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-   -   Brother has become an addict, getting really angry and frustrated. (http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=81695)

Justin Kim 2009-05-17 18:28

Brother has become an addict, getting really angry and frustrated.
 
Anyhow, one day I walked into his room saying: "Stop playing counter-strike Michael, and take a break" He doesn't respond, puts the volume up louder and plays even more just pretending I am not there. (When I said that, he was playing counter-strike ever since he woke up at 9am, did his homework for 30min. saying he finished in 2 hours (which was bull@#$% as well), and is not stopping until possibly 10pm). What infuriated me the most was, I told him that he never takes a break and all he does is just play counterstrike all day. He has become so obsessed with becoming an admin or w/e, and his personality has turned arrogant, selfish, stupid, and violent. Anyone know how to correct this psychological behavior he is exhibiting to me? :rolleyes: He threw one of his pencil cases at me when I walked out the door, (so I got angry and threw it back at him, considering I only told him to stop playing counterstrike in a very calm voice stating the facts that he was indeed playing for more than 10 hours at home) Later after that pencil case hits him, oh it was definently like the apocalyse. My brother actually got out of his seat to punch me, (rather than going downstairs ONLY for food and going back up), turned into a whole mess, and I made him cry. (Of Course>_>). Anyhow know what I should do? I really want to break his laptop...just plain chuck it out of the window, or change the password to his STEAM account purposefully.

escimo 2009-05-17 19:09

Now, first it's to be said I'm no expert on the subject...

I can see a few issues here. First of all, your brother doesn't clearly recognize that he has a problem. You getting riled over the matter doesn't help on that front. The best way for you to approach the situation would be, trying to have a calm conversation with him over the subject while he's not playing. If you try while he's immersed in the game he's most likely going to see it just as an annoyance and not even try to listen what you have to say. Getting him realize that there actually is a problem is vital.

The other problem is an authority issue. I'm guessing you both live at home with your parents. Your brother most likely doesn't see you as any kind of authority figure so your notes may sound to deaf ears. Maybe discussing the situation with your parents and trying to come up with some kind of solution with them would work. You taking action over the situation alone might be taken as a personal attack which will probably not help at all. Getting your parents setting some limits to his gaming will probably prove more effective.

You didn't specify how long this has been going on and while that's not necessarily relevant, it might be. I personally have had a few streaks with games spanning a few weeks while I've been glued to a monitor or a TV-set for unhealthy lengths of time but in all of these cases I've either gotten tired or frustrated enough to stop or have simply finished the game. While finishing is really not an option with CS the other two are still on the table. So if this is something new maybe just seeing if it's just a fad might work. If the situation stretches for longer maybe some sort of intervention is in order. If everything else fails, there's professional help available also for gaming addiction.

Limiting your brother's time on the computer would probably prove the most effective way of tackling this thing but it has to be done right. The best option would be having a serious conversation with him about the issue, setting a specific rules on how he's allowed to use his computer and if he fails to comply with those, having your parents either confiscate the laptop altogether giving it to him only on specified times. However it's vital that your brother knows why you're doing this so opening a conversation is in any case the first step. If you fail at that I'd go as far as saying the problem is serious enough to justify getting professional help.

holyalexander 2009-05-17 19:16

dude cut the internet or change the steam password.. trust me you will have the last laugh and he will be pissed.. but it will stop him for getting that bad attitude..

Vexx 2009-05-17 19:25

Instead of asking HERE... you need to strap him in the car and the whole lot of your family head for family counseling. These problems don't occur in isolation -- there may be anger and family issues driving his need to escape (some of which may not be obvious to other family members).

These problems are rarely solved in isolation, i.e. just sending him alone to counseling. This is the kind of stuff that always rings alarm bells later when something goes seriously awry.

Justin Kim 2009-05-17 19:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by escimo (Post 2401071)
Now, first it's to be said I'm no expert on the subject...

