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-   -   If a boy talks about having sex with other girls (http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=99056)

Hera 2010-11-13 13:30

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Vexx 2010-11-13 13:38

There's far too little information to really say anything authoritative (like we don't know his age or personality) but here are some possibilities:
1) Awkward - he's actually exploring the idea of coming on to you or taking your friendship to a romantic level but did it in a "typically stupid young male way" that would chase off anyone with a clue. Seriously, boasting about "lots of sex" (true or not) is a turn off for almost anyone. If anything, the next question is "what is he infected with?"
2) Did his revelation come out of the blue or was it in context? Were ya'll discussing the idea of dating protocols, for example? Usually, this sort of weird moment is the top layer of a lot of other bubbling issues (possibly unrelated to your relationship with him).

Take any posts you get with a grain of salt (including mine) ... you're asking the hordes of possibly unqualified :)

Hera 2010-11-13 13:45

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Vexx 2010-11-13 14:00

So far from what you've said, it doesn't sound like you need to change anything about how you act. He may be working through some internal issues on what he thinks about you (or something else unrelated).

I dunno... you might "find other things to do / be busy" for a short bit and see what he does. I have to admit.... the "bragging bit" would annoy me whether no matter what the relationship I had with him (regardless of my gender). That tells me he isn't terribly trustworthy to keep personal things personal.

Hera 2010-11-13 14:10

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Irkalla 2010-11-13 14:23

Honestly, the homo awkwardness would have been my last guess as to why he would suddenly bring up sex with girls. It's not uncommon for guys to talk about their past sex escapades or fantasies, actually it's pretty much a given, especially among good friends. I'd call it bromance, sharing is caring etc.

LeoXiao 2010-11-13 14:38

Did this guy actually tell you to "back off"? Did he sound serious when talking about his fantasies/sex acts, or did he really seem more to be joking? You say that he himself said it was a joke; it seems that the issue is whether or not he is speaking his mind.
Perhaps he suddenly realized the awkwardness of the situation(I would feel really weird talking to a girl about my fantasies, let alone admit I had them to begin with), and tried to tell you not to take it seriously.
- If this is what you think/feel is going on, I think it would be best to not make a big deal about it and continue spending time with him like normal.
- If you think he had some other motive or sentiment, I'm afraid I don't know enough about what happened to make a judgement. If you don't think he was really joking and instead trying to convey some other message (i.e. that he doesn't want to get romantic with you), why? It's important not to jump to conclusions without taking a good look at everything.

Quote:

do you think he's "bragging" about having sex while in truth (I know) he never has?
So he said he's had sex, even though you know (i'm not going to as how you do) he never has? Do you think he was trying to lie? Again, it's important to see if you aren't just taking his joking too seriously.

Kaijo 2010-11-13 14:44

This probably belongs in the dating or sexuality threads, but it would be up to a mod to move it there.

Anyway, lots of unknowns here. Are you a guy or a girl? He seems to have a preference for girls, so if you are a girl, he's possibly boasting in an attempt to make himself look good. A lot of immature guys play up how good they are in bed, or how many partners they've had, which actually does work on a lot of women. It makes them seem desirable, ie, a lot of other women seemed to think he's good, so perhaps he is. It works on at least a subconscious level (kinda ties in to why a taken guy is more attractive to a woman).

And of course, the plain old "confidence teetering on arrogance" is generally an attractive trait for straight women. If he has had a lot of sex partners, then it's definitely worked. Or perhaps he's making it up because he's seen that other guys have made it work on women.

Irkalla 2010-11-13 14:53

Kaijo raised an important question, what gender is the op?? I assumed op is a guy because it wouldn't be much of an issue/surprise worth mentioning if she was a girl.

Hera 2010-11-13 15:11

I'm a girl.

@Leo: He sounded like joking

roriconfan 2010-11-13 15:18

Two times teenage men talked about romance with women with me. Both times they ended up gay a few years later.

(I'm a guy btw)

Bottom line is men don't talk about romance with other men without something fishy going on. They would talk about it with women, preferably close friends of a specific girl they care about asking out or something.

And love letters don't exist in my country.

LeoXiao 2010-11-13 16:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by roriconfan (Post 3344669)
Bottom line is men don't talk about romance with other men without something fishy going on. They would talk about it with women, preferably close friends of a specific girl they care about asking out or something.

It depends on how close the guy is with his male friends. I'm a guy and I would have no trouble talking to my friends about relationship problems, because I have known them for over ten years. To me it wouldn't matter what the gender is; I would feel comfortable talking to a woman provided I knew her well.

Quote:

and he's a very confident kind of guy as long as I see.
Well if he's joking then he's joking, and it would be best to just leave it at that and not dwell on it.

