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-   -   EMDAS 2011 - March (Confliction) Entry Thread (http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=102304)

Hiroi Sekai 2011-02-28 04:27

EMDAS 2011 - March (Confliction) Entry Thread
 
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Welcome to the March EMDAS Writing Competition!(Rules - READ FIRST!)
Theme: Confliction!

"All men are enemies. All animals are comrades."
George Orwell, Animal Farm
This month's theme is "Confliction"! For this theme, a character in your entry must go through a conflict, a fight against something. Internal or external conflict, it matters not.

Entries! (March 1-15)
For the first two weeks of the competition, all entrants may post their draft entries on this page and receive suggestions and criticism without any consequences. Nothing posted during this entry period will be taken as your final entry. Constant posting of small edits and similar drafts are frowned against, as it clutters up the pages and gets in the way of other entries.

By 11:59:59 PM of February 14th, you must post your final entry on this page with the words: "Final Entry" included in large bold letters included after your entry. If you've already posted a draft and edited it from there, please re-post your final entry as a new post. This makes it easier to find and organize.
The time zone being used here is Pacific Standard Time (PST). Use this counter to see how much time you have left.

This will become your entry for the month, and can no longer be edited - no exceptions! Be very sure to proofread and edit your entry completely before taking this final step. To emphasize, only write Final Entry on your piece once you're 100% sure it is perfect. Once you write those bold words on your project, your entry will be taken "as is" at that point and no further editing will be allowed.

Hiroi Sekai 2011-03-03 14:43

First Entry!
 
My first entry! Took a few days because I couldn't think of anything>.>

Spoiler for One Man:


Intended moral: Humanity can be cruel and life can be unforgiving. If we don't support each other, then who will? One man's words can make a world of difference.

Word count: 601

It's merely a first draft, so any c&c would be quite helpful. Best of luck to everyone!

lordshadowisle 2011-03-05 13:21

Hi papermario, just read your entry. Is that supposed to be the complete story? It seems to be missing some elements otherwise.

Anyway, caught some bugs with the contest post. Most likely due to copypasta :p.

Quote:

Originally Posted by papermario13689 (Post 3509698)
This month's theme is "Confliction"! To commemorate the origin and birth of this new competition, write an entry about confliction.

By 11:59:59 PM of February 14th, you must post your final entry on this page with the words:

I'll be writing something for this soon, but nothing's done yet and I'm only at about 350 words. The title is Skirmish.

Hiroi Sekai 2011-03-05 13:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle (Post 3518341)
Hi papermario, just read your entry. Is that supposed to be the complete story? It seems to be missing some elements otherwise.

Anyway, caught some bugs with the contest post. Most likely due to copypasta :p.



I'll be writing something for this soon, but nothing's done yet and I'm only at about 350 words. The title is Skirmish.

It is the entire story due to the word count limit.:heh:

And thanks for mentioning that; I'll fix that right now. Can't wait to read your entry!:D

Hooves 2011-03-05 23:13

Papermario has done it yet again with another interesting story that could be quite a competition to match :heh: makes me even more curious on what I should write up, hmmm..

Same as Papermario! I can't wait to read your entry as well lordshadowisle :)

NorthernFallout 2011-03-07 16:58

Totally missed this EMDAS thing. Interesting. Not new to writing (done fanfiction) but haven't written for a good while. This will be good practice.

Hopefully it's all according to rules and theme.
Spoiler for Decisions V.1:
Better check it through tomorrow as late night writing tend to result in blind errors. And perhaps the subject matter is hard to compile into a short story, but I try anyway!

Hiroi Sekai 2011-03-07 17:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtomicoX (Post 3521544)
Totally missed this EMDAS thing. Interesting. Not new to writing (done fanfiction) but haven't written for a good while. This will be good practice.

Hopefully it's all according to rules and theme.
Spoiler for Decisions V.1:
Better check it through tomorrow as late night writing tend to result in blind errors. And perhaps the subject matter is hard to compile into a short story, but I try anyway!

Fits well into the theme, excellent work.:) An edit never hurts of course, I'm still going through my own while nitpicking. I enjoyed reading your entry.

lordshadowisle 2011-03-07 19:32

@AtomicoX

Wow, would you believe it if I said I had the same (about) exact story, except mine is still at 349 words? Lol.

Well. snoozers losers. Back to the drawing board, then.

