having mixed souls (one with red eyes, one with green) that share the same body.For me, medicine text tell us red is a lack of pigment rather than red coloring, and the analogy would then be "vacant". But its just my opinion; I've no text on the supernatural. :heh:
Why disturbing? I like it.Disturbing because I have a soft spot for brutal girls...? :uhoh:
If you insist.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.pngIncoming EPIC WIN! RUN FO--
BOOM.
:eyespin:
I'm going to need source material first though.Don't look at me; ask Chaos. :uhoh:
'that rule?'Its exists. :uhoh:
:bow:
And was the yakyuken comment because I said Vivio is bad at it when I saw it? :heh:
...
*Brain begins to click*
Rune, Vivio, and Keroko yakyuken or strip poker match? CRACK SENSES SAY - *Shot**reloads Rail Rifle*
It's not about whether is it possible, its about whether is it practical. I think the device needs to be small to be hidden from view, and yet fast enough to be pulled out and used in an instant. This is why rifles and bigger weapons aren't carried while escorting dignitaries in a safe location. Something about avoiding 'show of force'... Can't remember. :eyespin:
Kha, these are weapons that can be transformed into pendants, bracelets, cards and wristwatches. How much more hidden from view do you want? :eyespin:
Hmm... I've been jerked around twice. Gonna take a while before I throw a rose in. >_>
I was lucky enough people told me to avoid the anime like the plague, and go for the manga instead.
For me, medicine text tell us red is a lack of pigment rather than red coloring, and the analogy would then be "vacant". But its just my opinion; I've no text on the supernatural. :heh:
Haircolor doesn't follow biology in anime, I don't see why eye color should. :p
Disturbing because I have a soft spot for brutal girls...? :uhoh:
*shrug* I still don't see the problem.
Kha, these are weapons that can be transformed into pendants, bracelets, cards and wristwatches. How much more hidden from view do you want? :eyespin:Sorry I was thinking that every sealed device needed a henshin sequence, and forgot that they could do it instantly. :heh:
...and an innocent pendant on a little girl suddenly turning into a massive bladesaw of dakka? Priceless. :D
Haircolor doesn't follow biology in anime, I don't see why eye color should. :pI accept having pigments for everything in anime, but there's no evolutionary purpose for a red compo--
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
BETA-CAROTENE!!! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
*shrug* I still don't see the problem....never mind then. :heh:
TheShinySword
2008-07-06, 11:49
Well... Yeah... :uhoh:
As for me, I always had heterochromatics as having 2 unmixed souls (2 non-red colors) or half a soul (color + red). Vivio therefore only has half a soul. Where's the other half? When I last checked, Sak-chan is heterochromatic as well, but colors reversed. :D
*looks at my dog*
... What the hell is up with my dogs soul then!
*My dog has 1 brown eye and 1 eye that's half brown and half blue*
Is that like... 1 1/2 souls oO
That's why I always keep heterochromatics as people with two colored eyes and nothing more.
I accept having pigments for everything in anime, but there's no evolutionary purpose for a red compo--
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
BETA-CAROTENE!!! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
in other words
Anime: We like our carrots a lot
mamott99
2008-07-06, 12:03
I accept having pigments for everything in anime, but there's no evolutionary purpose for a red compo--
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
BETA-CAROTENE!!! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
...never mind then. :heh:
Remember...
Carrots love you! Yeah!
*shoots Kha for the obvious Macross Frontier reference*
FlameSparkZ
2008-07-06, 13:22
Keroko's reflexes are her main defence, the chances of beating her in yakyuken are very low.
But she's also very impulsive, and not exactly a shining star at hiding her emotions, so beating her at poker is like taking a walk in the part.
:heh::heh::heh:
You mean Rule 34?
"If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
Rules were made to be broken...
Or rather, it should be rephrased to: "If it exists, and is famous, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
:heh:
LimitedEternal
2008-07-06, 13:43
Somebody cast Memory Lapse on me.
Cast Memory Lapse on you? OK.
*casts Memory Lapse on Kha*
WEEK. :3
Actually it had been a week since I posted, due to being busy...but there you go.
:twitch:
What first you guys accused me of being a double agent for 7Arcs, now Blizzard? I'm honored! :p
And this will be the last time you see me. *backstabs LE*
Now see here, Kha-
*backstabb'd*
I heard a loud Squish there. :uhoh:
Welllllll...I have a confession to make...the Shaman in question is only Lv22, so...:uhoh:
That said, I know damn well what a good Enhance Shaman can do to a squishy...
Because it does, like Lyrical Fate. ;)
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. :eyebrow:
...
......
.........
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek:
@______________________________@
ZOMG EPIC BRAINWAVE!!!! @___@
So... that's how it was...:D
Hayate, whom those that read my GenerationS version of her would find out that she had a crush on Chrono during her early pubescent years mainly because of how much he stood up for her in front of Graham's plan... Not to mention completely brushing aside her unneeded guilt with Clyde's death (which she had nothing to do with in the first place)... And then she actually later gave up on him because she was still kinda hooked up on that unnecessary large amount of selflessness schtick when she finds out that Keroko and Chrono had been getting along... Just when she almost manages to get over that minor heartbreak, Kha comes along and then puts on the harem-lead-patented 'Nice to all the girls' charm (as in being nice to Hayate a bit more than usual because of her gloominess) and manages to score a lot of affection points from her. But then Hayate desists yet again in favor of Fate... That second heartbreak kinda gives her a small trauma that she decides to focus fully in her career even more (120%!!!) instead of pursuing romance. But then, there comes this time that her playful flirting with Aurion gets misinterpreted and they get rumored to have a relationship when there is actually nothing of the sort happening...:twitch::twitch::twitch: :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
This is...@_@
(In a good way...:p)
*is bashed with the Tome on the head by a blushing Hayate*
X_x
I had a witty response to this as I typed...but...:eyespin:
:nod:
:nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
:nod::nod::nod::nod::nod::nod:
My head is spinning...@_@
Don't worry he's well-practiced. :D
Subete wo keikakudoori... :)
...Why do I have this mental image of Light with Kha's face, dangling a half-dozen marionette strings...?
Sorry, was referring to Kha and his Ecclesiarch and Inquisition, which is pulled from 40k and pretty much a mockery of Christianity. You got hit in the crossfire. My bad.
Considering the entire 40K verse is more or less a satire of human civilization, I don't exactly see the issue here.
Well, it was late and I was tired, so I figured I'd just get her core spell-list running. Most of the times a lot of spells listed don't get used anyway, or see maybe one or two uses.
Heh, it's no problem, you're just talking to someone who spends days making sure stuff he makes for public consumption is completely finished before releasing it...
...which, now I think of it, is why I never finish anything. -_-
Well, the AAA rank is to make her and Vivio about equal in strength (as my mind fails to compute Vivio at anything less then AAA rank at that age) but as it stands, she won't rise much higher then AAA+, though that is of course subject to change.
and yes, her Barrier Jacket is cute. Much to Syn's mortification. :p She can't even get rid of the wings, as the two designed them to help stabilize her flight magic. :p:p
Similar age, similar rank...where have I seen this before...? ;)
I kinda feel sorry for her, though...I predict that Jacket is going to be the source of much joking at Syn's expense. :3
"Today, we celebrate, our Independence Day!" ~ ID4
This goes out to our US friends out there. :D
Hell yeah!!!
So Arisa is Artei's "Most qualified, capable person" he's ever met?
*RUNS FASTER*
:confused: Catch me up?
...
BTW Lowe, your sig is worth jotting down. :D
I have absolutely no idea how I'm getting a wireless connection on an undeveloped lot in the middle of Leelanau County, Michigan but I'm sure as fuck not complaining about it.
Gotta make this a real quick post, so I'll have to reply to the Negi/Nano fusion opinions later.
*Imagines Comar sitting under a cardboard box in the middle of an abadoned construction zone, looking utterly bewildered*
:uhoh:
*runs*
Heterochromia automatically makes any character cooler :p
:nod:
Off topic question:
俺を誰脱兎思ってやがる
Is that the correct characters for the Gurren Lagann motto? :3
俺は誰だと思ってやる!!!!!!!!!
EDIT:
I wonder what's the big deal about heterochroma. It looks awesome on screen, but did you know that it is a symptom of several rare untreatable conditions, and even if benign is an indication of congenital damage of the eye?
So think twice before painting this rare trait on your OC without attributing it to a magical side-effect. You might be giving him/her a deadly disease.
This Character Health message was brought to you by the Khrack Khlinic. :cool:
Seriously???
I know you're studying medicine (Kha the Doctor? Scary thought...:uhoh:) so you'd probably know, but I've never heard anything like that before...*makes a note to think of legitimate reasons for heterochromia*
Besides, this isn't real life, we can owe it to whatever we want. :p
...
Reaaallllly now? :uhoh:
Well I guess that only matters to Rune... Aegina's isn't natural :heh: No.47 is a genetic experiment so its also just a cosmetic thing... Rune's is the natural one :eyespin:
But I didn't know that :uhoh:
...
But can we also trust a doctor from a place named after KHRACK? :p
They should call you whiners Doctor KHRACK!
Just a random thought actually. That last line is to show I wasn't serious. :D
...
*cracks (not khracks) his knuckles*
Space...Time.....Burst...Spinning...PUUUUUUUUUUNCH !!!
*watches Kha fly into space and break it apart*
Conventional weapons by today's standards are illegal, which is to say projectile weapons, missiles, and such.
"But then what about Vita's Sw-"
There is a Loophole for Belkan weapons. First off Belkan weapons are melee weapons. Secondly all physical weapons we see in Nanoverse are used by mages or knights. So long as it uses magic the TSAB lets it slide. If you have a gun that fires solid rounds via magic, the TSAB would let it slide due to it being a magical weapon.
:nod:
I get a very cheesy image of non-descript big guys in black shades and suits running beside a dignitary carrying star-tipped wands in their holsters. :p:p:p
On a serious note, I would say magic handguns, daggers, swords, basically any device optimized for short range combat should do. A bodyguard's, especially when under fire, first priority is safety of the package, so I see low-power, fast reaction devices that you can whip out and fire in an instant being used along with short-lived but durable barriers in order to protect the person until they are scooted off in an shielded car. Any spells cast, though it would be good if they do, isn't meant to kill but make the target duck and so buy you time to run. Leave the fighting to the men with the big staves. :D
Also, their barrier jackets would be tuned for the defensive, as they will also be shielding the package with their bodies, but materialized as something non-offensive. I would imagine a bullet-proof tuxedo would suffice.
I'd say this is a good description for a magic body guard...
...except the bit about star-tipped wands. I think that might be a bit...underwhelming. :heh:
In episode 25, Vivio revealed that she knows she is 'just a copy' of a long dead person. This suggests that both her appearance is the same as the last Saint King (and we lack any evidence to assume otherwise) and that she has memories of that life, which is supported by Erio, and is also supported by the fact that she knows her own name. However, how much of her old memories she has is unknown. It's probable that she remembers things by flashes, like Fate who didn't remember everything either.
Her Barrier Jacker was the cause of the 'OMG that means Keroko is a clone of a long dead sister of Vivio' crack. :p Anyway, its resemblance to Nanoha's jacket makes it more likely to be a memory of Nanoha rather then someone we have never seen.
Hm...once again, my failure to finish the series is coming back to bite me...need more time to watch, dammit.
That, and we know that those weapons don't function like normal weaponry. After all, how can we forget the sword that failed to cleave? (http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Issenfailure.png)
Though in all honesty this particular slash is till shrouded in lack of knowledge. <_<
Somehow "The Sword That Failed to Cleave" just doesn't have the same ring to it...:uhoh: (:heh:)
Just curious, but if I write something in a font that I have but everyone else doesn't, would it still show correctly (aka the way it appears on my screen) on the forums? Because I might be using the Quenya font for Al Hazredian.
Or maybe I can just experiment a bit here...
Are you reading this in English fonts, or Elvish?
Looks English to me...course, given that despite being my first language, English is still utterly wonky...:p
It's in English.
I made a minor edit to Syn's profile by ripping out the shy part. It just didn't fit with the rest of her.
That, and writing Syn as the leading one between her and Vivio is just so much more fun.
So Syn is the one on top-
*shot*
@Keroko: And Keroko, that means Syn is now a mostly toughie-tough girl with the family/friends that wants her to be cute...? XD
Instead of tsundere, which is tough-to-soft with lots of denial, Syn is the straightforward type with lotsa spunk and shows her soft side thru violencetough love?:3
"Keep up or I'll leave you behind...and don't think I won't!"
Do I have the right vibe? :3
And yeah, nice avy/sig combo.:D Vivio's just lovely there.:D:D:D
I actually saw the pic in Keroko's avi on an image board and thought "That has Keroko written all over it..."
Someone beat me to posting it though. Oh well.
Well... Yeah... :uhoh:
As for me, I always had heterochromatics as having 2 unmixed souls (2 non-red colors) or half a soul (color + red). Vivio therefore only has half a soul. Where's the other half? When I last checked, Sak-chan is heterochromatic as well, but colors reversed. :D
Half a soul? Unmixed souls???
That's an...odd take on it...but it might also be something I can base off of for a non-OC pet project. :3
I meant full color ecchi pics of an OC. :eyespin:
And since she has such a big fan base, she deserves to have at least some, even doujins of them! :D...
...:uhoh:
*RUUUUUUUUUUNZ*
...I approve.
*joins Kha in running fast*
Oh :heh: Should've been more specific... :uhoh:
Keroko doujins!? WHAT MADNESS ARE YOU SUGGESTING! :frustrated:
I doubt it'd be the first time a doujin had canon and original characters.
But you know if we start it Keroko will suddenly invoke that one rule and you'll begin seeing futa!Keroko doujins and tentacles... :uhoh:
...Do not want.
...Do want good stuff.
*runs faster*
I always thought of them as having mixed souls (one with red eyes, one with green) that share the same body.
Mixed souls...unmixed souls...half a soul...we sound like some demonic cooking class...:uhoh: (:p)
I'm keeping these two for a while though, gotta show people that Vivio is more then just a NanoFate moe-blob after all.
Naturally...at 5 she's a moe-blob, and at 18-20-ish she'll make jaws drop. :D
If you insist.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.png
:eek:
:bow::bow::bow:
:bow:
And was the yakyuken comment because I said Vivio is bad at it when I saw it? :heh:
...
*Brain begins to click*
Rune, Vivio, and Keroko yakyuken or strip poker match? CRACK SENSES SAY - *Shot*
The Dark Goddess...her mind is generating mass yakyuken crack today...we must begin the harvesting![/insane servant]
Keroko's reflexes are her main defence, the chances of beating her in yakyuken are [I]very low.
But she's also very impulsive, and not exactly a shining star at hiding her emotions, so beating her at poker is like taking a walk in the part.
Hmmm...ideas...:D
*clobbered by Keroko-chan*
You mean Rule 34?
"If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
Thus proving that the human mind is first and foremost in the gutter...
Kha, these are weapons that can be transformed into pendants, bracelets, cards and wristwatches. How much more hidden from view do you want? :eyespin:
You could always dematerialize a weapon and hide it in your skin or something...Contamination Effect, for those of you who get the ref?
Sorry I was thinking that every sealed device needed a henshin sequence, and forgot that they could do it instantly. :heh:
...and an innocent pendant on a little girl suddenly turning into a massive bladesaw of dakka? Priceless. :D
"Big sister, can you help me find my little dolly?"
"Sorry, I'm in a hurry..."
"Then big sister can go home in a cardboard box...*sound of revving chainsaw*
...
*hides*
I accept having pigments for everything in anime, but there's no evolutionary purpose for a red compo--
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
BETA-CAROTENE!!! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
Your evolutionary purpose is nothing before anime's Three Exalted Words:
Rule. Of. Cool.
stormturmoil
2008-07-06, 15:59
Of course, I'm sure we all know the Real reason for Vivio's Heterochromia...
http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/stormturmoil/viviogeass.png
as well as the real reason Fate and Nanoha Are so Attentive to her...
Well, It Is called 'the power of Kings"...
TheShinySword
2008-07-06, 17:49
Of course, I'm sure we all know the Real reason for Vivio's Heterochromia...
http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/stormturmoil/viviogeass.png
as well as the real reason Fate and Nanoha Are so Attentive to her...
Well, It Is called 'the power of Kings"...
Naw It's cause
http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn257/TheShinySword/eyes.jpg
well they share a VA *Runs while someone shouts "Genetics don't work like that!"*
Cast Memory Lapse on you? OK.
*casts Memory Lapse on Kha*Cast as in the past tense... :heh:
...Why do I have this mental image of Light with Kha's face, dangling a half-dozen marionette strings...?:)
:confused: Catch me up?All the lines me and Lowe quoted came straight out of the Iron Man movie, and the Artei = Tony Stark link was first dreamed up by Lowe in the IRC. :uhoh:
Seriously???
I know you're studying medicine (Kha the Doctor? Scary thought...:uhoh:) so you'd probably know, but I've never heard anything like that before...*makes a note to think of legitimate reasons for heterochromia*
Besides, this isn't real life, we can owe it to whatever we want. :pThat's the real truth behind heterochroma. I just read up about how early liver failure can cause heterochroma due to uneven loss of pigment in the eye, and Hunter's Syndrome (sp?) effects in children include heterochroma. So whenever I make one, I always have a magical/fantasy/supernatural reason for it.
They should call you whiners Doctor KHRACK!Noooooooooo~
...
*cracks (not khracks) his knuckles*
Space...Time.....Burst...Spinning...PUUUUUUUUUUNCH !!!
*watches Kha fly into space and break it apart*THERE'S STILL TRUTH IN THE STATEMENT! :eyespin:...
*ding*
I'd say this is a good description for a magic body guard...
...except the bit about star-tipped wands. I think that might be a bit...underwhelming. :heh:But it is funny. :D
Mixed souls...unmixed souls...half a soul...we sound like some demonic cooking class...:uhoh: (:p)Welcome to my workshop. :p
Naw It's cause
http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn257/TheShinySword/eyes.jpg
well they share a VA *Runs while someone shouts "Genetics don't work like that!"*Ah, I love the smell of old Khrack in the morning. :D
Aaron008R
2008-07-06, 20:07
Pretty much, she can get embarrased in some situations, like the mentoined intent of family/friends to make her 'cute' but there's no denial, and certainly no embarrasment at close contact. ;)
:nod:
And as for contact, she's the one who even initiates it first?:p Like a friendly choke-hold, etc?:D:D:D
Thank you.
:nod:
Was bound to happen sometime.
Quite.
I merely switched to my currently number 1 favourite character. :p (seriously, the more I dive into Vivio and her background, the more I like her. I hope the other booklets I posted in General get translated soon :3)
She's actually starting to rise up in my rankings too.:p
I'd have to thank you for delving into her character. She's WAY more interesting than I thought!:D:D:D
Thx! Couldn't have done it without Fate, Mercurianangel, Kyral and Kai the Reaper. :heh:
:nod::D
Keroko changed, and subsequently I went for this. :p
In proper order too.:p
(Nanoha, Fate, Hayate)
...all we need is Keroko to recolor Vivio into Keroko (Yes I know we'll then have ecchi Keroko pics, a first for an OC :uhoh:), I stick with mine, and you get your Almaria, and Almaria + Aurion siggy, and we have the Trio once again, with OCs! :D
If only...:D:D:D
And a very nice set, by the way. :D
And nice set to ya too! :nod:
Thanks a lot!:D:D:D
Ah well, I'll just add the Quenya font to the post when necessary and make everyone install it anyway =3.
:nod:
Much appreciated.:D
I'm keeping these two for a while though, gotta show people that Vivio is more then just a NanoFate moe-blob after all.
:nod::nod::nod:
If you insist.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.png
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
*shakes head*
And just it had to be a large picture, huh? Caught me so off-guard there that my face actually heated up a bit.:p
Anyway, :bow:. XD
Keroko's reflexes are her main defence, the chances of beating her in yakyuken are very low.
But she's also very impulsive, and not exactly a shining star at hiding her emotions, so beating her at poker is like taking a walk in the part.
:nod::D
You mean Rule 34?
"If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
So such a rule exists...>_>
I find it disturbing that I'm starting to like Syn more because of this description... >_> / <_<
Why disturbing? I like it.
Disturbing because I have a soft spot for brutal girls...? :uhoh:
*shrug* I still don't see the problem.
...never mind then. :heh:
Oh, you didn't get the hint, Keroko? Allow us to spell it out.:p
Aaron: This proves that Kha is a...:uhoh:
Hayate: Masochist...:heehee:
Grandis: Masochist...:eyebrow:
Aurion: Masochist...:rolleyes:
:p:p:p:p:p:p
*RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZ*
I had a witty response to this as I typed...but...:eyespin:
My head is spinning...@_@
:D:D:D:D:D:D
:p
Of course, I'm sure we all know the Real reason for Vivio's Heterochromia...
http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/stormturmoil/viviogeass.png
as well as the real reason Fate and Nanoha Are so Attentive to her...
Well, It Is called 'the power of Kings"...
:eek::eek::eek:
:twitch::twitch::twitch:
Err... Makes sense in a way...:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
She's actually starting to rise up in my rankings too.:p
I'd have to thank you for delving into her character. She's WAY more interesting than I thought!:D:D:DSame here. I was so annoyingly put off by her moe-blobism that without Keroko's intervention I wonder if Vivio'd still be Vivio in Rebuilt. :uhoh:
In proper order too.:p
(Nanoha, Fate, Hayate)Oh, yeah. :uhoh:
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
*shakes head*
And just it had to be a large picture, huh? Caught me so off-guard there that my face actually heated up a bit.:p
Anyway, :bow:. XD...
...
...
Remember that scene in StrikerS, where the Aces woke up the next day in various states of undress? How about making it 1 day later, scatter lots of cards all over the bedroom and add Keroko, who happened to have completely lo--
*static*
Khrack, overloading. :eyespin:
Oh, you didn't get the hint, Keroko? Allow us to spell it out.:p
Aaron: This proves that Kha is a...:uhoh:
Hayate: Masochist...:heehee:
Grandis: Masochist...:eyebrow:
Aurion: Masochist...:rolleyes:
:p:p:p:p:p:p
*RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZ*Kha: :eyespin::heh:
Fate: :twitch:
Kha: ...you surprised me before, my turn now...
...:uhoh:
*RUNZ!*
Aaron: This proves that Kha is a...:uhoh:
Hayate: Masochist...:heehee:
Grandis: Masochist...:eyebrow:
Aurion: Masochist...:rolleyes:
Jec: Kha?
Kha: Hmm?
Jec: Are you... A masochist?
Kha: Huh?
Kha: Nah, in the bed I'm a complete sadist. (That's how it has always been)
Jec: That's not what I mean. (I don't want a brat ridiculing me)
...:uhoh:
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-06, 22:27
Jec: Kha?
Kha: Hmm?
Jec: Are you... A masochist?
Kha: Huh?
Kha: Nah, in the bed I'm a complete sadist. (That's how it has always been)
Jec: That's not what I mean. (I don't want a brat ridiculing me)
...:uhoh:
CRASH: That's... too much information personally.
FOX: *Nod*
LoweGear
2008-07-06, 22:32
Jec: Kha?
Kha: Hmm?
Jec: Are you... A masochist?
Kha: Huh?
Kha: Nah, in the bed I'm a complete sadist. (That's how it has always been)
Jec: That's not what I mean. (I don't want a brat ridiculing me)
...:uhoh:
I thought Kha was the subversive side at the bottom...
*RUNS FASTER*
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 22:32
S
...
...
...
Remember that scene in StrikerS, where the Aces woke up the next day in various states of undress? How about making it 1 day later, scatter lots of cards all over the bedroom and add Keroko, who happened to have completely lo--
*static*
Khrack, overloading. :eyespin:
That's MEH job!
...
And I was thinking of Rune, Vivio, and Keroko strip poker crack at work. :nod:
*RUNS*
*:twitch: at resultant Khrack explosion*
So Moral of the Story: Even Kha has another side to him? :uhoh:
Ottocycle
2008-07-06, 22:43
Jec: Kha?
Kha: Hmm?
Jec: Are you... A masochist?
Kha: Huh?
Kha: Nah, in the bed I'm a complete sadist. (That's how it has always been)
Jec: That's not what I mean. (I don't want a brat ridiculing me)
...:uhoh:
Either you have Mikage brainwave or you read Geachu arru2.
:heh:
TheShinySword
2008-07-06, 22:45
*:twitch: at resultant Khrack explosion*
So Moral of the Story: Even Kha has another side to him? :uhoh:
The Moral is EVERYONE is different in bed :3 *shot*
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-06, 22:48
*:twitch: at resultant Khrack explosion*
So Moral of the Story: Even Kha has another side to him? :uhoh:
URD:
hMEsslRcDbk
Code Geachu Arru2 of course. :meh:
Only if Kha's other side is called..Suzaku.
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1685548&postcount=5014
The comment about being a masochist invariably brought this to mind, and since Anya was one of the image base for Jec it fits..somewhat. :heh:
Sadly he's a bit of both, ie Suzaku's personality, half of his h4xx and Lelouch's penchant for masks, and a harem. :uhoh:
I meant full color ecchi pics of an OC. :eyespin:
And since she has such a big fan base, she deserves to have at least some, even doujins of them! :D...
...:uhoh:
*RUUUUUUUUUUNZ*
Oh :heh: Should've been more specific... :uhoh:
Keroko doujins!? WHAT MADNESS ARE YOU SUGGESTING! :frustrated:
Something that Kriss Lanster would create...
*flees and hides*
krisslanza
2008-07-06, 23:43
Something that Kriss Lanster would create...
*flees and hides*
But the OC me doesn't exist in Kerokanon? :uhoh:
TheShinySword
2008-07-06, 23:45
But the OC me doesn't exist in Kerokanon? :uhoh:
:eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin: Canons crossovers mania :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
But the OC me doesn't exist in Kerokanon? :uhoh:
Yes she does... not just in the Official Kerokanon (A) but also in in Kerokanon B...
But Kerokanon B is only a alternative path of Keroko integration.
*seals mouth before saying anything else*
Wild Goose
2008-07-07, 04:09
On the subject of devices and bodyguards:
As Kha has noted, in a civillian situation you won't be seeing much body armor and heavy weapons. This is because bodyguards in civillian areas need to be discreet about the weapons they're carrying, and also because they need weapons which they can bring anywhere and whip out and use quickly. This means pistols. With a pistol, you can pull it out and fire very fast, as opposed to a rifle which is more unwieldy and more difficult to use in close quarters.
Submachineguns, like the Uzi, are also used in dignitary protection. Small SMGs like the Skorpion, or Personal Defence Weapons like the H&K MP7 (which is basically an SMG the size of a large pistol) can be used in place of pistols; the US Secret Service uses Uzis in the course of protecting the President.
In warzones, like Iraq or Afghanistan, the dignitary protection people would be definately carrying carbines, like the ubiquitions M4A1, and body armor, sicne in those zones the threats are going to be packing more firepower than just a pistol. We see this with American Special Forces guarding Hamid Karzai and with Blackwater members in Iraq.
So what's important for a bodyguard weapon? You need something fast and easily deployed. Something which you can whip out immediately. If you have to wait to henshin and then use your device, it may already be too late.
As for magic guns, magic pistols can put out similar rates of fire to rifles and SMGs. No need to use a magic SMG when a magic pistol can do the same thing.
Similar age, similar rank...where have I seen this before...? ;)
*twiddles thumbs innocently*
I kinda feel sorry for her, though...I predict that Jacket is going to be the source of much joking at Syn's expense. :3
Hardly, people are going to note how good it looks on her, and how cute she is while wearing it.
Which, in a way, is much much worse, because if people make fun of her she at least has a reason to brutalize them.
Hm...once again, my failure to finish the series is coming back to bite me...need more time to watch, dammit.
Yes, watch you must, an episode in the evening a time would do.
Somehow "The Sword That Failed to Cleave" just doesn't have the same ring to it...:uhoh: (:heh:)
Nope.
So Syn is the one on top-
*shot*
Mostly, yes.
"Keep up or I'll leave you behind...and don't think I won't!"
Do I have the right vibe? :3
Hmm... that sounds a bit too... cruel for Syn. Leaving people behind is not something she does.
Now kicking them in the rear untill they catch up, that is a different story.
I doubt it'd be the first time a doujin had canon and original characters.
http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/2972/strikersnano01mm2.png
Though this is still the old Keroko before I had Vivio pictures to leech off.
Naturally...at 5 she's a moe-blob, and at 18-20-ish she'll make jaws drop. :D
I can't help but wonder why I was the only person to realize that for quite some time here...
Of course, I'm sure we all know the Real reason for Vivio's Heterochromia...
http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/stormturmoil/viviogeass.png
as well as the real reason Fate and Nanoha Are so Attentive to her...
Well, It Is called 'the power of Kings"...
I don't need to be geassed to follow her though.
Naw It's cause
http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn257/TheShinySword/eyes.jpg
well they share a VA *Runs while someone shouts "Genetics don't work like that!"*
:nod::nod::nod:
:nod:
And as for contact, she's the one who even initiates it first?:p Like a friendly choke-hold, etc?:D:D:D
Depends on the person, in Vivio's case I'd say its a 50/50 scenario.
She's actually starting to rise up in my rankings too.:p
I'd have to thank you for delving into her character. She's WAY more interesting than I thought!:D:D:D
I've also discovered another reason why I feel so atracted to Vivio, she a lot more like Keroko then just by appearance.
I mean, sure, we all laughed when Vivio appeared with a hairstyle and Barrier Jacket that were almost completely like how I described Keroko's, but now that I dive into her even many of her combat styles show similarities (close- to mid-ranged fighter, fighting using her emotions, self-defence mechanisms that activate regardless of her will...)
It makes me go :eyespin:
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
*shakes head*
And just it had to be a large picture, huh? Caught me so off-guard there that my face actually heated up a bit.:p
Anyway, :bow:. XD
Good to know. :p
Oh, you didn't get the hint, Keroko? Allow us to spell it out.:p
Aaron: This proves that Kha is a...:uhoh:
Hayate: Masochist...:heehee:
Grandis: Masochist...:eyebrow:
Aurion: Masochist...:rolleyes:
:p:p:p:p:p:p
*RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZ*
*blinks* Again, what about this is new? I thought this was clear long ago.
Same here. I was so annoyingly put off by her moe-blobism that without Keroko's intervention I wonder if Vivio'd still be Vivio in Rebuilt. :uhoh:
Wow, thank you. Its great to know I changed the views on a character I love.
Remember that scene in StrikerS, where the Aces woke up the next day in various states of undress? How about making it 1 day later, scatter lots of cards all over the bedroom and add Keroko, who happened to have completely lo--
*static*
Khrack, overloading. :eyespin:
Yeah, if that was the reason then Keroko would have lost everyhing. :heh:
That's MEH job!
...
And I was thinking of Rune, Vivio, and Keroko strip poker crack at work. :nod:
*RUNS*
Playing strip poker at work? ... Yup, Keroko is impulsive enough to do that.
But the OC me doesn't exist in Kerokanon? :uhoh:
Says who? Link me to a profile and I'll see what I can do.
I've also discovered anothe reason why I feel so atracted to Vivio, she a lot more like Keroko then just by appearance.
I mean, sure, we all laughed when Vivio appeared with a hairstyle and Barrier Jacket that were almost completely like how I described Keroko's, but now that I dive into her even many of her combat styles show similarities (close- to mid-ranged fighter, fighting using her emotions, self-defence mechanisms that activate regardless of her will...)
It makes me go :eyespin:I can certainly relate to that. :D
The first shock came when StrikerS was first announced. SaintX brought it up to me while we were having a plot discussion for AlternateS, and when I saw the poster he found, the reaction was electric: "who's that guy with the Tausend Kreuz?!"
Then came StrikerS, and Erio's similarities to Kha in terms of device, magic school, speedy combat style, personality, ability to take pain (remember the times we joked about how Erio was always the one getting hurt first? :D), harem potential *c0ugh*. Then came the big winner in Spearengriff, which was basically a scaled down version of one Kha had.
Erio's the reason I completely ditched Kha's black mop for red, and in doing so fully turned him into Shiro.
And here's a little sidenote, both of us have "juniors" that resemble our OCs, and most of all can be linked to them directly. But Hayate has not, so does Aaron, and Aurion is shafted. Again. :uhoh:
*RUNZ*
Yeah, if that was the reason then Keroko would have lost everything. :heh:BOOM! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
Well, technically Hayate is younger then Almaria would be, so he does have one. :p
Erm I mean similarities to an OC crafted before that CC appeared. :heh:
And I've a feeling Aaron is getting stabbed with more and more blades as we continue this discussion... :uhoh:
Aaron008R
2008-07-07, 09:15
Same here. I was so annoyingly put off by her moe-blobism that without Keroko's intervention I wonder if Vivio'd still be Vivio in Rebuilt. :uhoh:
:nod:
Oh, yeah. :uhoh:
...
