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Dean_the_Young Dean_the_Young is offline

Has a life IRL

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Showing Visitor Messages 21 to 30 of 133
  1. Shiek927
    2009-11-30 22:32
    Shiek927
    Well, it's certainly different.......very different. You are the only (fanfic, obviously) writer, still, who I know writes all their works before posting and it's one I actually recommend to people. Everyone writes in their own way, and it's up to each person to figure out how they do it best. However, making things up along as you go is definitely something I do NOT recommend. Writing everything before-hand is unusual but superior in ways such as, like with Papa, being able to post chapters consistantly rather then people waiting around for possibly months, or forever, for a new chapter from someone who either lost their muse, gave up, lost interest, or whatever.

    Their are some down-sides, like problems in-between. Writing everything beforehand is kind of a big "one-shot" deal, and if I spot a huge problem in the middle of your story...their's little that can be done unless you can change it and the remainder can still be salvaged. Otherwise, you're crippled and have to re-do your entire story, which isn't fun.

    I suppose, in part, it depends on whether or not you even care about reviews. Some writers love them, in the sense that they want people to review, critique and help them out in hopes that the story will generally improve with each new chapter. You're pre-written style seems very "to hell with it" on reviews, since everything is written beforehand. Of course, as I said, this could be a major problem if somebody spots a glaring mistake and everything ends up falling apart.

    ---

    Well, yes, it's definitely Helen who needs to make the maturing at the end. No matter how it's done, she's going to leave Raki behind. It just depends on how it ends up happening. Most of the maturing I'm sure will happen when they've split up and during the time-skip, so Helen being herself all the way through until the split seems sensible.

    Night!

    --

    Well, when I said "love/hate", I was trying to say how Helen basically tolerates Raki, she loves tormenting him, but hates having to sort out his feelings for her; basically pushing the thoughts away for as long as she can, until she can't anymore.

    The Lover theme makes sense in every sense of the word....this IS Helen after all . I imagine though that nothing physical will occur until after the time-skip. Before...well, that would be something
  2. Shiek927
    2009-11-30 21:59
    Shiek927
    Reading your new post....their is alot more passion going on then I though their would be, though I remember now you saying how their would be a sort of love/hate relationship between them.

    I noticed a lack of conflict with Ophelia; I figured the fight would occur with her.
  3. Shiek927
    2009-11-30 21:55
    Shiek927
    Huh...curious; I remember you telling me how you planned on doing a chapter a week rather then a small bit every day. I suppose it doesn't really matter, since you seem to be making the entire arc beforehand like before, so you might as well. Course', it's up to your own personal preference.

    Roflmao, of course, I'll review. This new format, changes reviewing, and to be honest, makes reviewing a bit more simplistic, since each individual chapter is quite short. In the end of course, this means an overall review on the entire arc, though that's no problem and I've done that before.

    Helen well...yes, I think that could actually be fleshed out a bit more. Of course, you only gave me a short synopsis for all of them, but Helen(and Rafaela for that matter) seemed like they needed a bit more, since the time-skip seems to happen too quick. Again, you'll probably flesh it our yourself as you start writing and coming up with new ideas, but based on what you told me, they seemed too short. What it depends on is whether or not you want their to be more emphasis on dialog, emotion etc, or 'big' action events going on. I prefer the former, since, with the way Claymore is, it's really all about emotion to begin with.

    Priscilla...this would have to be Awakened Priscilla, correct? Well, that's quite different from the 'low-level Yoma" idea you had before . I'm assuming then, if she's involved, that this is before she met with Isley in the North, meaning she's still on her rampage and very very dangerous.

    You might want to reconsider the low-level Yoma idea actually; I can see it now: Helen, showing off and taking her sweet-time with such a weakling, almost lets defenseless Raki get killed by it. It would be an eye-opener in the sense that she realizes she's just not the type to responsibly take care of him(not to mention it's too dangerous, and she couldn't bear him getting killed on her account). Priscilla presumably lets them both go, which would probably make Helen realize their are beings simply too much for her and the time will come where she will face an opponent and be unable to defend Raki.

    Both scenarios are different in Helen's feelings: One expresses Helen letting him go because she is unable to take care of him because she's just not cut out for it, the other is because she won't be able too sooner or later. One is a bit more selfish then the other.

    Either way is alright, and leads down the same road. It depends on how you want to paint Helen.

    --

    , noticed your change. Well, it doesn't change things too much.
  4. Shiek927
    2009-11-30 20:47
    Shiek927
    By climax, I'm assuming you're not talking about the actual ending(unless you changed it from what you originally told me) yet.

    It's pretty gruesome, but it goes well with the mother image what you intended. Good that you mentioned her withdrawn strength otherwise someone would say he should have died .

    I do wonder though if you're abusing the "---" breaks in-between. It feels like you're using them where they don't belong or just plain too much. Sometimes, they are effective in dramatic tension, others, they are unnecessary. The story should flow, or at least have a general feeling of it, and with all these breaks, it feels too much like paragraphs just strung together, rather then then one single overall story.

    Now, if you were planing on making this like Papa, with one small chapter a day, it's perfect, as each "section" is just the right length, but you told me it wouldn't be like that.
  5. Shiek927
    2009-11-30 11:44
    Shiek927
    Hehe, football huh? I remember my brother was really upset at how the Giants got completely dominated by the Cowboys(I think) on Thanksgiving day. Their was like a 20-point difference .
  6. Shiek927
    2009-11-29 12:33
    Shiek927
    Ughh, I thought that you just had something to do real quick and you could leave when you're done; stinks to go back right on the holiday
  7. Shiek927
    2009-11-28 22:00
    Shiek927
    So how long until you have to return to college?
  8. Shiek927
    2009-11-28 21:45
    Shiek927
    Yep, that's what I meant, that about 80% percent more or less would be from Claire's POV with only little bits here and there from Raki's.

    --

    Gotta love it when Helen speaks words of wisdom ^_^
  9. Shiek927
    2009-11-28 21:29
    Shiek927
    Roflmao, tell me about it, yet Raki isn't in any way flamboyant or out-of-control, not in the typical way. He's not the type to lose control because of dirty thoughts .

    Now, if someone he cared about was getting hurt, that could easily push him over. The only thing he's really passionate about are those he loves.
  10. Shiek927
    2009-11-28 21:27
    Shiek927
    Sounds like he's not too different, not at all. Still got his casual benevolent personality

    Just being himself makes him a black sheep, it's up too you to decide just how black he is

    Well, overall, it sounds like a clever idea, but I agree in that it's probably not something to go crazy for. You could even make a seperate story entirely rather then part of the story, as it's so different, even compared to the scenarios you're already cooking up, that it could be a seperate long one-shot.

    That said, here's an idea: Make it from Claire's personality primarily. Technically, all the chapters in your story are from Raki's point-of-view, and what's different are the situations he's in and the women he is with. His character as a whole doesn't change. If it's from Claire's point-of-view, it would only add to the "Alternative" nature and further stand-apart.

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  • About Dean_the_Young
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    Somewhere in the Anglo-Saxon Sphere
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    PT, PT, PT
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    Army (ROTC)
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