The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]
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Join Date: Mar 2008
This idea's been niggling at me for a while now ... I'll post it in here for exposure.
More later ...
The Setsubun of Suzumiya Haruki, part 1
Since joining the SOS-dan, I have been subjected to many strange experiences. I have watched red giants destroying a silent, lifeless world, and be cut apart themselves by spheres of soft, blue radiance with humans at their center. I have been in a room that was being restructured around me, while a classmate tried to murder me in order to see how Haruki would respond. And I have been at a manor on an otherwise uninhabited island, where a murder mystery was taking place.
I have to wonder, though, whether being involved with the SOS-dan is going to cause me to experience jail time ...
"Hey, Kyon! Hurry up or we're going to leave you behind!"
Thus was the word of the SOS-dan's founder and leader, Suzumiya Haruki. Like a faithful devotee following the word of ancient scripture, I had followed the word of our commander when it came to me. Unlike faithful priests, however, I had not received the word from a holy scroll, it had come to me last night, via my cell phone.
"Kyon, come to school tomorrow at seven o'clock in the morning! Bring, beans, sushi rolls and a lunch."
And then a click, indicating that Suzumiya Haruki, that irrepressible son of chaos, had hung up after dumping his demands on my slender shoulders. Hey Haruki, aren't you aware that
is tomorrow? It's not like I'm an orphan, I do have family to spend the day with. But of course you hung up before I could tell you so ...
And so, the next day saw me standing outside the gate of my high school. Damn, it's early. There is still sand in my eyes, Haruki! Why would you call me out here on a day when school is out?
"You're late, Kyon!"
This amazed me, both because the familiar bellow came from
the closed fence, and because although it was horribly early, the rest of the SOS-dan was already assembled. Can't you guys slack off just once? Then again, Asahina-sempai looked sleepy and ruffled, like a young child kept up past his time. Nagato Yuuki was as calm and clean as always; a veritable glacier. Koizumi Itsuko ... All outward signs suggested she was fresh as a daisy and genteelly happy to be there. The light shadows under her eyes and something about the gleam in her eye suggested weariness, however.
"Well, come along," Haruki ordered me. "Let's not stand around here wasting time, someone will see us."
How do you expect me to get in there? The gate is locked tight.
"How do you think we got in?" Haruki demanded irritably. "Oh, alright. Yuuki, like we did with Mitsuuru, okay?"
Nagato nodded, not saying a word, and both he and Haruki came closer to the fence. Haruki took off his jacket and proceeded to half vault, half climb over the fence ...! Are you part monkey? To my shock and anger, he proceeded to just pick me up as if I wore nothing. Before I could protest, he
threw me over the fence
... I didn't even have time for a proper scream before Nagato caught me with pinpoint precision and set me back on my feet. Haruki landed scant inches beside us, having gotten back in.
"Quickly now, before some busybody sees," he urged us, jogging over to the ever-smiling Koizumi and a pale-looking Asahina-sempai without looking back at me. We're breaking and entering, aren't we? Please tell me we're not here to rob the faculty room of some small treasure that was confiscated from you, Haruki ...!
"It's important to observe the traditions of one's homeland," Haruki pontificated as he lead us all through the school at a rapid pace. Every time he encountered locked doors, he'd just squat down and poke at them with a few ends of wire until the lock gave up, I presume out of sheer embarrassment at this unworthy assault. "That being the case, the SOS-dan must observe the proper forms and drive even the concept of bad luck from our HQ."
You just want to perform the
on school grounds, don't you? He is such a child ... No wonder he told me to bring beans. Why couldn't he buy his own? And who is supposed to clean them up once he's done? I have the terrible feeling that I know.
Haruki kept repeating his trick with the locks until finally, we arrived inside the SOS-dan HQ, previously the room belonging to the now-defunct literature club. Haruki immediately rushed over to the window and tore it open. Hey, dumbass! If you stand there holding on to the window frame, someone down on the ground is going to see and report you.
More later; very tired right now.
Last edited by Aebliss; 2009-05-11 at
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