...
...
Remember that scene in StrikerS, where the Aces woke up the next day in various states of undress? How about making it 1 day later, scatter lots of cards all over the bedroom and add Keroko, who happened to have completely lo--
*static*
Khrack, overloading. :eyespin:
:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
:twitch::twitch::twitch:
:eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
Kha: :eyespin::heh:
Fate: :twitch:
Kha: ...you surprised me before, my turn now...
...:uhoh:
*RUNZ!*
Add this to the fact that you also gave Fate a masochistic side...>.>
OSHI-! :eek:
*RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNZZZZZZZ FROM KHRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Jec: Kha?
Kha: Hmm?
Jec: Are you... A masochist?
Kha: Huh?
Kha: Nah, in the bed I'm a complete sadist. (That's how it has always been)
Jec: That's not what I mean. (I don't want a brat ridiculing me)
...:uhoh:
Code Geachu Arru2 of course. :meh:
Only if Kha's other side is called..Suzaku.
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1685548&postcount=5014
The comment about being a masochist invariably brought this to mind, and since Anya was one of the image base for Jec it fits..somewhat. :heh:
XD XD XD
And yes, Anya DOES fit Jec's image! :D:D:D
I thought Kha was the subversive side at the bottom...
*RUNS FASTER*
With his perverted mind? I doubt it...-_-
...:uhoh:
*RUNS AGAIN!!!*
Sadly he's a bit of both, ie Suzaku's personality, half of his h4xx and Lelouch's penchant for masks, and a harem. :uhoh:
So he also has a SpinzaKhu kick...?:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
Hardly, people are going to note how good it looks on her, and how cute she is while wearing it.
Which, in a way, is much much worse, because if people make fun of her she at least has a reason to brutalize them.
Cute.:D
:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
*RUNS YET AGAIN!!!*
http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/2972/strikersnano01mm2.png
Though this is still the old Keroko before I had Vivio pictures to leech off.
Ahh, yes. I still remember that.:D
And Teana's fangirlism over Keroko. XD
I've also discovered another reason why I feel so atracted to Vivio, she a lot more like Keroko then just by appearance.
I mean, sure, we all laughed when Vivio appeared with a hairstyle and Barrier Jacket that were almost completely like how I described Keroko's, but now that I dive into her even many of her combat styles show similarities (close- to mid-ranged fighter, fighting using her emotions, self-defence mechanisms that activate regardless of her will...)
It makes me go :eyespin:
The similarities are quite uncanny indeed... :uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
:D:D:D
Good to know. :p
:p
*blinks* Again, what about this is new? I thought this was clear long ago.
Now Kha just indirectly admitted it himself... AGAIN. XD
I can certainly relate to that. :D
The first shock came when StrikerS was first announced. SaintX brought it up to me while we were having a plot discussion for AlternateS, and when I saw the poster he found, the reaction was electric: "who's that guy with the Tausend Kreuz?!"
Then came StrikerS, and Erio's similarities to Kha in terms of device, magic school, speedy combat style, personality, ability to take pain (remember the times we joked about how Erio was always the one getting hurt first? :D), harem potential *c0ugh*. Then came the big winner in Spearengriff, which was basically a scaled down version of one Kha had.
Erio's the reason I completely ditched Kha's black mop for red, and in doing so fully turned him into Shiro.
Those too...:eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
And here's a little sidenote, both of us have "juniors" that resemble our OCs, and most of all can be linked to them directly. But Hayate has not, so does Aaron, and Aurion is shafted. Again. :uhoh:
*RUNZ*
BOOM! :eyespin::eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:
Aurion: :confused:
Aaron: Huh? Aurion shafted? Whut?:confused::confused::confused:
Well, technically Hayate is younger then Almaria would be, so he does have one. :p
Erm I mean similarities to an OC crafted before that CC appeared. :heh:
And I've a feeling Aaron is getting stabbed with more and more blades as we continue this discussion... :uhoh:
Oh that. XD
Not really an issue.:p I have no regrets regarding that. It makes my works feel all the more original.:p:p:p
And besides, I have absolutely no issue about how I derived Almaria's looks from Hayate. Supposed to work that way.:D
And of course, that doesn't mean I like Almaria any less.:D
kazenoyuuchi
2008-07-07, 09:26
Must gather energy for a backlog one of these days...
I'll just drop this here...
Name: Yôḥānnān, but he uses the name Johan (mostly because no one seems to be able to pronounce his name correctly.)
Gender: Male
Age: 116
Magic type: Demonic/Mid-childian
Magic color: Sky blue
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brown
Hairstyle: Messy, unkempt
Mage rank: A- (Estimated)
Military rank: None
The Warp (Also known as the Outer Planes) is a dimension which is seperated from the Materium (also known as the Central Planes) by a barrier set by the Saint Kaiser during the Golden age of Belka.This barrier was set up to prevent beings from the Warp from invading the Belkan Empire. Unlike the Materium, where the Nanoverse is set, almost everything in the Warp is dependent on magic particles for survival. As such, the worlds of the Warp are normally heavy in magic particles.
Demons ,as named by the Saint Church, are beings that originate from the Warp but have somehow entered the Materium. Causes of such phenomenons are ,but not restricted to, through breaks in the barrier or through intentional summonings from Demon Summoners. These Demons have bodies that are mainly comprised of magic particles and thus rarely hold a proper physical form. They can be given a physical form from their masters through certain methods. Demons lifespans are dependent on the amount of linked mana they possess as existing alone exhausts a considerable amount of mana. However, they only have a pool of mana but lack a Linker Core. The only way they can increase the amount of mana they possess is through either devouring a linker core or by draining mana from another Demon. The devouring of a Linker core is not fatal but the method used to obtain it usually is. Due to this reason, the Saint Church sends Knights to hunt and eliminate these Demons.
Demonic magic is merely the magic style used by demons. It utilizes both linked and unlinked magic particles to produce various effects. Unlinked mana is generally used to create small magical explosions close to the user's body. Linked mana is used for mid-range to long-range spells but has the downside of lowering a Demon's life span.
Background
Johan (or Yôḥānnān) is a Demon summoned by an aspiring Demon Summoner. Due to Johan's carelessness, the Demon Summoner was killed by a poorly aimed attack from Johan. Now left without a Summoner, Johan had no way to ensure his own continued existence. Desprate, he wandered from world to world to find a way back to the Warp while hunting for Linker cores.
When he reached Midchilda, he sensed a being which possessed similar mana to that which created the barrier that stood between him and the Warp. Instinctively, he traced the mana to Vivio who he, on impulse, kidnapped.
Spells
Offensive spells:
Burst impact - Demonic: Johan's most frequently used technique. Through the use of mana control, a small magical explosion is formed at the end of one of his limbs. This is used in conjunction with a punch or a kick to increase the force of impact. This move can be used in rapid succession due to its negligible usage of linked mana.
Wind Blade - Demonic: By concentrating linked mana around his hand, a curved blade can be materialized for 3 seconds. A single slash is made to slice limbs or the throat of the victim. Used only when Johan has intent of killing off the target.
Buster Shoot - Midchildan: A normal buster attack that fires a single beam of linked mana. Very accurate but sparingly used.
Spear Storm - Demonic/Midchildan fusion: Several spears of linked and unlinked mana are formed around Johan. These spears are then fired in random directions. These spears detonate after impact causing a bright flash of light. Uses up a lot of mana and is hardly ever used.
Final Break - Demonic: Johan's kamikaze type attack. A single blade of linked mana is formed at Johan's hand. This blade then thrust forward to release all the linked mana within Johan's body in hopes of killing an enemy. Such an attack can only be used once as Johan will fade out of existence (i.e. die) whether the attack succeeds or fails.
Man, I'm sleepy... will try to eventually finish typing everything out.
To think I did not even finish typing out his profile... Man, I really suck...
See? See? I'm not the only one who easilly connects the Saint Church to 40k Mwahahaha! :D:D:D
*cough* Sorry, just a moment of amusement. :p
Anyway, a bit of a bland profile for now, but how old is Vivio when he kidnaps her?
:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:
:twitch::twitch::twitch:
:eyespin::eyespin::eyespin:[Get set. It's Rebuilt, Sir.]
:D:D:D
Add this to the fact that you also gave Fate a masochistic side...>.>
OSHI-! :eek:
*RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNZZZZZZZ FROM KHRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*[You know too much, Sir.]
With his perverted mind? I doubt it...-_-
...:uhoh:
*RUNS AGAIN!!!*...-.-
Then again, this is perfectly Sousuke...
OH SHI-- :eek:
*RUNZ*
So he also has a SpinzaKhu kick...?:uhoh::uhoh::uhoh:...
...
...
You know, I always wondered how Kha's variation of Rider Kick would be like when equipped with Charade, his Sturmbolter handgun... :uhoh:
Aurion: :confused:
Aaron: Huh? Aurion shafted? Whut?:confused::confused::confused:...Never mind. :heh:
Oh that. XD
Not really an issue.:p I have no regrets regarding that. It makes my works feel all the more original.:p:p:p
And besides, I have absolutely no issue about how I derived Almaria's looks from Hayate. Supposed to work that way.:D
And of course, that doesn't mean I like Almaria any less.:D:nod:
Must gather energy for a backlog one of these days...
I'll just drop this here...
Name: Yôḥānnān, but he uses the name Johan (mostly because no one seems to be able to pronounce his name correctly.)
Gender: Male
Age: 116
Magic type: Demonic/Mid-childian
Magic color: Sky blue
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brown
Hairstyle: Messy, unkempt
Mage rank: A- (Estimated)
Military rank: None
The Warp (Also known as the Outer Planes) is a dimension which is seperated from the Materium (also known as the Central Planes) by a barrier set by the Saint Kaiser during the Golden age of Belka.This barrier was set up to prevent beings from the Warp from invading the Belkan Empire. Unlike the Materium, where the Nanoverse is set, almost everything in the Warp is dependent on magic particles for survival. As such, the worlds of the Warp are normally heavy in magic particles.
Demons ,as named by the Saint Church, are beings that originate from the Warp but have somehow entered the Materium. Causes of such phenomenons are ,but not restricted to, through breaks in the barrier or through intentional summonings from Demon Summoners. These Demons have bodies that are mainly comprised of magic particles and thus rarely hold a proper physical form. They can be given a physical form from their masters through certain methods. Demons lifespans are dependent on the amount of linked mana they possess as existing alone exhausts a considerable amount of mana. However, they only have a pool of mana but lack a Linker Core. The only way they can increase the amount of mana they possess is through either devouring a linker core or by draining mana from another Demon. The devouring of a Linker core is not fatal but the method used to obtain it usually is. Due to this reason, the Saint Church sends Knights to hunt and eliminate these Demons.
Demonic magic is merely the magic style used by demons. It utilizes both linked and unlinked magic particles to produce various effects. Unlinked mana is generally used to create small magical explosions close to the user's body. Linked mana is used for mid-range to long-range spells but has the downside of lowering a Demon's life span.
Profile
Johan (or Yôḥānnān) is a Demon summoned by an aspiring Demon Summoner. Due to Johan's carelessness, the Demon Summoner was killed by a poorly aimed attack from Johan. Now left without a Summoner, Johan had no way to ensure his own continued existence. Desprate, he wandered from world to world to find a way back to the Warp while hunting for Linker cores.
When he reached Midchilda, he sensed a being which possessed similar mana to that which created the barrier that stood between him and the Warp. Instinctively, he traced the mana to Vivio who he, on impulse, kidnapped.
Man, I'm sleepy... will try to eventually finish typing everything out.
To think I did not even finish typing out his profile... Man, I really suck...Nice work here! And let me express sheer amazement at how you hit the definition of daemons almost directly on the head! :eek:
Though the resultant character is nothing like the daemons routinely purged by the best of Saint Church (magic wise a little different), he sure makes for an interesting character. I even feel some potential to be developed into a daemon like Chrno. :D
Don't worry, updates can come later. :D Though if you don't mind, I'd like to call his magic Chaos Midchilda, since Chaos magic is daemonic magic in my terms. :D
And with Chaos Belka in the works, the advent of Chaos Undivided is fast approaching! There will be blood! >D
@Keroko: This Daemon is one nice guy, perfect for Nanohaverse, but very off for 40K. Not that its anything bad! I've always wanted a befriendable daemon! :D
Oh that. XD
Not really an issue.:p I have no regrets regarding that. It makes my works feel all the more original.:p:p:p
And besides, I have absolutely no issue about how I derived Almaria's looks from Hayate. Supposed to work that way.:D
And of course, that doesn't mean I like Almaria any less.:D
Sort of like how Hayate is different from her fellow Aces?
@Keroko: This Daemon is one nice guy, perfect for Nanohaverse, but very off for 40K. Not that its anything bad! I've always wanted a befriendable daemon! :D
Unbefriendable Daemons is 40k, but we're working with Nanoha here, so we can brutalize 40 canon in any way we can untill we can fit it into Nanoha canon. As long as we leave Nanoha canon untouched, all other universe are fair play. >3
Though it makes gratitious daemon slaying less morally obvious. Like how Caro made killing dragons somewhat wrong. :p
krisslanza
2008-07-07, 10:33
Playing strip poker at work? ... Yup, Keroko is impulsive enough to do that.
Actually I meant I was thinking of it during work myself; not that they would play during it :heh:
But that would also work :uhoh: Cross-over crack ftw? (Since Rune doesn't also exist in Kerokanon :heh: )
Says who? Link me to a profile and I'll see what I can do.
You would need to ask Shou or Saint :p They OC'd me so they have the profile... :eyespin:
Aaron008R
2008-07-07, 10:49
Must gather energy for a backlog one of these days...
I'll just drop this here...
Name: Yôḥānnān, but he uses the name Johan (mostly because no one seems to be able to pronounce his name correctly.)
Gender: Male
Age: 116
Magic type: Demonic/Mid-childian
Magic color: Sky blue
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brown
Hairstyle: Messy, unkempt
Mage rank: A- (Estimated)
Military rank: None
The Warp (Also known as the Outer Planes) is a dimension which is seperated from the Materium (also known as the Central Planes) by a barrier set by the Saint Kaiser during the Golden age of Belka.This barrier was set up to prevent beings from the Warp from invading the Belkan Empire. Unlike the Materium, where the Nanoverse is set, almost everything in the Warp is dependent on magic particles for survival. As such, the worlds of the Warp are normally heavy in magic particles.
Demons ,as named by the Saint Church, are beings that originate from the Warp but have somehow entered the Materium. Causes of such phenomenons are ,but not restricted to, through breaks in the barrier or through intentional summonings from Demon Summoners. These Demons have bodies that are mainly comprised of magic particles and thus rarely hold a proper physical form. They can be given a physical form from their masters through certain methods. Demons lifespans are dependent on the amount of linked mana they possess as existing alone exhausts a considerable amount of mana. However, they only have a pool of mana but lack a Linker Core. The only way they can increase the amount of mana they possess is through either devouring a linker core or by draining mana from another Demon. The devouring of a Linker core is not fatal but the method used to obtain it usually is. Due to this reason, the Saint Church sends Knights to hunt and eliminate these Demons.
Demonic magic is merely the magic style used by demons. It utilizes both linked and unlinked magic particles to produce various effects. Unlinked mana is generally used to create small magical explosions close to the user's body. Linked mana is used for mid-range to long-range spells but has the downside of lowering a Demon's life span.
Profile
Johan (or Yôḥānnān) is a Demon summoned by an aspiring Demon Summoner. Due to Johan's carelessness, the Demon Summoner was killed by a poorly aimed attack from Johan. Now left without a Summoner, Johan had no way to ensure his own continued existence. Desprate, he wandered from world to world to find a way back to the Warp while hunting for Linker cores.
When he reached Midchilda, he sensed a being which possessed similar mana to that which created the barrier that stood between him and the Warp. Instinctively, he traced the mana to Vivio who he, on impulse, kidnapped.
Man, I'm sleepy... will try to eventually finish typing everything out.
To think I did not even finish typing out his profile... Man, I really suck...
The prospect is quite interesting. Though I am most curious at to what Johan would do once he gets his hands on Vivio... Not to mention the reaction of her family...:uhoh:
[You know too much, Sir.]
So they like beating each other up during their sparring 'dates', huh...?
>_>
...-.-
Then again, this is perfectly Sousuke...
OH SHI-- :eek:
*RUNZ*
The cat's out of the bag...
<_<
...
...
...
You know, I always wondered how Kha's variation of Rider Kick would be like when equipped with Charade, his Sturmbolter handgun... :uhoh:
Should have kept my mouth shut!
>_<
Sort of like how Hayate is different from her fellow Aces?
In a sense, yes.:D
I don't like how 7arcs seemingly made Hayate as a helpless solo combatant. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I hate the concept in itself, I just hate the insanely high degree they used the glass cannon nerf-bat. -_-
Being a spellcaster type is a pretty difficult class to be in. But in Hayate's case, she has so much potential in managing to circumvent such. (Potential wasted in StrikerS.) But then, I can at least have my say.:3 And for me, she's quite honestly the most multidimensional of any of the Canon Aces. There's so much untapped character development and possible field dynamics to explore. *holds back another mention of my unspeakable hate for 7arcs* To me, she's the most 'human' and least static of the three. There's also the fact that I just love her occasional bouts of mischievousness that adds a great twist to her Main-character (Though the treatment she receives is even worse compared to side-characters. -_-) mandatory 'nice girl' personality.:D Oh, and of course I find her more attractive compared to the other two, almost forgot to say it.:p
I've always had the tendency to have a lot of interest in uncommon stuff. Same applies for the characters I make and how I develop some Canon Characters. Easiest example would be Aurion's device, which is a prosthetic arm. XD
Though some times I may have the tendency to try making my work too radically different whilst at the same time trying to stick as much as possible to Canon...:p
In any case, I hope I've done relatively well so far...^^;;
EDIT: I just watched Slayers Revolution episode 1. I think I'll be liking the show a lot despite this being the first season I watch in the series. XD
Evangelion Xgouki
2008-07-07, 15:45
And after a semi-refreshing 3-day weekend it's back to the work grind :(. It also means it's time for a
WEEKEND
BACKLOG
BREAKER!!!
*rubs eyes tiredly* I'm tired and going to sleep, but I managed to finish this before I go. :)
*snip*
Yay! More Syn info :blush:
Thread...moves...so...fast...
Deshou? :3
Hey, don't make fun of the healers. :p
Remember, your lives are in our hands ;)
Divided weirdness by zero??? How does one do that, and more importantly, what's the result???
...probably best we never find out :uhoh:
Heh, that's like the Warrior forum for the WoW guild my lan's making - it's titled "Why'd I die? Oh, the healer was AFK."
Sometimes I get the feeling healers do "accidentally" look away during the raid...
:heh: Haven't done that...yet :rolleyes:
I can give a wakeup call by bubbling and sending the boss at the errant healer. :p
...had that happen once before when one of our pally healers hit the wrong button :heh:. Thank goodness for Fade.
Good lordy your head's gonna fall off from all the nodding Aaron.
Naw, he's used to it :p
I don't recall Axe weapons having a Stab animation. :twitch:
They do now :p
Oh-hooo...........
Looks like everybody's expecting a Nanoha/Touhou crossover? I like where this thread is going :cool:
and while we're at it...
*snip*
Yeah, you know what will happen next :eyespin:
On related note, Keroko, is Keroko-chan available? :confused:
...
*still hasn't played any Touhou*
"Today, we celebrate, our Independence Day!" ~ ID4
This goes out to our US friends out there. :D
Thanks :D
I like my candy floss tangled. :D
...but doesn't that mean it has a greater chance of breaking? :uhoh:
*sigh* And there goes my intention of writhing shorter chapters...
It again turned out longer than planned...
Ah well... anyway. Chapter 5 of my main story is ready!
And as promised... a bigger titel so it won't be overseen. :heh:
Memories of Blood and Sorrow
Part 5: Ghost Hunt
*snip*
Puuh... next chapter is already in the works... :)
Woohoo! :D Friends with Hayate, huh? :cool: Can't wait to see where this is going.
To be honest, I find Rebuilt Syn kinda on the cute side. Like... psycho moe-ish with more moe than psycho. :uhoh:
Lol :p
I meant full color ecchi pics of an OC. :eyespin:
And since she has such a big fan base, she deserves to have at least some, even doujins of them! :D...
...:uhoh:
*RUUUUUUUUUUNZ*
:twitch:
*pelts Kha with lemons*
You stay away from Evangeline :mad:
But you know if we start it Keroko will suddenly invoke that one rule and you'll begin seeing futa!Keroko doujins and tentacles... :uhoh:
Ug...tentacles :rolleyes:. Though that first option...:uhoh:
*RUNZ*
If you insist.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y191/Liinna/Nanoha/keroko_Fanservice.png
:eek: :eek:
...me like
*RUNZ*
You mean Rule 34?
"If it exists, there's porn of it. No exceptions."
Ah, Rule 34. Nothing is safe...not even furniture :uhoh:
Disturbing because I have a soft spot for brutal girls...? :uhoh:
*shrugs*
Nothing wrong with that. I prefer the confident ones myself...like Asuka and Cagalli <3 <3
Remember...
Carrots love you! Yeah!
*shoots Kha for the obvious Macross Frontier reference*
*facepalms*
Kha: :eyespin::heh:
Fate: :twitch:
Kha: ...you surprised me before, my turn now...
...:uhoh:
*RUNZ!*
:twitch:
...WHAT?!
http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/2972/strikersnano01mm2.png
Though this is still the old Keroko before I had Vivio pictures to leech off.
Ah, I remember that one :nod:
Playing strip poker at work? ... Yup, Keroko is impulsive enough to do that.
...uwa? :twitch:
Just finished watching the first episode of Slayers Revolution, and let me tell you, it feels good the see the source of Keroko's impulsiveness back in action and taking on armies if they annoy her. :D
The animation is a bit on the quick side (sometimes too many things happen in a short time) but the crispy quallity makes up for it.
Wiser: "It comes with a turtle's mobillity and heavy armor along with its great weapons"
Lina: "A turtle's mobillity? In that case let's keep running."
Everyone: *while running* Yay!
The prospect is quite interesting. Though I am most curious at to what Johan would do once he gets his hands on Vivio... Not to mention the reaction of her family...:uhoh:
Hence why I am asking for age. Keroko aside, Syn is not going to be happy. <_<
In a sense, yes.:D
I don't like how 7arcs seemingly made Hayate as a helpless solo combatant. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I hate the concept in itself, I just hate the insanely high degree they used the glass cannon nerf-bat. -_-
Being a spellcaster type is a pretty difficult class to be in. But in Hayate's case, she has so much potential in managing to circumvent such. (Potential wasted in StrikerS.) But then, I can at least have my say.:3 And for me, she's quite honestly the most multidimensional of any of the Canon Aces. There's so much untapped character development and possible field dynamics to explore. *holds back another mention of my unspeakable hate for 7arcs* To me, she's the most 'human' and least static of the three. There's also the fact that I just love her occasional bouts of mischievousness that adds a great twist to her Main-character (Though the treatment she receives is even worse compared to side-characters. -_-) mandatory 'nice girl' personality.:D Oh, and of course I find her more attractive compared to the other two, almost forgot to say it.:p
We all feel atracted to different things. Kha seems to have gone the most mainstream of us three. :p
I've always had the tendency to have a lot of interest in uncommon stuff. Same applies for the characters I make and how I develop some Canon Characters. Easiest example would be Aurion's device, which is a prosthetic arm. XD
I can relate to liking the uncommon stuff. Nanoha is one of the few exceptions, but usually the characters I like best are also the most shafted. :heh:
Though some times I may have the tendency to try making my work too radically different whilst at the same time trying to stick as much as possible to Canon...:p
In any case, I hope I've done relatively well so far...^^;;
In my opinion, yes, very much so.
EDIT: I just watched Slayers Revolution episode 1. I think I'll be liking the show a lot despite this being the first season I watch in the series. XD
You must find the others, I insist. :D
...uwa? :twitch:
Let me spell it out:
Keroko. Is. Impulsive.
As long as it doesn't involve the lives of people that can't take the amount of punishment she can, what she does has a tendency to register a few key seconds after she did it.
krisslanza
2008-07-07, 16:47
Keroko. Is. Impulsive.
As long as it doesn't involve the lives of people that can't take the amount of punishment she can, what she does has a tendency to register a few key seconds after she did it.
You're not presenting good reasons for me to not start writing crack... :heh:
So Keroko impulsiveness + Rune pervertedness = Crack!
The hard bit is Vivio... :uhoh: But maybe just Keroko will do... :nod:
*Runs*
TheShinySword
2008-07-07, 16:53
You're not presenting good reasons for me to not start writing crack... :heh:
So Keroko impulsiveness + Rune pervertedness = Crack!
The hard bit is Vivio... :uhoh: But maybe just Keroko will do... :nod:
*Runs*
Just tell Vivio she isn't allowed to play so she'll become so determined to play she'll beg :heh: By the time she realizes she's been tricked it'll be too late.
krisslanza
2008-07-07, 16:55
Just tell Vivio she isn't allowed to play so she'll become so determined to play she'll beg :heh: By the time she realizes she's been tricked it'll be too late.
:heh:
Well in Arc-en-Ciel Vivio is Rune's student... She calls her Rune-sempai :nod:
Maybe I can find a way to trick her... Kukukukukukukuku :heehee:
TheShinySword
2008-07-07, 16:57
:heh:
Well in Arc-en-Ciel Vivio is Rune's student... She calls her Rune-sempai :nod:
Maybe I can find a way to trick her... Kukukukukukukuku :heehee:
Rune: Sorry Vivio this is a game for adults
Vivio: H-hey I'm adult... enough!
Rune: If you insist...
30 minutes later
Vivio: *Now nearly naked* TT-TT not fair
krisslanza
2008-07-07, 16:58
Rune: Sorry Vivio this is a game for adults
Vivio: H-hey I'm adult... enough!
Rune: If you insist...
30 minutes later
Vivio: *Now nearly naked* TT-TT not fair
Exactly! :nod:
Though a strip poker crack is... Hard. See with yakyuken crack I can use dice to determine who wins (Assigning 2 numbers to each symbol per character and rolling dice to see who wins and stuff)
But how can I find a way to do that with poker...? :uhoh:
Comartemis
2008-07-07, 17:30
*Imagines Comar sitting under a cardboard box in the middle of an abadoned construction zone, looking utterly bewildered*
:uhoh:
*runs*
*Corrects the image to depict Comar sitting under a tree on a barren lakeside lot adorned only by a motor home, a fire pit, and a few dozen other trees, with a bear looking over his shoulder at the AS homepage displayed on his browser*
*...then runs from the bear*
Your evolutionary purpose is nothing before anime's Three Exalted Words:
Rule. Of. Cool.
And on the 8th day, God created awesomeness.
On the subject of devices and bodyguards:
Seems like it'd be a bit easier in Nanoha to avoid the henshins. If your BJ takes whatever form you want it to, then someone who expects to need it at any moment could force it to assume the form of his casual wear; a magical pair of jeans and a t-shirt or something, for instance. And since magic doesn't need a device in order to be used, the split-second it takes to transform your device out of its' storage mode should be rather negligible.
***
On a completely unrelated topic, has anyone tried to do a Neo-Mid system?
Neo-Belka takes the groundings of AB and applies Mid techniques to them; an idea I had for Alex (since Cinque went and hijacked the Steel Mage concept) was to reverse the process, and make a Mid system with Belkan concepts applied to it.
Since Alex has grown up in the Saint Church, he idolizes the Church Knights and decides to make up his own style while still playing to his strengths (energy manipulation instead of pseudomatter manipulation). The result is a Mid-type user who specializes in melee and short-range combat using lots of energy blades and an array of other spells like binding spells that can be used like whips, energy daggers and blades used as projectiles, etc. Anyone have any similar systems I could use for additional ideas and inspiration?
Evangelion Xgouki
2008-07-07, 18:26
Figured I'd share this here, too :3
Don't ask where this came from because not even I know...
She could see it getting closer.
She didn't know what it was, only able to get a quick glance at it before sprinting away. But that quick glance was all she needed to know what it was something she wanted to be around. Whatever it was...it wasn't human anymore or maybe never was. Her eyes darted around the dark, unsure of where it went...or where it was coming from. Even with all her years of experience and missions in the field against criminals of all degrees Nanoha was scared. No, she was terrified. She was boxed in on all sides with no where to run. The silence wasn't helping much either. You'd think something of that size would make some noise while moving around. Maybe...maybe it went away. Yea, she was getting all worked up over it, right? The snap of a branch quickly drew her attention to her right. Blue eyes darted left and right through the darkness. Nothing. By now her heart was pounding in her chest, palms damp. Was it still here? She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, eyes looking straight ahead...
GRAHHH!!
And a scream escaped from her lips as the creature lunged forward, as well as from most of the people in the theater. Next to her, Fate grinned slightly as she watched the creature chase after the heroine on the screen. Her attention switches over to the girl clutching onto her arm.
"Something wrong, Nanoha?"
The brunette tightens her grip on the sleeve. "Mou...can we get out of here, Fate-chan?"
"But why? It's starting to get good."
"I knew I shouldn't have let you pick the mov-"
Her sentence is cut off as another scream escapes her lips as the creature leaps from around a corner on the screen, sharp fang exposed and dripping with fluids. That was all she could handle. Nanoha quickly got to her feet and scooted past the people to reach the aisle and that wonderful exit sign in the back. Watching her exit the theater, Fate sighed and reluctantly made her way to the exit as well.
9Xs9OQHpwDE
Outside of the theater, she found her friend hugging herself and warily glancing around. As it was a monster flick, the sun had long finished its journey across the Mid Childa sky for that day. Light posts illuminated the dark street the best they could, but even with the twin moon above the darkness still held dominion over most of the city.
"Oh, come on Nanoha. It was just a movie."
Hearing Fate coming up towards her, Nanoha took that as the cue to start walking back to base. "You know that I don't like those kinds of movies, Fate-chan."
"You've dived head-first into abandoned ruins, staked out criminals in jungles infested with hundreds of alien creatures, and engaged unknown threats without batting an eye. Yet the Ace of Aces can't sit through a single monster flick?"
"That's different." She retorts with a light blush of embarrassment. "They're not the same thing..."
"Oh fine." Fate sighs. "You knew I've been looking forward to this movie for some time now. It was your fault to let me pick just as it came out, you know?"
"Mou...let's just get home."
Fate chuckled to herself and jogged to catch up to her friend.
Its close to midnight and something evils lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed!
Nanoha shook her head as Fate walked/skipped next to her. What an odd time to start singing...
You hear the door slam and realize theres nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl
But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind
You're out of time
She giggles softly as Fate wanders around behind her and lightly grips her shoulder. Before she can turn to face her, she had already let go and made her way in front of her, walking backwards.
They're out to get you, theres demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen,
I'll make you see
By now Nanoha had forgotten all about the movie as they skipped together down the dimly lit road, Fate's arm around her neck. She was having so much fun in fact that she barely noticed the foggy graveyard as they walked by...
From behind a large tombstone a familiar face peers out. Smooth, purple locks were not frazzled and covered in dirt. His once pristine, white lab coat was in tatters covered in dirt and other substances. As he watched, a slight grin came to his sunken face, revealing what remained of his teeth before he began to speak...
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize yawls neighborhood
The ground around the graves began to shift as something beneath started to stir.
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpses shell
A thin, bony hand stretched up from the open tomb and slowly pushed the lid aside to grant it access to the world outside. Across the graves below, others of its kind broke free from their earthen tombs and shuffled down to the road in their decomposed clothes.
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
On the road a manhole cover was lifted and slid aside, allowing another of their kind to join them on their evening march. This one was shorter than the rest with blond hair and chain dragging behind her.
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
The undead Jail cackles manically, his arms raised above his head. Only to have his right arm fall off and land on the moist soil. He pauses his laughter to stare at his missing limb and shrugs it off before joining the other ghouls in their slow, moaning shuffle down the street. The creatures from the grave catch up to the pair, surrounding them in the isolated street. Hungry moans echo though the evening air as Nanoha and Fate back up to one another. Blue and burgundy eyes dart around at the undead, trying to find a way out.
"Vi-vivio?"
Nanoha's gaze falls upon the shortest of the ghouls. Blue eyes match hungry, mis-matched ones. She quickly looks over the other undead and comes to recognize all of them. "Chrono...Yuuno...Hayate...Vita... What's going on here?" She turns to her friend for her opinion only to find her starting at inhuman eyes.