Hooves 2011-03-07 20:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtomicoX (Post 3521544)
Better check it through tomorrow as late night writing tend to result in blind errors. And perhaps the subject matter is hard to compile into a short story, but I try anyway!

It was a good read, and expected a military decision making from your avatar :heh: but that seems like I am a know it all so let's just leave it at that :p there is also plenty of time left to do some edits, that's the advantage of early entries and disadvantage of late entries if they rushed into making the story.

zebra 2011-03-08 16:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by papermario13689 (Post 3515282)
My first entry! Took a few days because I couldn't think of anything>.>

Spoiler for One Man:


Intended moral: Humanity can be cruel and life can be unforgiving. If we don't support each other, then who will? One man's words can make a world of difference.

Word count: 601

It's merely a first draft, so any c&c would be quite helpful. Best of luck to everyone!

Alright, needed two reads to get it fully :heh: *ashamed*
The whole stories goes at full speed and is rather fragmanted. But it reflects the mental state the 'one man' is in, so I rather like it.

I find it quite hard to say what to improve - I actually think it works well as a short piece. A fast but hard ride :heh: Maybe giving one example of how humanity gave him the cold shoulder after his loss would emphasize the significance of the last guy caring about him. But the scene on the sidewalk kinda did that already, so.
The "*pant*" felt out of place to me, but might simply be me.
This one depressed me kinda.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtomicoX (Post 3521544)
Totally missed this EMDAS thing. Interesting. Not new to writing (done fanfiction) but haven't written for a good while. This will be good practice.

Hopefully it's all according to rules and theme.
Spoiler for Decisions V.1:
Better check it through tomorrow as late night writing tend to result in blind errors. And perhaps the subject matter is hard to compile into a short story, but I try anyway!

I don't really like military themed stories, but I really enjoyed this one. I immediately got sucked in and the Colonel is very sympathetic despite his cruel actions.


... I might post a story myself this time *coughs*

Hiroi Sekai 2011-03-08 21:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle (Post 3521720)
@AtomicoX

Wow, would you believe it if I said I had the same (about) exact story, except mine is still at 349 words? Lol.

Well. snoozers losers. Back to the drawing board, then.

I think the saying: "Great minds think alike." comes to mind here. I know you've got another great story in you, there's still lots of time^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebra (Post 3522907)
Alright, needed two reads to get it fully :heh: *ashamed*
The whole stories goes at full speed and is rather fragmanted. But it reflects the mental state the 'one man' is in, so I rather like it.

I find it quite hard to say what to improve - I actually think it works well as a short piece. A fast but hard ride :heh: Maybe giving one example of how humanity gave him the cold shoulder after his loss would emphasize the significance of the last guy caring about him. But the scene on the sidewalk kinda did that already, so.
The "*pant*" felt out of place to me, but might simply be me.
This one depressed me kinda.

I don't really like military themed stories, but I really enjoyed this one. I immediately got sucked in and the Colonel is very sympathetic despite his cruel actions.


... I might post a story myself this time *coughs*

Thank you for the C&C;) I shall make an edit tonight; that added *pant* is bothering me as well. Apologies if it dampens anyone's spirits, but that's the style I write in>.< I certainly hope to see your entry this month!

NorthernFallout 2011-03-09 05:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle (Post 3521720)
@AtomicoX

Wow, would you believe it if I said I had the same (about) exact story, except mine is still at 349 words? Lol.

Well. snoozers losers. Back to the drawing board, then.

No, no, let's see what you got. Similar ideas happen in these things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebra (Post 3522907)
I don't really like military themed stories, but I really enjoyed this one. I immediately got sucked in and the Colonel is very sympathetic despite his cruel actions.

Excellent. That means I did something right.

While I'm a big military story junkie myself, I mostly like them for experiencing the human aspect in them, if written right. I'm not *that* interested in the hardware. Perhaps that's why it fell into your tastes.

WordShaker 2011-03-09 06:06

Blargh! No decent ideas here, but I'll tread old ground.

Spoiler for Carry the Dying King:


Word count o' 764 (sans that title) according to Microsoft Word. Final entry and whatnot.

zebra 2011-03-09 06:50

The conflict might not be so obvious, but the ideas I had that fit it to a T ... I didn't like them so much and didn't finish 'em. So here!

