Then-----
Then, that was what was stuck in my memory for the whole day.
At night.
I was walking around in a small town that was already in complete darkness. In the afternoon, I wasn't riding a bike.
There wasn't a clear reason why I was walking by foot, but, there was a reason why I wasn't riding a bike.
By the way I have 2 bikes.
One is a female-style bike I use for going to school, the other is a mountain bike that I like more.
I'll use the latter one even if there wasn't a reason too, but, right now I don't want to ride it. If the bike that was locked up by multiple locks were to go missing, the fact that I went out would be found out by my family.
Let's not talk about the past, in the present I'm completely free to do as I will.
That's why I'm different from my two little sisters, curfews, not allowed outside at night, they are all no problem (My sisters don't really plan on following the rules anyway) for me.
There are times when I don't want my family to know I'm going out.
Simply, the times I'm out buying ero-books.
"..........."
No, well.
It looks kind of bad, but I can explain.
I couldn't forget Hanekawa's panties from today!
......Am I digging my own grave?
But, that's the truth.
It can be said that it's something I can't forget for the rest of my life, but I didn't realize the angle would be so clearly implanted into my memories.
From the moment when Hanekawa left, her panties have been in my brain not being able to leave. I thought I would slowly forget them, but who would have thought, it's been over 10 hours, if someone were to transplant my pupils, that person would surely be seeing Hanekawa's panties.
Damn.
Even though we talked a lot after that, the thing that left the biggest impression was the panties, just what is going on here! After such a long time the only thing I could remember was the panties!
She is a good person.
Hanekawa is a good person.
Then, needless guilt was piling up.
My heart is currently feeling responsible.
Hanekawa is a great person, yet towards Hanekawa, I'm having such ugly feelings......
But what is it technically?
Seeing panties in person, is it something I haven't encountered before? This is an advancement school, but half of Naoetsu High's student body is high school girls. Also, in order to follow trends there have been students that wear short skirts. So seeing things accidentally did happen before. But in such a perverse way of completely seeing a girl's panties......
Really, it didn't happen even in middle school.
Going back to elementary school......there's no point in thinking about it.
I see, so it was a first in my life.....
How should I say it, it has the feeling of a romance manga from the 80's.
Who would have thought that Hanekawa Tsubasa who doesn't have much fate with me would raise the flag like that.
Damn!
This is breaking the rules.
I'm sure girls who had their panties shown to boys wouldn't have these kinds of feelings.
How terrible!
Hmpt, although the flag was raised, thinking about it clearly, it was just a small encounter.
You can't even call it a meeting.
On Hanekawa's side, what happened today, she probably forgot about it already.
Basically there is no need for this feeling of guilt.......thinking about it I really am a small person.
No matter what.....thinking about this while eating a meal is no good. In this small time period, no, maybe for the rest of my life, having to carry this guilt, is causing me to be a bit scared.
Towards a "friend".
That's why I hate it-----my strength as a human is clearly going down!
I can't just leave this alone without thinking about it.
Because of this, after the view outside the window got darker, I quietly sneaked out of the house.
In order to go to the only big book store in this small town to buy ero-books.
The result of the accomplished mission was two photo books, I'm currently on the way home.
Of course I mixed in other books with the ero-books, towards the clerk I'm that kind of person, don't copy me. Because of buying two ero-books. I'm that kind of man.
If Hanekawa is the class-rep within class-reps, then I'm a man within men.
Checking if there are people that I know within the store was needed too.
Actually, it's just a plan to buy ero-books, and then overwrite the memories.
I'm sure Hanekawa wasn't thinking of this when she chased after me, but I can actually use this thought. To Hanekawa (Hanakawa probably doesn't mean it this way, I just thought of this) doing this probably wouldn't work, ero needs to be overwritten by ero, it's a good way.
If I can't delete it, then I'll just have to overwrite it.
Doing this will allow the memories to slowly fade.
Of course seeing it in person and looking at photos is a big difference, but I'll have to overcome that with numbers.
Realizing this situation, I've bought two ero-books that are full of panties of high school girls. Because I already bought the basic ero-books in the beginning of March; that is why the spending here was such a big heartbreak, but it's not enough to go down to the pit of my stomach.
What a headache.
But there's no choice.
I can't have these impure thoughts of Hanekawa.
Guilt can kill people.