Fate tilts her head slightly to the side and grins at her friend, revealing large fangs that weren't there before. Her blond hair seemed more frazzled and...did her bust get bigger? Some of the ghouls gathered behind the blond, including Erio and Caro and then...began to dance.
Moving to the left and the right, shuffling and moving in tandem. Nanoha didn't know whether to run in terror screaming or nod along to the mysterious music that came out of no where. What she did know was that, for undead, they were pretty good. Then Fate began to sing again.
'cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know its thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller
The undead Combat Cyborgs joined in on the dance, shuffling along with Fate and adding in on the chorus to the song.
thriller, thriller night
cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight
Arms raised, the group danced to the left and to the right. For some reason, that move seemed familiar to Nanoha but she couldn't quite place it...
That this is thriller, thriller night
girl I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
The music vanished as quickly as it had appeared. All the hungry eyes turned upon the only living person amongst them. Having been forced to watch a few zombie movies back on Earth, she knew what they wanted and she really liked her brain. A lot. Bolting down the street towards the first house in sight she took a quick glance behind her. With Fate in the lead, the ghouls were shuffling over, arms raised and moaning in hunger while Fate merely kept pace and grinned to show off her fangs.
From the boarded up windows, the house was abandoned which meant Nanoha didn't feel too bad about forcing her way in and shoving a small love seat inside against the door. Her eyes darted around, the boards on the windows rattling from the ghouls beating against them to gain entry. A loud crack draws her attention to a ghoul breaking through the floor boards. As she backs up, she trips and lands on a couch. Another crash to her right, her eyes falling on Fate climbing through a newly made hole in the wall. The ghouls pour in through the new entryways. Nanoha backs as far as she can against the couch as Fate stands before her. Blue eyes meet burgundy as her friend grins and bares her fangs, leaning over with mouth slowly parting. At this point Nanoha does the only thing she can think of and screams.
"Nanoha?"
She blinks and looks up. Fate was giving her a funny look and...she had no fangs. A quick look around showed that she was on a couch, back at their room on base.
"Are you alright?"
"A-ah. I guess I must have passed out for a moment, nyahaha..."
"Mmm. Well how about we get some sleep? Unless you want to stay on the couch all by yourself..."
It didn't take Nanoha very long to jump to her feet and latch onto Fate's arm. "Yes! Bed sounds nice."
"Alright then."
As the two head off up the stairs, Fate glances back at the twin moons in the evening sky outside their window and grins...exposing her fangs.
ghazghkull
2008-07-07, 20:19
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-07, 20:27
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Hmm. Noland scored a 16. Yay.
I would also point this one out:
Linkage (http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm)
Got an 8 with that one :3
TheShinySword
2008-07-07, 20:28
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
I wonder if it'd blow up if I selected them all :3
Mary Sue Litmus Test: That's not a sue it's an Uber Sue! Save the children!
krisslanza
2008-07-07, 20:45
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
I've taken those. I think all my OCs scored as being Mary-Sue or Uber-Sues.
So they like beating each other up during their sparring 'dates', huh...?
>_>It was a trait Fate picked up from Nanoha, and Kha's always following Fate's lead...
OH SHI-- :eek:
The cat's out of the bag...
<_<*looks at empty bag*
Erm, what cat?
Should have kept my mouth shut!
>_<That's how Khrack grows. :p
But to be honest its really difficult to pull that stunt outside of Knight's Garb, and it's not very practical. If ya kicking already, might as well just slice him.
In a sense, yes.:D
I don't like how 7arcs seemingly made Hayate as a helpless solo combatant. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I hate the concept in itself, I just hate the insanely high degree they used the glass cannon nerf-bat. -_-
Being a spellcaster type is a pretty difficult class to be in. But in Hayate's case, she has so much potential in managing to circumvent such. (Potential wasted in StrikerS.) But then, I can at least have my say.:3 And for me, she's quite honestly the most multidimensional of any of the Canon Aces. There's so much untapped character development and possible field dynamics to explore. *holds back another mention of my unspeakable hate for 7arcs* To me, she's the most 'human' and least static of the three. There's also the fact that I just love her occasional bouts of mischievousness that adds a great twist to her Main-character (Though the treatment she receives is even worse compared to side-characters. -_-) mandatory 'nice girl' personality.:D Oh, and of course I find her more attractive compared to the other two, almost forgot to say it.:p
I've always had the tendency to have a lot of interest in uncommon stuff. Same applies for the characters I make and how I develop some Canon Characters. Easiest example would be Aurion's device, which is a prosthetic arm. XD
Though some times I may have the tendency to try making my work too radically different whilst at the same time trying to stick as much as possible to Canon...:p
In any case, I hope I've done relatively well so far...^^;;Yes you have! :D
EDIT: I just watched Slayers Revolution episode 1. I think I'll be liking the show a lot despite this being the first season I watch in the series. XDWatching it soon! :D
We all feel atracted to different things. Kha seems to have gone the most mainstream of us three. :pI guess it was how Kha was made. Back in AlternateS, he was designed as the 4th Ace, and so had traits, skills and powers modelled after the others, but geared towards what they lacked (tank, less DPS, healing, buffing-- Hence the Paladin choice). And after learning a few lessons in OC, and adapting for Keroko, Kha became even more entrenched.
It was a really scary adventure, because for the first time, a Ces'rauva was not only a primary character, he was directly affected by major events in the timeline, and rose as a powerful figure in an organization. When all along, Ces'rauva just nudged things along on the side, while the story focused wholly on the main character from the series.
Let me spell it out:
Keroko. Is. Impulsive.
As long as it doesn't involve the lives of people that can't take the amount of punishment she can, what she does has a tendency to register a few key seconds after she did it.*readjusts aggro balance*
Figured I'd share this here, too :3
Don't ask where this came from because not even I know...
She could see it getting closer.
She didn't know what it was, only able to get a quick glance at it before sprinting away. But that quick glance was all she needed to know what it was something she wanted to be around. Whatever it was...it wasn't human anymore or maybe never was. Her eyes darted around the dark, unsure of where it went...or where it was coming from. Even with all her years of experience and missions in the field against criminals of all degrees Nanoha was scared. No, she was terrified. She was boxed in on all sides with no where to run. The silence wasn't helping much either. You'd think something of that size would make some noise while moving around. Maybe...maybe it went away. Yea, she was getting all worked up over it, right? The snap of a branch quickly drew her attention to her right. Blue eyes darted left and right through the darkness. Nothing. By now her heart was pounding in her chest, palms damp. Was it still here? She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, eyes looking straight ahead...
GRAHHH!!
And a scream escaped from her lips as the creature lunged forward, as well as from most of the people in the theater. Next to her, Fate grinned slightly as she watched the creature chase after the heroine on the screen. Her attention switches over to the girl clutching onto her arm.
"Something wrong, Nanoha?"
The brunette tightens her grip on the sleeve. "Mou...can we get out of here, Fate-chan?"
"But why? It's starting to get good."
"I knew I shouldn't have let you pick the mov-"
Her sentence is cut off as another scream escapes her lips as the creature leaps from around a corner on the screen, sharp fang exposed and dripping with fluids. That was all she could handle. Nanoha quickly got to her feet and scooted past the people to reach the aisle and that wonderful exit sign in the back. Watching her exit the theater, Fate sighed and reluctantly made her way to the exit as well.
9Xs9OQHpwDE
Outside of the theater, she found her friend hugging herself and warily glancing around. As it was a monster flick, the sun had long finished its journey across the Mid Childa sky for that day. Light posts illuminated the dark street the best they could, but even with the twin moon above the darkness still held dominion over most of the city.
"Oh, come on Nanoha. It was just a movie."
Hearing Fate coming up towards her, Nanoha took that as the cue to start walking back to base. "You know that I don't like those kinds of movies, Fate-chan."
"You've dived head-first into abandoned ruins, staked out criminals in jungles infested with hundreds of alien creatures, and engaged unknown threats without batting an eye. Yet the Ace of Aces can't sit through a single monster flick?"
"That's different." She retorts with a light blush of embarrassment. "They're not the same thing..."
"Oh fine." Fate sighs. "You knew I've been looking forward to this movie for some time now. It was your fault to let me pick just as it came out, you know?"
"Mou...let's just get home."
Fate chuckled to herself and jogged to catch up to her friend.
Its close to midnight and something evils lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed!
Nanoha shook her head as Fate walked/skipped next to her. What an odd time to start singing...
You hear the door slam and realize theres nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl
But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind
You're out of time
She giggles softly as Fate wanders around behind her and lightly grips her shoulder. Before she can turn to face her, she had already let go and made her way in front of her, walking backwards.
They're out to get you, theres demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen,
I'll make you see
By now Nanoha had forgotten all about the movie as they skipped together down the dimly lit road, Fate's arm around her neck. She was having so much fun in fact that she barely noticed the foggy graveyard as they walked by...
From behind a large tombstone a familiar face peers out. Smooth, purple locks were not frazzled and covered in dirt. His once pristine, white lab coat was in tatters covered in dirt and other substances. As he watched, a slight grin came to his sunken face, revealing what remained of his teeth before he began to speak...
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize yawls neighborhood
The ground around the graves began to shift as something beneath started to stir.
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpses shell
A thin, bony hand stretched up from the open tomb and slowly pushed the lid aside to grant it access to the world outside. Across the graves below, others of its kind broke free from their earthen tombs and shuffled down to the road in their decomposed clothes.
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
On the road a manhole cover was lifted and slid aside, allowing another of their kind to join them on their evening march. This one was shorter than the rest with blond hair and chain dragging behind her.
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
The undead Jail cackles manically, his arms raised above his head. Only to have his right arm fall off and land on the moist soil. He pauses his laughter to stare at his missing limb and shrugs it off before joining the other ghouls in their slow, moaning shuffle down the street. The creatures from the grave catch up to the pair, surrounding them in the isolated street. Hungry moans echo though the evening air as Nanoha and Fate back up to one another. Blue and burgundy eyes dart around at the undead, trying to find a way out.
"Vi-vivio?"
Nanoha's gaze falls upon the shortest of the ghouls. Blue eyes match hungry, mis-matched ones. She quickly looks over the other undead and comes to recognize all of them. "Chrono...Yuuno...Hayate...Vita... What's going on here?" She turns to her friend for her opinion only to find her starting at inhuman eyes.
Fate tilts her head slightly to the side and grins at her friend, revealing large fangs that weren't there before. Her blond hair seemed more frazzled and...did her bust get bigger? Some of the ghouls gathered behind the blond, including Erio and Caro and then...began to dance.
Moving to the left and the right, shuffling and moving in tandem. Nanoha didn't know whether to run in terror screaming or nod along to the mysterious music that came out of no where. What she did know was that, for undead, they were pretty good. Then Fate began to sing again.
'cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know its thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller
The undead Combat Cyborgs joined in on the dance, shuffling along with Fate and adding in on the chorus to the song.
thriller, thriller night
cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight
Arms raised, the group danced to the left and to the right. For some reason, that move seemed familiar to Nanoha but she couldn't quite place it...
That this is thriller, thriller night
girl I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
The music vanished as quickly as it had appeared. All the hungry eyes turned upon the only living person amongst them. Having been forced to watch a few zombie movies back on Earth, she knew what they wanted and she really liked her brain. A lot. Bolting down the street towards the first house in sight she took a quick glance behind her. With Fate in the lead, the ghouls were shuffling over, arms raised and moaning in hunger while Fate merely kept pace and grinned to show off her fangs.
From the boarded up windows, the house was abandoned which meant Nanoha didn't feel too bad about forcing her way in and shoving a small love seat inside against the door. Her eyes darted around, the boards on the windows rattling from the ghouls beating against them to gain entry. A loud crack draws her attention to a ghoul breaking through the floor boards. As she backs up, she trips and lands on a couch. Another crash to her right, her eyes falling on Fate climbing through a newly made hole in the wall. The ghouls pour in through the new entryways. Nanoha backs as far as she can against the couch as Fate stands before her. Blue eyes meet burgundy as her friend grins and bares her fangs, leaning over with mouth slowly parting. At this point Nanoha does the only thing she can think of and screams.
"Nanoha?"
She blinks and looks up. Fate was giving her a funny look and...she had no fangs. A quick look around showed that she was on a couch, back at their room on base.
"Are you alright?"
"A-ah. I guess I must have passed out for a moment, nyahaha..."
"Mmm. Well how about we get some sleep? Unless you want to stay on the couch all by yourself..."
It didn't take Nanoha very long to jump to her feet and latch onto Fate's arm. "Yes! Bed sounds nice."
"Alright then."
As the two head off up the stairs, Fate glances back at the twin moons in the evening sky outside their window and grins...exposing her fangs.
AMV parody of Vampire Fate from FF thread much? :D
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)Doing a quick run through, and I found the majority of my OCs land in the 20s, with the frontliners like Artei, Sophia, and Allie hitting the 30s. But plugging in CCs, the only CC below 40 was those we have little detail of, like the bridge bunnies. Vice is a Mary Sue for his past, and so are the Wolkies. Except Zafira, who's shafting has shielded him from Sueism. Nanoha and Hayate hit the 60s, which was expected.
Basically, the more detail you cram into a character, the higher the OC will climb.
So who's the biggest Mary "CC" Sue? Fate topped off at 74, the only CC to be an Irredeemable.
And needless to guess, the biggest Mary "OC" Sue, is Kha, scoring 81 and probably is the highest score for the whole thread.
Kha and Fate REALLY are meant for each other. :D
And not just that, this test proved that I only have 1 Mary Sue. Which is good; I wanted a character to fulfill each archetype due to group mechanics, and it was designed to be like that. :D
...
...
...
...
...
...
...yeah right. I'm deleting Kha and reroll fully into Sophia. He's hopeless and fundamentally flawed from day 1, ever since I decided to use a German play of my online persona instead of Thomas Kluize. More than 40 points of the score were attributed to changes happening from input in the OC thread itself, and as Kha being a very old character, predating the OC thread itself, the sheer amount of detail into him and the logical extensions of it all blew the results through the roof. Despite all the nerfing for 5th ed, he still scored 80++, due to his naming (20 pts alone), his Holy Belka magic (it's only fixed in StrikerS, which is still wrong), his involvement in Fate's past (major historic event), the Harem Hero archetype. And once again, 40Kism is a curse, though I find glee in that overt militarism is atypical in this universe and would push rational characters higher in Sueism.
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-07, 21:53
Doing a quick run through, and I found the majority of my OCs land in the 20s, with the frontliners like Artei, Sophia, and Allie hitting the 30s. But plugging in CCs, the only CC below 40 was those we have little detail of, like the bridge bunnies. Vice is a Mary Sue for his past, and so are the Wolkies. Except Zafira, who's shafting has shielded him from Sueism. Nanoha and Hayate hit the 60s, which was expected
Basically, the more detail you cram into a character, the higher the OC will climb.
So who's the biggest Mary "CC" Sue? Fate topped off at 74, the only CC to be an Irredeemable.
And needless to guess, the biggest Mary "OC" Sue, is Kha, scoring 81 and probably is the highest score for the whole thread.
Kha and Fate REALLY are meant for each other. :D
And not just that, this test proved that I only have 1 Mary Sue. Which is good; I wanted a character to fulfill each archetype due to group mechanics, and was design. :D
...
...
...
...
...
...
...yeah right. I should just delete Kha and reroll fully into Sophia. He's hopeless and fundamentally flawed from day 1, ever since I decided to use a German play of my online persona instead of Thomas Kluize. More than 40 points of the score were attributed to changes happening from input in the OC thread itself, and as Kha being a very old character, predating the OC thread itself, the sheer amount of detail into him and the logical extensions of it all blew the results through the roof. Despite all the nerfing for 5th ed, he still scored 80++, due to his naming (20 pts alone), his Holy Belka magic (it's only fixed in StrikerS, which is still wrong), his involvement in Fate's past (major historic event), the Harem Hero archetype. And once again, 40Kism is a curse, though I find glee in that overt militarism is atypical in this universe and would push rational characters higher in Sueism.
There's no escaping the Sue, so I'm following advice in the test and give up. Nanoha hated guys anyway, in fact, the test proves that shafting actually protects them from Sue. I'm sure Goose is rejoicing at this. Thus I go down in flame, oh thy dagger, how sweet thy pain!
Wow. 81. Just... Wow. :twitch::eyespin::heh: Yet at the same time... I'm not that surprised :heh:
Yeah you blew it out of the water there. Not even my first OC ever scored that high (21), and I've used him ever since I started writing back in 2002. Heck, Noland is a derivative of him.
Man. I'm getting DJ Croft flashbacks now. :p X_x
*Tempest goes to boil some tea... and maybe his brain to get rid of the bad memories*
krisslanza
2008-07-07, 21:54
Let's see... Rune got 66. Aegina is, shockingly, a 42.
And no Kha. I beat you. My first OC ever, Kristena Einhart Dargoth scores... 170.
ghazghkull
2008-07-07, 22:12
*throws confetti into the air*
YAY! XD I'm being noticed! Even if it is just because I had posted a Mary-Sue litmus test XD
TheShinySword
2008-07-07, 22:31
Who is this Ghaz person who keeps speaking?:confused:
(Just kidding Ghaz we pay attention to you not that often but we definitely do)
Btw I'm leaving you guys all with this
Device Data… Loaded.
Falling Soul the Obnoxious Glaive
Master: Vivio H. Takamachi
AI: Male
Paint Color: Dark Orange
Civilian Form: Small orange cube that fits onto a bracelet on Vivio’s arm
Quote: “[As long as you’re an idiot Vi, I’ll be here to save you]”
Falling Soul was created by Shario Finieno and was the prototype for a line of highly advanced AI systems, a fact that he is very very proud of (and reminds Vivio of constantly). He was created in the year MC 83 and given to his current owner Vivio H. Takamachi as a 13th birthday present. He did not go through basic training with Vivio, as that happened the year before his creation, he’s always eager to point out it would have been much more enjoyable with him around.
Personality: He tries his best to keep Vivio down to Earth, he’s well aware of the raw talent his master has but also knows that all the talent in the world won’t help her if she doesn’t keep focused. Most people or devices would decide the best plan of action would be to encourage her and gently nudge her in the right direction. Yeah too bad Falling Soul isn’t like that. Falling Soul decided to take the direct approach and just be as snarky as possible and remind Vivio that she’s still a kid and he’s smarter. It doesn’t help that Shari spoils him whenever she’s working on his repairs. The only person he seems to respect is Syn and only because she knows exactly what to do to rile him up.
He’s also very prideful, as a device with an advanced AI he sometimes believes that makes him better then older models (who he calls old timers) occasionally one of these models will tell him off and he’ll become a quiet moody device. If anyone insults him he’ll get haughty and defensive or just order Vivio to blow them up.
Appearance:
Glaive form: His normal form. The pole is about as long Vivio’s body and orange. The crescent blade on the top is about as long as Vivio’s forearm and is a lovely shade of black. His cartage loader is on the pole but due to advances in technology it’s not nearly as hulking as the ones on older devices. In this form Vivio is much more focused on mid-ranged magic. While the crescent shape blade makes stabbing impossible it provides an area for Vivio to contain and charge her magic.
Sword and Shield form: The blade of glaive form turns into a black buckler shield (the small round ones) while the pole turns into an orange arming sword (about 3 feet long). This form allows Vivio to show off the melee skills she’s acquired (as well as some of the sword lessons she’s had). Vivio’s prone to throwing the shield part when she gets annoyed. Sometimes though it seems like she’s bringing a knife to a gunfight.
Special Features:
He’s more customized for Vivio then she knows. He’s also able to act as a limiter for her, after all a child shouldn’t be running around with the Saint Kaiser’s power buzzing about them (She had a series of other limiters placed on her before). As a result when she uses Falling Soul her magic comes out orange instead of glowy rainbow. Vivio herself isn’t aware of this feature.
Short profile but he's a device so how long can I make it :heh:
Those who hang out in the FFT will recognize him :3. Falling Soul is Vivio's (RebelS version) device. RebelS is the OC fic I have stirring in the FFT (I might start duel posting it over here but the idea still scares me :uhoh:)
Says who? Link me to a profile and I'll see what I can do.
You would need to ask Shou or Saint :p They OC'd me so they have the profile... :eyespin:
Yessss
We are pretty busy here...
If you want we can share the GDOC document that holds her profile.
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Hmm. Noland scored a 16. Yay.
I would also point this one out:
Linkage (http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm)
Got an 8 with that one :3
I wonder if it'd blow up if I selected them all :3
Mary Sue Litmus Test: That's not a sue it's an Uber Sue! Save the children!
To me, Mary-Sue tests are just relative to the creator and hence, somewhat biased- so i don't trust them.
I'd rather use the judgment of other people instead of a standardized test.
But that's just me, because to each his/her own.
Every time I come across a Mary Sue Litmus Test, I like to run myself through them.
58 points, without checking "Does the character have the same name as you". That brings me, as in Real Life me, to Uber-Sue territory.
Comartemis
2008-07-08, 01:46
Hmm... so long as I'm waiting for comments on the Neo-Mid system....
Alex got a 26, but he's not completely developed at present. Let's see here:
Does the character have a name you really, really like?
Yep, Alexander has a couple of cool nicknames you can go by (Alex, Lex, Xander, etc) and it also happens to mean something on the order of "defender of man" in Greek.
Does the character have a nickname or pseudonym?
Ace of Blades, picked up during the A's-StrikerS timeskip.
Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him?
Possibly Hayate, eventually. Nothing specific is in the works at present, though.
Does the character have an unusual eye color, or otherwise exceptional eyes?
Alex's pseudo-demonic (near-human) heritage gives him a pair of Cute Little Fangs, pointed ears and deep red cat-slitted eyes that glow faintly whenever he uses magic or ki, but otherwise affords him no particular advantages besides darkening the colors of his ki and magic circles.
Does the character have angst in the present?
Alex has an ingrained dislike for demons on account of his upbringing in the Saint Church, and the fact that the ancestors of almost his entire race were demons wears on him somewhat, though more in a "something to think about" manner than an "oh noes" manner.
Is the character unusually accomplished for her/his age/species/etc.?
Well yeah, but so are the other Aces. "Child-genius in the magical arts" is practically a prerequisite to keep up with the CCs.
Does the character ever easily learn a difficult skill (e.g. learn to play guitar in a matter of weeks)?
Depends on whether ki manipulation counts as a difficult skill; Alex learns this in a few months instead of years because ki is very similar to a person's own mana pool. The usage of Kanka first comes during the battles with Signum and company, but a lot of this is based on previous experience with internal energy sources, so there are similarities Alex can use to bring his experience with magic into play when using ki and Kanka.
Has the character ever fairly lost in any kind of duel, fight, or competition against someone of equal or lesser ability, where the winner was not the character's rival?
The other Aces can outmaneuver Alex about as often as he can beat them in practice matches once everyone levels out on the power scale after A's.
Is the character the sole or last practitioner of a particular martial art or magic?
Inventor of Neo-Mid? Yup, pretty much the only practitioner of a style still in its' development stages.
Skip the powers list, that's pretty much all standard-issue stuff for Nanoha-canon.
Is the character repeatedly rivalled by the same person?
Odds are good on circumstances turning Signum into Alex's rival while Fate deals with Evangeline throughout A's.
Does the character fall in (reciprocated) love with, or have sex with, a character you would like to fall in love with or have sex with?
Hayate, again, possibly. And that's during StrikerS manga timeline at the earliest.
Is the character someone you would want to be friends with, assuming she/he would be receptive to friendship with you?
Pretty much.
Do you ever wish you could be like the character?
What, you mean would I like to have magical powers and get to fly around smashing bad guys for a living? Fuck yes.
Wild Goose
2008-07-08, 01:55
Ninjaposting...
I once ran 3 potential OCs into this. All were haxxed. One was an army officer, a paratrooper, well-known and well-honored officer who lead and planned and assault that 65 years later was still being studied, who was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross. The other was a Marine, a sniper in Vietnam, who was also honored and respected, and known by his nickname, who had a rifle named after him.
Both were considered irredemable sues.
Their names?
Lt. Colonel Richard Winters and Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock. No more words are nesscesary.
Comartemis
2008-07-08, 01:59
How about some words telling us who the hell those guys are? I see nothing in your description to distinguish them from being mary sues in a military setting, not that it really matters all that much; it's not like we judge characters by this thing.
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-08, 02:10
I ran my character 'Tigerclaw' through that. Surprised I scored only 26 for him. Of course, I've been developing him for years.
In my view, stuff like the Mary Sue Litmus Tests are only for fun, not actual guidelines (much less rules) for writing. Since they concentrate so much on superficialities, it's entirely possible for a character to score highly on the test, but remain interesting nevertheless. It's only when a character is nothing but superficialities that the test can be remotely useful.
Besides, tests tend to err on the side of conservatism. As mentioned, I'm apparently Uber-Sue, even though I'm obviously not a Real Life Sue. The questions are geared oddly, sometimes: yes, my character is Asian, but so's over sixty percent of the world population.
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-08, 02:58
How about some words telling us who the hell those guys are? I see nothing in your description to distinguish them from being mary sues in a military setting, not that it really matters all that much; it's not like we judge characters by this thing.
Lt. Col. Richard Winters was a paratrooper in the United States Army. From D-Day to the end of the war, he lead the 101st Airborne 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Unit. However he began his leadership role in Easy Company. He is known to be a humble, quiet, thoughtful, and intelligent leader, loved by all his soldiers.
One of his operations in WWII involved him attacking an artillery battery with 13 paratroopers against an entire platoon of German infantry. He was highly successful, and the assault is still taught to this day as a textbook assault on a fixed position. During this assault, he also managed to procure vital German defense intelligence. During Operation Market Garden, Winters successfully lead 20 Easy company soldiers again 200 German soldiers.
The nonfiction book Band of Brothers and the HBO series of the same name help introduce the men of Easy Company and Dick Winters into public light.
Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock II was a USMC sniper, operating during the Vietnam War with extreme efficiency. His official record is 93 confirmed kills, but he has up to 400 probable kills. He is a legend among Marines, being one of the key figures in starting the USMC sniper program and even getting the M25 rifle named after him.
His greatest accomplishments are his own: shooting an enemy sniper through his scope, hitting him in the eye and killing him, and stalking an enemy general for four days and three nights in the bush, taking him down in one shot, then crawling away back to pick up. He also altered a .50 M2 heavy machine gun with a custom made scope, sniping targets up to 2500 yards away, firing single shots. There have been many nods to his accomplishments in movies and tv.
Both men were legendary soldiers in the United States military
Actually these tests should just be taken as alarm bells, telling people to rework their characters a little bit. Imo, the greatest danger an aspiring writer will face is to shower himself in self-praise and overconfidence about how his own characters and ideas are unquestionnably awesome. Everyone is subject to critics, everyone. Your ideals of awesome and well-fleshed characters may be not the reader's ideal of awesome and well-fleshed characters. In my days of IAQing, I have seen way too much forum users litterally self-praising, pimping and powerwanking their own characters. And I have the feeling that some users here are treading the path.
However if your character has Mary Sue-like traits, maybe do the fucking effort to justify it.
Example:
1. Your character swing a big fucking sword and is a walking genocide. How and why?
a. As a highschooler or prince, he is so incredibly gifted, and has the bodybuild of Leonardo di Caprio in The Beach, winning tournaments at the age of 11.
Unacceptable and expect LOTS of eyerolls.
b. He grew up in a mercenary company that waged war for a living, was forced to adapt and survive in a near darwinian environment. Maybe when he was 14, he was called the Slaughterer of Hundred. By the time when his soul was sold to demons by his best friend who betrayed him for his ambition, he was a magnet for devils and demons. He gained his Big Fucking Sword when he was about to go on his journey to kill monsters and his former best friend. And knowing what kind of abomination he fight every days, it IS understandable.
(guess who it is)
More acceptable, through his backstory and context.
EDIT:
Sousuke Sagara's incredible military skills at age 17 may have qualify him as one BUT his past and context in his verse justify this, not to mention it left him as totally not adapted to western social life. Moreover, history has examples of young soldiers (especially in times when living until 30 is a miracle), and don't get me started on kid soldiers in africa or those in south-east asia in the 1970s (vietnam and cambodia). But none of them were formidable soldiers at less than 10.
EDIT 2:
Dean Winchester in Supernatural may also have been qualified as one. However, it is again justified by his upbringing, not to mention the fact that scripwriters has taken a near sadistic pleasure into breaking him, in lots of way.
No amount of justification seemed to have done any good for me. An orphan with long history of conflict, knowing nothing but war machines and combat, strumming his father's old guitar to while away time while flying from dimension to dimension in an overused fighter, socially inept and linguistically brutal, and yet is fated to be the bringer of a new dawn, 10 years after the incident that turned him into a lost boy in the first place. This on top of the many effects that make the one a Sue; I could even throw in a clone for the fun of it just to make the score worse. He fukking died and came back in the old script; a shoutout to Gundam more cost me twice, first in Sunrising, second in wanting to even shoutout which I'm surprised is a Sue trait.
It's thick and rich, and incorrigibly fun to create and field, but apparently it has all come at the cost of reputation.
I'm too guilty to work this further. In fact, the more I talk about him, the deeper this sin becomes.
No amount of justification seemed to have done any good for me.
Make him less of a ubermensch and Don Juan then. Do not make the female cast cling onto him harem anime like. Justify one's crush by building it up brick by brick until the crowning moment of awesome (I could see Yuuno winning Nanoha's heart by helping her escape from invading army or swarm of bent-on-destruction drones while holding his ground against a full batallion with his barriers and binds, as one of the many ways to crown him).
And please stop flaunting the VN-like harem endings like you used to do.
The reason he was a Harem Hero was because the series lacked one in the first place. Like I said, incorrigibly fun, but ultimately sinful. As for building up brick by brick, I believe having completely different timelines to do that purpose. And Kha's story should've ended 4 years before StrikerS; StrikerS forced me to dig him up again.
Anyway Sophia's codex should help patch the hole left by der Kleriker. Just disappear mysteriously. That should be good. After all, till now we still have no idea where Malfurion is in WoW...
The reason he was a Harem Hero was because the series lacked one in the first place. Like I said, incorrigibly fun, but ultimately sinful. As for building up brick by brick, I believe having completely different timelines to do that purpose. And Kha's story should've ended 4 years before StrikerS; StrikerS forced me to dig him up again.
Anyway Sophia's codex should help patch the hole left by der Kleriker. Just disappear mysteriously. That should be good. After all, till now we still have no idea where Malfurion is in WoW...
Outside the harem element, you have shown to be less subject to author hubris than others.
One of your biggest problems is that you throw ideas, often sprung from the Cool Thing of the Month, here and there without doing much to make it work, that's what one of the things that people like tk reproached you. That's one of the reason people got lost, because they are not sure if this Kha is the definitive version or will he be modified again.
Personally, my tests for seeing whether a character is a Sue is a lot simpler:
Does the plot revolve entirely around the character, to the expense and detriment of every other character?
If so, is the plot interesting?
The reason why Original Characters are stereotypically seen to be Sues by default is that people tend not to want to read about our creations, they want to read about the canon characters as they are (or as they can plausibly be extrapolated). Hijacking the whole "rubber sheet" theory of gravitation, the more the original character's plot mass, the more they distort the story around them. If the mass is enough to form a black hole (or close enough), that's a Sue.
And it doesn't matter if the character is interesting nonetheless. If a character's background allows him to be who he is, in a way that makes readers nod and say "that makes sense", then it's all fine. But if the background reads like a litany of angst and complaints, then readers are likely to be less forgiving.
Part of the challenge here is in trying to make the backgrounds of our OCs in summary sound interesting enough that it doesn't overwhelm everyone else. The history of Spider-man may have earned him his rightful legion of fans over the years, but trying to summarize everything to a new reader is likely to result in complete confusion, followed by complete disinterest.
Personally, my tests for seeing whether a character is a Sue is a lot simpler:
Does the plot revolve entirely around the character, to the expense and detriment of every other character?
If so, is the plot interesting?
The reason why Original Characters are stereotypically seen to be Sues by default is that people tend not to want to read about our creations, they want to read about the canon characters as they are (or as they can plausibly be extrapolated). Hijacking the whole "rubber sheet" theory of gravitation, the more the original character's plot mass, the more they distort the story around them. If the mass is enough to form a black hole (or close enough), that's a Sue.
And it doesn't matter if the character is interesting nonetheless. If a character's background allows him to be who he is, in a way that makes readers nod and say "that makes sense", then it's all fine. But if the background reads like a litany of angst and complaints, then readers are likely to be less forgiving.