Spoiler for Flickering Light v1.2:
Words: 1150

Thanks to Moczo for going error hunting <3

Knowing me I'll still rework it, so critique and suggestions are welcomed of course. I left many things ambigious on purpose, but maybe it doesn't make as much sense to others.
Dialogues are my enemy in English so I always try to write them to improve :heh:

(I raised an eyebrow at the ban of italics and bold btw :twitch:)

Edit:
- fixed some typos, thx wassupimviet! [10.03.11]

Hiroi Sekai 2011-03-09 07:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by wassupimviet (Post 3523687)
Blargh! No decent ideas here, but I'll tread old ground.

Spoiler for Carry the Dying King:


Word count o' 752 (sans that title) according to Microsoft Word.

Quite an adventurous little tale; you're one of the first people I've seen use such an extensive vocabulary at your supposed age.;) Everyone still looks at me like I'm insane when I use the word "sepulchral". Well done:heh:

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebra (Post 3523711)
The conflict might not be so obvious, but the ideas I had that fit it to a T ... I didn't like them so much and didn't finish 'em. So here!

Spoiler for Flickering Light v1.1:
Words: 1150

Thanks to Moczo for going error hunting <3

Knowing me I'll still rework it, so critique and suggestions are welcomed of course. I left many things ambigious on purpose, but maybe it doesn't make as much sense to others.
Dialogues are my enemy in English so I always try to write them to improve :heh:

(I raised an eyebrow at the ban of italics and bold btw :twitch:)

Oh, a good commitment has led you to a quickly submitted and very solid entry! It was even given a thorough proofreading; looks like you had a reliable one to assist you;) How did you find the somewhat extreme limitations? It's good for a writer to venture off into new limitations and challenges; most writers can and will use italics/bold to accentuate their text, but it's good to see you managed to get a similar point across whilst refraining from using those tags. Nothing to ruminate about, just a limitation that forces you to write in a different style, is all.;)

WordShaker 2011-03-09 07:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebra (Post 3523711)
The conflict might not be so obvious, but the ideas I had that fit it to a T ... I didn't like them so much and didn't finish 'em. So here!

Spoiler for Flickering Light v1.1:
Words: 1150

Thanks to Moczo for going error hunting <3

Knowing me I'll still rework it, so critique and suggestions are welcomed of course. I left many things ambigious on purpose, but maybe it doesn't make as much sense to others.
Dialogues are my enemy in English so I always try to write them to improve :heh:

(I raised an eyebrow at the ban of italics and bold btw :twitch:)

Man, I really, really love the feeling going on here. It's great, especially right now; there's this slight rumbling of thunder going on outside and the sky is a sort of ruddy yellow, and it all seems to just fit. It's far too perfect.

I've also always liked these sort of stories, too. I like the idea of one person passing on some sort of higher wisdom to another simply in how they act, rather than through a lecture or something. It really hits home for me.

There are one or two slight spelling mistakes ("laugher" and "immediatly" specifically), but no big deal. Be damned if I didn't say that the way the story flowed pulled me right in, though.

Great stuff, all in all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by papermario13689 (Post 3523715)
Quite an adventurous little tale; you're one of the first people I've seen use such an extensive vocabulary at your supposed age.;) Everyone still looks at me like I'm insane when I use the word "sepulchral". Well done:heh:

That's right, I'm really a 34-year old salaryman. :D

Hiroi Sekai 2011-03-09 07:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by wassupimviet (Post 3523740)
That's right, I'm really a 34-year old salaryman. :D

That would actually bring forth some legitimate shock. Not for the reason that you'd be over twice the supposed age, but because 34 year old salarymen of our area would actually never have knowledge of that word.>.> I went through high school seeing the supposedly well-educated teachers misspell words over and over; it was no simple mistake.

Either way, I guess what I'm saying is that I have a strong respect for those who can use proper grammar and spell words correctly. If you don't know something, you look it up, you expand your knowledge, and that's what's so admirable.

Wow, listen to me talk.:heh: That's what I get for playing a VN with dark music so late at night.;) I'll be posting an updated draft of my entry tomorrow, hopefully.:D

zebra 2011-03-09 19:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by wassupimviet (Post 3523687)
Blargh! No decent ideas here, but I'll tread old ground.

Spoiler for Carry the Dying King:


Word count o' 752 (sans that title) according to Microsoft Word.

Man, I really like this one. You're style and writing skills are really good.
We can't know for sure what kind of king he really was, since it's all his point of view. Everything's so dark and brutal yet he tries to see the silver linen on the horizon in a way. His people hate him for all the blood shed, he claims he did his best, but it doesn't matter since everyone is equal in death.