I can see a few issues here. First of all, your brother doesn't clearly recognize that he has a problem. You getting riled over the matter doesn't help on that front. The best way for you to approach the situation would be, trying to have a calm conversation with him over the subject while he's not playing. If you try while he's immersed in the game he's most likely going to see it just as an annoyance and not even try to listen what you have to say. Getting him realize that there actually is a problem is vital.

The other problem is an authority issue. I'm guessing you both live at home with your parents. Your brother most likely doesn't see you as any kind of authority figure so your notes may sound to deaf ears. Maybe discussing the situation with your parents and trying to come up with some kind of solution with them would work. You taking action over the situation alone might be taken as a personal attack which will probably not help at all. Getting your parents setting some limits to his gaming will probably prove more effective.

You didn't specify how long this has been going on and while that's not necessarily relevant, it might be. I personally have had a few streaks with games spanning a few weeks while I've been glued to a monitor or a TV-set for unhealthy lengths of time but in all of these cases I've either gotten tired or frustrated enough to stop or have simply finished the game. While finishing is really not an option with CS the other two are still on the table. So if this is something new maybe just seeing if it's just a fad might work. If the situation stretches for longer maybe some sort of intervention is in order. If everything else fails, there's professional help available also for gaming addiction.

Limiting your brother's time on the computer would probably prove the most effective way of tackling this thing but it has to be done right. The best option would be having a serious conversation with him about the issue, setting a specific rules on how he's allowed to use his computer and if he fails to comply with those, having your parents either confiscate the laptop altogether giving it to him only on specified times. However it's vital that your brother knows why you're doing this so opening a conversation is in any case the first step. If you fail at that I'd go as far as saying the problem is serious enough to justify getting professional help.

Look I am 19 years old, and I just recently visited the house again. (College campus break). So I am co-habiting in the mean while, my parents do not help at all. They have been continuously buying him these gaming accessories for him, everytime he asks. (It is childish the way he acts.). Before I can calmly talk with him he just blows me off saying "Why do you care what I do." You know what I thought after that? "If he becomes a crack addict, I am not reccomending rehab to this guy." Continuing on his obsession with Counter-Strike Source. If I confiscate his laptop, he extremely gets angry and has a rage fit. (Gee I wonder what kind of online friends he made playing Counter-Strike). This rage fit, he just comes up to me grabs my hair and just lashes at me. (Oh don't worry, indeed I do fight back sometimes considering he has absolutetly no strength anymore from playing SO MUCH). We had a doctor's appointment last month and the doctor said that he was becoming underweight now. (That is obvious, he just sits all day in front of a moniter killing terriosts with just a mouse and clicking away to his grave, thinking he can get achievements and ranking). The only time my brother will ever come down is either: He wants food, my parents come home with groceries so he puts on this pathetic act which is clearly obvious saying that he did his homework for 2 hours when really the time was 30minutes so that he could play CS faster, and to get another game downstairs. I am not complaining, I am just seriously enraged at the fact my parents are just activating his addiction even further. Not only that, my brother has changed into a quite selfish boy. I honestly pick up all of his clothes and dishes washing them. (This is coming to the point where I honestly just do not care anymore).

SaintessHeart 2009-05-17 19:38

How long has he been playing straight? He can't beat me, the longest straight time I have ever played was 4 whole days without sleep, just drinking water and going to the toilet.

But what Vexx said is right. Looks like there is some problem with him that prompts him to run away from RL issues. I suspect bullying to be a major factor, but could be others, such as sociophobia or rejection by peers.

If he has been at it for less than a year, I would say just give him until the year is up. He will grow out of it. If he doesn't that is where the real problem starts.