Like how boredom can kill people, people can die from guilt.
Ah.......ah.....
When can I use this money to buy stuff to eat?
".......but, friends"
Carrying the bag with ero-books in one hand, I took out my cellphone with my other hand, checking the phonebook, I quietly said.
"Its..... its not like I don't need it."
Then, I realized it.
I couldn't believe I would say that.
When did I become like this?
In middle school, I was still a normal person that would talk to other people---
I don't even need to mention elementary school, basically, after becoming a high school student, after becoming a bad student?
What a good explanation.
Doing it rashly, I picked a high-class high school, and then passed the exam for some reason.
Then not being able to catch up.......not having the same opinions as people around me.
Failure.
No, is it like that?
Even if it's like that there is still chance to restart.
Even if my grades are the worst, I'm not being discriminated against---- there are plenty of chances for me to meet friends.
Rejecting people isn't the other people but actually me.
"Hm..."
Sometimes I don't even understand myself.
Saying you don't need friends, it is only the self-explanation of a person who doesn't have any friends.
Self-protection.
Friends.
If you don't have it you don't have it, there is no other way.
People who don't have friends with people don't have friends.
But, in reality, it's not like there aren't people like me---it's just that there aren't a lot.
People in the same class in first year and second year, there is not a single person that hasn't spoke to another person.
That is all it takes.
There are people who live like that.
But.
"If you never thought of having friends, then don't say you want a lover, if that's the case why would I have perverted thoughts?
What a mystery.
It's because a pair of panties can have such an effect, it becomes an offering to the exchange of currency.
With that being said, isn't it just a piece of cloth?
Before, [Why would girls specifically wear such perverted stuff to disguise themselves, is it because they are perverted?], such an unbelievable reasoning, it's reverse thinking.
Speaking of where you can buy them, you can get them anywhere.
......No, wait.
Buying this stuff would be illegal.
Even if it's not illegal it's pretty close.
Really---I want to become a plant.
If that's the case I have no fate with my desires.
Becoming a rock or metal would be---
If you can't figure it out then don't think about it.
This really shows just how small humans are.
"....Hmm, it's this time of the day already."
In order to get to the bookstore before it closed I rushed there,
But on the way back I used a lot of time just dragging my feet---the day has already changed to the next day.
It's currently March 26th.
At this moment, this instant, Spring Break has started.
I put my cellphone back in my pocket, increased my footstep back home----this bookstore isn't normal distant.
Let's put it this way, this bookstore's location isn't far from my school.
Using the bike or walking to get to school, the distance is the same!
Time is needed of course.
But, the time is a bit much.
It's not like there is any reason for me to go home, but I shouldn't be too late either....
It's possible my sisters would enter my room without permission.
If it's my sisters, I'm not there, and the bike is there, they probably won't realize it----then again for those two, these are the only things they would realize.
Ahah, now that I think about it, I have seen my sisters in their panties.
When these guys come out of the bathroom, they are only wearing their underwear.
But, that's outside the topic.
I don't know if what I said revealed anything,
By this time, the sky is already darker than when I came out.
It'll be really stupid of me if I got hit by a car.
I'm not the only boy that can be involved in an accident, on his way back from buying ero-books, if you're careful nothing will happen.
If you get involved in an accident, and then the content of your bag gets inspected.
"High School Girls: Panties"
If Hanekawa were to find out.....she'll definitely misunderstand.
No....
This is my way of protecting your chastity.....there is no other explanation!
.....Argh, if it's because of this I get happy and worry, it's kind of exciting.
Although if it's this dark it really is dangerous, but this place is pretty rural, so there aren't a lot of cars, you'll notice when you see the headlights. So there really is no problem-----but.
With that being said, isn't it a bit too dark?
Thinking about this I looked at the sky, the reason was clear.
The light from the streetlamps are gone.
All the streetlamps within 5 meters are not lit------well not all of them,
Only one of them was lit.
Are they broken?
But, it's impossible for so many streetlamps to be broken at once.....
Then, is it a power outage? If that's the case then why is there one lit?
I was thinking about that.
I was thinking about that, but it's not really something special, so I continued to walk ahead.
Although there isn't any reason for me to go home early, but if I think about it, I should rush back home, and then open the wrappers, isn't that my mission?
No matter what, this is my priority, it's because of this mission---
"Thee!"
Like I said.