Good stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by papermario13689 (Post 3523715)
Oh, a good commitment has led you to a quickly submitted and very solid entry! It was even given a thorough proofreading; looks like you had a reliable one to assist you;) How did you find the somewhat extreme limitations? It's good for a writer to venture off into new limitations and challenges; most writers can and will use italics/bold to accentuate their text, but it's good to see you managed to get a similar point across whilst refraining from using those tags. Nothing to ruminate about, just a limitation that forces you to write in a different style, is all.;)

Thanks for the comment.

I don't think the limitations make any sense, personally. The 1,5k limit yes, but bold and italics? Sure, I can do without, but it's such basic formatting that I find it very weird that it's forbidden in a contest that pretty much asks for very different styles. I actually made sure there aren't any rules regarding paragraphs, breaks and tabs and the like since it was so out of place for me xD

Quote:

Originally Posted by wassupimviet (Post 3523740)
Man, I really, really love the feeling going on here. It's great, especially right now; there's this slight rumbling of thunder going on outside and the sky is a sort of ruddy yellow, and it all seems to just fit. It's far too perfect.

I've also always liked these sort of stories, too. I like the idea of one person passing on some sort of higher wisdom to another simply in how they act, rather than through a lecture or something. It really hits home for me.

There are one or two slight spelling mistakes ("laugher" and "immediatly" specifically), but no big deal. Be damned if I didn't say that the way the story flowed pulled me right in, though.

Great stuff, all in all.

Thanks for the comment! A very flattering one at that :heh: The skies must have known you're reading my story so they rearranged themselves to give you the perfect atmosphere! XD
Also thanks for pointing out the errors, will fix 'em now~

felix 2011-03-10 18:05

Emperor of One

Origins, File 10

"All great wars had their weapons. Sometimes, it was the weapons that made the war. The last war was no different. After discovering the first forms of Velocity Altering Technology (VAT) the warmongers of the time took no time to make it into a weapon. And thus the the barriers came to be. According to the (natural) laws of physics as first discovered by Newton, every body remains in a state of constant velocity unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force. This simple law of nature indirectly makes bullets kill, explosions hurt and was the foundation for all so called modern weapons before the war. With the advent of barriers the threat of bullets was no more. Guns became nothing more then toys. It was not just guns that became obsolete, explosions relied on shock waves, shock waves relied on speed, velocity and speed went hand in hand, and so the shock wave was nullified by the barriers and explosions became far less effective where barriers were present. They would still burn, but the thunder that made them so deadly was no more. Bombs, feared for decades since their invention, became no more dangerous then fireworks.

Some thought this new technology heralded a new era of piece and prosperity. But the world doesn't work that way. As horrible as the old weapons were, they were part of the old balance, the old stalemate. With them gone, the balance was lost. It didn't take long for men to find new ways to kill themselves for differences.

The technology of peace had several flaws, and they were soon exploited. Radiation, such as electromagnetic radiation, was not bound by the barrier, so any laser weapons would still be as effective as always. Fortunately at that time they were not even pathetically effective. Standard nuclear warheads had the same problem as bombs, their thunder was no more, however they would burn everything anyway so their devastation was still feared and the radiation fallout no less horrible. Even worse, most were converted to neutron bombs, so the fallout behind them would be unbearable even in specialized suits for years.

With most of the high tech approaches failing mankind resorted to more simple solutions. And so the era of blunt weapons come back once more. Soldiers again wore armor, took up swords and went to fight bloody close quarters battles. It wasn't long before technology was brought in and the armor became more sophisticated, the swords more deadly, and the soldiers less human. The artillery went back to the old ways as well. It no longer relied on precise shells and explosives but instead of just hurling ever heavier shells, since the barriers could do nothing against pure mass. The limitations on how effective the barriers were on velocity was always, and still is, proportionate to the objects mass.

And so the war began. It is lost to us when exactly the war started, or who started it. But what we do know is that it was in the name of freedom, and democracy. And thus the flames of the endless hell were brought to consume this world. Men fraught their wars everywhere. For many decades the great war didn't even have anything that could be called sides, nor countries or alliances for that matter. It was all just chaos. Whatever framework to society there was before, was burned to ashes in nuclear fire. Zealots with weapons would rise up, and kill each other for whatever excuse they could find. Death had no honor, death had no purpose, it was all just for the great vain of the world and mankind's arrogance fueled it ever onwards. More death brought even more death with it, and the vicious circle carried on for years.