Part of the challenge here is in trying to make the backgrounds of our OCs in summary sound interesting enough that it doesn't overwhelm everyone else. The history of Spider-man may have earned him his rightful legion of fans over the years, but trying to summarize everything to a new reader is likely to result in complete confusion, followed by complete disinterest.
This is where I agree on all points.
I'll just say that lots of most well-established characters in old and modern fictions has points that may have made them Sues. This is where "how to do it" come in play.
EDIT: So yeah, people can rant all the day along how their character is badass awesome, I'll answer them, "Just write first then we will talk" or in the case of a pen & paper RPG "Just roll and play first, then as a GM I'll see if you can do it".
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Heh, to be honest, I despise those tests. Basically that test says "Any character that has acomplished anything even remotely of importance is a Mary Sue." The only way to pass that test is to make your character an unimportant character with no tallents or special things. Now where is the fun in that? In that case just name him 'generic NPC #1293' and be done with it. -_-
The questions re incomplete too, I can think of various Mary Sue related subjects that are not on the test, but are certainly the very things Mary Sues are made off.
I also ignore any question that compares me to the character, because quite frankly, whether a character is based on me has no relation whatsoever to how the character is read by other people. Seriously, even profesional writers base their characters and stories on the things and people they know or have experienced. Tolkien wrote the Lord of the Rings based on his own experiences. Are we saying that the best selling book worldwide, second only to the bible (Jesus scored a whoopin 85 by the way) is a Sue filled book? in my opinion the best rules to hold whether a character is a Mary Sue or not is to simply compare them to the heroes and ask 'is my character superior to them in every way?' if yes, then you most likely need to rewrite a thing or two. Not just because your character has a few tallents of his own.
As the test itself says:
"Again, keep in mind that the test isn't always correct. Morpheus from the Sandman Comics scored nearly 70 points, and yet we don't believe he's a Mary-Sue. He's well developed, suffers the consequences of several major personality flaws, and has very few powers or talents besides those necessary to perform the duties of his station. Of course, research, an interesting story, and good writing always help too. ;)"
So don't take that test seriously, its far too limited.
For the curious:
Keroko: 48, not surprising, angsty past, last surviving member of a calamity, reformed a criminal (Tesla), one of the Aces. Nope, no surprise there. Though I had to mark 'nursed back by a kind and loving person' because my mind fails to compute Shamal as anything else.
Tesla: 19, well if the quiz branched more on the intelectual part or the 'immortal, god fae etc.' part (there were no questions that related to the Wolkenritter, even though its easy to think of a few) I have little doubt she would have come out as a Sue. As it stand though, not having had a familly to lose seems to be an advantage she holds over Keroko. :rolleyes:
Uomo: 15, again no real questions that branch into him. Had they branched into evil characters, his rating would have skyrocketed. Not having any parents to lose also helped (they really should add 'product of experiments' to that list)
Syn: 15, no surprise here either, except this time in a positive way. Syn is by far the most normal character I have written. No emo past, no complicated things about her body, and she hasn't risen to fame yet to bother with all the 'well known' things. I did skip the high-school part though.
Again, I ignored any question comparing me to my characters.
Exactly! :nod:
Though a strip poker crack is... Hard. See with yakyuken crack I can use dice to determine who wins (Assigning 2 numbers to each symbol per character and rolling dice to see who wins and stuff)
But how can I find a way to do that with poker...? :uhoh:
Dice, just grab a d4, assign one to each number, and roll away.
Dice fix everything. :3
On a completely unrelated topic, has anyone tried to do a Neo-Mid system?
Neo-Belka takes the groundings of AB and applies Mid techniques to them; an idea I had for Alex (since Cinque went and hijacked the Steel Mage concept) was to reverse the process, and make a Mid system with Belkan concepts applied to it.
Since Alex has grown up in the Saint Church, he idolizes the Church Knights and decides to make up his own style while still playing to his strengths (energy manipulation instead of pseudomatter manipulation). The result is a Mid-type user who specializes in melee and short-range combat using lots of energy blades and an array of other spells like binding spells that can be used like whips, energy daggers and blades used as projectiles, etc. Anyone have any similar systems I could use for additional ideas and inspiration?
Not as far as I know, mostly because Neo Belkan is Mid's take on a virtually extinct system. Mid is nowhere near extinct, thus there has been no reason to develop a Neo Mid system.
If anything, Fate is probably the closest we have so far in a Neo Mid user. Though I myself atribute that more to Mid's versatality. *shrug*
I guess it was how Kha was made. Back in AlternateS, he was designed as the 4th Ace, and so had traits, skills and powers modelled after the others, but geared towards what they lacked (tank, less DPS, healing, buffing-- Hence the Paladin choice). And after learning a few lessons in OC, and adapting for Keroko, Kha became even more entrenched.
It was a really scary adventure, because for the first time, a Ces'rauva was not only a primary character, he was directly affected by major events in the timeline, and rose as a powerful figure in an organization. When all along, Ces'rauva just nudged things along on the side, while the story focused wholly on the main character from the series.
I meant that you picked Fate to like. Fate is the number 1 favourite character in Nanoha. :p Aaron and I went for the slighlty less liked characters. :p
(Just kidding Ghaz we pay attention to you not that often but we definitely do)
Btw I'm leaving you guys all with this
Device Data… Loaded.
Falling Soul the Obnoxious Glaive
Master: Vivio H. Takamachi
AI: Male
Paint Color: Dark Orange
Civilian Form: Small orange cube that fits onto a bracelet on Vivio’s arm
Quote: “[As long as you’re an idiot Vi, I’ll be here to save you]”
Falling Soul was created by Shario Finieno and was the prototype for a line of highly advanced AI systems, a fact that he is very very proud of (and reminds Vivio of constantly). He was created in the year MC 83 and given to his current owner Vivio H. Takamachi as a 13th birthday present. He did not go through basic training with Vivio, as that happened the year before his creation, he’s always eager to point out it would have been much more enjoyable with him around.
Personality: He tries his best to keep Vivio down to Earth, he’s well aware of the raw talent his master has but also knows that all the talent in the world won’t help her if she doesn’t keep focused. Most people or devices would decide the best plan of action would be to encourage her and gently nudge her in the right direction. Yeah too bad Falling Soul isn’t like that. Falling Soul decided to take the direct approach and just be as snarky as possible and remind Vivio that she’s still a kid and he’s smarter. It doesn’t help that Shari spoils him whenever she’s working on his repairs. The only person he seems to respect is Syn and only because she knows exactly what to do to rile him up.
He’s also very prideful, as a device with an advanced AI he sometimes believes that makes him better then older models (who he calls old timers) occasionally one of these models will tell him off and he’ll become a quiet moody device. If anyone insults him he’ll get haughty and defensive or just order Vivio to blow them up.
Appearance:
Glaive form: His normal form. The pole is about as long Vivio’s body and orange. The crescent blade on the top is about as long as Vivio’s forearm and is a lovely shade of black. His cartage loader is on the pole but due to advances in technology it’s not nearly as hulking as the ones on older devices. In this form Vivio is much more focused on mid-ranged magic. While the crescent shape blade makes stabbing impossible it provides an area for Vivio to contain and charge her magic.
Sword and Shield form: The blade of glaive form turns into a black buckler shield (the small round ones) while the pole turns into an orange arming sword (about 3 feet long). This form allows Vivio to show off the melee skills she’s acquired (as well as some of the sword lessons she’s had). Vivio’s prone to throwing the shield part when she gets annoyed. Sometimes though it seems like she’s bringing a knife to a gunfight.
Special Features:
He’s more customized for Vivio then she knows. He’s also able to act as a limiter for her, after all a child shouldn’t be running around with the Saint Kaiser’s power buzzing about them (She had a series of other limiters placed on her before). As a result when she uses Falling Soul her magic comes out orange instead of glowy rainbow. Vivio herself isn’t aware of this feature.
Short profile but he's a device so how long can I make it :heh:
Those who hang out in the FFT will recognize him :3. Falling Soul is Vivio's (RebelS version) device. RebelS is the OC fic I have stirring in the FFT (I might start duel posting it over here but the idea still scares me :uhoh:)
Oh I do Like Falling Soul. He and Syn make such a nice combo when they agree on a point. :D
No amount of justification seemed to have done any good for me. An orphan with long history of conflict, knowing nothing but war machines and combat, strumming his father's old guitar to while away time while flying from dimension to dimension in an overused fighter, socially inept and linguistically brutal, and yet is fated to be the bringer of a new dawn, 10 years after the incident that turned him into a lost boy in the first place. This on top of the many effects that make the one a Sue; I could even throw in a clone for the fun of it just to make the score worse. He fukking died and came back in the old script; a shoutout to Gundam more cost me twice, first in Sunrising, second in wanting to even shoutout which I'm surprised is a Sue trait.
It's thick and rich, and incorrigibly fun to create and field, but apparently it has all come at the cost of reputation.
I'm too guilty to work this further. In fact, the more I talk about him, the deeper this sin becomes.
I can see you're unhappy with your character, so I won't try to sweet talk you out of whatever you've planned. I've been unhappy with my characters myself before too, sometimes they got scrapped (Mandy for example, she was just simply too much of a rip/paste).
Other times I like the base of the characters, but not what I build around them. Uomo and Syn come to mind, Uomo had a good base, a trap Sentoukijin specialized into espionage, but the details around him were just too crackish to work (admitidly his initial profile was created more for fun then anything else) I rebuilt him by scrapping virtually everything, even his appearance, and building him back up from the base. I used the thread's theories that Jail must have had more sponsors then just the TSAB and incorporated NOD into his profile as an underground organisation that moves against the TSAB. He is not alike his first version at all, but not unlike him either, and I'm more happy with this build.
If you want to scrap Kha completely, that choice is yours to make. However, Kha has the potential to work, like Sheba said, you just have to get rid of the unnecisary aditions to his profile that makes him too much a central pillar to the Nanohaverse. An OC should not surpass a CC in importance to the story.
Thinking back, it was a toss up between Fate and Hayate. I guess it was good thing I picked Fate ultimately; or I'd have given Hayate up to Aaron.
So what's the plan now Kha? Are you going to abandon Kha completely or rebuilt him? If you choose to rebuilt him, I'll be more then happy to help.
There's nothing to change. It's either I continue or stop.
There's nothing to change. It's either I continue or stop.
What's bad if you change?
So I tried running Ivey (http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1638298&postcount=931) through the Mary Sue test.
She scored 80. And she's not even the main character of the story.
Is the character's name an unusual spelling of a more common word or name?
"Ivey de Lorien" should speak for itself.
Is the character highly attractive only through her/his concerted effort?
Ivey's generically cute, in the way that every anime female character is able to suddenly turn drop-dead gorgeous if they put in effort.
Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him?
Rancer (her former boyfriend) and Luna (who is, indeed, a Token Bi).
Does the character have an unusual eye color, or otherwise exceptional eyes? And will they have something to do with the plot?
Grey eyes, and a spoilery yes. (It's already listed in her submitted profile, under heavy spoiler protection.
Does the character have unusual or exceptional hair, or does her/his hair get a disproportionate amount of description compared to that of the other characters?
Silvery-grey hair (since just saying "grey hair" has a different connotation), again (slightly) plot-important. A side effect of the plot, rather than central to it.
Does the character dress in a manner you find particularly attractive, sexy, or cool?
Her barrier jacket? Hell yeah it's cool. I was under the impression that it's kind of the point of all barrier jackets.
Is the character of above average intelligence? Is she/he a genius?
Already mentioned in the profile, and approved. Personally I was surprised that it didn't get a single raised eyebrow.
Is the character heir to a large fortune?
Again, in the profile.
Does the character feel guilty about something terrible that happened in the past? Even despite overwhelming evidence that it wasn't her/his fault?
In the spoilered section of the profile. It's very definitely not Ivey's fault, and Rancer is being a [censored], but the guilt complex is one of the important themes of the story.
Is the character unusually accomplished for her/his age/species/etc.?
Like every significant Nanoha-verse character.
Is the character fluent in more than two languages?
Midchildan, Earth English, Earth Japanese, and Belkan. Admittedly, this is assuming that all these languages are different, which has no evidence in the series.
Has the character traveled extensively?
To everywhere the TSAB sends her, yes.
Is the character consistently irreverent or radical, without repercussions?
I'm interpreting this as "without serious repercussions". Ivey is consistently irreverent; she's just careful not to do it in the presence of someone who can make her life difficult.
Does the character ever easily learn a difficult skill (e.g. learn to play guitar in a matter of weeks)?
In profile.
Has the character ever fairly lost in any kind of duel, fight, or competition against someone of equal or lesser ability, where the winner was not the character's rival?
A few times. The only reason it's not more is because I suck at visualizing fight scenes.
Does the character have a physical handicap that does not hinder her/him significantly?
In profile, spoilered.
Does the character remain in a committed relationship for the full duration of your story?
I'm assuming that her absolute devotion to Rancer, despite them not actually being a couple, counts. She's completely committed to him, at least for most of the story.
Is the character astonishingly good at something that is not her/his profession?
Ivey can drink anyone under the table. Since she's not a professional beer-drinker, this counts.
Does the character have any particular skill at which she/he the best or among the best?
Fighting with a spiked chain.
Does the character hold your dream job?
So does every other Enforcer in the TSAB.
Is the character, or was she/he ever... A cop? A hero?
See also: TSAB Enforcer.
Does the character possesses the following skills, with or without the aid of charms, spells, etc.)
Telepathy, telekinesis (to guide her projectiles), invulnerability (shields), flight, general magic, transdimensional travel and communication, the ability to shrug off minor wounds (like every other Nanoha-verse character, and possibly in action anime), super strength/speed (like every other Nanoha-verse character), skill in martial arts/hand-to-hand combat (melee fighter), sharp-shooting (for a given definition of "sharp-shooting"; she's accurate, but not superhumanly so), sleight of hand (which is not difficult to do). All considered "normal" for the Nanoha-verse.
Does the character have the same religious or spiritual beliefs as you?
By default, yes.
Do the character's problems continue after the end of your story without hope of respite (i.e. she/he neither dies nor gets a happy ending)?
Some of her problems (including a very major one) continue, since, well, she's not the main character.
Is the character someone you would like to fall in love with or have sex with?
I admit that I think Ivey is awesome.
Does the character effect a major change in her/his love interest to make said love interest a more appropriate partner?
In the backstory, under spoiler tags.
Has the character ever been nursed back to health from serious injuries by a warm, kind, and loving person? Was this person the character's love interest?
Spoilered backstory.
Does the character sacrifice her/himself for love, or so that two other characters can be together?
Despite being committed to Rancer, she's willing to let Reiz and Laura be the ones fighting for him. I suspect I'm thinking of the wrong use of "sacrifice".
Have you ever written a fight scene in which you described with needless extravagence everything your character did? Was this scene inspired by a movie, show, or game?
By necessity, despite not wanting to at all.
Did you base the character on your favorite previously existing character or person?
Based on Konata Izumi from Lucky Star. She's not a direct copy, and my favourite L*S character is Miyuki, and my favourite character period is Tomoyo from CCS, but otherwise it counts.
Is the character someone you would want to be friends with, assuming she/he would be receptive to friendship with you?
As mentioned before, I wouldn't mind if Ivey were my girlfriend.
Do you ever wish you could be like the character?
Without the injuries, perhaps.
I just find this amusing because I've submitted Ivey twice for approval, and both times received "well-balanced character" in response.
There's nothing to change. It's either I continue or stop.
Bullshit, there are a million of ways to change Kha and make him an acceptable character. I believe that I can quite confidently say that I have experience in rewriting characters, and to say there is 'nothing to change' is the biggest nonsense I have seen in a while.
Honestly Kha, pull yourself together. Yes, the current Kha is a Mary Sue by a rather large standart, but so what? You were already planning to rebuilt him anyway, might as well change course and make him a character that can shine. Start by peeling apart everything you know about him, and look at it. What would fit? What wouldn't? Leave the things that fit, and discard those that don't. Rebuilt Kha's history from that point.
I can still see Kha, not a being destined to be the bringer of a new dawn, but as a Knight of the Saint Church, a man who met the Aces of the bureau and fell in love with a certain blone haired Enforcer, a hero of his own right who stood by her through her greatest trials.
I aknowledge that the Cleric Knight has problems, but what you're doing right now is running away. Goose and Kagerou didn't give up when we started hammering Erusia, ATC didn't give up when we were complaining about his characters and their ideas, I didn't give up when my characters weren't what I wanted them to be. You know what we did? We didn't run away, we looked at the concepts, we changed them, we altered them, we rebuilt them, often scrapping major ellements, and what came out where characters and scenarios that everyone was satisfed with and enjoyed.
Don't run away Kha. I know you can do better then that.
kazenoyuuchi
2008-07-08, 07:41
See? See? I'm not the only one who easilly connects the Saint Church to 40k Mwahahaha! :D:D:D
40K? Never heard of it.
Anyway, a bit of a bland profile for now, but how old is Vivio when he kidnaps her?
For now, I am thinking that the kidnapping happens when Vivio is 10, though nothing is really confirmed yet...:heh:
Nice work here! And let me express sheer amazement at how you hit the definition of daemons almost directly on the head! :eek:
Daemons... Why do I get the feeling it has something to do with 40k...
Don't worry, updates can come later. :D Though if you don't mind, I'd like to call his magic Chaos Midchilda, since Chaos magic is daemonic magic in my terms. :D
Feel free to call it whatever you wish:)
@Keroko: This Daemon is one nice guy, perfect for Nanohaverse, but very off for 40K. Not that its anything bad! I've always wanted a befriendable daemon! :D
Remember, the Nanoha equivalent of befriending is a Starlight Breaker:p
The prospect is quite interesting. Though I am most curious at to what Johan would do once he gets his hands on Vivio... Not to mention the reaction of her family...:uhoh:
You had to remind me of the family... Now I've got a mental image of a sort of pathetic looking Johan running from a barrage of pink beams...
...
*still hasn't played any Touhou*
My friend, you are not alone in that aspect.
Hence why I am asking for age. Keroko aside, Syn is not going to be happy. <_<
Great... Now red bolts and arrows have joined the barrage... What next??? Kha joining the assault from the front???
Poor Johan... looking pathetic in his creator's mind even before he is finished...
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Pulled whatever I had in mind for Johan through this... Got only a 6...
However, I shall go on with him even if he is an anti-sue (whatever that is...)!
A 6 still feels pretty pathetic though...
Bullshit, there are a million of ways to change Kha and make him an acceptable character. I believe that I can quite confidently say that I have experience in rewriting characters, and to say there is 'nothing to change' is the biggest nonsense I have seen in a while.
Honestly Kha, pull yourself together. Yes, the current Kha is a Mary Sue by a rather large standart, but so what? You were already planning to rebuilt him anyway, might as well change course and make him a character that can shine. Start by peeling apart everything you know about him, and look at it. What would fit? What wouldn't? Leave the things that fit, and discard those that don't. Rebuilt Kha's history from that point.
I can still see Kha, not a being destined to be the bringer of a new dawn, but as a Knight of the Saint Church, a man who met the Aces of the bureau and fell in love with a certain blone haired Enforcer, a hero of his own right who stood by her through her greatest trials.
I aknowledge that the Cleric Knight has problems, but what you're doing right now is running away. Goose and Kagerou didn't give up when we started hammering Erusia, ATC didn't give up when we were complaining about his characters and their ideas, I didn't give up when my characters weren't what I wanted them to be. You know what we did? We didn't run away, we looked at the concepts, we changed them, we altered them we rebuilt them, often scrapping major ellements, and what came out where characters and scenarios that everyone was satisfed with and enjoyed.
Don't run away Kha. I know you can do better then that.
Wisest words I've heard for a long time.:nod::nod:
40K? Never heard of it.
Wait wait wait, you mean that you put the Warp, the immaterium, the barrier between them, the Belkans being responsible for that barrier, Daemons and all thatin your profile and you have no idea what Warhammer 40K is? :eek:
I think we have a genius in the making here, Kha. :D
For now, I am thinking that the kidnapping happens when Vivio is 10, though nothing is really confirmed yet...:heh:
Ten, that's old enough to incur the wrath of Syn. :3
No worries though, I'm not going to force you to write with them. ;)
You had to remind me of the family... Now I've got a mental image of a sort of pathetic looking Johan running from a barrage of pink beams...
Great... Now red bolts and arrows have joined the barrage... What next??? Kha joining the assault from the front???
Poor Johan... looking pathetic in his creator's mind even before he is finished...
That's the Fate of those who mess with Vivio. >3
Pulled whatever I had in mind for Johan through this... Got only a 6...
However, I shall go on with him even if he is an anti-sue (whatever that is...)!
A 6 still feels pretty pathetic though...
Actually, an anti-sue is the biggest compliment you can get in that test. :heh:
kazenoyuuchi
2008-07-08, 08:20
Wait wait wait, you mean that you put the Warp, the immaterium, the barrier between them, the Belkans being responsible for that barrier, Daemons and all thatin your profile and you have no idea what Warhammer 40K is? :eek:
I think we have a genius in the making here, Kha. :D
That's pretty much it:heh: Though genius is not exactly the word that would use.
Must not let ego be stroked...Must not let ego be stroked...Must not let ego be stroked...
Ten, that's old enough to incur the wrath of Syn. :3
No worries though, I'm not going to force you to write with them. ;)
No worries there. I plan on using Syn anyway ;)
That's the Fate of those who mess with Vivio. >3
I don't believe it... I actually forgot Fate!:eek: Wouldn't be surprise if Kha decides to shoot me...
Actually, an anti-sue is the biggest compliment you can get in that test. :heh:
It is???
Silly me, then :meh:
krisslanza
2008-07-08, 09:26
Heh, to be honest, I despise that test. Basically that test says "Any character that has acomplished anything even remotely of importance is a Mary Sue." The only way to pass that test is to make your character an unimportant chracter with no tallents or special tings. Now where is the fun in that? In that case just name him 'generic NPC #1293' and be done with it. -_-
I also ignore any question that compares me to the character, because quite frankly, whether a character is based on me has no relation whatsoever to how the character is read by other people. Seriously, even profesional writers base their characters and stories on the things and people they know or have experienced. Tolkien wrote the Lord of the Rings based on his own experiences. Are we saying that the best selling book worldwide, second only to the bible (Jesus scored a whoopin 85 by the way) is a Sue filled book? in my opinion the best rules to hold whether a character is a Mary Sue or not is to simply compare them to the heroes and ask 'is my character superior to them in every way?' if yes, then you most likely need to rewrite a thing or two. Not just because your character has a few tallents of his own.
As the test itself says:
"Again, keep in mind that the test isn't always correct. Morpheus from the Sandman Comics scored nearly 70 points, and yet we don't believe he's a Mary-Sue. He's well developed, suffers the consequences of several major personality flaws, and has very few powers or talents besides those necessary to perform the duties of his station. Of course, research, an interesting story, and good writing always help too. ;)"
So don't take that test seriously, its far too limited.
Don't forget that the test also means if you have a female OC and she's say successful in a certain time period... Or doesn't dress right, or doesn't have the right job... It makes her somewhat Mary-Sue.
Dice, just grab a d4, assign one to each number, and roll away.
Dice fix everything. :3
But that doesn't take into account the fact Rune is good at poker and that Vivio and Keroko are both bad at hiding their emotions :heh: Since this is also Vivio from RebelS TSS has said she's very stubborn so she's one to play a hand all the way even if her hand is crappy... Keroko is also impulsive so I can picture her as being the kind to do stupid bets and stuff a lot :eyespin:
Comartemis
2008-07-08, 09:27
Personally, my tests for seeing whether a character is a Sue is a lot simpler:
Does the plot revolve entirely around the character, to the expense and detriment of every other character?
If so, is the plot interesting?
My own personal test is simpler still:
Within the context of your story, does the original character exist to highlight the strengths of the CCs, or do the CCs exist to highlight the awesomeness of your character? In other words, does your character replace the CCs, or does he/she supplement them? This is a constant thought I keep in my head while I'm working on Alex. In spite of his heritage (which I could've used to grant him something of a Superpowered Evil Side or awesome demonic powers) he's not that much more powerful than any of the other characters, and mostly that's just Nanoha while she's still starting out.
^ That's basically the rule that keeps Kerokanon spinning. Sure, there are times when the acts of CC's can highlight the strength of your OC, but as with all things, keep them in measure.
But that doesn't take into account the fact Rune is good at poker and that Vivio and Keroko are both bad at hiding their emotions :heh: Since this is also Vivio from RebelS TSS has said she's very stubborn so she's one to play a hand all the way even if her hand is crappy... Keroko is also impulsive so I can picture her as being the kind to do stupid bets and stuff a lot :eyespin:
And stubborn. Keroko is also very stubborn. Yet another trait she and Vivio share.
krisslanza
2008-07-08, 09:41
And stubborn. Keroko is also very stubborn. Yet another trait she and Vivio share.
Ah see? :heh: This isn't something that can be simulated by dice effectively! :eyespin:
Ghaz said to draw the hands out myself but I don't have an actual deck of cards in my room. Just one that somehow seems to contain mostly 5's.
"July. Southern wet month, with short drenched days, enshrouded in 24-hour shitstorms. I've braved gunfire and crooks, but to say that I'm unbreakable on blue days is such a lie. Sometimes, I hit a molded patch and just stare at the obsidian abyss crying foul from above. Unmoving, wallowing.
"The cross weighed heavy in my hand, as the rain poured like bullets from the sky, pressing down on my being with the weight of fate that weave my journeys..."
I don't believe it... I actually forgot Fate!:eek: Wouldn't be surprise if Kha decides to shoot me...*glares at Kaze, then pats his head*
You've done very well for a rookie. Why would I shoot you for? :)
My own personal test is simpler still:
Within the context of your story, does the original character exist to highlight the strengths of the CCs, or do the CCs exist to highlight the awesomeness of your character? In other words, does your character replace the CCs, or does he/she supplement them? This is a constant thought I keep in my head while I'm working on Alex. In spite of his heritage (which I could've used to grant him something of a Superpowered Evil Side or awesome demonic powers) he's not that much more powerful than any of the other characters, and mostly that's just Nanoha while she's still starting out.I try my best to make everyone better than Kha because it is so easy to turn him into a Sue. I have to watch my every step, shaft him as often as I can, try to do as much as possible without him. In Warhammer terms, I always hold him in reserve, and Deep Strike him to where he's needed only when it is absolutely necessary, or when plot dictates. I almost never start with him on the deployment zone.
I just hope that is enough.
"...but I shake my coat and sheathed my cross.
"I can't give up. I must go on."
TheShinySword
2008-07-08, 11:08
There's nothing to change. It's either I continue or stop.
*Smacks Kha around* Stop being a baby! Nothing's black or white like that in the writing world! Ideas and characters bend and change and always end up better for it. Few people get it right the first time, or the second time, or even fifth, that doesn't mean he's unsalvageable.
[I]
I try my best to make everyone better than Kha because it is so easy to turn him into a Sue. I have to watch my every step, shaft him as often as I can, try to do as much as possible without him. In Warhammer terms, I always hold him in reserve, and Deep Strike him to where he's needed only when it is absolutely necessary, or when plot dictates. I almost never start with him on the deployment zone.
I just hope that is enough.
As long as kha doesn't end up being a Deux-ex-machina who single-handily turns the tide of battle. There's no reason to ignore and shaft him, if you aren't willing to try saving Kha then he doesn't stand a chance.
PhoenixFlare
2008-07-08, 12:51
@Kha: If you think you've changed him enough that you can not recognize him from the original version anymore, then give yourself a pat on the back and congratulate yourself for a job well done. It's not an easy feat to chop your characters down in size just so that everyone is pleased with it. Aaron had done it before, and so had us, and we can relate how painful it is to see our characters, so grand and glorious before, but now looking just like a normal citizen in the street of the world. You may not be able to see it, but I think your characters are quite normal if given the right selections (obviously, backstories as backstories must, not all are applicable in the correct sense), so there's no need to worry about them being Mary Sues at all. And for authors borrowing your characters, there is always cooperation to reduce any excessive embellishments to fit the story, not the other way around.
Note: Leona scores 48 points in the litmus test, and is considered a Mary Sue according to the scale. She has a little of the element, but mostly penalized for having a nice, beautiful name the author(s) of the test is/are just jealous of. :p
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-08, 12:56
"...but I shake my coat and sheathed my cross.
"I can't give up. I must go on."
Max Payne, much?
Seriously, Kha, there's nothing I can say that everyone else hasn't. Pick up the pieces and get back to work. It's up to us, the readers, to decide of Kha is a Mary Sue or not. Every OC has the potential to be MS, even those with low scores. It's not about how much you nerf the character, but the role he plays and how you present it as such. Do not think of it as a burden or sin, but a challenge to your writing skill. Can you present a story that is enjoyable, believable, entertaining, and original, without becoming over-the-top and annoyingly typical?
I expect you can.
Just know when to hold back. They say too many chefs spoil the soup. Too many ideas can spoil the character. I haven't been here all that long, but as Keroko said, I'll help too.
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Elric is 44.
Thanks to stuff like his "dangerous" nickname (Mage of Carnage) and 'tragic' past.
Rinya is 13.
It may be higher if there was a option like: "got into a fight with her dad and joined the military" but that is not very mary-sue like isn't it? :heh:
Hmm. Noland scored a 16. Yay.
I would also point this one out:
Linkage (http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm)
Got an 8 with that one :3
On this one:
Elric 12
Rinya 10
ah well...
ghazghkull
2008-07-08, 15:00
Well these tests aren't supposed to be taken seriously to that extent :heh:
But it is amusing to see how they are considered Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu by these 'standards' :heh:
XD
Evangelion Xgouki
2008-07-08, 15:37
I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3
Linkage (http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html)
Hmmm...Shamsel scored a 21. Not too bad I guess :)
AMV parody of Vampire Fate from FF thread much? :D
It was a last-minute decision for that addition :p
Short profile but he's a device so how long can I make it :heh:
Those who hang out in the FFT will recognize him :3. Falling Soul is Vivio's (RebelS version) device. RebelS is the OC fic I have stirring in the FFT (I might start duel posting it over here but the idea still scares me :uhoh:)
Oh come on. We're not that scary :rolleyes:
I meant that you picked Fate to like. Fate is the number 1 favourite character in Nanoha. :p Aaron and I went for the slighlty less liked characters. :p
>_>
<_<
Vivio ftw :)
There's nothing to change. It's either I continue or stop.
Oh come on. It's just some unofficial test. Unless you're having fun (and no one's out to kill you...more than we already are :p) leave em be and we'll watch Kha get beaten up my Sophia time and time again ;)
Wait wait wait, you mean that you put the Warp, the immaterium, the barrier between them, the Belkans being responsible for that barrier, Daemons and all thatin your profile and you have no idea what Warhammer 40K is? :eek:
*shrug*
I've only heard of 40K from that awesome Eva cross-over fic :p
Don't forget that the test also means if you have a female OC and she's say successful in a certain time period... Or doesn't dress right, or doesn't have the right job... It makes her somewhat Mary-Sue.
Evangeline uses a full-body armoed BJ which in itself is out of place :p
And stubborn. Keroko is also very stubborn. Yet another trait she and Vivio share.
And we still love them :)
FlameSparkZ
2008-07-08, 15:38
Personally, my tests for seeing whether a character is a Sue is a lot simpler:
Does the plot revolve entirely around the character, to the expense and detriment of every other character?
If so, is the plot interesting?
The reason why Original Characters are stereotypically seen to be Sues by default is that people tend not to want to read about our creations, they want to read about the canon characters as they are (or as they can plausibly be extrapolated). Hijacking the whole "rubber sheet" theory of gravitation, the more the original character's plot mass, the more they distort the story around them. If the mass is enough to form a black hole (or close enough), that's a Sue.
And it doesn't matter if the character is interesting nonetheless. If a character's background allows him to be who he is, in a way that makes readers nod and say "that makes sense", then it's all fine. But if the background reads like a litany of angst and complaints, then readers are likely to be less forgiving.
Part of the challenge here is in trying to make the backgrounds of our OCs in summary sound interesting enough that it doesn't overwhelm everyone else. The history of Spider-man may have earned him his rightful legion of fans over the years, but trying to summarize everything to a new reader is likely to result in complete confusion, followed by complete disinterest.
Quite true.
Heh, to be honest, I despise those tests. Basically that test says "Any character that has acomplished anything even remotely of importance is a Mary Sue." The only way to pass that test is to make your character an unimportant character with no tallents or special things. Now where is the fun in that? In that case just name him 'generic NPC #1293' and be done with it. -_-
The questions re incomplete too, I can think of various Mary Sue related subjects that are not on the test, but are certainly the very things Mary Sues are made off.
