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-   -   Vexx Muddled Writing Project: "It Really *IS* Rocket Science" (http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=114502)

Vexx 2012-09-03 20:35

Vexx Muddled Writing Project: "It Really *IS* Rocket Science"
 
It Really IS Rocket Science!
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Short summary:
the adventures and romances of a what is initially a "girl rock band" called The Lost Girls. The story starts out post-college during a low point for the band when one of their members has a pivotal encounter.Chance meetings, attractions, synchronicity, and occasional mayhem swirl together in the origins story of a rock band, their adventures, their romances, and their attempts to Go Big.

I tag the story as "seinen" but with heavy dollops of "shoujo/josei" because the Point-Of-View shifts from chapter to chapter between the different characters. Hopefully, it'll be pretty clear whose POV is at the wheel at any given moment.

Author's notes:
(4/4/2013): I am substantially rewriting the entire series from scratch to be published commercially. Nothing will change in this thread so don't let it stop anyone from reading. The commercial version has me retelling the story in much more professional way. Consider this thread a forum rough draft preview.
(11/18/13) There's enough change in what I'm writing that I hope readers will be interested in the new version (available for sale at Amazon, Barnes&Noble, and other sites both in paperback and in e-book format). Changes include order of events, dialog, tweaking motivations for character actions, new scenes, expansion of scenes and reductions of others that didn't work so well. Just read through the first few rough draft chapters published here ... yeah, the published version is quite a bit better, more nuanced ... but that's the way it should be between first drafts and final products.

(11/18/13) I'll just note here to any new moderators that I got pre-approval from the moderators last year for both the thread, its level of mature material, and approval to links to the published books. This thread is my "street live" performance of the story as I rough draft it.



Links to chapters follow. I'm trying to release at least two chapters a week (Mon-Thur).
NOTE: These are rough drafts. I'm actually publishing these stories in paperback and e-book. Just making sure that's clear.
================================================== ===================================
Volume 01 "Rock N Roll Fantasy" (final draft published version available at Amazon, B&N, etc)
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Volume 02 "Surfing With The Alien" (final draft paperback published. Available at Amazon, B&N, etc. ebooks available soon.)
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Volume 03 "Go Go Godzilla" (final draft published version to be available - Summer 2014)
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Author: Vexx Editor: Mogwai @copyright 2012, 2013
================================================== ==================================

Mouretsu 2012-09-03 20:52

The dude who uses two hands to sketch in the beginning is awesome. That's all I wanted to say.

Vexx 2012-09-03 23:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mouretsu (Post 4334732)
The dude who uses two hands to sketch in the beginning is awesome. That's all I wanted to say.

If you're suggesting I collaborate with an artist, that isn't out of the question down the road. :)

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Vexx 2012-09-05 02:45

Author's note: Though I've written this in a style similar to japanese light novels, it is a fairly western story. So though it may seem that some plot elements are resolved far too quickly, they're really just setting up for the more complex elements to come later. I admit drawing a small bit of inspiration from the series called REC! which seems to be unique in anime (inspiration, not copying). As noted, the story is "seinen + bits of shoujo/josei". This is the first time I've tried writing stories since high school but I'll try to make the ride interesting if not smooth. Thanks to anyone who gives it a look.

There is language (one character in particular has a tendency to be profane) and there are adult situations, definitely some "R" moments but I don't intend to be crass or shallow.

The initial setting is in Portland, Oregon. If you watch the supernatural series “Grimm” or have seen “Portlandia”, you may recognize some locations. Write what one knows, they say. Also, I feel like I've developed some fairly complex interesting characters, so I'm expecting the characters to help me write this, as it were.

And here we go.

Vexx 2012-09-05 03:04

Chapter One: "Riders on the Storm"
 
Chapter OneRiders on the Storm” (version 0.9)

Dynamic tag cannot be rendered. (PrintableThread) Notes: Addressed some of the errors and incorporated some feedback. Thanks for feedback :) It still needs some work but its closer.