Inevitably chaos gave way to ordered chaos. Cities rose in the ruins of the old ones, build up on people's fears. For protection great flying fortresses were build to guard against the madness of the world around them. By hovering over cities they were hard to hit by artillery fire, because of gravity pulling projectiles down to earth, and thus battles against them were harsh and long. It is ironic how man takes a few steps forward and several back.

Inevitably cities took over other cities though various means, all rinsed in blood, and in time two major factions emerged. One called itself the Empire and preached order, another called itself the Republic and preached peace; yet both did not have either. In the end the Empire lost, and the world came to settle in a tangible peace, but the mighty Republic payed a heavy price for it's victory and now stands as a mere shell of it's former self.

Even now, 39 years after the war has ended, death still lingers. The war was not kind. Many weapons were used, horrible weapons. And each day new horrors are discovered from the those dark day. One can not even walk outside the cities with out potentially falling prey to madmen or sleeping weapons, or worse. The old ruins and installations scattered all over the world are all potential lairs of horrors.

The majority of the population is living in cities, or ruins of old cities. The life expediency of anyone living outside the cities is not even a year. The rest of the world, the so called outside world, is split into yellow zones and red zones. The administration tries to clean out the old threat but judging by the death toll the efforts seem to be counter productive and more symbolic and political then anything. In ages past people earned for our current state where you can just walk outside 'the village' and fight monsters; the relics of the technologies lost in the war, such as nanotech and and the abominations of bioengineering. They would write about them in fairy tails and create games about them. In these stories heroes would rise up and fight, but in our age heroes seem to be nowhere in sight, and whatever heroic acts have been recorded from the war are more acts of self preservation and desperation. One has to wonder what would our ancestors think of us now if they only knew. What—"
"Ahem! … are you done reading that piece of trivia yet?" said Kou with a bored look and taping his finger on the table.
"Ah. Mr Kurou, my sincerest apologies. It would appear I have had completely forgotten about your existence." said Isolde
"Is that so. Then I'll be going." Kou lifts up and moves towards the entrance.
"No, please wait. Unfortunately, I am obligated to have a talk with you."
"Obligated?" Kou looks at the broken window and the library on the right
Isolde puts the book down and grabs a cup of tea, "Yes, obligated. Would you like some tea?"
Kou ignores her, and just heads to the nearby bookshelf. The top row is littered with archives of the war.
"Ahem. Well, first let me introduce myself—"
Kou quickly interrupts, "(sigh) I know who you are. You're the librarian. I wouldn't have come here if you weren't, so get to the point."
"Actually, while I am the librarian, I am also the student council president; well more like the student council, since there's nobody else besides me."
"Um— so?"
"I'm afraid you don't completely comprehend the situation. I am responsible for student problems, and problem makers."
"So."
"Well, it happens you're caught my interest. I've received some complaints, and require some explanations."
"About me? And you just received complaints now, you know I came here ages ago, you should check your mail more often."
"Unfortunately, these complaints are straight from the city guard." Isolde pours herself more tea. "You may sit down, and talk to me, or you can talk to them. I leave the choice to you Mr. Kurou."
Kou pauses for a moment, but then goes back and sits on the sofa.
"Before we get started, are you sure you don't want some tea. I can have Walter bring you any flavor you wish in no time." said Isolde
"I thought you said you were alone."
"And I am. Walter is a robot servant—of sorts." said Isolde
"Well, time is passing us by, so I'll jump to the point. Several weeks ago, three to be exact, you were called to Sir Rei Katashi's office. Since that day you have not made any other contact outside of class that anyone is aware of. Is this true?"
"Maybe." said Kou
Isolde pauses a moment looking at Kou, she then takes her teacup up again and continues "I know you were asked to follow the girl Mao. I need you to tell me everything that's happened in those three weeks, starting at the beginning."
Kou paused and appeared reluctant.
Isolde starts tapping the phone with her left hand. "Mr Kurou…please."
"(sigh) Very well. Have your butler, robot, whatnot prepare you more tea, …you'll be here for a while."

Word count: 1499
Status: Final Entry


This is part 2. Part 1 was the submission for the previous contest.

Criticism, Critique and Opinions welcome. :)

felix 2011-03-10 18:56

Whew finally managed to read them all. Carry the Dying King and Decisions were the most accessible, but I think zebra got the best of the theme; albeit my head is still spinning from it. I'm such a simpleton. Oh and I don't really get Mario's entry. :heh: But I think that's intentional with his.


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