Kafriel 2010-11-13 16:33

A few of the guys I know take their relationships as flow charts of "facts". It's very complex to type about, but bottom line is, they keep all options open, in this case having a serious relationship with you, but don't/won't act unless you give them the trigger. Until then, it's suspension in-between friend and potential lover. At least I think this is the case...

Kaijo 2010-11-13 19:11

I suppose, at this point, it depends on what the OP wants. Do you want to date him? Or just remain friends? And then proceed with there. What kind of relationship do you want? It's important to decide how you want to be treated. Many women do compromise and let men run things in order to be "wanted" (Of course, it works in reverse, too). I only mention this, because you seem to be a bit unsure.

If you only want to be friends, then there's no need to take any actions. If he's interested, he'll let you know eventually, and you can be prepared for that. If you don't mind dating, you could take some initiative, or just wait and see if he makes a first move.

Just on a personal note, I'd suggest waiting for him to make a move, and not making any of your own. You don't really want to encourage a guy who talks loudly about how much they want to have sex or how many women they want to conquer. It means he hasn't gotten control of his sex drive yet, which is always a dangerous thing. It very much sounds like he's in his teens, at least emotionally.

MeoTwister5 2010-11-13 21:14

Sounds kind of like a typical post-pubertal/adolescent sex discussion. I would really gauge it more on the way he described it, the relative vulgarity (if any) of his words and descriptions and... well... how old are the two of you?

In all honesty I would never talk to a girl I like that I would want to date with direct sex topics, and none of my friends like having guys talking about sex to them straight out. In a way it depends how he's talking about it to you,whether he's being tactless, discrete or whatnot. It may be best to judge his intentions o how he talks to you. On a friendzone basis, a degree of discretion and tact in his talking about sex as say opposed to how he usually talks to you (if you two are at a level where talking about these more sensitive topics isn't an issue of comfort) usually means a pretty different shift in what he thinks about you.

MAQI 2010-11-14 00:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hera (Post 3344553)
Please give me your views on this....
I only consider this boy a friend or a brother. But once he talked to me about having "plenty of sex" with other girls and how he fantasized romance with them and described the sexual acts he fantasized... then he said it's a joke. What did he really mean? He couldn't possibly tell me to "back off" because he thought I liked him romantically, could he? The truth is I only see him as a friend. It'd upset me if he saw me like that. I've never flirted with him or anything; I've never even brought up the topic of sex/gf/bf when talking to him.

Ok I must admit when I saw this title I was interested in seeing the content, once I read your question I was a little let down. I am a man (not a boy anymore) and I will tell you that I as a boy was a very (how do I put this pc wise) "very into girls"

Here is my honest opinion, take it how you want to, but I will tell you that this boy, unless he is related to you, wants to get you in bed. Point blank. See at that age (and even further into adulthood) men think of things in a very sexual way. He is probably telling you his exploits (if they really even happend) to show you that he is good at sex, in his mind he is trying to get you intereted in how it would be like to be with him in that way. His only mistake is that he thinks it's gona work, but in my time I have seen that it rarely ever does. Sometimes it does, over time, work, but if your writing this post and asking this question it is very clear that you don't want to have sex with him (right now) and the only reasons I could see that you would even pose this question over the internet is that you either have emotional attraction to this kid (not sexual), or you are worried that he may gross you out to that point where you could not be around him any more. Well two ways you could solve this problem, #1 tell him to not tell you about this shit anymore, cuz it bothers you, #2 tell him you like him but don't want the sex, and he will probably leave you alone after he sees that you're not gonna give it up. If I'm nowhere near right then ignore my comments, if I am, you should take care of the situation if it bothers you so much, or go to someone who can help thats not just on the internet, real people can help you with your problems better sweetheart, trust me on that one if you don't trust me on anything else.

Yuno 2010-11-14 02:16

Hmm, indeed, is there anyone in real life that knows the child that can speak with you? I think that talking with someone who is aware of you and the boy should be best to talk to. Many of us are only able to guess at things or apply our own personal experiance on something that may be unique to you. Not to mention you run the risk of trolls.

All I can say is- and it's been said before already in the thread, is that it is important to set up your boundaries. To make your thoughts and feelings clear, I would say that that is the adult thing to do, but adults also struggle with setting their boundaries. Best wishes!

roriconfan 2010-11-14 03:28

How about "I'm a teenager who wants to do it with you" enough of an explaination?

Sumeragi 2010-11-14 04:31

Too little information for me to conclude anything. Actually, I'm not sure if I get what you mean by "back off".

MAQI 2010-11-14 09:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sumeragi (Post 3345449)
Too little information for me to conclude anything. Actually, I'm not sure if I get what you mean by "back off".

"back-off" means she thinks that he thinks that she likes him, but he does not like her so he is trying to pusher her away by telling her stories about his dreams so that she knows for sure he is not interested in her. What she is telling us is that she really is not interested in him so she does not want him to think that she is. now I'm dizzy...:eyespin:


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