I also ignore any question that compares me to the character, because quite frankly, whether a character is based on me has no relation whatsoever to how the character is read by other people. Seriously, even profesional writers base their characters and stories on the things and people they know or have experienced. Tolkien wrote the Lord of the Rings based on his own experiences. Are we saying that the best selling book worldwide, second only to the bible (Jesus scored a whoopin 85 by the way) is a Sue filled book? in my opinion the best rules to hold whether a character is a Mary Sue or not is to simply compare them to the heroes and ask 'is my character superior to them in every way?' if yes, then you most likely need to rewrite a thing or two. Not just because your character has a few tallents of his own.
As the test itself says:
"Again, keep in mind that the test isn't always correct. Morpheus from the Sandman Comics scored nearly 70 points, and yet we don't believe he's a Mary-Sue. He's well developed, suffers the consequences of several major personality flaws, and has very few powers or talents besides those necessary to perform the duties of his station. Of course, research, an interesting story, and good writing always help too. ;)"
So don't take that test seriously, its far too limited.
For the curious:
Keroko: 48, not surprising, angsty past, last surviving member of a calamity, reformed a criminal (Tesla), one of the Aces. Nope, no surprise there. Though I had to mark 'nursed back by a kind and loving person' because my mind fails to compute Shamal as anything else.
Tesla: 19, well if the quiz branched more on the intelectual part or the 'immortal, god fae etc.' part (there were no questions that related to the Wolkenritter, even though its easy to think of a few) I have little doubt she would have come out as a Sue. As it stand though, not having had a familly to lose seems to be an advantage she holds over Keroko. :rolleyes:
Uomo: 15, again no real questions that branch into him. Had they branched into evil characters, his rating would have skyrocketed. Not having any parents to lose also helped (they really should add 'product of experiments' to that list)
Syn: 15, no surprise here either, except this time in a positive way. Syn is by far the most normal character I have written. No emo past, no complicated things about her body, and she hasn't risen to fame yet to bother with all the 'well known' things. I did skip the high-school part though.
Again, I ignored any question comparing me to my characters.
Oh...I see...
In my case...Koji scored a 62 >_>
The test is very limited indeed, there isn't even a choice about the character solving a problem WITH the other characters, as in together. as in teamwork...
So I tried running Ivey (http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1638298&postcount=931) through the Mary Sue test.
She scored 80. And she's not even the main character of the story.
*snip*
I just find this amusing because I've submitted Ivey twice for approval, and both times received "well-balanced character" in response.
80?! :twitch:
The test would have to be more specific to accurately point out Mary-Sueness...
Well these tests aren't supposed to be taken seriously to that extent :heh:
But it is amusing to see how they are considered Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu by these 'standards' :heh:
XD
True, the test is simply a way to measure the Mare-Sue levels on the character...not very accurate though...
And I'm either reading those questions wrong, or most of the situations to choose from don't apply to the character I'm using as test subject...:heh:
But yeah...let's not give too much importance to the test...
*Smacks Kha around* Stop being a baby! Nothing's black or white like that in the writing world! Ideas and characters bend and change and always end up better for it. Few people get it right the first time, or the second time, or even fifth, that doesn't mean he's unsalvageable.
As long as kha doesn't end up being a Deux-ex-machina who single-handily turns the tide of battle. There's no reason to ignore and shaft him, if you aren't willing to try saving Kha then he doesn't stand a chance....there was this one time in the Rebuilt timeline where I made him Gandalf the White... :uhoh:
Even though he can hold his own against a horde (Weapon Skill 5, Strength 7, 5 attacks, high Initiative, lots of wounds, 4+ Invulnerable save), due to his short range (Ballistic Skill 3) his biggest impact was buffing the grunts up, flash-healing injuries and inspiring them (army-wide +1 to Wound and Initiative, letting any unit within LOS use his Leadership value, and in a shooting phase allow 1 model in LOS to avoid being removed immediately after wound on a 3+ roll) such that they fight better, and thus influencing the turn of the tide.
And is why Kha is so expensive in points. Oh and non-40K fans you can ignore the values. :p
@Kha: If you think you've changed him enough that you can not recognize him from the original version anymore, then give yourself a pat on the back and congratulate yourself for a job well done. It's not an easy feat to chop your characters down in size just so that everyone is pleased with it. Aaron had done it before, and so had us, and we can relate how painful it is to see our characters, so grand and glorious before, but now looking just like a normal citizen in the street of the world. You may not be able to see it, but I think your characters are quite normal if given the right selections (obviously, backstories as backstories must, not all are applicable in the correct sense), so there's no need to worry about them being Mary Sues at all. And for authors borrowing your characters, there is always cooperation to reduce any excessive embellishments to fit the story, not the other way around.
Note: Leona scores 48 points in the litmus test, and is considered a Mary Sue according to the scale. She has a little of the element, but mostly penalized for having a nice, beautiful name the author(s) of the test is/are just jealous of. :pI guess I was just too sensitive to test scores, something ingrained to me as a child growing up in Singapore. :heh:
Max Payne, much?
Seriously, Kha, there's nothing I can say that everyone else hasn't. Pick up the pieces and get back to work. It's up to us, the readers, to decide of Kha is a Mary Sue or not. Every OC has the potential to be MS, even those with low scores. It's not about how much you nerf the character, but the role he plays and how you present it as such. Do not think of it as a burden or sin, but a challenge to your writing skill. Can you present a story that is enjoyable, believable, entertaining, and original, without becoming over-the-top and annoyingly typical?
I expect you can.
Just know when to hold back. They say too many chefs spoil the soup. Too many ideas can spoil the character. I haven't been here all that long, but as Keroko said, I'll help too.Yeah I'm thinning the broth now, though it's easier once I convince myself that I don't have 1000 Ramses screaming at every ingredient and method I used. :heh:
Oh come on. It's just some unofficial test. Unless you're having fun (and no one's out to kill you...more than we already are :p) leave em be and we'll watch Kha get beaten up my Sophia time and time again ;)Erm, yeah... :heh:
Evangeline uses a full-body armoed BJ which in itself is out of place :pI've long convinced myself that coffin-armor is a character distinction rather than an anomaly. :D
Hiyo thread I went away from the week end and though I read through the backlog I don't have much motivation to post a breaker so none of that. The Mary Sue test looks like it might be good for a few minutes amusement though so let's give it a whirl. Since he's basically my flagship char I used Felix: Name:
Didn’t get a single one here though frankly that’s probably because I don’t even try for meaningful names to start with most of the time and I pick real names whenever that’s logical. Felix was basically chosen at random and is pretty average so no surprise here. (Though in a funny twist when I later looked up the meaning of the name one interpretation of the Latin original is "happy" so there is some unintended irony going on...)
Appearance:
Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him?
The plan is for him and Vita to eventually end up together though that’s far off at the moment and she dose find him vaugely attractive or at least not ugly.
And that was it not that surprising given Felix was always meant to be look pretty plain and average.
Character:
Was the character ever estranged from her/his family/tribe/country/etc.?
More or less he left and hasn’t really spoken much to his family since.
More Character Crap:
Is the character unusually accomplished for her/his age/species/etc.?
He is a fairly strong mage and has a fair amount of experience and indeed is toward the top tier.
Has the character traveled extensively?
Yeeup.
Has the character ever fairly lost in any kind of duel, fight, or competition against someone of equal or lesser ability, where the winner was not the character's rival?
Numerous times and several nearly killed and more such events are planned.
Does the character have a significant personality flaw (e.g. she/he is a spoiled brat, is horribly judgmental or biased, is irrationally violent, is naive and easily manipulated, etc.)?
We’ll he’s more then a bit of an insufferable ass with a near pathological inability to express emotion to others and something of a bleak outlook on humanity in general.
If the character does not die, does this flaw persist beyond the end of the story?
Oh god yes mellowed slightly, but Felix is and always will be kind of a dick.
Does the character have a child or children for the greater part of your story?
Yeeup, pretty much adult and on his own though.
Does this flaw get the character in serious trouble (e.g. she/he gets fired, gets killed, gets someone else hurt, etc.)?
More so when he was younger and not able to fake civility as much, but his behavior even now rubs others the wrong way and he has his share of enemies.
Is the character selfishly manipulative or sadistic (e.g. threatens self-harm, lies, blackmails, etc. in order to get her/his way)?
This is a tad harsh perhaps, but he’s certainly not above using Lies and blackmail to get the job done by any means.
Work and Play
Does the character have any particular skill at which she/he the best or among the best?
He is as noted toward the upper tiers of Mid Style mages not the best by any stretch, but above ALLOT of others.
Is the character, or was she/he ever...
He's been a Mercenary for many years.
Does the character possesses the following skills, with or without the aid of charms, spells, etc.)
He has a number of skills on this list, but they’re very normal for the universe in question.
Immortals, Gods, Fay, etc.
Buttkiss.
High School:
Shit he never even graduated…
The Plot
Is the character repeatedly rivalled by the same person?
Vita.
Does the character fall in (reciprocated) love with, or have sex with, a character you would like to fall in love with or have sex with?
As above WITH the caveat it would have to be in an adult mode.
Your Character and You
Nothing here.
So total it up and he got a 9… Apparently being kind of old, average looking, not that well known, human, and a bit of an asshole is a good way to avoid being a Sue according to this test. :p Course I didn't need a test to tell me this.
As for Kha being all emo I'm not even going to touch that besides I've seen it before he'll get over it in a day and maybe be slightly better off for the tough thinking it made him do... maybe. :p
Hmm... it's time to curb the madness and post epic story.
-------------------
“You know, there’s something very wrong when Chrono assigned us to this mission,” a concerned Hayate said. “I mean… who on Earth wants us to work with some outside visitors?”
“I don’t have any idea, either,” Fate answered. “But from the look of it, it’s going to be an important mission.”
“Guys, I don’t really mind with our mission, but why sending only us?” Nanoha asked.
“Quit it, Nanoha-chan. At least we don’t have to take an entire team with us,” Hayate told her.
“Oh? Then how about them?” Keroko teased and pointed to Hikki, Takeru and Yuuno. “They aren’t a part of our team for nothing, you know.”
“Quit it. We know we’re the only males in this group,” Hikki snorted. “And whose idea was it to vote me as expedition leader?”
“At least we can trust you,” Hayate said with a chuckle. “Besides, considering the nature of words you have spoken I doubt you really want to take this mission. Alone.”
“Excuse me? Widuri has to look after Mai and the children, so she’s not coming,” Hikki reminded. “And what was that supposed to be, Hayate?”
“Nothing,” Hayate chuckled.
“Well, too bad Mr. Armstrong couldn’t come along,” Takeru said. “We could use his wisdom throughout this mission.”
The group received a signal from HQ. It was time to commence operation, so they wasted no time and approached the portal ring. “Everything is set for dimensional jump,” the chief technician said. “All personnel prepare for wormhole activation sequence. Countdown to portal execution in T-minus 90.”
“I can’t believe I’d actually sign in this mission,” Yuuno sighed.
“The process is going to temporarily interfere with your peripheral sense and Core Linker, but it’s a normal procedure,” the chief technician assured. “We have run this operation for hundreds of time, so there’s nothing to be worried of.”
“I don’t like the sound of this,” Fate said. “That reminds me, Takeru-kun. Why didn’t Frieda-san come along?”
“I have no idea, but she said she’s going to take Sayoko and the Gemini Sisters to the boot camp next week,” Takeru said. “Yeah… boot camp…”
// Takeru’s not-so dirty thought //
“Ah, Frieda…” Sayoko gasped. “Not here… please…”
“Don’t worry, Sayoko,” Frieda whispered into her ear. “There are only two of us here. We can do whatever we desire for.”
“Do you think so?” Sayoko murmured.
“Yes,” Frieda answered. “Just you and I. All. Alone.”
// Takeru’s not-so dirty thought //
Takeru’s face turned bright red. “I should’ve stopped reading those doujins…” he grumbled.
“Don’t worry, boy,” Zafira said and patted the gunslinger boy’s head. “Real men don’t need boot camp training. Real men train in pure environment.”
“Alright, people, here’s the instruction,” Hikki spoke. “Should we get separated at the end of the dimensional jump activate the signal transponder and set it to the pre-designated coordinate. Remember that our destination is one heck of a place, so be careful.”
“We get that,” Nanoha said.
“One more thing before I forget,” Hikki added and donned his gloves. “Don’t panic.”
“Belkanite energy output is at 100%,” one technician reported. “Chief, we’re good to go.”
The chief technician nodded. “All clear! Beginning dimension jump in thirty seconds!”
“This is it, folks,” Yuuno said.
“See you on the other side,” Zafira added.
The portal ring’s revolution reached its highest speed. All held their breath as the chief technician gave his crews the signal. “Dimension jump in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, execute!”
The portal ring flashed. In less than seconds the group became engulfed in golden yellow light and slowly disappeared from thin air as minute particles. The portal ring kept roaring for a few more seconds before it slowly came to a halt, leaving none of the people’s trace behind.
“Dimension jump is 99.99% successful,” the engineer reported. “No abnormalities from objects are detected.”
The chief technician took a deep breath. Good luck out there, you people,” he murmured.
==========
The portal opened. In an instant everyone fell out of the wormhole and crashed onto one another. Their sudden arrival caused many of the inhabitants to scatter in panic, and soon their presence piqued intrigues and attracted curious eyes to investigate.
“Ow! How come we crash-land?” Nanoha moaned and rubbed her head.
“The portal designers must’ve forgotten the ending route,” Fate grumbled. “Nanoha-chan! You’re pinning me down! Get off me!”
“Sorry!” Nanoha apologized. “Keroko-chan! You too!”
“I didn’t even do anything?!” Keroko moaned.
“Whatever it is, we’ve reached our destination,” Yuuno said. “Is everybody alright?”
The people rose. Looking around the environment they realized they had landed in a forest and the presence of cherry blossom petals suggested it was well in the summer season. “I guess we arrive in the right time,” Yuuno said.
“Guys, did any of you see Shamal and Hikki?” Hayate asked.
“I didn’t see the gunslinger boy’s presence, either,” Signum said.
“Hey, where’s Zafira?” Vita asked.
“They might have been separated from us in the wormhole!” Fate exclaimed.
“Fate, calm down!” Yuuno pleaded. “Remember what he told us before coming here? Don’t panic.”
“Hayate-chan, I’m detecting strong energy reading!” Reinforce Zwei reported.
“Is it from enemy?” Hayate asked.
“I can’t tell,” Reinforce Zwei answered.
Nanoha and Fate withdrew their respective Devices. So did Keroko, Vita and Signum, closely followed by Hayate and Reinforce Zwei. It did not take long before a portal slowly materialized several feet away from them, bringing along a suppressing energy unlike anything before.
“What in the world?” Yuuno uttered.
The portal widened, and from it came out an elegant, if not mysterious, lady carrying a parasol. Almost in surreal manners she floated in midair, lingering for a while before her feet touched the snow-covered land. “Well, you seem to have arrived later than my expectations,” the parasol lady said as she corrected her posture.
“Who told you about this?” Nanoha demanded.
“A close friend of mine,” the parasol lady answered. “Of course, I assume none of you would know the name if I say it now.”
“We can settle that later, but first please tell us your name and this place,” Keroko said.
“Oh, I’m sorry for my lack of manners,” the parasol lady giggled; a few seconds later another person appeared from the portal, this time bearing the unmistakable resemblance of a kitsune albeit with a fox-ear hat on her head one tail less to make it nine. “I am Yakumo Yukari, and this is my assistant Ran. (The kitsune woman bowed to them.) As the head of the Yakumo Mansion I welcome you to Gensokyo.”
The gentle wind of summer started blowing.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Takeru Akatsuki groaned.
Being separated from his group was bad enough, but falling on his butt on staircases carved from solid rock? That had to be the most unpleasant experience he had ever faced. To make things even more confusing, he pondered, why did I land on a quiet bridge that awfully looks like it’s been dug from a certain Chinese kung-fu movie?
In fact, it did look like it came right from the certain kung-fu movie.
“[Achtung!]”
Out of nowhere came ten -- hundreds, if he counted it right -- of fully armed, battle-ready “combat maiden bunny girls?” as he shouted his thoughts out. “What is this? Some kind of forbidden, female-only paradise?”
“Intruder of Eientei! Speak your reasons of presence!” one of the combat maidens demanded.
“Eientei? So that’s the name of this forbidden paradise,” Takeru pondered. “But from the look of it, these girls don’t welcome strangers.” Trying to look calm and cool he raised his hands and said “I came here by accident. My only reason of presence is to exit this place, and I intend to do no harm to anyone of you.”
The horde, instead, aimed their arsenals at him. “You have failed to speak your true reasons. We, the loyal guards of Lady Eirin and Princess Kaguya, shall exterminate you,” the combat maiden spoke.
“Aw, come on! Can’t we just talk?” The question was answered by magical projectiles fired from the archers. Having dodged the arrows, Takeru knew the “bunny girls” meant serious business, and he knew there could only be one solution.
“Wild Falken, Golden Swallow Mode.”
“[Ja!]”
In an instant the Armed Device transformed, neither to its AK101 Sturnform nor AS-50 Scharfschütze-Form, but to the unmistakable twin USP handguns. Having dedicatedly trained under the gunmanship of Frieda and fiercely sparred with Sayoko for the last three years had thought Takeru that in today’s close quarter combat Wild Falken’s normal forms would not work effectively, hence he had customized its Armed Device to include the Gun Kata fighting style. An often clichéd, but proven, battle technique and for gunslinger knight like Takeru its effectiveness had been worthy.
“My trainings with Miss Frieda and Sayoko have brought me to this level,” he said and opened battle stance. “Looks like I can finally use my knowledge to the fullest today.”
“The intruder’s armed! He’s intending to threaten Lady Eirin and Princess Kaguya!” the combat maiden shouted. “Guards! Take him down!”
At the cue of battle cry the horde charged at Takeru from all directions possible. Takeru knew by the time he reached the end of the bridge only he would be left standing. “Though I kind of feel sorry for hurting your girls,” he sighed. “But a battle is a battle! Belkan Knight Takeru at your service!”
-x-x-x-x-x-
“Alright. Where am I?”
Zafira looked around. There was no sign of the Wolkenritter or the rest of the group, and the mountain region was definitely not the place he had expected to arrive. The only people he spotted as he wandered around were not people at all; “more like were-creatures to me,” he commented when he spotted a Kappa girl standing next to a river. “Whatever this place is, I don’t want to stay here any longer. Better find my way out now.”
“Hey! You!”
Zafira turned to the source of the voice. What greeted him was as pleasant as it was surprising, as he found himself staring eye-to-eye with a sword- and shield-carrying wolf girl. “I’m not a wolf girl!” the girl said to protest Zafira’s comment. “I’m a tengu!”
“Well, you look obviously like a wolf girl to me,” Zafira pointed out.
“And what are you, then?” the girl replied. “Dog boy?”
Zafira snapped. “I’m not a lowly dog,” he hissed. “I am Zafira, a Wolkenritter loyal to Mistress Hayate’s cause. And who are you?”
“Momizi Inubashiri,” the girl introduced. “Are you a youkai, by any chance?”
Zafira had to laugh. After all these years living as a knight, finally someone had misunderstood him as a demon, and he was not impressed by the idea. “Call me whatever you feel like,” he said and started cracking his knuckles. “I find the idea of being labelled as a youkai really unacceptable… considering the fact that it was a wolf girl who did the labelling.”
“Hey! I’m a tengu, I’ve told you!” Momizi cried out.
“But enough saying!” Zafira exclaimed. “I accept your challenge! Have at you!”
What will happen when Outer Cadia meets Touhou? Will Takeru survive the moon rabbit hordes and get out of the bridge in one piece? What is really Zafira thinking about Momizi? And most important of all, where in the name of Suwako have Shamal and Hikki gone to?
As usual, don't expect it to be updated ASAP (though I've wanted the premise to be short) and also don't expect it to be clean of any and all services (as the two chapters have shown :rolleyes: ).
*goes to prepare for tomorrow's job interview*
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-09, 02:43
Hmm... it's time to curb the madness and post epic story.
-------------------
-Fun things happened.-
==========
-More fun things happened-
What will happen when Outer Cadia meets Touhou? Will Takeru survive the moon rabbit hordes and get out of the bridge in one piece? What is really Zafira thinking about Momizi? And most important of all, where in the name of Suwako have Shamal and Hikki gone to?
As usual, don't expect it to be updated ASAP (though I've wanted the premise to be short) and also don't expect it to be clean of any and all services (as the two chapters have shown :rolleyes: ).
*goes to prepare for tomorrow's job interview*
Hmm.
Hmm. Hmm.
This is relevant to my interests. Thusly, I present this in response!
A lone man yawned as he sat upon a rooftop, muscles aching and bones creaking after a long day’s work. There was still much to do, however, and he could only afford a short break. There was ice cream to be made and beer to be brewed, and none of it would make it themselves… not while Cirno, Wriggle, Mystia, and Rumia worked anyways.
Oh God no. Rumia.
He hoped he’d still have a stock of ice cream left by the time he got back down, or even his pantry or larder. This was a fear that plagued him ever since the youkai of darkness took up residence in his closet of all places.
Oh well. He had five minutes of alone time, so he might as well take advantage of it. There was no sense in wasting it, even if every minute gave the munchkins downstairs more time to wreak havoc to his shop. Maybe he could even have a smoke—AAGH!
A small piece of paper suddenly landed upon his face, causing him to flail out of his comfortable position and grab the offensive thing off his face. Scanning the document, he recognized the elegant calligraphy. Only one person in Gensokyo wrote English in this annoyingly beautiful penmanship.
“Goddamit Yukari. What the hel—” his grumbles were cut short when he read the letter.
“Huh… Well. Things will get interesting very soon…” the man chuckled, crumpling the paper into a ball and sitting up. Maybe his break will have to be cut short – he had to prepare, after all. Guests would be visiting soon enough.
Adjusting the wide-brimmed hat he wore when working outdoors, the man stretched before gathering his belongings together and left the roof.
Back to work.
Edit: This is not to be taken canonical with USB's story... unless he wants it to be :3
PhoenixG
2008-07-09, 03:10
Hmm... it's time to curb the madness and post epic story.
-------------------
“You know, there’s something very wrong when Chrono assigned us to this mission,” a concerned Hayate said. “I mean… who on Earth wants us to work with some outside visitors?”
“I don’t have any idea, either,” Fate answered. “But from the look of it, it’s going to be an important mission.”
“Guys, I don’t really mind with our mission, but why sending only us?” Nanoha asked.
“Quit it, Nanoha-chan. At least we don’t have to take an entire team with us,” Hayate told her.
“Oh? Then how about them?” Keroko teased and pointed to Hikki, Takeru and Yuuno. “They aren’t a part of our team for nothing, you know.”
“Quit it. We know we’re the only males in this group,” Hikki snorted. “And whose idea was it to vote me as expedition leader?”
“At least we can trust you,” Hayate said with a chuckle. “Besides, considering the nature of words you have spoken I doubt you really want to take this mission. Alone.”
“Excuse me? Widuri has to look after Mai and the children, so she’s not coming,” Hikki reminded. “And what was that supposed to be, Hayate?”
“Nothing,” Hayate chuckled.
“Well, too bad Mr. Armstrong couldn’t come along,” Takeru said. “We could use his wisdom throughout this mission.”
The group received a signal from HQ. It was time to commence operation, so they wasted no time and approached the portal ring. “Everything is set for dimensional jump,” the chief technician said. “All personnel prepare for wormhole activation sequence. Countdown to portal execution in T-minus 90.”
“I can’t believe I’d actually sign in this mission,” Yuuno sighed.
“The process is going to temporarily interfere with your peripheral sense and Core Linker, but it’s a normal procedure,” the chief technician assured. “We have run this operation for hundreds of time, so there’s nothing to be worried of.”
“I don’t like the sound of this,” Fate said. “That reminds me, Takeru-kun. Why didn’t Frieda-san come along?”
“I have no idea, but she said she’s going to take Sayoko and the Gemini Sisters to the boot camp next week,” Takeru said. “Yeah… boot camp…”
// Takeru’s not-so dirty thought //
“Ah, Frieda…” Sayoko gasped. “Not here… please…”
“Don’t worry, Sayoko,” Frieda whispered into her ear. “There are only two of us here. We can do whatever we desire for.”
“Do you think so?” Sayoko murmured.
“Yes,” Frieda answered. “Just you and I. All. Alone.”
// Takeru’s not-so dirty thought //
Takeru’s face turned bright red. “I should’ve stopped reading those doujins…” he grumbled.
“Don’t worry, boy,” Zafira said and patted the gunslinger boy’s head. “Real men don’t need boot camp training. Real men train in pure environment.”
“Alright, people, here’s the instruction,” Hikki spoke. “Should we get separated at the end of the dimensional jump activate the signal transponder and set it to the pre-designated coordinate. Remember that our destination is one heck of a place, so be careful.”
“We get that,” Nanoha said.
“One more thing before I forget,” Hikki added and donned his gloves. “Don’t panic.”
“Belkanite energy output is at 100%,” one technician reported. “Chief, we’re good to go.”
The chief technician nodded. “All clear! Beginning dimension jump in thirty seconds!”
“This is it, folks,” Yuuno said.
“See you on the other side,” Zafira added.
The portal ring’s revolution reached its highest speed. All held their breath as the chief technician gave his crews the signal. “Dimension jump in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, execute!”
The portal ring flashed. In less than seconds the group became engulfed in golden yellow light and slowly disappeared from thin air as minute particles. The portal ring kept roaring for a few more seconds before it slowly came to a halt, leaving none of the people’s trace behind.
“Dimension jump is 99.99% successful,” the engineer reported. “No abnormalities from objects are detected.”
The chief technician took a deep breath. Good luck out there, you people,” he murmured.
==========
The portal opened. In an instant everyone fell out of the wormhole and crashed onto one another. Their sudden arrival caused many of the inhabitants to scatter in panic, and soon their presence piqued intrigues and attracted curious eyes to investigate.
“Ow! How come we crash-land?” Nanoha moaned and rubbed her head.
“The portal designers must’ve forgotten the ending route,” Fate grumbled. “Nanoha-chan! You’re pinning me down! Get off me!”
“Sorry!” Nanoha apologized. “Keroko-chan! You too!”
“I didn’t even do anything?!” Keroko moaned.
“Whatever it is, we’ve reached our destination,” Yuuno said. “Is everybody alright?”
The people rose. Looking around the environment they realized they had landed in a forest and the presence of cherry blossom petals suggested it was well in the summer season. “I guess we arrive in the right time,” Yuuno said.
“Guys, did any of you see Shamal and Hikki?” Hayate asked.
“I didn’t see the gunslinger boy’s presence, either,” Signum said.
“Hey, where’s Zafira?” Vita asked.
“They might have been separated from us in the wormhole!” Fate exclaimed.
“Fate, calm down!” Yuuno pleaded. “Remember what he told us before coming here? Don’t panic.”
“Hayate-chan, I’m detecting strong energy reading!” Reinforce Zwei reported.
“Is it from enemy?” Hayate asked.
“I can’t tell,” Reinforce Zwei answered.
Nanoha and Fate withdrew their respective Devices. So did Keroko, Vita and Signum, closely followed by Hayate and Reinforce Zwei. It did not take long before a portal slowly materialized several feet away from them, bringing along a suppressing energy unlike anything before.
“What in the world?” Yuuno uttered.
The portal widened, and from it came out an elegant, if not mysterious, lady carrying a parasol. Almost in surreal manners she floated in midair, lingering for a while before her feet touched the snow-covered land. “Well, you seem to have arrived later than my expectations,” the parasol lady said as she corrected her posture.
“Who told you about this?” Nanoha demanded.
“A close friend of mine,” the parasol lady answered. “Of course, I assume none of you would know the name if I say it now.”
“We can settle that later, but first please tell us your name and this place,” Keroko said.
“Oh, I’m sorry for my lack of manners,” the parasol lady giggled; a few seconds later another person appeared from the portal, this time bearing the unmistakable resemblance of a kitsune albeit with a fox-ear hat on her head one tail less to make it nine. “I am Yakumo Yukari, and this is my assistant Ran. (The kitsune woman bowed to them.) As the head of the Yakumo Mansion I welcome you to Gensokyo.”
The gentle wind of summer started blowing.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Takeru Akatsuki groaned.
Being separated from his group was bad enough, but falling on his butt on staircases carved from solid rock? That had to be the most unpleasant experience he had ever faced. To make things even more confusing, he pondered, why did I land on a quiet bridge that awfully looks like it’s been dug from a certain Chinese kung-fu movie?
In fact, it did look like it came right from the certain kung-fu movie.
“[Achtung!]”
Out of nowhere came ten -- hundreds, if he counted it right -- of fully armed, battle-ready “combat maiden bunny girls?” as he shouted his thoughts out. “What is this? Some kind of forbidden, female-only paradise?”
“Intruder of Eientei! Speak your reasons of presence!” one of the combat maidens demanded.
“Eientei? So that’s the name of this forbidden paradise,” Takeru pondered. “But from the look of it, these girls don’t welcome strangers.” Trying to look calm and cool he raised his hands and said “I came here by accident. My only reason of presence is to exit this place, and I intend to do no harm to anyone of you.”
The horde, instead, aimed their arsenals at him. “You have failed to speak your true reasons. We, the loyal guards of Lady Eirin and Princess Kaguya, shall exterminate you,” the combat maiden spoke.
“Aw, come on! Can’t we just talk?” The question was answered by magical projectiles fired from the archers. Having dodged the arrows, Takeru knew the “bunny girls” meant serious business, and he knew there could only be one solution.
“Wild Falken, Golden Swallow Mode.”
“[Ja!]”
In an instant the Armed Device transformed, neither to its AK101 Sturnform nor AS-50 Scharfschütze-Form, but to the unmistakable twin USP handguns. Having dedicatedly trained under the gunmanship of Frieda and fiercely sparred with Sayoko for the last three years had thought Takeru that in today’s close quarter combat Wild Falken’s normal forms would not work effectively, hence he had customized its Armed Device to include the Gun Kata fighting style. An often clichéd, but proven, battle technique and for gunslinger knight like Takeru its effectiveness had been worthy.
“My trainings with Miss Frieda and Sayoko have brought me to this level,” he said and opened battle stance. “Looks like I can finally use my knowledge to the fullest today.”
“The intruder’s armed! He’s intending to threaten Lady Eirin and Princess Kaguya!” the combat maiden shouted. “Guards! Take him down!”
At the cue of battle cry the horde charged at Takeru from all directions possible. Takeru knew by the time he reached the end of the bridge only he would be left standing. “Though I kind of feel sorry for hurting your girls,” he sighed. “But a battle is a battle! Belkan Knight Takeru at your service!”
-x-x-x-x-x-
“Alright. Where am I?”
Zafira looked around. There was no sign of the Wolkenritter or the rest of the group, and the mountain region was definitely not the place he had expected to arrive. The only people he spotted as he wandered around were not people at all; “more like were-creatures to me,” he commented when he spotted a Kappa girl standing next to a river. “Whatever this place is, I don’t want to stay here any longer. Better find my way out now.”
“Hey! You!”
Zafira turned to the source of the voice. What greeted him was as pleasant as it was surprising, as he found himself staring eye-to-eye with a sword- and shield-carrying wolf girl. “I’m not a wolf girl!” the girl said to protest Zafira’s comment. “I’m a tengu!”
“Well, you look obviously like a wolf girl to me,” Zafira pointed out.
“And what are you, then?” the girl replied. “Dog boy?”
Zafira snapped. “I’m not a lowly dog,” he hissed. “I am Zafira, a Wolkenritter loyal to Mistress Hayate’s cause. And who are you?”
“Momizi Inubashiri,” the girl introduced. “Are you a youkai, by any chance?”
Zafira had to laugh. After all these years living as a knight, finally someone had misunderstood him as a demon, and he was not impressed by the idea. “Call me whatever you feel like,” he said and started cracking his knuckles. “I find the idea of being labelled as a youkai really unacceptable… considering the fact that it was a wolf girl who did the labelling.”
“Hey! I’m a tengu, I’ve told you!” Momizi cried out.
“But enough saying!” Zafira exclaimed. “I accept your challenge! Have at you!”
What will happen when Outer Cadia meets Touhou? Will Takeru survive the moon rabbit hordes and get out of the bridge in one piece? What is really Zafira thinking about Momizi? And most important of all, where in the name of Suwako have Shamal and Hikki gone to?
As usual, don't expect it to be updated ASAP (though I've wanted the premise to be short) and also don't expect it to be clean of any and all services (as the two chapters have shown :rolleyes: ).
