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Biohazard · 2004-03-25, 21:24

Well ... i think i might be able to feel a bit like you feel ... in school it's me and 3 others that are getting insulted by "fellow" classmates all the time, worse is that the teachers insult you too. So if you go to the teachers and tell them your problems they start yelling at you how stupid and weak you are ... so no help there.

I really often feel like that ... even right now ... i feel very lonely and ... plain sad ... i feel like crying .. .but i can't cry ... because i fear that it could wake my mother ... who is sleeping in a room next to mine ... and i just can't bring myself to show any weakness in front of my mother ... i distrust my mother... very.

I don't talk with her ... only as much as necessary, and thats like 3 sentences per day, and i am really happy that it isn't more... she ... doesn't try to understand me and belives in what she belives is right...

If i would tell her ... about me, my problems ... she would probably send me in a psychiatry ... and if she knew how weak i am in the inside ... she would use that knowledge against me ... to hurt me ... to make me do stuff that i think is wrong...

She always forces me to things ... and pushes me around .... takes drugs too and all ...

My mother ... and the way i am ... rendered me to always be the target for insults and all that for the last 12 years. Since i entered school.

The reason is because my mother threats me differently then other parents... she never gave me any money to buy clothes i like ... she always went to buy my clothes herself ... and i ended up wearing some ugly stuff where everyone says im hardly outdated, look uncool ect.
And my poket money was never enough to buy clothes ...
I myself think it is wrong to change your true feelings about something for a group ...

I often use this example, but ... music ... if you don't like the music the gang likes ... you'r a target for them. Since everyone sticks with the music favor of the gang , to look cool, and be a part of them ... they say they like it too and it is great and all .... i always thought differently, and said what i think open minded ... so i made everyone in class to my enemy, since they are a large group forcing to belive, and i'm a small struggler against them.... if i were to go to the teachers earlier ... they said like "This has to stop"
But because i'm the only one who could complain, they knew it, and picked on me even more.

There has never been any way for me out of that, and when my mother decides to move, i lost all the few friends i had. In this remote villages i still havnt found a friend after many years ... all i see in the people here is evil ... they take drugs, steal, throw stones in windows ... and ... use force if necessary ...

And again i refuse to become an underling of an group, and sacrificing my own ways and decisions.... and that ... makes everyone my enemy...

It's not like that i'm overly stubborn ... its just that i don't lie about my feelings to something...

2004-03-25, 21:24	Link #7
Biohazard -kanashii~desu- Join Date: May 2003 Location: Germany Age: 38	Well ... i think i might be able to feel a bit like you feel ... in school it's me and 3 others that are getting insulted by "fellow" classmates all the time, worse is that the teachers insult you too. So if you go to the teachers and tell them your problems they start yelling at you how stupid and weak you are ... so no help there. I really often feel like that ... even right now ... i feel very lonely and ... plain sad ... i feel like crying .. .but i can't cry ... because i fear that it could wake my mother ... who is sleeping in a room next to mine ... and i just can't bring myself to show any weakness in front of my mother ... i distrust my mother... very. I don't talk with her ... only as much as necessary, and thats like 3 sentences per day, and i am really happy that it isn't more... she ... doesn't try to understand me and belives in what she belives is right... If i would tell her ... about me, my problems ... she would probably send me in a psychiatry ... and if she knew how weak i am in the inside ... she would use that knowledge against me ... to hurt me ... to make me do stuff that i think is wrong... She always forces me to things ... and pushes me around .... takes drugs too and all ... My mother ... and the way i am ... rendered me to always be the target for insults and all that for the last 12 years. Since i entered school. The reason is because my mother threats me differently then other parents... she never gave me any money to buy clothes i like ... she always went to buy my clothes herself ... and i ended up wearing some ugly stuff where everyone says im hardly outdated, look uncool ect. And my poket money was never enough to buy clothes ... I myself think it is wrong to change your true feelings about something for a group ... I often use this example, but ... music ... if you don't like the music the gang likes ... you'r a target for them. Since everyone sticks with the music favor of the gang , to look cool, and be a part of them ... they say they like it too and it is great and all .... i always thought differently, and said what i think open minded ... so i made everyone in class to my enemy, since they are a large group forcing to belive, and i'm a small struggler against them.... if i were to go to the teachers earlier ... they said like "This has to stop" But because i'm the only one who could complain, they knew it, and picked on me even more. There has never been any way for me out of that, and when my mother decides to move, i lost all the few friends i had. In this remote villages i still havnt found a friend after many years ... all i see in the people here is evil ... they take drugs, steal, throw stones in windows ... and ... use force if necessary ... And again i refuse to become an underling of an group, and sacrificing my own ways and decisions.... and that ... makes everyone my enemy... It's not like that i'm overly stubborn ... its just that i don't lie about my feelings to something...