NoemiChan 2012-09-05 04:19

This reminds me of someone...

http://forums.animesuki.com/images/a...?dl=1346831437http://forums.animesuki.com/images/a...?dl=1346831437

Hmm...

* looks at Vexx... Nooooooo....!!! You got to be kidding!!!

Nice story Vexx!!!!

Vexx 2012-09-05 14:56

Chapter Two: "Lost in Translation"
 
Chapter Two Lost in Translation” (version 0.9)

Dynamic tag cannot be rendered. (PrintableThread) notes: A profusion of salty language and some adult moments lurks within. Yes, I actually know a couple of people like her, and everyone else in this story for that matter.

Vexx 2012-09-06 18:38

Next chapter is giving me some fits (nothing is ever quite right).

Here's another couple of "near future" EDs I call "More Cowbell" and "Kpau Wild"





I'm especially fond of Kpau, she's loud, crazy, and brassy. I won't deny the eyebrows are an homage to Mugi of K-On!

Youtube's copyright demons are interesting, they can match the audio even if the file name is different, but they've got a very reasonable protocol for it. There may be ads, or some country may choose to block access (only Germany seems to care at the moment). So far the only Youtube notes I've gotten is that the rights holder can choose to have commercials attached to the video.

Vexx 2012-09-07 18:30

Chapter Three: “I am the Walrus”
 
Chapter Three: “I am the Walrus” (version 0.9)

Dynamic tag cannot be rendered. (PrintableThread) Notes: Relatively happy with the chapter layout... my new editor is good for me :)
This version is bit more "racy". Enjoy.

Vexx 2012-09-11 00:59

Chapter Four: “I'm Still Alive”
 
Chapter Four: “I'm Still Alive” (version 0.9)


Dynamic tag cannot be rendered. (PrintableThread) Notes: My editor hits me until I get it better :)

Vexx 2012-09-12 23:56

Chapter 5: “Cult of Personality”
 
Chapter 5: “Cult of Personality” (version 0.9)

Dynamic tag cannot be rendered. (PrintableThread) notes: I hope this pace is better. I'm not writing a short story, but a light novel and the pace/depth should reflect that. This chapter is mostly from Glycerin's point of view. Her voice is probably the most difficult for me to write in.

Vexx 2012-09-13 17:34

"Best Friends Forever" (early gig ED after Blar joins the band featuring Glyc and Tsika)



Here's a flashback video to the first performance ever by the Lost Girls when they were starting out in Los Angeles (USC underground cafe performance). The redhead is Sashiko - who spends the first part of the story being fired and gone.

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Vexx 2012-09-14 12:10

This is unrelated to the story but, I tripped across this --- behold the "new game" Cowbell Hero:



Extra points for use of Azumanga Daioh theme...

Vexx 2012-09-15 02:57

I'm trying to work ahead a bit more. I actually have the next two chapters drafted but need to create a few images.

More cowbell, in the mean time... thanks for the reps so far.

Vexx 2012-09-15 16:21

Chapter 6: “Don't Stand … Don't Stand So … Don't Stand So Close To Me”
 
Chapter 6: “Don't Stand … Don't Stand So … Don't Stand So Close To Me” (version 0.9)

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Vexx 2012-09-15 17:11

And if anyone is unfamiliar with the tune Glycerin plays, here's a rendition. Unfortunately, "inside a guitar shop" isn't one of my choices so you'll just have to consider this as what goes on inside the fantasy of Glycerin's head while she plays.



RB3 does some wonky things (clipping, avatar collisions, etc) but it does handle guitar fingering fairly impressively.

Vexx 2012-09-17 13:08

Chapter 7: “Flirting With Disaster”
 
Chapter 7: “Flirting With Disaster” (version 0.9)

Dynamic tag cannot be rendered. (PrintableThread) Author notes: A friend of mine who is actually a professional editor is giving me a hand, so there may a number of edits and slight rewrites to the chapters released so far (some of you may have already noticed). Yeah, she's a bit of a anime fan herself. Nothing changed that really altered the plot but now that she's on board, you'll see fewer revisions in future chapters.