*goes to prepare for tomorrow's job interview*
:O :O
A touhou crossover.
two nitpicks:
Reinforce zwei doesn't call Hayate "Hayate-sama", but Hayate-chan
And I thought there were only earth rabbits (excluding Reisen, she is a moon rabbit) in Eientei. :/
Hmm.
Hmm. Hmm.
This is relevant to my interests. Thusly, I present this in response!
A lone man yawned as he sat upon a rooftop, muscles aching and bones creaking after a long day’s work. There was still much to do, however, and he could only afford a short break. There was ice cream to be made and beer to be brewed, and none of it would make it themselves… not while Cirno, Wriggle, Mystia, and Rumia worked anyways.
Oh God no. Rumia.
He hoped he’d still have a stock of ice cream left by the time he got back down, or even his pantry or larder. This was a fear that plagued him ever since the youkai of darkness took up residence in his closet of all places.
Oh well. He had five minutes of alone time, so he might as well take advantage of it. There was no sense in wasting it, even if every minute gave the munchkins downstairs more time to wreak havoc to his shop. Maybe he could even have a smoke—AAGH!
A small piece of paper suddenly landed upon his face, causing him to flail out of his comfortable position and grab the offensive thing off his face. Scanning the document, he recognized the elegant calligraphy. Only one person in Gensokyo wrote English in this annoyingly beautiful penmanship.
“Goddamit Yukari. What the hel—” his grumbles were cut short when he read the letter.
“Huh… Well. Things will get interesting very soon…” the man chuckled, crumpling the paper into a ball and sitting up. Maybe his break will have to be cut short – he had to prepare, after all. Guests would be visiting soon enough.
Adjusting the wide-brimmed hat he wore when working outdoors, the man stretched before gathering his belongings together and left the roof.
Back to work.
Edit: This is not to be taken canonical with USB's story... unless he wants it to be :3
and I guess this should be Tempest's icecream/bar shop ^.^;;;
:O :O
A touhou crossover.
two nitpicks:
Reinforce zwei doesn't call Hayate "Hayate-sama", but Hayate-chan
And I thought there were only earth rabbits (excluding Reisen, she is a moon rabbit) in Eientei. :/
Post corrected.
And the bunny girls scene were taken from an IN doujin I have (forgot its title, though).
and I guess this should be Tempest's icecream/bar shop ^.^;;;
:nod:
PhoenixG
2008-07-09, 03:46
Silent sinner in blue? but that happend on the moon ^.^;;
Tempest Dynasty
2008-07-09, 04:08
Post corrected.
And the bunny girls scene were taken from an IN doujin I have (forgot its title, though).
:nod:
Udonge is the only moon rabbit. All other rabbits are youkai earth rabbits.
And now, something once again non-canonical to USB's fic but amuses me greatly.
>_>
<_<
...
:3
*drops this and RUNS*
An Ordinary Outsider
Name: Tempest
Occupation: Shop owner
Ability: Knowledge of Gensokyo
Residence: Ice cream shop and brewery
An ordinary human with unremarkable features. He was originally from the outside world, banished to Gensokyo by mysterious means (1). Left with only a few belongings and his wits, his adjustment to Gensokyo was surprisingly quick. Unlike many outsiders, he has opted to stay in Gensokyo rather than go home. As a way of life, he established a shop across the lake from the Scarlet Devil Mansion that sells ice cream and beer.
Despite being a human, he is in good standing with a number of non-humans.
Personality
In contrast with his name, he possesses an unnatural calmness and strange outlook on matters, often commenting dryly on events and situations. Otherwise, he is silly and foolish, often goofing off when not working. Yet, he can be intense and uncompromising when the situation calls for it. He seems protective of his customers, using a weapon from the outside world to defend himself and his customers. (2)
Weapons
Being human, he has no outstanding powers. Perhaps due to his weakness, he cannot danmaku at all. He can, however, graze. He stands out, however, with his extensive knowledge of Gensokyo and its history and inhabitants (3). Perhaps to compensate for his inability to danmaku, he is armed with weapons from the outside world.
According to him, these weapons are:
Springfield Mil-Spec M1911A1
Smith & Wesson 500
Remington 700 rifle
Enchanted zweihander
I do not know what these are, nor have I seen them myself. They are very loud and very dangerous, so it’s best to let him deal with it.
Everyday Life
As his shop is also his home, he works every day to earn money. When not working, he can be seen fishing at the lake or tending to his garden. He does hate it when his work is stolen and eaten (4).
He seems to be in good standing with humans and non-humans alike, possibly due to his job. There have been occasions when even youkai protect him. He has performed deliveries to the Hakurei Shrine to even as far as the Netherworld, making his unremarkable nature surprisingly well known. This must be good for business.
Job
As the owner of his establishment, he is in charge of making ice cream and brewing beer, in addition to selling it to customers. Interestingly, he has employees in the form of local youkai and fairies, paying them through meals and other ways. Visitors have identified Cirno, Rumia, Mystia, and Wriggle Nightbug as assistants. Rumors state that they live with him in the shop.
The immediate area surrounding the shop and the shop itself is considered a neutral zone, and instigators are dealt with severely (5).
He has a secondary job in caring for outsiders, providing room and board until the outsider is taken home or finds his or her own way of life in Gensokyo. He gives surprisingly good advice, and his knowledge of Gensokyo helps keep them out of trouble (6).
Personal Accounts
"He's boring, but donates regularly. I can't complain" (Reimu Hakurei)
He is rather ordinary, isn't he?
“He remembered my name! I’m so happy!” (Hong Meiling)
This is quite a feat. Even I, Hieda no Akyu, cannot remember this youkai’s name.
“Beer and ice cream. What kind of business is that? (Rinnosuke Morichika)
Strange, but popular. It reaches all ages and both genders.
"It's really strange to drink beer next to a youkai. My daughter came in and ate ice cream with a fairy! I feel nervous sometimes when I come here." (Anonymous)
Do not worry. The rules are strictly enforced in the shop, and perpetrators are dealt with harshly.
“Yay! Ice cream! Ice cream!” (Flandre Scarlet)
I have no comment.
---------------
(1): Some person named Sheba
(2): He becomes rather frightening, almost like a demon.
(3): Kiene is a close friend of his
(4): Mischievous youkai, fairies, and kappa
(5): Certain individuals do not appreciate their peaceful snack interrupted.
(6): This is not always successful
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-09, 04:21
Okay... got a bit of a tie-up here.
In the following scene, I have Hayate essentially hand over jurisdiction of her command to General Roland on her own suspicion that he's well and adept in the role of command.
However there are a few things I want to ensure make the switchoff believable without throwing people out of character... but I'm having some trouble making it seem believable that Hayate would just give him command of her mission.
1 - Roland didn't come along because he was taking charge of her (Hayate's) Job.
--I have to pace the General back a little bit to keep him from overshadowing the aces. He came along, and he had crash come along 'because he said so'... but he's not about to start hijacking their mission without consent. He aknowledges that even if he's a higher rank, that doesn't mean he should be throwing his own authority around outside his assigned area. (McGreggor.)
2 - I need Hayate to have an in-character, and plausable reason to 'want' to place herself under the command of the General. A guy she's only known for a few hours that has no real jurisdiction to take over her duties as the leader of RF6
3 - I need the entire conversation to occure in five minutes, or less. Without looking like she suffered from chronic character mentality alteration in favor of the OC. Because they're on approach to Selene.
Below is the basic draft. It conflicts in my mind... with Hayate thinking just a touch too highly of Roland than I think should be the case.
"I hope you don't mind my personal intrusion on your own kind of mission here," Roland stated in an apologetic tone to Hayate. He was stationed at one of the AWACS styled C&C terminals squashed into a corner of the hull. "This kind of thing is your jurisdiction in terms of mission and experience."
Hayate shook the appraisal away with a smile. "Don't be silly. Having a few extra eyes on a mission's always useful. I would be a fool to refuse an offer to help. Besides, it's not like I could stop you... Sir."
"The chain of command is to ensure the quick and efficient flow of information and instructions," Roland responded with a grimace. "Not to throw one's weight where it doesn't belong."
Of course, he silently admitted, outranking everyone here had its perks when he had to push to get the right action done at the right time.
"Seven Minutes!" the pilot interrupted.
"Okay," Roland changed tones. "Last minute brief. The Power Plant outside Selene went silent about forty-five minutes ago. Satscan indicates an AMF field of incredible size covering the plant and the local township around it. The field itself isn't too strong, but it prevents the typical enforcers of the area from using effective combat magic in its radius, and magic scans can't penetrate it. On top of this, reports from Enforcement placed on the outskirts recently indicated that there'd been a number of unidentified objects that fit the description of ol' Jail's gadget drones harrassing forces and evacuees. That's right up your alley I'm sure. The exact nature of the incident remains unknown, and the township within, and immediately surrounding the AMF field has been evacuated.
It should also be noted, that while we were ascending... the Power Facility appearantly shut down. So this is suspected to be the work of the terrorist organization that have identified themselves as Sektor Twenty-One. If that is the case, the attack may well be over and we're just going in to perform cleanup. However, the AMF remains in place, and that to me, is suspicious in itself. It may be to cover retreat, or it may be something MORE."
"Five Minutes!"
"Depending on the situation," Hayate began. "We're going to either be surpressing enemy forces, or doing a whole lot of searching around. Either way, this could take a while, so let's stay prepared."
"A suggestion," Roland stated.
"Yes," Hayate asked.
"Restoration of information dominance should take top priority," he nodded. "The primary objective outside of hostile force suppression should be locating and destroying the source of the AMF as quickly as possible. With the field down, regulars can flood the area and we can get clear satscans of the location for any further signs of trouble."
"Then we'll split up," Nanoha stated. Fate nodded her agreement. "There's eight of us, so we can cover a lot of ground very quickly that way. The sooner we find the AMF's source, the quicker we can put an end to it."
"And the sooner you'll run into trouble with a capital T," Roland cut in. "Don't split up like that..."
Nanoha turned to Roland as if he had grown a second head and five more arms.
"I know, the whole Solo Mage skill level bit," he cocked his head to the side. "But it's an easy way to get picked off a piece at a time."
"Agreement here," Hayate nodded. Roland's office layout was still fresh in her head. She could remember the precise details of every single piece and suspected the General was holding back a lot of his own personal brand of advice. Maybe if she dangled a little bait, she'd see just how much he lived up to his office. "Perhaps the General should act as the field commander for the time being, I can put some power down on the ground with you guys."
And with that, she turned a catlike smirk on the General. Roland hid a double take. Did that girl just place herself directly under his command for the duration of this mission? The little Minx! Perhaps she just wanted a piece of the action too... But best not to turn a little gift like that down.
"Is that on the record?" he asked.
"Two Minutes!"
Hayate nodded.
Roland put his hand on his chin, then let his eyes rove the assortment of mages before him. He'd studied their files... How do you place such talent?
"Okay... First off, we're all reffering to each other by Callsign from here on out. As the Forward Air Controller, my callsign will be DEEP SKY... Shamal and Reinforce will stay here and assist in information management on the consoles. The rest of you are deploying. We'll pair off into teams... I'm thinking complementary pairs. Nanoha, Signum... First Team. You're on infiltration. Use any search magic you have, and be ready to fall back without hesitation. Fate, Vita... Second Team. Power Plant overwatch, cover the external facilities and reinforce Team One if they get into trouble."
He turned to Hayate, and then glanced briefly at Crash.
"Hayate, Crash... Third Team. Perimiter search and rear guard. You'll be covering the surrounding town, but acting as artillery support if we need it. If we have to start making a mess, I want to make any opposition wish they hadn't bothered to get out of bed today. Teams one and two will be acting as your forward eyes, and we'll relay any information you need for targetting from here."
To me... the way I wrote Hayate's thinking, it seems, on retrospect... too easy. I know the way his character history works he's the best man for the job of FAC here... but from the fiction perspective, it might be just a nudge too much. He's displayed lots of 'Shiny' in real short order in the last chapter and with this scene.
Things I want to avoid are Hayate putting him in charge so she can see what it's like having someone who actually fought in war in command, or testing him, or things of that nature. Because you just don't DO that in a real life, life & death mission kind of situation. (Unless you're a freakin' moron. And while Hayate may not be much of a commander... she's not a moron.)
EDIT:
PAGE CLAIM!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v430/admiraltigerclaw/GCFAshield.jpg
PhoenixG
2008-07-09, 04:27
Udonge is the only moon rabbit. All other rabbits are youkai earth rabbits.
And now, something once again non-canonical to USB's fic but amuses me greatly.
>_>
<_<
...
:3
*drops this and RUNS*
An Ordinary Outsider
Name: Tempest
Occupation: Shop owner
Ability: Knowledge of Gensokyo
Residence: Ice cream shop and brewery
An ordinary human with unremarkable features. He was originally from the outside world, banished to Gensokyo by mysterious means (1). Left with only a few belongings and his wits, his adjustment to Gensokyo was surprisingly quick. Unlike many outsiders, he has opted to stay in Gensokyo rather than go home. As a way of life, he established a shop across the lake from the Scarlet Devil Mansion that sells ice cream and beer.
Despite being a human, he is in good standing with a number of non-humans.
Personality
In contrast with his name, he possesses an unnatural calmness and strange outlook on matters, often commenting dryly on events and situations. Otherwise, he is silly and foolish, often goofing off when not working. Yet, he can be intense and uncompromising when the situation calls for it. He seems protective of his customers, using a weapon from the outside world to defend himself and his customers. (2)
Weapons
Being human, he has no outstanding powers. Perhaps due to his weakness, he cannot danmaku at all. He can, however, graze. He stands out, however, with his extensive knowledge of Gensokyo and its history and inhabitants (3). Perhaps to compensate for his inability to danmaku, he is armed with weapons from the outside world.
According to him, these weapons are:
Springfield Mil-Spec M1911A1
Smith & Wesson 500
Remington 700 rifle
Enchanted zweihander
I do not know what these are, nor have I seen them myself. They are very loud and very dangerous, so it’s best to let him deal with it.
Everyday Life
As his shop is also his home, he works every day to earn money. When not working, he can be seen fishing at the lake or tending to his garden. He does hate it when his work is stolen and eaten (4).
He seems to be in good standing with humans and non-humans alike, possibly due to his job. There have been occasions when even youkai protect him. He has performed deliveries to the Hakurei Shrine to even as far as the Netherworld, making his unremarkable nature surprisingly well known. This must be good for business.
Job
As the owner of his establishment, he is in charge of making ice cream and brewing beer, in addition to selling it to customers. Interestingly, he has employees in the form of local youkai and fairies, paying them through meals and other ways. Visitors have identified Cirno, Rumia, Mystia, and Wriggle Nightbug as assistants. Rumors state that they live with him in the shop.
The immediate area surrounding the shop and the shop itself is considered a neutral zone, and instigators are dealt with severely (5).
He has a secondary job in caring for outsiders, providing room and board until the outsider is taken home or finds his or her own way of life in Gensokyo. He gives surprisingly good advice, and his knowledge of Gensokyo helps keep them out of trouble (6).
Personal Accounts
"He's boring, but donates regularly. I can't complain" (Reimu Hakurei)
He is rather ordinary, isn't he?
“He remembered my name! I’m so happy!” (Hong Meiling)
This is quite a feat. Even I, Hieda no Akyu, cannot remember this youkai’s name.
“Beer and ice cream. What kind of business is that? (Rinnosuke Morichika)
Strange, but popular. It reaches all ages and both genders.
"It's really strange to drink beer next to a youkai. My daughter came in and ate ice cream with a fairy! I feel nervous sometimes when I come here." (Anonymous)
Do not worry. The rules are strictly enforced in the shop, and perpetrators are dealt with harshly.
“Yay! Ice cream! Ice cream!” (Flandre Scarlet)
I have no comment.
---------------
(1): Some person named Sheba
(2): He becomes rather frightening, almost like a demon.
(3): Kiene is a close friend of his
(4): Mischievous youkai, fairies, and kappa
(5): Certain individuals do not appreciate their peaceful snack interrupted.
(6): This is not always successful
Moar touhou stuff to munch XDXD
Silly IRC action that spiralled into Touhou madness by Tempest.
PhoenixG
2008-07-09, 06:24
Guess we should be gratefull to Sheba :P
Madness will be mad, and sorry TK, I doubt my Khrack senses have dulled despite that. Basically, that emo came out of nowhere; the best I could say was that I could've passed that Leadership test, but you know how life just makes you roll badly, and you end up failing a Morale check out of the blue. :p
Maybe Anita's fever just got to me. ><
But one things for sure; I'll stop throwing Kha all over the place; he's best shafted/hidden/kept in reserve, which was the case. And I need to stop seeing things; for some reason I kept remembering Kha had a lot of negative feedback about him and had to be fixed. :heh:
^
Just a suggestion. If the focus is off on Kha you could work on other stuff in the mean time. Like developing Erio for instance. I would imagine there are ways to touch upon his character from pre-StrikerS all the way to post. Even incidents that have already happened can be touch upon. Erio's meeting with Fate certainly could use a expansion onto later events how the confused young boy was guided along by a blonde enforcer who just couldn't leave him alone. Perhaps then you could insert Kha to give a sound piece of advice to young Erio and then have him disappear. That way you still get to have OC-interaction with CCs while maintaining a low profile.
Personally I wouldn't mind CC-only stories. There are more than a few characters and even the Aces that could use a couple expansion into their character depths. So they have their screentime; doesn't mean it's enough or it should stop there.
Here at OC we can explore CCs as well. I have had a short dedicated to the Agito-Signum side about the knight upholding her promise to Zest. Another one had a single OC insertion to bring about an unresolved issue between Lutecia and Megane. Sadly both were scrapped or stalled along the way, though I do intend to continue them.
Point is, writing about CCs directly is just as well and fine as using OC interaction with CCs to tap into a character's potential. Example being I find the Zest-Agito-Lutecia group full of unused potential from StrikerS and a great waste not to write about it.
*screams that that's keikakudoori while running from Anita wanting to test her new Tsun'Tan Phase Sword*
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-09, 09:18
*screams that that's keikakudoori while running from Anita wanting to test her new Tsun'Tan Phase Sword*
*Admiral Tigerclaw trips Kha.*
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v430/admiraltigerclaw/5e_026ZorgSmokes-1.jpg
Did anyone hear anything just now?
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 09:21
*innocently*
Nope, not me.
*tosses a pile of bloodied Terminator armor with its lacerated contents into an Altar of Kings*
Nope nothing on my side too. :)
*is resurrected forcefully, and ejected from the nether, tumbling down the steps of the Altar.*
...:eyebrow:
The Phase Sword forged from pieces left by the Wanderer works perfectly! This should go nicely on Sophia's wall. :D
Remind to keep my mouth shut about tsundere weapons. <_<
Though... Where did you find pieces of Wanderer?! :eek:
Sophia Laguna Bladed the C'Tan along with the rest of the OC army to get him off of Kha, didn't she? A lot of pieces broke off of him. :)
Something doesn't fit here. :hmm:
*smacks Kha on the head with a sign that says "This Is Nanoha!"*
Shush, baka. Be glad Sophia did't use Gruul Slave, or she'd have taken Kha out with the C'Tan. ;)
Random question:
How honest does the thread in general want me to be? I'm never sure whether a direct comment without dressing-up will cause offense or not.
And by "direct comments", I mean really direct and tactless. I don't know what exactly is the threshold for this thread, since previously, blunt statements have caused quite a lot of disputes and disagreements.
In addition, I don't know whether the nitpicking I want to do is acceptable for this thread, rather than annoying and trivial.
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 09:44
So long as we're making Slayers references...
The primary villain I'm working on for the whole of Comacanon is a Xellos look-alike, but I can't find any good images of Himitsu-sama looking particularly malevolent to serve as a reference. Mind if I make an image request? I'd do this on the Slayers board, but we don't seem to have one yet...
Gruul Slave? :eyespin: Why not call the other Slayers ripoff Vashj Blade? :eyebrow:
About time you came up with something useful! :D
Ho crap. :eyespin:
And apparently the Slayer spells appeared when Anita started work on Sophia. :uhoh:
Estavali
2008-07-09, 09:55
Random question:
How honest does the thread in general want me to be? I'm never sure whether a direct comment without dressing-up will cause offense or not.
And by "direct comments", I mean really direct and tactless. I don't know what exactly is the threshold for this thread, since previously, blunt statements have caused quite a lot of disputes and disagreements.
In addition, I don't know whether the nitpicking I want to do is acceptable for this thread, rather than annoying and trivial.
A suggestion?
Choose a character/scene/etc to comment on, post it to the more cool-headed and logical people (though also maybe also not the person whose work you're commenting on) around here via PM perhaps and see what they think of it.
The best way to gauge public response may be to get at least some response from somewhere before hand, methinks.
The thing is that I want to try being more active in this thread, but the only things apart from my own stuff I can really think about talking about may not be suitable for this thread's "culture", so to speak.
Essentially, when someone posts a story, I want to try commenting on it, but the comments I have are more or less nitpicks and criticisms (as politely as I can). Since I don't know how much nitpicking I'm allowed to do, I stay silent.
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 10:35
Just ask yourself this: is the criticism you're giving meant to be constructive, or are you only saying "this sucks, change it now"?
The same guidelines we lay down for haxxbusting characters should go for proofreading fanfics as well. If you're going to complain about an aspect of a character or story, try to make sure you suggest ways the author could correct it or make it better.
And remember, being polite about it will go a long way to making your opinions heard and considered. Even if you bring up perfectly good points and expose glaring errors on the author's part, if you do so with an acidic and insulting tone like TK sometimes does with his haxxbusting, odds are much better that your comments will be brushed off or ignored than they would be if you used a more polite tone. Remember the old saying: you get more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Just ask yourself this: is the criticism you're giving meant to be constructive, or are you only saying "this sucks, change it now"?
The same guidelines we lay down for haxxbusting characters should go for proofreading fanfics as well. If you're going to complain about an aspect of a character or story, try to make sure you suggest ways the author could correct it or make it better.
And remember, being polite about it will go a long way to making your opinions heard and considered. Even if you bring up perfectly good points and expose glaring errors on the author's part, if you do so with an acidic and insulting tone like TK sometimes does with his haxxbusting, odds are good that your comments will be brushed off or ignored.
It's stuff like correcting spelling and grammar errors, and asking for explanations on odd plot points. As mentioned, very nitpicky, but errors like those really break immersion into a story for me.
I'll not be intentionally insulting, but I'll probably be terse, because, as mentioned, I don't really know how to dress up my statements to seem more, well, "friendly".
It'll probably be easiest to explain if I can try it out on something and show what I mean, but I don't know who's willing to be the guinea pig.
EDIT: Also, if I were to receive the same sort of criticisms as I give out, I'd be overjoyed.
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 10:53
That's perfectly acceptable; I spend a lot of time on a fanfiction webpage when I'm not here, and that sort of stuff happens all the time. Heck, there's a board specifically devoted to Comments and Criticism for pinning down spelling and grammar errors and pointing out inconsistencies and so forth. Picking away at every little bitty detail that doesn't quite go with canon might not be such a hot idea ("Hey, there's no necromancy in Nanoha canon!" or "How do you get such and such spell to work" or "That's not how an IS works, dammit!" for instance, unless in the last case there's something really wrong with the author's interpretation of the IS function, like making them into spells), but errors with plot and timeline issues and so forth are absolutely fair game.
PhoenixFlare
2008-07-09, 10:59
The thing is that I want to try being more active in this thread, but the only things apart from my own stuff I can really think about talking about may not be suitable for this thread's "culture", so to speak.
Essentially, when someone posts a story, I want to try commenting on it, but the comments I have are more or less nitpicks and criticisms (as politely as I can). Since I don't know how much nitpicking I'm allowed to do, I stay silent.
To view in from the general perspective, it's quite open and encompasses perhaps the cultures from the four corners of the world. More than half of us are Asians here, and the rest are Europeans and Americans. I don't know if there are any from the Middle East, but yeah, there shouldn't be any problem with how you comment. We've had completely tactless ones before, so there's nothing to worry. As long as you're honest and reasonable, you can be sure there wouldn't be any problems.
@Comartemis: It's really a matter of how tolerant are you in return. While comments are sometimes blunt and acerbic, there are hidden gems in the words that you can find nowhere else. The general population may be disposed towards layering their words with honey before speaking up, but the harsher side isn't that unfathomable. I've talked with TK before, and I do acknowledge some of his views despite him appearing "unfriendly" (maybe it's just my own opinion). I make it a point to see the truth he says and not the character he presents.
I have to ask because the last time I tried it on another forum, I received a lot of complaints about it, mainly that the writers don't want to put in the work needed to spellcheck and grammar-check everything perfectly for what amounted to throwaway stories. And they did have a point, in that situation: the thread consensus was that criticism was supposed to be directed at the content, not the presentation.
But if the presentation is off, then I can't concentrate on the content.
I'd also probably be questioning various choices of description and dialogue.
I second Comar's words, there is nothing wrong with pointing out grammar issues, English not being my first language I make tons of grammatical errors (I may speak it fluently, but writing it is a whole different case) Queries about plot points ditto, heck, that's what this thread is made for, isn't it?
Wild Goose
2008-07-09, 11:13
I don't mind at all, DK. Fire away. :D
As for Kha, I have this to say to you:
KHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLENCH! YOUR! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Kamima Punche's Kha*
There. Now stop being Emo.
*continues playing OMNI VS ZAFT Portable*
Delicious Freedom... awesome danmaku....
....how do I unlock Shiho and Lacus for Arcade mode? SEED needs more girl pilots. That's why I turned Fllay into a RIO for one of the Skygraspers in my SEED fic...
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 11:15
@Comartemis: It's really a matter of how tolerant are you in return. While comments are sometimes blunt and acerbic, there are hidden gems in the words that you can find nowhere else. The general population may be disposed towards layering their words with honey before speaking up, but the harsher side isn't that unfathomable. I've talked with TK before, and I do acknowledge some of his views despite him appearing "unfriendly" (maybe it's just my own opinion). I make it a point to see the truth he says and not the character he presents.
The problem with being really vitriolic is that many amateur authors have delicate egos while they're still starting out, and dropping the metaphorical hammer on them may scare an author who's just starting out into dropping a perfectly good concept. I make a point of being very gentle in my wording when I review fanfics negatively, suggesting to the author that he should take a second look at this or that plot point and maybe rethink the idea. I don't get really blunt--and even then I've never been as blunt as TK's been--unless the story is very badly flawed in some way, like a few months ago when I told Evil Rick exactly what I thought of his "Rise of the Techno Union" doujin.
I have to ask because the last time I tried it on another forum, I received a lot of complaints about it, mainly that the writers don't want to put in the work needed to spellcheck and grammar-check everything perfectly for what amounted to throwaway stories. And they did have a point, in that situation: the thread consensus was that criticism was supposed to be directed at the content, not the presentation.
But if the presentation is off, then I can't concentrate on the content.
I'd also probably be questioning various choices of description and dialogue.
Writers who don't care about spelling and grammar? That's a first. :eyebrow:
Well if it's just a humorous little one-shot like a lot of the crack around here is, I wouldn't expend the effort to nitpick at the spelling, but if it's an on-going story that the author intends to put up on FF.net or someplace similar, I'd definitely say to rip into the S&G errors with gusto. Bad spelling and grammar can really ruin a fic for me as well, though minor errors like putting a comma somewhere it's not supposed to be will occasionally slip past my notice.
PhoenixFlare
2008-07-09, 11:34
The problem with being really vitriolic is that many amateur authors have delicate egos while they're still starting out, and dropping the metaphorical hammer on them may scare an author who's just starting out into dropping a perfectly good concept. I make a point of being very gentle in my wording when I review fanfics negatively, suggesting to the author that he should take a second look at this or that plot point and maybe rethink the idea. I don't get really blunt--and even then I've never been as blunt as TK's been--unless the story is very badly flawed in some way, like a few months ago when I told Evil Rick exactly what I thought of his "Rise of the Techno Union" doujin.
Ego isn't an excuse, and not everyone views ego in the same way, anyway.
It has always a writer's responsibility to be prepared for the flaks, however small or big, in whatever way possible, when he should and shouldn't expect it. When you present something to the public, you must always be prepared to receive the criticism, since everything does not always go the way we want. While I do acknowledge that it is better to be polite, but it's more a point of culture than it having any particular bearing in how truthful a comment is. Reality shows show that much, so how you receive it is what really matters.
Note: Just so to point out, I'm an advocate of the philosophical thinking that "if you want to blame anyone, blame yourself for the fault first."
Wild Goose
2008-07-09, 11:38
I agree with PF. I've been practicing that belief at work; rather than blame others for causing my screwups, I blame myself.
Though I screwed up really, really really badly this afternoon. As the manager explained it, if I wasn't under training, I would have been instantly terminated on the spot. There but for the grace of god...
And everything had gone so well up to that point...
That said, the reason Evil Rick is the only person on OC who was never haxxbusted is simply because none of the haxxbusters could be bothered to bust stuff that was obviously crap. Oh, and Rick was a jerkass, and an idiot; he was having difficulty with getting his message across so I suggested billingual posting in english and spanish so that spanish-speaking Cadians could take a look at what he was trying to express and he got all huffy and stuff, and then left. I couldn't be arsed to followup on that, since I had more important things to do at the time (marathoning SRW OG Divine Wars. And getting Haru tempbanned. Though he appears to have returned. Ah well, i'm killing him in Macross OC).
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 11:46
I didn't say that a beginning author should blame someone else for the errors in their fics, just that people pointing those flaws out shouldn't word their criticisms to sound like borderline flames. I agree that authors should be prepared for negative commentary, but the fact is that many just aren't, and sometimes it's those authors who have really good ideas that should be developed as much as possible. Imagine if Tolkein hadn't taken criticism well when he was starting out and somebody's comments scared him into dropping The Lord of the Rings. Extreme example, I know, but I think it illustrates my point.
My comments alone won't prepare a beginning author for someone else's inevitable flame-comments, but they might correct the problem before someone else has a chance to comment really negatively on it. It helps that I usually do this on Fukufics, where most of the fics posted are still in development and can be corrected before being posted somewhere more mainstream like FF.net.
ghazghkull
2008-07-09, 12:14
*continues playing OMNI VS ZAFT Portable*
Delicious Freedom... awesome danmaku....
....how do I unlock Shiho and Lacus for Arcade mode? SEED needs more girl pilots. That's why I turned Fllay into a RIO for one of the Skygraspers in my SEED fic...
Shiho and Lacus are no goes.
I own the game, and a friend of mine owns that game for PS2, we've both discovered that in terms of pilots, wysiwyg.
FFS, hard or vitriolic criticisms has existed since the first tales. You really has to see Voltaire's flame letters regarding Rousseau's works, or the press' outcry over Flaubert's Salammbô (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salammb%C3%B4_(novel)) to believe it. Did it stop them from writing books? Did you really think that Shakespeare was above criticism when he released his work? So no! Tk's way to criticize is here to STAY.
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 12:46
Just because you can be vitriolic and hurtful with your comments is absolutely no excuse to do so when you can get your message across just as easily by being polite and helpful. This is probably the single biggest problem I have with TK, in that I cannot understand why he wouldn't put in the minimal amount of effort needed to make his criticisms less acidic.
It's not really my business how you talk to other people but come on guys, is it really that hard to be nice to each other?
Are you traumatized by tk or something like that? You seem to drag him in every matters regarding the thread. How an aspiring writer can hope to grow a tougher shell when he was not prepared to the harshest criticism from people of the outside? Tell me the magical recipe.
TheShinySword
2008-07-09, 13:01
Are you traumatized by tk or something like that? You seem to drag him in every matters regarding the thread. How an aspiring writer can hope to grow a tougher shell when he was not prepared to the harshest criticism from people of the outside? Tell me the magical recipe.
Thick skin: Get it or you're screwed in life.
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 13:12
Traumatized? Please. He just irritates me and he's a convenient close-to-home example to illustrate my point; why be like him when you can get your point across much more effectively by simply rewording your criticisms a little?
As for how to develop a thick skin? Couldn't tell you, maybe it comes from hanging around /b/ or something. But that's somewhat besides the point; when you're commenting negatively on a person's fanfic, you aren't doing so with the objective of building up the writer's tolerance for criticism, you're doing it to try to tell him that there's something wrong with his fic and he needs to change it, and insulting the writer for making spelling errors or having a lame plot twist isn't the best way to get your point across.
Now if the writer you're criticizing already has a thick skin, then wonderful, blast away and he won't really care; maybe he'll even pay attention to your comments and do something about it. But whether or not the writer has a thick skin, if I word my comments kindly instead of acting like a prick, the author is more likely to pay attention to what I have to say simply because I'm not commenting on his work and insulting it in the same breath.