escimo 2009-05-17 19:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justin Kim (Post 2401116)
Look I am 19 years old, and I just recently visited the houes again. (College campus break). So I am co-habiting in the mean while, my parents do not help at all. They have been continuously buying him these gaming accessories for him, everytime he asks. (It is childish the way he acts.). Before I can calmly talk with him he just blows me off saying "Why do you care what I do." You know what I thought after that? "If he becomes a crack addict, I am not reccomending rehab to this guy." Continuing on his obsession with Counter-Strike Source. If I confiscate his laptop, he extremely gets angry and has a rage fit. (Gee I wonder what kind of online friends he made playing Counter-Strike). This rage fit, he just comes up to me grabs my hair and just lashes at me. (Oh don't worry, indeed I do fight back sometimes considering he has absolutetly no strength anymore from playing SO MUCH). We had a doctor's appointment last month and the doctor said that he was becoming underweight now. (That is obvious, he just sits all day in front of a moniter killing terriosts with just a mouse and clicking away to his grave, thinking he can get achievements and ranking). The only time my brother will ever come down is either: He wants food, my parents come home with groceries so he puts on this pathetic act which is clearly obvious saying that he did his homework for 2 hours when really the time was 30minutes so that he could play CS faster, and to get another game downstairs. I am not complaining, I am just seriously enraged at the fact my parents are just activating his addiction even further. Not only that, my brother has changed into a quite selfish boy. I honestly pick up all of his clothes and dishes washing them. (This is coming to the point where I honestly just do not care anymore).

Begins to sound that it's more your parents than your brother that need their heads set straight. If they're indeed going along with all his whims that's very very bad news. If they OK your brother's behavior there's really not much you can do much due to the authority issues stated above.

Based on that you'd need to get your parents understand how screwed up the situation really is.

How you're going to do that..? I have no idea.

SaintessHeart 2009-05-17 19:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by escimo (Post 2401129)
Begins to sound that it's more your parents than your brother that need their heads set straight. If they're indeed going along with all his whims that's very very bad news. If they OK your brother's behavior there's really not much you can do much due to the authority issues stated above.

Based on that you'd need to get your parents understand how screwed up the situation really is.

How you're going to do that..? I have no idea.

I think the parents are really at their wits end at that period of time (mine are, because I can just blatantly ignore everything else and continue to aim for headshots).

How about signing his name in for USMC? Afghanistan needs more meat for the grinder anyway. If you truly cared about your brother then you would have went to extreme means rather than just sit here and rant right?

ClockWorkAngel 2009-05-17 19:44

Your brother's probably 15 I'd guess?

In reality, its highly doubtful that you can do anything to stop his addiction. Alone anyways.

Your parents are obviously spoiling him, and aren't being a help, which of course severely lowers your chances of doing anything productive. In reality you don't need to confront him, but confront your parents, you have to make them realize that it's a problem. There's no point to confront him if he just has to go to your parents.

If nothing works out, I agree with Vexx's suggestion, you need some third party help. Don't feel that you have to be your brother's savior. That's your parent's responsibility, and you ought to make them realize that.

But for now just screw his game / internet to control him for now. If he confront you w/ parents that's probably the easiest way to get everyone together. Whether or not it'll become a flame war is really dependent on your parents.

EDIT: Also Saintless you're a crazy crazy person.

SaintessHeart 2009-05-17 19:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClockWorkAngel (Post 2401143)
Your brother's probably 15 I'd guess?

In reality, its highly doubtful that you can do anything to stop his addiction. Alone anyways.

Your parents are obviously spoiling him, and aren't being a help, which of course severely lowers your chances of doing anything productive. In reality you don't need to confront him, but confront your parents, you have to make them realize that it's a problem. There's no point to confront him if he just has to go to your parents.

If nothing works out, I agree with Vexx's suggestion, you need some third party help. Don't feel that you have to be your brother's savior. That's your parent's responsibility, and you ought to make them realize that.

But for now just screw his game / internet to control him for now. If he confront you w/ parents that's probably the easiest way to get everyone together. Whether or not it'll become a flame war is really dependent on your parents.

EDIT: Also Saintless you're a crazy crazy person.

Well my friend helped me out by dragging me out to the shopping malls and game arcades. Although the alternative was nowhere productive (We went voyeuring for girls, and I brought home none), it was certainly a way to break that addiction and go out for some air and eye candy.

You need to find something that is just as fun as CS. Other than drugs and casual sex of course. First thing is to get him out of the house. Slowly ease him out, taking everything away from him at once is more dangerous.