"Hey.....here, thee. Thee"
Like I said, don't talk to me like that, ignore her, continue----thee?
What an ancient way of talking?
I uncontrollably responded.
Looking at the direction where the sound came from---and then at that moment, I suddenly phased out.
Under the lone lit streetlamp.
Lighting up the whole street----"she" was there.
"Me... can you help me?"
With blonde hair that doesn't match this rural area.
On her face----were cold eyes.
Wearing a dress---even the dress doesn't fit this rural area.
No. But, the meaning of doesn't fit is not exactly right, it's just that the setting doesn't fit.
This dress---it was very elegant, a piece of high class clothing, but right now, it totally didn't have that kind of feeling.
Pieces and pieces.
Ragged.
Like pieces and pieces of ragged cloths.
Scrapped cloth looks even better than this---looking at it in the reverse, it was turned liked this.
"Didn't hear.....help me a little."
"She"----kept staring at me.
The sharp and cold eyesight felt like it was piercing me----but, with that being said, usually you wouldn't be this scared in this situation.
Why did "she" appear in such a tired out form?
Back against the streetlamp.
Sitting on the asphalt ground.
No----sitting is not exactly right.
More like stuck to it.
For "her" other than staring at me there wasn't anything else to do.
.......No.
Even if she was tired out, being only able to stick to the streetlamp----
"She" couldn't do anything other than stare at me, for me there also wasn't anything else to do.
First of all, there wasn't a hand to be stretched.
Right hand to the elbow.
Left hand to the root of the shoulder.
Were cut off.
"..........!!"
Not only that.
The bottom half was in the same situation too.
Right feet to the knee.
Left feet to the root of the thigh.
Were also cut off.
No, just the right foot, the cut was very clean----the surface was clear. Right hand, left hand and left foot wounds, looked like they were cut many times.
But.
The situation with the cut surfaces, were just trivial matters.
In other words, "her" four limbs were all gone.
It was because of this form------she was stuck under the streetlamp.
What tired!
It should be referred to as dying.
"Hey hey----you okay?"
Heart jumping like an alarm clock, saying it like that.
I believe that it is only a metaphor, but in this situation, I really do feel this way.
Heart jumping like it would explode.
Heart jumping wildly.
Like telling you that danger is coming.
Like an alarm clock.
"Quick, quickly call an ambulance----"
Although the four limbs were cut off, the amount of blood lost was too little.
Things like that, at that time I didn't even think about it, taking out the cellphone that was just put back in-----
Hand shaking, I couldn't dial properly!
By the way, what is the number for the ambulance?
117?
115?
Damn, if I knew about it, then I should have registered this number in my phone book.
"Ambulance......this kind of thing is not needed."
"She"
Even in the form where her four limbs were cut off, her consciousness didn't go, there was even a strong attitude----an old attitude, talking to me.
"Like I said....give thy blood to me."
"......"
The fingers used to dial the cellphone numbers stopped.
I suddenly remember what Hanekawa talked about during the day.
A rumor passed only between the girls.
What was it?
What was said?
At night.
Don't go out at night by yourself----
".... Blonde hair."
Blonde hair.
Blonde hair is---
Under the glow of the streetlamp, the blonde hair was dazzling.
---Then.
No shadow.
The surrounding streetlamps were all gone, under the only lit streetlamp was "her", like bathing in the lights on a stage---
Then, her blonde hair that was shining under the streetlamp, it really was dazzling-----but.
Really.
"She" had no shadow.
It's not like the shadow couldn't be seen.
The shadow, there really wasn't one.
"My name is"
Then----"she" said.
"My name is Kissshot‧Acerolaorion‧Heartunder‧Blade...... the iron blooded hot blooded cold blooded vampire."
Those ragged clothes.
Form where four limbs are missing.
Not caring about that-----she said it.
Inside her opened lips----you can see two sharp teeth.
Sharp------teeth.
"Thy blood, will be swallowed and become my flesh----give thy blood to me."
"...Speaking of vampires."
I swallowed my breath, and spoke.
"Shouldn't they be immortal----or is that not true?"
"Lost too much blood, so I can't regenerate, nor transform. If this goes on---I'll die."
"......"
"A human that can't satisfy me-----can only feel glory for becoming my flesh."
Feet shaking non-stop.
Just what is happening?
Just what did I get sucked into?