Wild Goose
2008-07-09, 13:18
Just because you can be vitriolic and hurtful with your comments is absolutely no excuse to do so when you can get your message across just as easily by being polite and helpful. This is probably the single biggest problem I have with TK, in that I cannot understand why he wouldn't put in the minimal amount of effort needed to make his criticisms less acidic.
It's not really my business how you talk to other people but come on guys, is it really that hard to be nice to each other?
Besides, Comar, you think TK right now is bad? Compared to before he's downright cuddly. Besides, that's pretty much the way he is: he's rough and caustic, but he attacks the substance of the work and not the person. 'sides. I deal with people who are fucktons worse than TK on a daily business. You have not heard vitriolic until you've heard an angry Chinese or Korean on the phone, screaming away and blaming you for something that's their fault.
Korean: "I'm at No. 6 Dagang Road, Dagang Park Suburb! WTF are you fuckers doing!!!! You stupid!" (The rest is unintelligeble and is a mix of broken English and Korean swearing.)
Korean's Friend: "Actually we're in a totally different area."
Me: *facepalm*
Store Manager on another phone: "Goose?"
Me: "He gave the wrong adress. Different Area."
Store Manager: *wallbang*
Funnily, my biggest issue with TK is puntuation. I find it harder than normal to read his stuff, due to his punctuation.
Shiho and Lacus are no goes.
I own the game, and a friend of mine owns that game for PS2, we've both discovered that in terms of pilots, wysiwyg.
... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :upset: :upset: :upset: :sad: :sad: :sad:
...damnit, so if I want more girl pilots in SEED, I'll have to make them? :uhoh:
Traumatized? Please. He just irritates me and he's a convenient close-to-home example to illustrate my point; why be like him when you can get your point across much more effectively by simply rewording your criticisms a little?
As for how to develop a thick skin? Couldn't tell you, maybe it comes from hanging around /b/ or something. But that's somewhat besides the point; when you're commenting negatively on a person's fanfic, you aren't doing so with the objective of building up the writer's tolerance for criticism, you're doing it to try to tell him that there's something wrong with his fic and he needs to change it, and insulting the writer for making spelling errors or having a lame plot twist isn't the best way to get your point across.
Now if the writer you're criticizing already has a thick skin, then wonderful, blast away and he won't really care; maybe he'll even pay attention to your comments and do something about it. But whether or not the writer has a thick skin, if I word my comments kindly instead of acting like a prick, the author is more likely to pay attention to what I have to say simply because I'm not commenting on his work and insulting it in the same breath.
And yet you never listened and paid attention when I talked nicely and even gave suggestions nicely until after Aaron's Yandere, so forgive me for raised eyebrows and taking in your words with a packet of chili flakes.
Now, as I keep saying, and as everyone keeps forgetting and/or ignoring, is that there needs to be a balance. The balancing, however, is a very fine line and it's hard to tell the difference. That said each approach has its own place and purpose.
I would post more but it's 2.24 am here. Whenever I stay up this late I tend to start being snappish at people. Good night.
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 13:26
And yet you never listened and paid attention when I talked nicely and even gave suggestions nicely until after Aaron's Yandere, so forgive me for raised eyebrows and taking in your words with a packet of chili flakes.
...Goose, is this about the M4 and my "refusal to compromise" again? And if it is, may I remind you that I have always--eventually--listened to local commentary and caved in on everything I've made that was ever considered haxxed?
ghazghkull
2008-07-09, 13:26
... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :upset: :upset: :upset: :sad: :sad: :sad:
...damnit, so if I want more girl pilots in SEED, I'll have to make them? :uhoh:
Would it help if I told you that you get Lacus as a usable pilot in Rengou VS Zaft 2, for PS2?
PhoenixFlare
2008-07-09, 13:26
This is definitely spiraling out of control. When I said that to Comartemis, it's meant to let him see the other plausible alternative, not forcefully changing his attitude towards vitriolic comments. He is entitled his own view on the matter, and however you look at it, it's not wrong, so that's that.
Drop this now, and return to the topic at hand.
Wild Goose
2008-07-09, 13:53
...Goose, is this about the M4 and my "refusal to compromise" again? And if it is, may I remind you that I have always--eventually--listened to local commentary and caved in on everything I've made that was ever considered haxxed?
Yeah, but it takes a crapload of arguing and posting to make you change your mind. Let's not forget how you waltzed in and demanded that canon and the OC fanon sandbox change to suit you, before eventually creating Comacanon as your own sandbox.
@Aaron & all who will misunderstand: Cadia Zwei/OC is NOT a sandbox. It is a playground. Inside the playground are the various sandboxes of the fanons. There are the white sands of Original Generations. The red sands of KErokanon which intermingle with OG. In a seperate sandbox are the yellow sands of Khrack; besdie, with some white and red sands, are the black sands of Alpha timeline. And off to a corner is the purple sands of Comacanon, a seperate sandbox within the sandpit area of the Cadia Zwei playground.
Would it help if I told you that you get Lacus as a usable pilot in Rengou VS Zaft 2, for PS2?
Not really. Since I don;t have a PS2. :upset: :sad:
...oh god the crack. -_-
One of the OC's in my SEED fic is basically an expy of Franz, though somewhat crazier and a bit more happy-go-lucky-compulsive-gambler. Voiced by Shinnichiro Miki, aka Kurz Weber. A Natural pilot from Orb, who was dating a Coordinator girl named Megumi... which was the name of Naomi's HPTFA expy...
...
*runs like hell*
Yes, there's delicious kyoudai-ai. Which is why I don't really go to The Jade Series forums anymore, due to the anti-kyoudai-ai stance of everyone there. (Even if they've got other posters more fucked up in the head than I am.)
This is definitely spiraling out of control. When I said that to Comartemis, it's meant to let him see the other plausible alternative, not forcefully changing his attitude towards vitriolic comments. He is entitled his own view on the matter, and however you look at it, it's not wrong, so that's that.
Drop this now, and return to the topic at hand.
I refuse to return to the topic at hand. Instead, I will derail it, using my IS: Diverted Tangent.
Lacus in a flightsuit is hot. Very, very hot. She also looks a LOT smarter with her hair tied up than left down. I have lots of Pilot!Lacus and Pilot!Fllay crack planned. Oh the crack. Including the fact that Fllay is unknowingly a Coordinator.
My hypothesis is thus as follows: girls with their hair tied back look hotter and more intelligent. Girls with their hair tied back wearing a smooth tight form-fitting figure-accentuating SEED flightsuit thus add +50 to their hotness rating.
Therfore! It is my hypothesis that sticking Nanoha and Fate into SEED flightsuits will make them hotter than ever!
...Doesn't work for Hayatechans, due to the short hair. But meh, Hayate's more for cuddling that sexxoring, IMO.
...
...
...
...unless it's with Aurion, that is. :p
*Casts Alert, Strike, Accel, Focus, jumps into VF-19 and RUNS LIKE HELL from Aaron's wrath, pinpoint barrier, Active Stealth system and all defences at full power*
Someone suggest to me ways of making this better. It's just a random scene as a trial for how to write combat interestingly, which I have no confidence in.
Sein may be useful at infiltration and reconnaissance, but her artistic skills left a lot to be desired. Either that scribble in the corner was a drawing of the power source of the combat drone, or it was some sort of virulent flower. Maybe a deformed rabbit.
I set the sketches beside my overpriced coffee, and leaned back in my chair. My face wasn't very well-known, and I was wearing my sunglasses today anyway. The cafe bustled with customers, old people enjoying their afternoon tea, yuppies dosing up on their caffeine fixes, and waitresses busily taking and delivering orders. At times like these, it was tempting to forget about all the plans and schemes in motion, and just soak up the world.
"Celica Lowell!"
Well, damn.
There were two of them this time. The carrot-top in twin ponytails looked familiar, someone I had seen in the news before. The one behind her was busy gearing up for a fight, flexing muscles and checking weaponry. Gauntlet, rollerblades... and I recognized her as the Type-0. Damn, damn, damn.
I stood up, accidentally knocking against the table and spilling my latte. Around me, the civilians were moving towards the exits in an orderly manner which was the precursor to blind panic.
First, a mask. Finding nothing else handy, I grabbed several napkins off the table, and snatched a roll of clear tape from the bar counter. The net result probably looked like a cross between a budget bandit and a cold sufferer, and I hoped that no cameras were rolling nearby. Even worse, I was most definitely not dressed for battle, and a skirt provided so many chances for a wardrobe failure.
"Celica Lowell, is that you?"
Carrot-top was holding up her wrist, and there was a rather accurate flatscreen projection of my face hovering above her multi-purpose watch-comm. My, technology sure is convenient these days.
I considered denying the charge, but there wasn't much point in delaying. "It's me. What do you want?"
"Celica Lowell, you are to come peacably with us to the nearest TSAB base. We have questions for you regarding Quattro."
Shoe, drop. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You broke her out of prison!" the Type-0 shouted. Impulsive sort, this one. "She's a dangerous criminal, and we have to recapture her!"
I ran through a mental inventory of the items in my belt pouches, and the movements necessary to bring them out as quickly and efficiently as possible. "I'm telling you, you've got the wrong person."
"We have recorded footage of your unauthorized presence in the orbital containment facility, just before the prison break." Carrot-top brought out a badge, an Enforcer badge. "Under the authority of the Time-Space Administration Bureau Special Investigations Unit, you are hereby under arrest. If you come without a fight, you'll be allowed to speak in your defence."
By this time I had my Device ready to go, clasped in my left hand, humming in my mind with power waiting to be released. I wasn't about to let a couple of TSAB peons take me in just like that, so all the legalese was a mere formality. As I kept reminding my little sister, these things needed to be done with style.
The cafe had cleared out by now. Good; I'd hate to have to explain the bad publicity of hurting innocents to the cause.
"Two against one, Lowell," Carrot-top warned. "Final offer." Memory finally kicked in, and I identified her as Something Lanster. She had guns in the form of a dual pistol Device, and... what else could she do? Whatever it was, it would probably be more than enough to make my life extremely difficult. I was going to get beaten into a pulp, an eventuality which concentrates the mind wonderfully.
I brought my left hand out, Device chain entwined between my fingers. "Flash!"
The burst of searingly bright light should have been enough to blind any unprepared normal for a good while, but I knew Lanster and the Type-0 were definitely not normal, especially since the Type-0 had taken advantage of my leisurely conversation with her partner to sneak up behind me. I dodged out of the clumsy grab she made at me, and planted a small wad of volatiles on her chest. Not enough to kill her, not remotely, but I pulled up a shaped barrier that directed the explosive force in her direction. She stumbled back on her rollerblades, stunned for the brief but critical moment I needed to Bind her ankles with my Deviced left hand, and drop a smoke bomb with my right.
I reached into another belt pouch and switched my sunglasses for my visor, hurriedly slotting in the earpieces. Lanster had recovered admirably quickly, and was aiming in my direction. I threw myself onto the floor, rolled, and kicked a chair at her. She shifted her aim and blasted it to bits, by which time I was in position to send an energy blast towards her. She dived out of the way, and out of sight. The blast shot over the heads of the crowd outside the cafe, which predictably panicked.
I got to my feet just in time for the Type-0 to clock me hard in the ear. She was yelling something about someone or other, and how it's all my fault that something had happened to them, or maybe to her, or to someone else entirely; I couldn't hear her through the ringing in my head. I tried to cast another Bind on her, but she grabbed my hand and punched me in the gut. I folded up neatly, and some part of my mind managed to order my Device to zap the Type-0 with several thousand volts. She let go, and I staggered towards the exit.
Lanster stepped in front of me to block my way. I took a drunken swing at her, before realizing that a ranged attacker like her would never confront me directly, especially after witnessing my blasts in action. The illusion dissipated, and I desperately turned the movement into a shield. The shots aimed at me ricocheted off, causing yet more property damage. I sent several more energy blasts towards the direction the shots came from, even though it wasn't like I knew exactly where Lanster was. I considered flying off to freedom, but that would probably be as good as painting a great big target on my back.
The Type-0 lunged at me again. I twisted to the side, grabbed her arm, and used her momentum to drive her fist deep into the wall. I ducked under her retaliatory kick, wondering how she got the leverage for it, and rolled a couple of sticky grenades at her feet. I got clear just as she did, and the grenades covered her with enough webbing to hold her for, oh, maybe five seconds.
But that would be five seconds for me to dive into the near-riot outside the ruined cafe. I wasn't going to be so crass as to take a hostage, but that many bystanders should give me some cover against Lanster's fire. I could see local cops in riot gear trotting forward, with the distinctive uniforms of the TSAB mages in their midst. This was going to get ugly very quickly, and I had to get out of here.
The crowd was busy trying to get out of my way, leaving me in a clear area damnably free of civilian obstacles. I shoved a capsule into my mouth just as an uncomfortably large energy blade was pressed against my throat, and Lanster materialized out of invisibility in front of me.
"Where's Quattro?" she hissed.
"I'm telling you, you've got the wrong girl," I mumbled, because it's hard to talk while maneuvering a dangerous object in your mouth.
"Where's Quattro?"
"Ask Testarossa!"
Lanster blinked, which was enough for me to grab her arms, and plant a deep kiss on her lips. The capsule broke, releasing a special fast-acting gas into her mouth. I'd built up something of an immunity to it by now, and I'd dosed myself with the antidote earlier anyway. Lanster collapsed into a boneless heap on the ground.
"Tea!" The Type-0 was advancing on me with a murderous look in her eyes. This was probably going to be the part which I hated, the flaw in the plan which resulted in my getting hit over and over again until I gave in, and sometimes not even then.
I spat out the remains of the gas capsule. "She's just stunned," I said thick-tongued, because even the antidote wasn't enough to completely counteract the damned thing. I don't think the Type-0 understood me, because she charged full-tilt, fully intent on pulverizing me into paste.
I silently commanded the visor's earpieces to block all external sound, and detonated the sonic device I had attached to a strategic lamp post. The thump as it went off shook me to the bone, and every window in the place exploded, showering everyone with shards of broken glass just as I loosed an overcharged energy blast at the Type-0, sending her skidding back several meters. It didn't look like she was in any position to argue, spasmodically twitching as she tried to clear her head. I lobbed another sticky grenade at her, and she didn't even try to dodge.
Exit time. I set off another smoke bomb, wrested open the nearby manhole cover, and dropped into the stinking sewers. With any luck, I could get out of this place before anyone knew where I-
"Celica Lowell?"
The other Type-0. It never rains but it pours.
"I didn't expect to be so popular today," I said with false bravado. A tiny number floated in the corner of my vision, counting down. About time.
"You are under arrest," the Type-0 stated, "again, for your part in the prison break at the orbital containment facility. Be under arrest, will you?"
"I keep telling you people, you've got the wrong person." I noticed, for the first time, the shreds and tatters of my nice new clothes. I was bleeding in several places, and my body chose this moment to tally up all the aches and injuries I sustained in the battle. There was no way I could be much more than a minor inconvenience to this Type-0, who looked a lot more intelligent than the one above ground.
"Be that as it may," the Type-0 said, "you are still charged with unauthorized entry into a restricted area, and conspiracy to effect a general criminal escape."
She had me there. I wondered why she wasn't rushing in and subduing me immediately; it wasn't as though I could put up more than a token resistance.
Ah well, her loss.
"Would it help if I stood here quietly like a good little felon?" I inquired.
Now the Type-0 rushed at me, but it was too late, as the timer reached zero and Sein swan-dived out of the ceiling, grabbing me on her way down. I felt the rumbling impact as the Type-0 slammed a fist into the concrete, but it was happening somewhere far away and I was going to have to move my schedule up. Suzuka had to be warned.
LimitedEternal
2008-07-09, 14:11
Madness will be mad, and sorry TK, I doubt my Khrack senses have dulled despite that. Basically, that emo came out of nowhere; the best I could say was that I could've passed that Leadership test, but you know how life just makes you roll badly, and you end up failing a Morale check out of the blue. :p
Maybe Anita's fever just got to me. ><
But one things for sure; I'll stop throwing Kha all over the place; he's best shafted/hidden/kept in reserve, which was the case. And I need to stop seeing things; for some reason I kept remembering Kha had a lot of negative feedback about him and had to be fixed. :heh:
Good to see you've dragged yourself out of that hole. I was ready to try my "pep talk" out on you. :3
^
Just a suggestion. If the focus is off on Kha you could work on other stuff in the mean time. Like developing Erio for instance. I would imagine there are ways to touch upon his character from pre-StrikerS all the way to post. Even incidents that have already happened can be touch upon. Erio's meeting with Fate certainly could use a expansion onto later events how the confused young boy was guided along by a blonde enforcer who just couldn't leave him alone. Perhaps then you could insert Kha to give a sound piece of advice to young Erio and then have him disappear. That way you still get to have OC-interaction with CCs while maintaining a low profile.
Personally I wouldn't mind CC-only stories. There are more than a few characters and even the Aces that could use a couple expansion into their character depths. So they have their screentime; doesn't mean it's enough or it should stop there.
Here at OC we can explore CCs as well. I have had a short dedicated to the Agito-Signum side about the knight upholding her promise to Zest. Another one had a single OC insertion to bring about an unresolved issue between Lutecia and Megane. Sadly both were scrapped or stalled along the way, though I do intend to continue them.
Point is, writing about CCs directly is just as well and fine as using OC interaction with CCs to tap into a character's potential. Example being I find the Zest-Agito-Lutecia group full of unused potential from StrikerS and a great waste not to write about it.
:nod:
Character expansion is key.
*screams that that's keikakudoori while running from Anita wanting to test her new Tsun'Tan Phase Sword*
Hmmm...nice blade. ;)
*Admiral Tigerclaw trips Kha.*
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v430/admiraltigerclaw/5e_026ZorgSmokes-1.jpg
Did anyone hear anything just now?
*innocently*
Nope, not me.
*tosses a pile of bloodied Terminator armor with its lacerated contents into an Altar of Kings*
Nope nothing on my side too. :)
No, I didn't hear anything like someone being viciously beaten to a pulp, not at all.
Dangit, I wanted to test my new +1 Sledge of Cranium-Crushin' too!
Something doesn't fit here. :hmm:
This surprises you because...? (:p)
*smacks Kha on the head with a sign that says "This Is Nanoha!"*
Shush, baka. Be glad Sophia did't use Gruul Slave, or she'd have taken Kha out with the C'Tan. ;)
:heehee:
Random question:
How honest does the thread in general want me to be? I'm never sure whether a direct comment without dressing-up will cause offense or not.
And by "direct comments", I mean really direct and tactless. I don't know what exactly is the threshold for this thread, since previously, blunt statements have caused quite a lot of disputes and disagreements.
In addition, I don't know whether the nitpicking I want to do is acceptable for this thread, rather than annoying and trivial.
A suggestion?
Choose a character/scene/etc to comment on, post it to the more cool-headed and logical people (though also maybe also not the person whose work you're commenting on) around here via PM perhaps and see what they think of it.
The best way to gauge public response may be to get at least some response from somewhere before hand, methinks.
Seems like a good idea. As long as you don't flame people, I think you can get away with being fairly blunt; constructive criticism gets more done than screaming.
I have to ask because the last time I tried it on another forum, I received a lot of complaints about it, mainly that the writers don't want to put in the work needed to spellcheck and grammar-check everything perfectly for what amounted to throwaway stories. And they did have a point, in that situation: the thread consensus was that criticism was supposed to be directed at the content, not the presentation.
But if the presentation is off, then I can't concentrate on the content.
I'd also probably be questioning various choices of description and dialogue.
I think you've got a good point here; it's easier to digest the material if you can read it, and to me it feels like someone who throws a story out without bothering to make sure they get spelling and grammar right is...not that concerned about their work. Which to me smacks of doing something just to do it rather than with a purpose.
I second Comar's words, there is nothing wrong with pointing out grammar issues, English not being my first language I make tons of grammatical errors (I may speak it fluently, but writing it is a whole different case) Queries about plot points ditto, heck, that's what this thread is made for, isn't it?
If I may say so, the written English of this thread is as good or better than a...not insignificant number of people for whom English is their first language. :heh:
I don't mind at all, DK. Fire away. :D
As for Kha, I have this to say to you:
KHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLENCH! YOUR! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Kamima Punche's Kha*
There. Now stop being Emo.
*continues playing OMNI VS ZAFT Portable*
Delicious Freedom... awesome danmaku....
....how do I unlock Shiho and Lacus for Arcade mode? SEED needs more girl pilots. That's why I turned Fllay into a RIO for one of the Skygraspers in my SEED fic...
...
*applauds*
Very nice, Goose...brought a tear to my eye watching.
:3
Ego isn't an excuse, and not everyone views ego in the same way, anyway.
It has always a writer's responsibility to be prepared for the flaks, however small or big, in whatever way possible, when he should and shouldn't expect it. When you present something to the public, you must always be prepared to receive the criticism, since everything does not always go the way we want. While I do acknowledge that it is better to be polite, but it's more a point of culture than it having any particular bearing in how truthful a comment is. Reality shows show that much, so how you receive it is what really matters.
Note: Just so to point out, I'm an advocate of the philosophical thinking that "if you want to blame anyone, blame yourself for the fault first."
Yup. If you want to put something out there, be ready to suck it up. First rule of an kind of writing. And how you take it is equally as important.
Thick skin: Get it or you're screwed in life.
:nod::nod::nod:
I refuse to return to the topic at hand. Instead, I will derail it, using my IS: Diverted Tangent.
Lacus in a flightsuit is hot. Very, very hot. She also looks a LOT smarter with her hair tied up than left down. I have lots of Pilot!Lacus and Pilot!Fllay crack planned. Oh the crack. Including the fact that Fllay is unknowingly a Coordinator.
My hypothesis is thus as follows: girls with their hair tied back look hotter and more intelligent. Girls with their hair tied back wearing a smooth tight form-fitting figure-accentuating SEED flightsuit thus add +50 to their hotness rating.
Therfore! It is my hypothesis that sticking Nanoha and Fate into SEED flightsuits will make them hotter than ever!
...Doesn't work for Hayatechans, due to the short hair. But meh, Hayate's more for cuddling that sexxoring, IMO.
...
...
...
...unless it's with Aurion, that is. :p
*Casts Alert, Strike, Accel, Focus, jumps into VF-19 and RUNS LIKE HELL from Aaron's wrath, pinpoint barrier, Active Stealth system and all defences at full power*
...
...uh...
Great! :eyespin: *is at a loss for words*
Evangelion Xgouki
2008-07-09, 14:37
I guess I was just too sensitive to test scores, something ingrained to me as a child growing up in Singapore. :heh:
This isn't Singapore...it's the internet! :eyespin:
I've long convinced myself that coffin-armor is a character distinction rather than an anomaly. :D
Lol :p
Hmm... it's time to curb the madness and post epic story.
-------------------
*snip*
==========
*snip*
What will happen when Outer Cadia meets Touhou? Will Takeru survive the moon rabbit hordes and get out of the bridge in one piece? What is really Zafira thinking about Momizi? And most important of all, where in the name of Suwako have Shamal and Hikki gone to?
As usual, don't expect it to be updated ASAP (though I've wanted the premise to be short) and also don't expect it to be clean of any and all services (as the two chapters have shown :rolleyes: ).
*goes to prepare for tomorrow's job interview*
:twitch:
...as if all the Touhou in IRC wasn't enough...:uhoh:
And maybe some character info for those of us who have never played? >_>
Maybe Anita's fever just got to me. ><
You two alright?
*screams that that's keikakudoori while running from Anita wanting to test her new Tsun'Tan Phase Sword*
Kha seems to have returned to, at least for him, somewhat normal :p
*tosses a pile of bloodied Terminator armor with its lacerated contents into an Altar of Kings*
Nope nothing on my side too. :)
Anita!!! :D :D :D
Remind to keep my mouth shut about tsundere weapons. <_<
...what? :eyebrow:
About time you came up with something useful! :D
Oooo....BURNED :p
... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :upset: :upset: :upset: :sad: :sad: :sad:
...damnit, so if I want more girl pilots in SEED, I'll have to make them? :uhoh:
Well, there are those three girls who piloted the ORB Astrays. And of course Cagalli :love:
-----------------
And on a side note I heard about this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=wu1LJLlgxuM) from a webcomic I read...makes me tempted to upgrade my Gen. 1 iPod Nano >_>
...and I somehow have an urge to shout "Listen to my SONG!" when I read about it :eyespin:
FlameSparkZ
2008-07-09, 15:07
Hmm... it's time to curb the madness and post epic story.
-------------------
“You know, there’s something very wrong when Chrono assigned us to this mission,” a concerned Hayate said. “I mean… who on Earth wants us to work with some outside visitors?”
“I don’t have any idea, either,” Fate answered. “But from the look of it, it’s going to be an important mission.”
“Guys, I don’t really mind with our mission, but why sending only us?” Nanoha asked.
“Quit it, Nanoha-chan. At least we don’t have to take an entire team with us,” Hayate told her.
“Oh? Then how about them?” Keroko teased and pointed to Hikki, Takeru and Yuuno. “They aren’t a part of our team for nothing, you know.”
“Quit it. We know we’re the only males in this group,” Hikki snorted. “And whose idea was it to vote me as expedition leader?”
“At least we can trust you,” Hayate said with a chuckle. “Besides, considering the nature of words you have spoken I doubt you really want to take this mission. Alone.”
“Excuse me? Widuri has to look after Mai and the children, so she’s not coming,” Hikki reminded. “And what was that supposed to be, Hayate?”
“Nothing,” Hayate chuckled.
“Well, too bad Mr. Armstrong couldn’t come along,” Takeru said. “We could use his wisdom throughout this mission.”
The group received a signal from HQ. It was time to commence operation, so they wasted no time and approached the portal ring. “Everything is set for dimensional jump,” the chief technician said. “All personnel prepare for wormhole activation sequence. Countdown to portal execution in T-minus 90.”
“I can’t believe I’d actually sign in this mission,” Yuuno sighed.
“The process is going to temporarily interfere with your peripheral sense and Core Linker, but it’s a normal procedure,” the chief technician assured. “We have run this operation for hundreds of time, so there’s nothing to be worried of.”
“I don’t like the sound of this,” Fate said. “That reminds me, Takeru-kun. Why didn’t Frieda-san come along?”
“I have no idea, but she said she’s going to take Sayoko and the Gemini Sisters to the boot camp next week,” Takeru said. “Yeah… boot camp…”
// Takeru’s not-so dirty thought //
“Ah, Frieda…” Sayoko gasped. “Not here… please…”
“Don’t worry, Sayoko,” Frieda whispered into her ear. “There are only two of us here. We can do whatever we desire for.”
“Do you think so?” Sayoko murmured.
“Yes,” Frieda answered. “Just you and I. All. Alone.”
// Takeru’s not-so dirty thought //
Takeru’s face turned bright red. “I should’ve stopped reading those doujins…” he grumbled.
“Don’t worry, boy,” Zafira said and patted the gunslinger boy’s head. “Real men don’t need boot camp training. Real men train in pure environment.”
“Alright, people, here’s the instruction,” Hikki spoke. “Should we get separated at the end of the dimensional jump activate the signal transponder and set it to the pre-designated coordinate. Remember that our destination is one heck of a place, so be careful.”
“We get that,” Nanoha said.
“One more thing before I forget,” Hikki added and donned his gloves. “Don’t panic.”
“Belkanite energy output is at 100%,” one technician reported. “Chief, we’re good to go.”
The chief technician nodded. “All clear! Beginning dimension jump in thirty seconds!”
“This is it, folks,” Yuuno said.
“See you on the other side,” Zafira added.
The portal ring’s revolution reached its highest speed. All held their breath as the chief technician gave his crews the signal. “Dimension jump in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, execute!”
The portal ring flashed. In less than seconds the group became engulfed in golden yellow light and slowly disappeared from thin air as minute particles. The portal ring kept roaring for a few more seconds before it slowly came to a halt, leaving none of the people’s trace behind.
“Dimension jump is 99.99% successful,” the engineer reported. “No abnormalities from objects are detected.”
The chief technician took a deep breath. Good luck out there, you people,” he murmured.
==========
The portal opened. In an instant everyone fell out of the wormhole and crashed onto one another. Their sudden arrival caused many of the inhabitants to scatter in panic, and soon their presence piqued intrigues and attracted curious eyes to investigate.
“Ow! How come we crash-land?” Nanoha moaned and rubbed her head.
“The portal designers must’ve forgotten the ending route,” Fate grumbled. “Nanoha-chan! You’re pinning me down! Get off me!”
“Sorry!” Nanoha apologized. “Keroko-chan! You too!”
“I didn’t even do anything?!” Keroko moaned.
“Whatever it is, we’ve reached our destination,” Yuuno said. “Is everybody alright?”
The people rose. Looking around the environment they realized they had landed in a forest and the presence of cherry blossom petals suggested it was well in the summer season. “I guess we arrive in the right time,” Yuuno said.
“Guys, did any of you see Shamal and Hikki?” Hayate asked.
“I didn’t see the gunslinger boy’s presence, either,” Signum said.
“Hey, where’s Zafira?” Vita asked.
“They might have been separated from us in the wormhole!” Fate exclaimed.
“Fate, calm down!” Yuuno pleaded. “Remember what he told us before coming here? Don’t panic.”
“Hayate-chan, I’m detecting strong energy reading!” Reinforce Zwei reported.
“Is it from enemy?” Hayate asked.
“I can’t tell,” Reinforce Zwei answered.
Nanoha and Fate withdrew their respective Devices. So did Keroko, Vita and Signum, closely followed by Hayate and Reinforce Zwei. It did not take long before a portal slowly materialized several feet away from them, bringing along a suppressing energy unlike anything before.
“What in the world?” Yuuno uttered.
The portal widened, and from it came out an elegant, if not mysterious, lady carrying a parasol. Almost in surreal manners she floated in midair, lingering for a while before her feet touched the snow-covered land. “Well, you seem to have arrived later than my expectations,” the parasol lady said as she corrected her posture.
“Who told you about this?” Nanoha demanded.
“A close friend of mine,” the parasol lady answered. “Of course, I assume none of you would know the name if I say it now.”
“We can settle that later, but first please tell us your name and this place,” Keroko said.
“Oh, I’m sorry for my lack of manners,” the parasol lady giggled; a few seconds later another person appeared from the portal, this time bearing the unmistakable resemblance of a kitsune albeit with a fox-ear hat on her head one tail less to make it nine. “I am Yakumo Yukari, and this is my assistant Ran. (The kitsune woman bowed to them.) As the head of the Yakumo Mansion I welcome you to Gensokyo.”
The gentle wind of summer started blowing.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Takeru Akatsuki groaned.
Being separated from his group was bad enough, but falling on his butt on staircases carved from solid rock? That had to be the most unpleasant experience he had ever faced. To make things even more confusing, he pondered, why did I land on a quiet bridge that awfully looks like it’s been dug from a certain Chinese kung-fu movie?
In fact, it did look like it came right from the certain kung-fu movie.
“[Achtung!]”
Out of nowhere came ten -- hundreds, if he counted it right -- of fully armed, battle-ready “combat maiden bunny girls?” as he shouted his thoughts out. “What is this? Some kind of forbidden, female-only paradise?”
“Intruder of Eientei! Speak your reasons of presence!” one of the combat maidens demanded.
“Eientei? So that’s the name of this forbidden paradise,” Takeru pondered. “But from the look of it, these girls don’t welcome strangers.” Trying to look calm and cool he raised his hands and said “I came here by accident. My only reason of presence is to exit this place, and I intend to do no harm to anyone of you.”
The horde, instead, aimed their arsenals at him. “You have failed to speak your true reasons. We, the loyal guards of Lady Eirin and Princess Kaguya, shall exterminate you,” the combat maiden spoke.
“Aw, come on! Can’t we just talk?” The question was answered by magical projectiles fired from the archers. Having dodged the arrows, Takeru knew the “bunny girls” meant serious business, and he knew there could only be one solution.
“Wild Falken, Golden Swallow Mode.”
“[Ja!]”
In an instant the Armed Device transformed, neither to its AK101 Sturnform nor AS-50 Scharfschütze-Form, but to the unmistakable twin USP handguns. Having dedicatedly trained under the gunmanship of Frieda and fiercely sparred with Sayoko for the last three years had thought Takeru that in today’s close quarter combat Wild Falken’s normal forms would not work effectively, hence he had customized its Armed Device to include the Gun Kata fighting style. An often clichéd, but proven, battle technique and for gunslinger knight like Takeru its effectiveness had been worthy.