Again, thanks for the feedback I've gotten so far and anyone is welcome to comment - just toss it on my visitor comment page or pm me.

Vexx 2012-09-18 01:06

Readers might want to go back and re-read chapter 3. Some significant rewrite sections and an uptick in the racy moments. I have a friend who is a professional editor joining me. She's already had some very good suggestions that I'm incorporating.
She goes by "Mogwai" online (though she's not a member here).

Actually, I've made enough little tweaks in the all the chapters that I wouldn't be hurt if anyone started from the first page to see how it flows.

Chapter 8 will be released Thursday barring disaster. I'm going for at least two chapters a week, bigger as I get comfortable with the process.

0utf0xZer0 2012-09-20 04:00

Vexx, I've got to ask, do you think that your characterization of Glyc draws heavily on Mio from K-On!, even subconsciously? Because she feels like a more interesting/sophisticated version of Mio in some respects.

Vexx 2012-09-20 12:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 (Post 4360493)
Vexx, I've got to ask, do you think that your characterization of Glyc draws heavily on Mio from K-On!, even subconsciously? Because she feels like a more interesting/sophisticated version of Mio in some respects.

I'll use this as a jumping point to discuss character creation thoughts:

All the characters draw from multiple sources, but there are a few elements of Mio in Glyc. They're splashed with elements of Sakaki from AzuDa and touch of Inami from Working! From real life, a couple of friends I'd characterize as mousey (timid, tend to stand behind other people, etc) but who are tall. I wasn't trying to copy Mio as such (though they're cousins in many ways) - I just wanted to play with the idea of a flamboyant lead guitarist who was pathologically shy offstage. Her personality sprang up in my head when I saw the avatar's facial expressions in RB3 after I'd created her. Large doe eyes and a hesitant fearful look, but in bliss when playing her guitar. It still jabs me in the heart when she smiles in the videos. I was shooting for a polar opposite to my twin-tailed stormy imp Tsika with the avatar and Glycerin is what I got.

Original thoughts on Kpau: she is a minor homage to Mugi (K-ON!) with her blonde hair, thick eyebrows and Mugi's undercurrent of sexual interest. However, Kpau's personality is an amalgam of several girls I've known: brash, cocky, open minded, active lifestyle (surfer girl type). She's also a gamer geek and a movie buff, so a lot of her comments will have movie or game referencing.

Tsika... well, the personality is a bit of she-who-is-my-wife and the attributes of Russian women I've known over the years. The Russians I've known have hilariously subversive humor and are very pragmatic, but stormy at times. Now that I think about it, she's a fair amount like my Russian Language professor in college. Petite, long black hair in a ponytail, that humor. She'd go drinking with us (drinking age was 18 then) and she drank a lot and swore. She was only about 10 or 15 years older than me at the time ... quite cute. She was a hoot... Heh, I just realized that connection (frothing memory).

Blar... well, as genji pointed out, he's rather like me in my 30s. I'm consciously trying to avoid the "mary sue" problem and he has some character differences. He's going to make tremendous mistakes and we're going to find that he's not an infinite resource. Originally, the avatar happened to be my first character design on RB3. He originally had a name that was even worse (Spinal Tap names must have umlauts and use alphabet characters only seen in Icelandic). "Blar" is just his stage name that he later took as his legal name. His birth name I haven't decided on yet. The rest of his old group.. those are all stage names as well, the group was all American stock (rather like Death Devil's stage names being english despite the girls all being japanese).

The other characters are pretty stock so far (we haven't seen Sashiko yet) though the club owner Hans is pretty much just the German sausage vendor at my market. Actually, his accent is worse but I thought it looked cartoonish after I wrote it like that.
The doorman Jack is a cameo role of a Jack Black type character (known to associate with Tenacious D :) ).


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