Why, a vampire suddenly appearing in front of me----coming when death is approaching?
Vampires that shouldn't exist is existing.
A non-dying vampire is dying.
Why, is this real?
"Hey....hey"
Looking at me who is shaking, and can't even speak clearly, "her" forehead frowned.
No, it should be a frown that was brought by pain.
How did "she" lose her arms and legs?
"S........so? Help me. There isn't anything as glorified as this. There isn't much to do, just stick your head to me, after that, I'll handle everything."
".......Blood, blood......isn't a blood transfusion enough?"
I asked as I wasn't calm.
What was that!
What kind of joke was that!
"She"...... Kissshot‧Acerolaorion‧HeartunderBlade was probably thinking the same thing too, so there was no response.
No.
Probably there wasn't enough strength to respond.
"Abo------about how much?"
This question was more specific, "she" answered with this.
"......first of all, give thine one person amount to me, it's urgent."
"I see, my one person amount......ah!"
I'll die from it then!
But I swallowed that sentence back.
This person, looking at my eyes.
Cold eyes.
Those are----eyes looking at your own food.
Not fooling----I'm saying that seriously.
Not satisfied even if you eat it----- things like humans.
This person is about to die.
Then, after eating me, allow herself to live.
It's not having me help her.
It's eating me.
Not using your own powers to live.
"...."
That's right.
What am I saying? What am I thinking?
Why-----am I thinking with saving this woman as a pretext?
Am I going crazy?
A vampire?
That's means, it's a monster.
I don't know why the arms and legs are missing, and why it looks like it's about to die-----but, with only that, it's definitely not a good enough reason.
Being sucked into this.
Men should be close to danger?
You can't get a tiger without entering the tiger's cave?
This person is not a human----a non-human.
A being above humans.
Hanekawa said that.
"So......blood, give me blood. Quick.....quickly, what are you dragging around for, you idiot."
"....."
Not even asking.
Like doing this is a definite, the vampire said that.
I stepped back a little.
No problem.
Should be able to escape..... should be able to escape.
Even if the opponent is a vampire, a monster.
In a form where the arms and legs are cut off, I should be able to escape----like I said, she can't even chase me.
I just need to run.
This point, I'm just covering it.
This point, this truth, I can't deny.
Then.
I took another step back with my other feet-----
"Your.....your lying right?"
Her eyes----looked very weak.
It was like those cold eyes just now were lying.
"Help.....help me?"
"......"
Ragged dress.
Arms and legs missing.
A monster that doesn't have a shadow under the glow of the streetlamp.
Having blonde hair, I thought she was very beautiful like that.
Very beautiful.
From the bottom of my heart----I was sucked in.
I can't move my eyes away from her that was like that.
I can't move my feet anymore.
It's not because of the shaking that I can't move.
It's just that, I can't move.
"No....no."
The prideful attitude and way of speaking up till now was gone----her golden eyes that had the same color as her hair, suddenly had tears coming down.
Like a child.
She started to cry.
"No, no, no.....I don't want to die, don't want to die, don't want to die, don't want to die! Help me, help me, help me, please, please, please. If you can rescue me, I'll do anything!"
She was crying in such pain!
I'm probably not even within her sight anymore.
It was just mindless crying.
Crying while saying.
"I cannot die, I cannot die, I don't want to vanish, I don't want to disappear! No! Someone, someone, someone, someone------"
A guy helping a vampire.
There can't be one.
No matter how much was said, how much crying-----your heart can't be moved.
Because, you'll die.
One person's amount of blood.
Even donating blood is scary.
This kind of thing------don't I hate it?
I don't even like carrying the burden of a human matter, let alone a monster, this matter is too heavy.
Try carrying the matter of a vampire.
A human's strength will fall!
"Ahhhhhhhhh"
The falling tears---was starting to become red like blood.
Don't know.
I don't know, but it's probably a sign that death is coming.
A death for a vampire.
Bloody tears.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry......."
Finally, her words of plea have turned into apologizes.
What is she apologizing to?
Who is she apologizing to?
But----nothing can be seen.
She was just like that, apologizing to a being that no one knows.
Probably.
It's a being where she has to do it too.
To her who is about to die, it's a being where she has to do it too.
"Uahhhhhhhhhhh!"
At this point.
I started running as I screamed.
Even if my feet won't move, I forced them to----my back towards her, I ran with all my might.