“My trainings with Miss Frieda and Sayoko have brought me to this level,” he said and opened battle stance. “Looks like I can finally use my knowledge to the fullest today.”
“The intruder’s armed! He’s intending to threaten Lady Eirin and Princess Kaguya!” the combat maiden shouted. “Guards! Take him down!”
At the cue of battle cry the horde charged at Takeru from all directions possible. Takeru knew by the time he reached the end of the bridge only he would be left standing. “Though I kind of feel sorry for hurting your girls,” he sighed. “But a battle is a battle! Belkan Knight Takeru at your service!”
-x-x-x-x-x-
“Alright. Where am I?”
Zafira looked around. There was no sign of the Wolkenritter or the rest of the group, and the mountain region was definitely not the place he had expected to arrive. The only people he spotted as he wandered around were not people at all; “more like were-creatures to me,” he commented when he spotted a Kappa girl standing next to a river. “Whatever this place is, I don’t want to stay here any longer. Better find my way out now.”
“Hey! You!”
Zafira turned to the source of the voice. What greeted him was as pleasant as it was surprising, as he found himself staring eye-to-eye with a sword- and shield-carrying wolf girl. “I’m not a wolf girl!” the girl said to protest Zafira’s comment. “I’m a tengu!”
“Well, you look obviously like a wolf girl to me,” Zafira pointed out.
“And what are you, then?” the girl replied. “Dog boy?”
Zafira snapped. “I’m not a lowly dog,” he hissed. “I am Zafira, a Wolkenritter loyal to Mistress Hayate’s cause. And who are you?”
“Momizi Inubashiri,” the girl introduced. “Are you a youkai, by any chance?”
Zafira had to laugh. After all these years living as a knight, finally someone had misunderstood him as a demon, and he was not impressed by the idea. “Call me whatever you feel like,” he said and started cracking his knuckles. “I find the idea of being labelled as a youkai really unacceptable… considering the fact that it was a wolf girl who did the labelling.”
“Hey! I’m a tengu, I’ve told you!” Momizi cried out.
“But enough saying!” Zafira exclaimed. “I accept your challenge! Have at you!”
What will happen when Outer Cadia meets Touhou? Will Takeru survive the moon rabbit hordes and get out of the bridge in one piece? What is really Zafira thinking about Momizi? And most important of all, where in the name of Suwako have Shamal and Hikki gone to?
As usual, don't expect it to be updated ASAP (though I've wanted the premise to be short) and also don't expect it to be clean of any and all services (as the two chapters have shown :rolleyes: ).
*goes to prepare for tomorrow's job interview*
Nice XD
Hmm.
Hmm. Hmm.
This is relevant to my interests. Thusly, I present this in response!
A lone man yawned as he sat upon a rooftop, muscles aching and bones creaking after a long day’s work. There was still much to do, however, and he could only afford a short break. There was ice cream to be made and beer to be brewed, and none of it would make it themselves… not while Cirno, Wriggle, Mystia, and Rumia worked anyways.
Oh God no. Rumia.
He hoped he’d still have a stock of ice cream left by the time he got back down, or even his pantry or larder. This was a fear that plagued him ever since the youkai of darkness took up residence in his closet of all places.
Oh well. He had five minutes of alone time, so he might as well take advantage of it. There was no sense in wasting it, even if every minute gave the munchkins downstairs more time to wreak havoc to his shop. Maybe he could even have a smoke—AAGH!
A small piece of paper suddenly landed upon his face, causing him to flail out of his comfortable position and grab the offensive thing off his face. Scanning the document, he recognized the elegant calligraphy. Only one person in Gensokyo wrote English in this annoyingly beautiful penmanship.
“Goddamit Yukari. What the hel—” his grumbles were cut short when he read the letter.
“Huh… Well. Things will get interesting very soon…” the man chuckled, crumpling the paper into a ball and sitting up. Maybe his break will have to be cut short – he had to prepare, after all. Guests would be visiting soon enough.
Adjusting the wide-brimmed hat he wore when working outdoors, the man stretched before gathering his belongings together and left the roof.
Back to work.
Edit: This is not to be taken canonical with USB's story... unless he wants it to be :3
Tough life :heh:
Udonge is the only moon rabbit. All other rabbits are youkai earth rabbits.
And now, something once again non-canonical to USB's fic but amuses me greatly.
>_>
<_<
...
:3
*drops this and RUNS*
An Ordinary Outsider
Name: Tempest
Occupation: Shop owner
Ability: Knowledge of Gensokyo
Residence: Ice cream shop and brewery
An ordinary human with unremarkable features. He was originally from the outside world, banished to Gensokyo by mysterious means (1). Left with only a few belongings and his wits, his adjustment to Gensokyo was surprisingly quick. Unlike many outsiders, he has opted to stay in Gensokyo rather than go home. As a way of life, he established a shop across the lake from the Scarlet Devil Mansion that sells ice cream and beer.
Despite being a human, he is in good standing with a number of non-humans.
Personality
In contrast with his name, he possesses an unnatural calmness and strange outlook on matters, often commenting dryly on events and situations. Otherwise, he is silly and foolish, often goofing off when not working. Yet, he can be intense and uncompromising when the situation calls for it. He seems protective of his customers, using a weapon from the outside world to defend himself and his customers. (2)
Weapons
Being human, he has no outstanding powers. Perhaps due to his weakness, he cannot danmaku at all. He can, however, graze. He stands out, however, with his extensive knowledge of Gensokyo and its history and inhabitants (3). Perhaps to compensate for his inability to danmaku, he is armed with weapons from the outside world.
According to him, these weapons are:
Springfield Mil-Spec M1911A1
Smith & Wesson 500
Remington 700 rifle
Enchanted zweihander
I do not know what these are, nor have I seen them myself. They are very loud and very dangerous, so it’s best to let him deal with it.
Everyday Life
As his shop is also his home, he works every day to earn money. When not working, he can be seen fishing at the lake or tending to his garden. He does hate it when his work is stolen and eaten (4).
He seems to be in good standing with humans and non-humans alike, possibly due to his job. There have been occasions when even youkai protect him. He has performed deliveries to the Hakurei Shrine to even as far as the Netherworld, making his unremarkable nature surprisingly well known. This must be good for business.
Job
As the owner of his establishment, he is in charge of making ice cream and brewing beer, in addition to selling it to customers. Interestingly, he has employees in the form of local youkai and fairies, paying them through meals and other ways. Visitors have identified Cirno, Rumia, Mystia, and Wriggle Nightbug as assistants. Rumors state that they live with him in the shop.
The immediate area surrounding the shop and the shop itself is considered a neutral zone, and instigators are dealt with severely (5).
He has a secondary job in caring for outsiders, providing room and board until the outsider is taken home or finds his or her own way of life in Gensokyo. He gives surprisingly good advice, and his knowledge of Gensokyo helps keep them out of trouble (6).
Personal Accounts
"He's boring, but donates regularly. I can't complain" (Reimu Hakurei)
He is rather ordinary, isn't he?
“He remembered my name! I’m so happy!” (Hong Meiling)
This is quite a feat. Even I, Hieda no Akyu, cannot remember this youkai’s name.
“Beer and ice cream. What kind of business is that? (Rinnosuke Morichika)
Strange, but popular. It reaches all ages and both genders.
"It's really strange to drink beer next to a youkai. My daughter came in and ate ice cream with a fairy! I feel nervous sometimes when I come here." (Anonymous)
Do not worry. The rules are strictly enforced in the shop, and perpetrators are dealt with harshly.
“Yay! Ice cream! Ice cream!” (Flandre Scarlet)
I have no comment.
---------------
(1): Some person named Sheba
(2): He becomes rather frightening, almost like a demon.
(3): Kiene is a close friend of his
(4): Mischievous youkai, fairies, and kappa
(5): Certain individuals do not appreciate their peaceful snack interrupted.
(6): This is not always successful
Nice profile :3
So...OC vs Touhou, huh? Things are gonna get messy :heh:
Fate T Harlaown
2008-07-09, 15:08
It seems I missed something big while I was away for a while XD. *Starts backlogging...* >w<
PhoenixG
2008-07-09, 15:13
:twitch:
...as if all the Touhou in IRC wasn't enough...:uhoh:
And maybe some character info for those of us who have never played? >_>
yukari (http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Yukari_Yakumo)
Ran (http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Ran_Yakumo)
Eientei (http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Eientei)
Eirin (http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Eirin_Yagokoro)
Kaguya (http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Kaguya_Houraisan)
Momizi (the wolf/tengu) (http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Momizi_Inubashiri)
;)
AdmiralTigerclaw
2008-07-09, 15:14
*Checks watch.* I guess it's going to take a few days to get any kind of response at all to the segment I needed some help with...
Comartemis
2008-07-09, 18:48
Yeah, but it takes a crapload of arguing and posting to make you change your mind.
Only when I've sold myself on an idea and I'm trying really hard to make it fit into established canon; grasping at straws, basically. Just a few pages back, for instance, I presented the tentative idea of making Asuna a prototype of Vivio to account for her magic immunity, then dropped it like a hot potato when I got negative feedback from multiple sources. That's a rather far cry from setting off arguments and debates that lasted for pages at a time like I used to.
Let's not forget how you waltzed in and demanded that canon and the OC fanon sandbox change to suit you, before eventually creating Comacanon as your own sandbox.
Exaggeration much, Goose? :eyebrow: I know I've tried to field a bunch of ideas which in retrospect are completely incompatible with canon, but I'd hardly call that "demanding that canon and the OC fanon sandbox change to suit me". More like "stretching the bounds of what is acceptable in Cadia past the breaking point." I've learned what's acceptable for the most part and my ideas have become far more sane in past weeks, have they not? And even when they aren't I don't try to push them around without first getting them checked out by the locals, which helps shoot down any really nutty ideas before they begin to take hold, the exception being fusing Mahou Sensei Negima into the roots of Comacanon, and that seems to have been a fairly well-received idea.
@Aaron & all who will misunderstand: Cadia Zwei/OC is NOT a sandbox. It is a playground. Inside the playground are the various sandboxes of the fanons. There are the white sands of Original Generations. The red sands of KErokanon which intermingle with OG. In a seperate sandbox are the yellow sands of Khrack; besdie, with some white and red sands, are the black sands of Alpha timeline. And off to a corner is the purple sands of Comacanon, a seperate sandbox within the sandpit area of the Cadia Zwei playground.
Hey now... why purple? :heh:
Wild Goose
2008-07-09, 19:12
Only when I've sold myself on an idea and I'm trying really hard to make it fit into established canon; grasping at straws, basically. Just a few pages back, for instance, I presented the tentative idea of making Asuna a prototype of Vivio to account for her magic immunity, then dropped it like a hot potato when I got negative feedback from multiple sources. That's a rather far cry from setting off arguments and debates that lasted for pages at a time like I used to.
I'll admit that you have improved.
Exaggeration much, Goose? :eyebrow: I know I've tried to field a bunch of ideas which in retrospect are completely incompatible with canon, but I'd hardly call that "demanding that canon and the OC fanon sandbox change to suit me". More like "stretching the bounds of what is acceptable in Cadia past the breaking point." I've learned what's acceptable for the most part and my ideas have become far more sane in past weeks, have they not? And even when they aren't I don't try to push them around without first getting them checked out by the locals, which helps shoot down any really nutty ideas before they begin to take hold, the exception being fusing Mahou Sensei Negima into the roots of Comacanon, and that seems to have been a fairly well-received idea.
Not, you started out as demanding, now you've reached the stretching part. But I will admit that you're FINALLY growing.
Hey now... why purple? :heh:
I had stir-fried beetroot with chillies and spices with dinner. :p I posted just after a reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallly late dinner.
I had stir-fried beetroot with chillies and spices with dinner. :p I posted just after a reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallly late dinner.Just tried making this the other day, its good! :D
Udonge is the only moon rabbit. All other rabbits are youkai earth rabbits.
And now, something once again non-canonical to USB's fic but amuses me greatly.
>_>
<_<
...
:3
*drops this and RUNS*
An Ordinary Outsider
Name: Tempest
Occupation: Shop owner
Ability: Knowledge of Gensokyo
Residence: Ice cream shop and brewery
An ordinary human with unremarkable features. He was originally from the outside world, banished to Gensokyo by mysterious means (1). Left with only a few belongings and his wits, his adjustment to Gensokyo was surprisingly quick. Unlike many outsiders, he has opted to stay in Gensokyo rather than go home. As a way of life, he established a shop across the lake from the Scarlet Devil Mansion that sells ice cream and beer.
Despite being a human, he is in good standing with a number of non-humans.
Personality
In contrast with his name, he possesses an unnatural calmness and strange outlook on matters, often commenting dryly on events and situations. Otherwise, he is silly and foolish, often goofing off when not working. Yet, he can be intense and uncompromising when the situation calls for it. He seems protective of his customers, using a weapon from the outside world to defend himself and his customers. (2)
Weapons
Being human, he has no outstanding powers. Perhaps due to his weakness, he cannot danmaku at all. He can, however, graze. He stands out, however, with his extensive knowledge of Gensokyo and its history and inhabitants (3). Perhaps to compensate for his inability to danmaku, he is armed with weapons from the outside world.
According to him, these weapons are:
Springfield Mil-Spec M1911A1
Smith & Wesson 500
Remington 700 rifle
Enchanted zweihander
I do not know what these are, nor have I seen them myself. They are very loud and very dangerous, so it’s best to let him deal with it.
Everyday Life
As his shop is also his home, he works every day to earn money. When not working, he can be seen fishing at the lake or tending to his garden. He does hate it when his work is stolen and eaten (4).
He seems to be in good standing with humans and non-humans alike, possibly due to his job. There have been occasions when even youkai protect him. He has performed deliveries to the Hakurei Shrine to even as far as the Netherworld, making his unremarkable nature surprisingly well known. This must be good for business.
Job
As the owner of his establishment, he is in charge of making ice cream and brewing beer, in addition to selling it to customers. Interestingly, he has employees in the form of local youkai and fairies, paying them through meals and other ways. Visitors have identified Cirno, Rumia, Mystia, and Wriggle Nightbug as assistants. Rumors state that they live with him in the shop.
The immediate area surrounding the shop and the shop itself is considered a neutral zone, and instigators are dealt with severely (5).
He has a secondary job in caring for outsiders, providing room and board until the outsider is taken home or finds his or her own way of life in Gensokyo. He gives surprisingly good advice, and his knowledge of Gensokyo helps keep them out of trouble (6).
Personal Accounts
"He's boring, but donates regularly. I can't complain" (Reimu Hakurei)
He is rather ordinary, isn't he?
“He remembered my name! I’m so happy!” (Hong Meiling)
This is quite a feat. Even I, Hieda no Akyu, cannot remember this youkai’s name.
“Beer and ice cream. What kind of business is that? (Rinnosuke Morichika)
Strange, but popular. It reaches all ages and both genders.
"It's really strange to drink beer next to a youkai. My daughter came in and ate ice cream with a fairy! I feel nervous sometimes when I come here." (Anonymous)
Do not worry. The rules are strictly enforced in the shop, and perpetrators are dealt with harshly.
“Yay! Ice cream! Ice cream!” (Flandre Scarlet)
I have no comment.
---------------
(1): Some person named Sheba
(2): He becomes rather frightening, almost like a demon.
(3): Kiene is a close friend of his
(4): Mischievous youkai, fairies, and kappa
(5): Certain individuals do not appreciate their peaceful snack interrupted.
(6): This is not always successful
Ah, this should be helpful. :nod:
Moar touhou stuff to munch XDXD
Silly IRC action that spiralled into Touhou madness by Tempest.
Nice XD
Tough life :heh:
Nice profile :3
So...OC vs Touhou, huh? Things are gonna get messy :heh:
Of course. :D after all, Gensokyo is the only place where we get to have sexy and delicious armpit and red/white service. :3
===================
I don't mind at all, DK. Fire away. :D
As for Kha, I have this to say to you:
KHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLENCH! YOUR! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Kamima Punche's Kha*
There. Now stop being Emo.
*continues playing OMNI VS ZAFT Portable*
Delicious Freedom... awesome danmaku....
....how do I unlock Shiho and Lacus for Arcade mode? SEED needs more girl pilots. That's why I turned Fllay into a RIO for one of the Skygraspers in my SEED fic...
Good game, but too damn hard to beat >_> mostly because I suck at game like that (though I have to say the girls and Strike Noir are delicious... <_< )
=
===============
Another chapter before I'm off for the job interview. Nothing much to say here, except for the sneak peek of the group's mission.
“Gensokyo?”
“The one and only place where anything goes,” Yukari began the conversation. “It’s vaster than anyone of you can think of.”
“Are you saying it’s on a different planet?” Yuuno suggested.
“Hmm… I can be safe to agree with your assumption, but it’s not like what you would expect,” Yukari answered with a chuckle. “Besides, outsiders wouldn’t last even for a few hours once they step into the boundary’s enclosure, but judging from your looks I believe you can do it just fine.”
“Sorry for interrupting, but where are you taking us?” Nanoha asked.
The parasol lady stopped. She turned to her shikigami, who then nodded and left her with the group as she returned to the residence, before she turned back to them. “To the Human Village, of course. That’s where you’ll be staying starting tonight,” she said and later threw a disturbingly teasing grin. “Unless you’re the thrill-seeking type and don’t mind the dangers that lurk the night.”
They arrived at the said place. Coincidentally one of the residents saw their arrival and headed to a school where he informed a woman who was supervising the children’s playtime. Yukari told the group to wait while she met the woman and talked to her. It would take a few minutes before she returned to the group with the woman and said: “you’d be grateful to let them stay here for a couple of night, wouldn’t you Keine?”
The woman took a close look at each and every one of the group. She sighed and turned to Yukari. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt the human population if I allow them to stay,” she said. “But if they’re found to be causing troubles, then I have to ask them to leave.”
“Oh, Keine, you know they’ll behave,” Yukari giggled. “I’ll let Reimu know about their arrival, as well. In fact, I think she will be more than willing to invite them to the cherry sighting.”
After Yukari left, Keine told the children to return to the school and approached the group. “So, I assume that you are travelling in group, yes?” she inquired.
They nodded. “I’m afraid to tell you that we’re missing four of the members,” Fate informed. “We’re unable to determine their exact location, and we’d be grateful if you could help us finding them.”
“That would be unfortunate, because safety in number is the best policy you can use in Gensokyo,” Keine said.
“We still need to find Hikki,” Nanoha said in concern. “Gale Whistler or not, he still can’t properly look after himself. Not with his power restricted.”
“Nanoha-chan, you’re worried of her too much,” Hayate pointed out. “Well, it would’ve been a different case if she’s missing instead of Shamal.”
“Hey!” Nanoha cried out.
“Hmm… this is getting quite interesting, I have to say,” Keine said and corrected her glasses. “I may have to inquire you for your presence here later on, but I have the obligations to welcome you to the human village. My name is Keine Kamishirasawa; pleased to meet you.”
Nanoha, Fate, Hayate and Keroko bowed to the history teacher. Signum and Vita gave Keine her Wolkenritter salute, while Yuuno was hesitant for a while before he bowed to her in the end. “We’re very grateful for the welcome, Miss Keine,” Fate said.
“Oh, dear, just call me Keine,” Keine reminded.
After they were shown to their accommodations the group wasted no time and gathered at Yuuno’s room to review the mission they were assigned to. With or without Hikki as their leader they knew they had an important task to accomplish, and for the day’s briefing Yuuno would take over the position.
“What do we have from the briefing?” Yuuno began.
“Not much, apart from the last known location of the artefact,” Nanoha answered.
“Alright, then. What do we know about the artefact?” Yuuno continued.
“The administration said the artefact is believed to be a key for trans-dimensional portals used by ancient civilizations,” Hayate said.
“Similar to the one we have used to come here, right?” Yuuno said.
“It is, though I can’t imagine we’d have to come to Gensokyo to search for that artefact,” Hayate pointed out. “Besides, whose idea it was to suggest Gensokyo? Chrono, wasn’t it?”
“Don’t blame him, Hayate-chan,” Fate protested. “All I know is that Oniichan got a letter from a private investigator about the portal last month, and he expressed his concerns about the existence of the portal and its threat potential.”
“Sounds appropriate for a mission with high degree of importance, but why Gensokyo in the first place?” Hayate asked again.
“Only Hikki knows the exact reasons since he received full briefings from Chrono before us,” Keroko said. “But with him missing, we can’t say for sure if this place has connection to the mission.”
“That parasol lady seems to know something about our mission,” Signum spoke.
“We can’t go and suspect her,” Hayate told her.
“I never said we have to suspect her or something,” Signum answered. “I’m merely pointing out that we cannot 100 percent believe in her whatever her intention of befriending us is.”
“She looks nice to me, though,” Vita said.
The door was knocked. Fate got it opened and found Keine standing in front of it. “Keine? Is there anything we can do?”
The history teacher smiled. “The villagers are inviting you to their summer festival tonight,” Keine said. “They told me they would be honoured to have guests from the outside world attending the festival.”
“Summer festival in Gensokyo? Cool!” Hayate cooed. “Another perfect chance to try out the costumes I have designed before coming here!” (All but Yuuno and Keine immediately backed away from the Cosplay Mistress, because they knew Hayate would stop at nothing to have her goal accomplished.)
“Guys, what about the mission briefing?” Yuuno asked.
“Oh, Yuuno, we’re being invited,” Hayate said and gave the ferret boy a hard Kansai slap on the back. “We don’t get this chance everyday, so come on. It will be fun.”
and just because lunatic eyes are fun :3
“I’m sorry, Takeru! Are you alright?” the concerned Reisen asked. “Please let me apologize for my rudeness.” Without even saying anything Reisen leaned forward and gently blew on his eyes. It worked like a charm because in an instant his headache was cured, and now he stared at the moon rabbit in disbelief. “Is there anything else I need to do?” she asked.
“You obviously need to be punished,” Takeru said and pulled Reisen into a tight embrace that certainly startled her. His eyes were burning in radiant warmth as he stared into her ruby eyes. “Let me show you the actual path of the gunslinger.”
“Takeru…” She closed her eyes, her lips parted as to invite him to claim his prize…
Takeru’s face burned. “Damn it! This is the second time dirty thoughts have struck me,” he groaned. “My head hurts…”
“Oh, dear. You must have been affected by the lunatic eyes,” Reisen gasped. “I wonder how you managed to keep yourself immune to my gaze for that long.”
>_>
<_<
<_>
>_<
anyway, this is my post before I'm off for the interview. Wish me luck. :eyespin:
*runs*
*snip*
I'll be starting my Direct Feedback with this, then.
“The one and only place where anything goes,” Yukari began the conversation. “It’s vaster than anyone of you can think of.”
"Vaster than anyone"? Do you mean "more vast than anywhere else"?
Also, "Yukari began the conversation" is redundant. Just "Yukari began" is enough.
“Are you saying it’s on a different planet?” Yuuno suggested.
Yukari already said that this Gensokyo place is bigger than any other place they know, but Nanoha and co. are used to thinking in terms of dimensions. Yuuno's statement seems odd.
“Hmm… I can be safe to agree with your assumption,
"It can be safe". More accurately, "Hmm... it can be safe", with "it" not capitalized.
The parasol lady stopped. She turned to her shikigami,
Was "shikigami" already explained earlier? I wasn't keeping track.
who then nodded and left her with the group as she returned to the residence, before she turned back to them.
Awkward sentence. No suggestions, since I don't know what's going on in this sequence.
“To the Human Village, of course. That’s where you’ll be staying starting tonight,” she said and later threw a disturbingly teasing grin.
Awkward phrasing. "Throwing a grin" is unusual for one, and "disturbingly teasing grin" reads strangely, with two adjectives attached to the noun; it draws too much attention to the sentence, beyond what is warranted.
They arrived at the said place. Coincidentally one of the residents saw their arrival and headed to a school where he informed a woman who was supervising the children’s playtime. Yukari told the group to wait while she met the woman and talked to her.
Reads like a summary, not a story.
It would take a few minutes before she returned to the group with the woman and said: “you’d be grateful to let them stay here for a couple of night, wouldn’t you Keine?”
Unexpected tense shift with "It would take a few minutes".
"You'd be grateful", with the "You" capitalized. The colon before that is valid but odd, as a comma works just as well.
Using "grateful" sounds strange. I'd suggest "happy" instead.
Why did Yukari ask the question now, after talking to the woman for "a few minutes" already?
The woman took a close look at each and every one of the group. She sighed and turned to Yukari. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt the human population if I allow them to stay,” she said. “But if they’re found to be causing troubles, then I have to ask them to leave.”
"She sighed, and turned to Yukari."
Singular "trouble".
"I will have to ask them to leave."
After Yukari left, Keine told the children to return to the school and approached the group. “So, I assume that you are travelling in group, yes?” she inquired.
"Travelling in a group".
They nodded. “I’m afraid to tell you that we’re missing four of the members,” Fate informed. “We’re unable to determine their exact location, and we’d be grateful if you could help us finding them.”
A bit unusual that until now, none of the Nanoha-verse people were doing anything other than standing silently waiting for things to happen. Try showing some reactions to the Human Village, whether fascination or boredom.
"Four of our members".
"Help us in finding them".
“That would be unfortunate, because safety in number is the best policy you can use in Gensokyo,” Keine said.
"Safety in numbers".
“We still need to find Hikki,” Nanoha said in concern. “Gale Whistler or not, he still can’t properly look after himself. Not with his power restricted.”
"Nanoha said with concern".
"Can't properly look after himself" is technically valid, but "can't look after himself properly" flows better.
“Nanoha-chan, you’re worried of her too much,” Hayate pointed out. “Well, it would’ve been a different case if she’s missing instead of Shamal.”
"Worried about her".
"Her" who? Which character is being referred to here?
“Hey!” Nanoha cried out.
Cried out for what purpose?
“Hmm… this is getting quite interesting, I have to say,” Keine said and corrected her glasses.
"Keine said, adjusting her glasses."
“I may have to inquire you for your presence here later on,
"Inquire you for your presence" cannot be parsed.
but I have the obligations to welcome you to the human village. My name is Keine Kamishirasawa; pleased to meet you.”
"I have the obligation to welcome you to the Human Village". This also makes it sound like a burden; it may be so, but it's not polite to say so in front of your guests.
Nanoha, Fate, Hayate and Keroko bowed to the history teacher. Signum and Vita gave Keine her Wolkenritter salute,
Awkward phrasing. "Their Wolkenritter salute" is only marginally better.
while Yuuno was hesitant for a while before he bowed to her in the end.
Uncharacteristic of Yuuno. He's not completely ignorant of formal etiquette.
“We’re very grateful for the welcome, Miss Keine,” Fate said.
Is "Keine" or "Kamishirasawa" her surname?
“Oh, dear, just call me Keine,” Keine reminded.
"Reminded" whom? And did Keine mention it before, so that she can remind them now?
After they were shown to their accommodations the group wasted no time and gathered at Yuuno’s room to review the mission they were assigned to. With or without Hikki as their leader they knew they had an important task to accomplish, and for the day’s briefing Yuuno would take over the position.
Summary rather than story.
“What do we have from the briefing?” Yuuno began.
From which briefing?
“Not much, apart from the last known location of the artefact,” Nanoha answered.
“Alright, then. What do we know about the artefact?” Yuuno continued.
I'm assuming that for some reason Yuuno doesn't know anything about their mission, or he wouldn't ask this question.
“The administration said the artefact is believed to be a key for trans-dimensional portals used by ancient civilizations,” Hayate said.
“Similar to the one we have used to come here, right?” Yuuno said.
"The one we used".
“It is, though I can’t imagine we’d have to come to Gensokyo to search for that artefact,” Hayate pointed out. “Besides, whose idea it was to suggest Gensokyo? Chrono, wasn’t it?”
"I can't imagine we'd have to come to Gensokyo" sounds grammatically off, but I'm not sure why.
"Whose idea was it".
“Don’t blame him, Hayate-chan,” Fate protested. “All I know is that Oniichan got a letter from a private investigator about the portal last month, and he expressed his concerns about the existence of the portal and its threat potential.”
If Fate is defending Chrono, "all I know" is inappropriate.
“Sounds appropriate for a mission with high degree of importance, but why Gensokyo in the first place?” Hayate asked again.
“Only Hikki knows the exact reasons since he received full briefings from Chrono before us,” Keroko said. “But with him missing, we can’t say for sure if this place has connection to the mission.”
"Received full briefings" implies more than one briefing?
"If this place has a connection to the mission".
“That parasol lady seems to know something about our mission,” Signum spoke.
“We can’t go and suspect her,” Hayate told her.
Why not?
“I never said we have to suspect her or something,” Signum answered. “I’m merely pointing out that we cannot 100 percent believe in her whatever her intention of befriending us is.”
"Or something" does not seem characteristic of Signum.
Signum's second sentence is very awkward. I don't know what it's supposed to mean.
“She looks nice to me, though,” Vita said.
The door was knocked.
"Someone knocked on the door" or "There was a knock on the door".
Fate got it opened and found Keine standing in front of it. “Keine? Is there anything we can do?”
"Fate opened it, and found Keine standing in the doorway".
The history teacher smiled. “The villagers are inviting you to their summer festival tonight,” Keine said. “They told me they would be honoured to have guests from the outside world attending the festival.”
Since you've already established "the history teacher" ie Keine as the subject, you can just use "she said" later.
“Summer festival in Gensokyo? Cool!” Hayate cooed. “Another perfect chance to try out the costumes I have designed before coming here!” (All but Yuuno and Keine immediately backed away from the Cosplay Mistress, because they knew Hayate would stop at nothing to have her goal accomplished.)
"Costumes I designed".
Unnecessary parenthesis.
“Guys, what about the mission briefing?” Yuuno asked.
“Oh, Yuuno, we’re being invited,” Hayate said and gave the ferret boy a hard Kansai slap on the back. “We don’t get this chance everyday, so come on. It will be fun.”
"Hayate said, giving the ferret boy a hard Kansai slap on the back". Also, Yuuno is not likely to be considered a "boy" by now.
tshouryuu
2008-07-10, 03:24
On a completely unrelated topic, has anyone tried to do a Neo-Mid system?
Neo-Belka takes the groundings of AB and applies Mid techniques to them; an idea I had for Alex (since Cinque went and hijacked the Steel Mage concept) was to reverse the process, and make a Mid system with Belkan concepts applied to it.
Since Alex has grown up in the Saint Church, he idolizes the Church Knights and decides to make up his own style while still playing to his strengths (energy manipulation instead of pseudomatter manipulation). The result is a Mid-type user who specializes in melee and short-range combat using lots of energy blades and an array of other spells like binding spells that can be used like whips, energy daggers and blades used as projectiles, etc. Anyone have any similar systems I could use for additional ideas and inspiration?
Well, I did think up something along those lines but I term it Neo-belkan:Reverse style. Normal Neo Belka style is using Belka style to enhance the body and adding in Mid style ranged energy attacks (mostly)
My thought up Reverse style uses Belka type materialization ranged attacks like Vita's Swallow Flier and Signum's Storm Falcon's arrow and Mid type support spells like Caro's Boost up series of spells. To put together, its using Mid style to enhance the body and ranged attacks temporary and Belka style for solid ranged attacks.
To put it simply, reverse style is using Mid to enhance the mage and Belka for ranged attacks, Neo belka is using Belka to enhance the mage and Mid for ranged attacks. I ended up not using it cos its sort of ended up as a cheap knock off of Unlimited Blade Works and/or Gate of Babylon. :)
PS. Kha claimed the style already :D
Random question:
How honest does the thread in general want me to be? I'm never sure whether a direct comment without dressing-up will cause offense or not.
And by "direct comments", I mean really direct and tactless. I don't know what exactly is the threshold for this thread, since previously, blunt statements have caused quite a lot of disputes and disagreements.
In addition, I don't know whether the nitpicking I want to do is acceptable for this thread, rather than annoying and trivial.I wouldn't mind if you nitpick at all, cos that would force me to think of details that I have never considered before.
In short this allows the Reinforcement of materialized objects such that they can persist better and be more functional. Hence Devices materialized in this manner last longer and not immediately break up. It also allows for overcharging, which the Trace can then be used as an arrow.
As for Unlimited Blade Works, well... :)
Minus the marble effects, UBW is actually pretty easy to make canon. Materialization of weaponry has been canon since the beginning, materialization of projectiles has been canon ever since A's. The Gate of Babylon effect is thereby easilly made canon. It's the cration of many weapons of extreme power that produces problems, it would be like creating many devices on the spot, and that yields problems.
As long as the UBW limits itself to non-device weaponry without the weapons themselves having powers in their own right (I.E. no materializing exaliburs with superbeams) there is no reason to dismiss the UBW.
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