And besides, quit pointing fingers at the parents. They may have some blame, but it is wrong for them to take all. Given the financial crisis now it is not a wonder that some of them are having their hands tied by their work and money earning.

danin8r44 2009-05-17 20:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart (Post 2401166)
Well my friend helped me out by dragging me out to the shopping malls and game arcades. Although the alternative was nowhere productive (We went voyeuring for girls, and I brought home none), it was certainly a way to break that addiction and go out for some air and eye candy.

You need to find something that is just as fun as CS. Other than drugs and casual sex of course. First thing is to get him out of the house. Slowly ease him out, taking everything away from him at once is more dangerous.

And besides, quit pointing fingers at the parents. They may have some blame, but it is wrong for them to take all. Given the financial crisis now it is not a wonder that some of them are having their hands tied by their work and money earning.

This one. I got over my internet shooter addiction by getting a girlfriend and taking up mixed martial arts. Get him into some sport or get his parents to get him into a sport is my answer.

Deathkillz 2009-05-17 20:11

Ah game addiction...I've had this before and it was all thanks to the crack called WoW. But what you said about his tantrums when he was told to get off the computer is really familiar to me since back in those days I did the same when I was told to stop playing after hours upon hours of gaming. I usually lied too by saying that I didn't play THAT much when it was obvious that I did. Unfortunately my parents really can't do anything since their working ours are late into the night. I was only able to quit the game when my big exams came up and was told to completely stop for that period (which I did) and the afterwards felt no more urge to restart again. I think it really depends on how old your brother is but they usually outgrow games when they get to certain ages.

But if you can't wait then the best thing would be to pull the plug on the internet and force him to stop that way, although this really should be your parent's job to do so.

Justin Kim 2009-05-17 20:19

I suspect when it was around 7th grade or 8th grade when our family moved from Illinois to California, then back to Illinois. (Our family tends to move every 2 years or so, some kind of tradition that runs). His attitude was getting far worse, he was not calling when I told him to call every 2 hours to tell me where he was at, and whenever he hanged out with friends they just went to the movies almost every other week). My brother then began to take an interest into parkour, which eventually led him to doing really stupid things. (Not blaming parkour for this, but misguided interest is what I would call it). He would thrash around the house, running as if the furniture was obstacles that were in his way. I just think my brother has the wrong group of friends, no offense, but they all look a bit dull in the brain, let alone possibly even stoners. (He has talked about kids who smoked in middle school, not idly, but sometimes at the dinner table which really aggravated me).

Autumn Demon 2009-05-17 20:52

You sound like a horrible brother. Leave your little brother alone; video games are fun.

Justin Kim 2009-05-17 21:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Autumn Demon (Post 2401267)
You sound like a horrible brother. Leave your little brother alone; video games are fun.

I cannot absolutetly comprehend how horrible that statement was to my current situation. If you have no advice to give me, then please do not inquire any further about this topic.

SaintessHeart 2009-05-17 22:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justin Kim (Post 2401367)
I cannot absolutetly comprehend how horrible that statement was to my current situation. If you have no advice to give me, then please do not inquire any further about this topic.

He is right! Video games are good and fun, but you can't have too much of a good thing or else it becomes BAD for YOU. ;) Mean jokes are still jokes, laugh them off. :p

Don't worry, you and your brother are still having plenty of years more to live. I am going to be 21 this year and I am still semi-addicted to computer games (completed Crysis Warhead in 1 day). Some people make this kind of stuff part of their lives (I don't know if Vexx is a good example, he is 51 and still hangs out with kids like us over here to talk about "childish" things called "Japanese cartoons" :p), so basically what you need to do is to get him acquainted to the physical world he probably fears.

LeoXiao 2009-05-17 22:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Autumn Demon (Post 2401267)
You sound like a horrible brother. Leave your little brother alone; video games are fun.

Dude, that's NOT a good thing to say here. I've been through the same problem (albeit of lesser magnitude) this guy has twice, and trust me, it sucks.

