The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]
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Join Date: Nov 2007
September the Fifth, Day 4: Cafeteria- Narrow Escape
Am I crazy…?
It’s now lunchtime, and I don’t
After our meeting, Itsuko had dragged me to a corner of the building and started demanding to know what was wrong with me.
Itsuko: The other day, you kept passing out whenever we went and came back to the other side. You, personally, used the term “rippling over”, and you also said that you thought you were going insane. And now you say you have no memory of any of this.
Kyonko: No, none whatsoever. This is like the fifth time we’ve been through this. Are you
to convince me I’m nuts?!
Itsuko: I am merely concerned for your mental well-being. Is that so wrong?
…Well no, no it isn’t.
Kyonko: Look… to be honest, everything from the past few days is really fuzzy for some reason. So I really don’t know if I said those thing or not, but I certainly don’t remember them.
Itsuko: Wait a moment. “For some reason”? You’re hiding something.
Kyonko: …Fine. I woke up in this universe with absolutely no memories of who I was at first. …I had to think really hard before I even remembered my name… Honestly, it felt as though I had just been born, as though I was waking up for the first time.
Kyonko: …Yeah, I know. Pretty concerning, isn’t it?
Itsuko: So you’re alright now?
Kyonko: Yeah, I’m good.
I’m not mentioning the markings on my arms until I have to, though.
Itsuko: …I see.
The rest of the day until lunchtime was spent awkwardly, with Itsuko clearly trying to avoid bringing up the subject further. She even bought me that cheap coffee from back when she first revealed her true identity to me.
So, where was I… right, lunchtime.
Since neither Itsuko nor I had packed a lunch, both of us were extremely hungry… so, we decided to eat at the cafeteria.
This turned out to be a bad idea.
Kyonko: …I don’t see why Haruki eats here every day. The menu is… terrible.
Itsuko: Perhaps he’d simply rather pay money for food than make it himself?
Kyonko: He does seem to have rather the disposable income, given the stuff he buys… Even after half a year, I’m still trying to figure out where he got that bunny suit from.
At this moment, someone grabs tight hold of my upper arm. The markings burn.
Energetic Girl: You! You’re the one who was with the mutant yesterday!
Kyonko: Oh no…
A girl with firey eyes had me by the arm, and would, of course, start questioning me incessantly within a minute.
Am I cursed? Am I doomed to be a Slave of Suzumiya forever?
People are beginning to stare… so much for not attracting attention. I certainly hope those two idiots from the other day don’t show up again.
Okay, they’re not around, thank god.
Energetic Girl: Hey! Answer me! Where is that mutant hiding? How did he destroy the library? Who was chasing him? Are you his girlfriend or something?
Kyonko: I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m Kentaro, a transfer student from Canada, I’ve never heard of any mutant, please leave me alone…
Please help me god. I don’t want to be involved with this person, I know her kind. She’ll probably pick me up and carry me off to some corner of the school, induct me into her club, and force me into fetishy outfits. I don’t want to be a maid!
Energetic Girl: Canada, eh? That’s a suspicious place. You’re suspicious. And transferring at this time of year? No one transfers at this time of year. That’s even more suspicious.
Pretty Boy: Actually, Suzumiya-san, I think the new term is exactly the time most students transfer in…
A new person had joined the conversation. Odd, most people seem to be eager to avoid us. …Of course, when I saw his face and that plastic smile, I realized who he was.
I looked over at Itsuko. She had an identical plastic smile.
Their eyes met. Their smiles grew wider.
Pretty Boy: …If I may ask, Suzumiya-san, who are these people?
Energetic Girl: This girl here—
She shook my arm. That hurts, you bitch!
Energetic Girl: I saw her being carried by that mutant who wrecked half the school yesterday! She’s clearly some sort of rogue agent. …I don’t know who the other girl is.
Pretty Boy: I believe the term being passed around regarding that student was “monster”, not “mutant”…
Energetic Girl: Feh, that’s boring. “Mutant” sounds way cooler!
Pretty Boy: As you wish, Suzumiya-san… although, I really don’t think this girl or her friend are involved.
Kyonko: He’s right. Please listen to him. I’m not involved at all.
Energetic Girl: See? Suspicious! And I’m positive I saw her yesterday!
Pretty Boy: Think about it like this, Suzumiya-san. If this girl were indeed a cohort of the mutant, would she be so foolish as to show up in front of you like this? Perhaps that girl stole this one’s appearance or something like that…
Energetic Girl: Wait, what? You think we have body snatchers!? Quick! We’ve got to find them before they replace the principal, and, through him, take over the entire school!
The energetic girl made to head off, when she noticed she was still attached to my arm.
Energetic Girl: Oh, you can go now.
She ran off, the pretty boy close behind. As he passed me, he make a quick apologetic motion with one hand.
…Dear god, I think she’s even crazier than Haruki is.
As the atmosphere in the cafeteria slowly returned to normal, I noticed Itsuko was giggling.
Kyonko: …What’s so funny?
Itsuko: It’s nothing, nothing… so that was Haruna-chan, eh? I certainly hope you don’t attract her attention again, for your sake… Kentaro-chan.
Kyonko: I’d hope so too… Yamada-chan.
Itsuko: Ah, you remembered.
I should, I came up with it.
Itsuko: While we’re still on this side, please refer to me as “Kitsuko Yamada”.
Kyonko: …What an… interesting name.
Itsuko: Isn’t it?
Now that’s suspicious if I ever heard it.
Kyonko: More importantly… have you already met that boy she was with, the other you…?
Itsuko: My animus…?
Stop calling them that.
Itsuko: Why no. Never seen him before in my life.
And laughing to herself, Itsuko stepped up to the counter and started ordering her lunch.
Hey, wait... wasn’t I ahead of you?!
That's all for tonight, folks.
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