I could still hear sounds of apologizing towards my back.
This sound, am I the only one who can hear it?
Hearing this sound and then no one going there?
Kissshot‧Acerolaorion‧HeartunderBlade
Should I help her?
.......Impossible.
I'll die.
And she's a monster.
A vampire.
No need to save her----right?
".....I know that, this kind of thing!"
I.
Ran for a bit, passed a garbage stop, then tapped the bag I was holding.
The bag that was carrying two ero-books.
Usually you dump your trash in the morning, besides, the garbage don't get collected on a Sunday.
Still I picked a garbage stop, I'm a guy that still has the lowest level of decency.
Probably, some lucky high schooler will pick it up.
Of course it's possible that there wouldn't, but to me it's not needed anymore.
I'm going to die in a moment, what's the point in holding on to ero-books---ahah!
On your way with buying ero-books you should be more careful----this point I do realize.
My strength as a human, has now already hit the ground.
"......"
Going back, back to the bottom of that streetlamp---my eyes, naturally, tears started to fall.
Parents.
Two little sisters.
For me who avoids human contacts, at these moments the people who I can think of are these ones----and, only four, just this point was enough for me to cry.
Family members that I don't have very good bonds with.
Especially after I became a poor student when I entered high school, a very special gap formed between me and my parents.
Not troublesome nor hated.
They think so too.
It's just that, a gap formed.
Something that happens during adolescence all the time.
Even though it is something I accept---if I knew this was going to happen, I would have spoken to them more.
Quietly sneaking out of the house, and then unaccounted for.
Ahah....well, even if I tossed the two books away, my sisters will probably realize that something happened while I was buying ero-books.
It's okay.
No matter what, those guys won't reveal any embarrassing things about family.
I love you guys, Fire Sisters.
"...."
The tears are falling.
Thinking about it closely, having few people to remember really helped---if there were unneeded friends, I'd run out of time before I can even finish.
Thinking about it in another sense, if it wasn't for this kind of human relations, there would probably be other choices here, that was what I thought.
Back to that streetlamp.
The blonde vampire was still there.
She wasn't crying anymore.
Wasn't even making any sounds.
Ahah----she fell asleep.
Probably gave up already.
"Don't give up, stupid!"
I, said that, then went up to her body---in front of her, stuck my head out.
"What comes after---I leave it to you."
"......Huh?"
She--- opened her eyes.
Ruled by a surprised expression.
"Can----can I?"
"Of course not, you bastard----"
Damn, damn, damn.....
Why?
Why did it turn out like this?
"Wh----why? It was as if I understood everything, because I, can't do anything, other than allowing you to live!"
I said it like that.
I said it like that following my heart.
"Without any particular reason to live, I don't have any reason to put my own life in front, with a person like me dying, it won't have any effect on the world!"
So unbeautiful.
So unpretty.
My life is just like that.
In order to allow this beautiful thing to survive---
Shouldn't I die?
That is the conclusion.
I'm a tiny human.
A vampire is a higher being----isn't it?
"----In my next life, I'll live it well. Having the essentials, human relations will be well-constructed, not feeling guilty over small things, everything hated will be someone else's fault, I want to reincarnate as someone like that-----that's why!"
I said it.
At least.
Saying it yourself, at least it is the pride of a lower-class being.
"I'll help you----so suck my blood."
"....."
"It's all yours, don't leave a drop----suck all of it."
"......Ah"
Kissshot‧Acerolaorion‧HeartunderBlade---although it's only me assuming, but this was probably the first time she had said thank you to another being that wasn't herself.
"Thank you....."
Suddenly, a sharp pain went through my neck----I knew I was being bitten by her.
My consciousness suddenly disappeared.
Then, within my last thought, I suddenly remember.
Hanekawa Tsubasa.
The things about her.
If you are randomly finding friends, there isn't enough time.
That was dangerous.
If I didn't remember earlier, I'm sure there wouldn't have been enough time.-----Wahah, okay.
There should be enough time, dying with the experience of meeting Hanekawa-----that's not so bad.
No, in this situation, I'm not talking about the thing with seeing Hanekawa's panties.
Without saying that, it feels like having something binding me.
Let me be a bit cool at the end.
Just like that, I, Araragi Koyomi a little short of a 17 year life, accepted the end----at least it was supposed to be like that.