In response to the OP, I'm assuming this dude is younger than you. I don't know enough about the situation, but maybe instead of talking to him directly (which apparently didn't work), try talking to your parents about it. Have a serious conversation with them, and make it clear that they are the ones who have the power over your brother, and try to convince them that he will be ruined if he stays an addict. If they listen to you, great. If not, all you can do is tolerate it until you get your own family, at which point you should remember what is happening now as a lesson for the future.

Also, try to gauge how badly your brother is being affected by the game. If you spend lots of time with him, try doing something together. Perhaps human contact will change him over time. Some people (most, actually) can't be taken head on or they will just run away.

LynnieS 2009-05-17 22:48

Do your parents already know that he's spending the day gaming, or have they been told but still not caring anyway? In the U.S., finals should be finishing now, I think, so how are his grades?

For the summer, how about getting him to go to the beach or water park with you? Watching girls in swimsuits - when I was 15 - was always a big plus... :heh: I would ask him during dinner when your parents are there, though, so they know; otherwise, he'll probably just blow you off again.

In the end, your brother'll need to be the one who has to want to change. If all else fails, just do your own chores, tell him to do his, and then go out. Otherwise, you might get the "Why didn't you do the dishes when you have nothing else to do in the house?" speech... Perhaps give a head's up beforehand, and if it's something fun, invite your brother along. If he doesn't want to change and your parents remain clueless and unhelpful, then IMHO, there's not much you can do - unless you want to get aggressive, which to be honest, probably won't do much either.

SeedFreedom 2009-05-17 23:23

A word from a former addict of the internet in my youth. I never played CS online but a different MMORPG took over my life for a while for a while. I never skipped school or homework when i did, but i still spent an unnatural amount of time online.

The first thing is to solve his attitude. Game or not he shouldn't be arrogant.

Second, try again to show your parents what a problem this has become. Have them walk in quite a few times with lousy excuses to see how much time he spends and that it's not an exaggeration. Besides you they are the next most likely to get to him. Use anything they got, allowance, guilt trick, anything.

Third, try talking him down slowly. See if you can set limits or restrictions instead of threatening to cut it off completely. Treat it like a drug addict and ween him off slowly. Remember games in moderation are alright and if he is willing to go back to reasonable levels then it should be alright. If he refuses than cut him off and stick with it no matter how much he whines.

Im not an expert so i dont guarantee any results. This is just my opinion.

Claies 2009-05-18 00:06

[EDIT]: I'll use Irenicus's words on the post behind me: I'm armchairing. Don't think that I have experience. I'm just offering ideas and none of them are guaranteed to work.

Well...there are several ways in.

The first one is to focus on the parents and have them realize that your little brother is deep trouble waiting to happen, and buying him game accessories to cut his crap in the short run calls for disaster in the long run. If they look so hopeless right now they've probably tried and gave up for a little. Feel free to start tough and ask bluntly whether they care about his future, and depending on their answer you can figure out what angle to attack that problem with.

If they dodge the issue, keep asking. If they sit down and explain themselves to you, then you know they just want some help from you. If they tell you off, that means they gave up at some point and need some hard motivation. I'll have to think a little bit about what happens after that, I'll get back to you.

The second way is to focus on your brother instead. In terms of practical solutions, if he likes plinking terrorists so much, try introducing him to airsoft. I'm serious. Offer to take him and his real-life friends, however little there are, to an airsoft field nearby. Find a good one. Pay for his rental gear and admission fee, don't give him any excuse to back off. If you can get the kid into it, airsoft has the following good points:

- It's fun. The thing about airsoft is if you really love guns and fighting in video games, standing in the field holding realistic-looking weapons with friends around you makes you act up.

- It gets the kid off the computer.

- If you play outdoors frequently, you get really fit. You're wearing 5-10 pounds of equipment on terrain.

And maybe you'll like it too. It's an awesome sport. I hope to play with my friends a bit this summer, because one of them lives near this big creek with lots of trees and foliage. The first time I played, I learned that camouflage actually matters. Oh, and the guns weigh like a bitch.


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