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Old 2008-11-17, 18:53   Link #11042
Allquall
The Not-So-Kind One
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Asia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.42 (this one is very NSFW. STill AS safe, but NSFW.:
Once again, this is my opinion. Harvest what you want.

I like it, but I can't help but feel that something is missing here. The prose is fine, and it flows well, but I find Syn's rapid change toward acceptance irritating. Earlier, when you had Vivio's reveal, I truly admired the way you portrayed Vivio's cognitive dissonance while Syn had to face her insecurities and stereotypes. One could feel Vivio try to convince herself as well as Syn that she would trust Syn if she were in the same position. This characters are strong, independent, and confident in their beliefs. Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to see what you're doing with the story, so my small complaint may be answered down the line. However, the push and pull between Vivio and Syn's strong personalities seems to have turned into a tractor beam for Syn to understand Vivio's view without Vivio adjusting her life to incorporate Syn. Even Syn's mother seems to be trying to convince her that she's the only one who should change while Vivio gets a free pass, yet in a real relationship it's the dance of 'give and take' that keeps partners oh-so-confused and yet passionate.

With that said, I'm thoroughly enjoying what you have going here. It's a great read with some genuinely thoughtful moments.
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