[Quzor]

Originally Posted by Splitpersonality

Right, thanks for the additional advice. It does sort of make me feel like shit that I've done things right, I've kept my promises, and I've gone without money and in one case food to get her a present, it feels like my hard work is just being turned into a pile of shit, but I know I won't be able to change her mind, because I think her friends in college are rallied against me, or maybe that's just me being paranoid.

One thing that bothers me is she keeps blaming me for scaring her by saying eventually I might want to marry her, so she's getting freaked out because I made a passing comment regarding something that will most likely not happen? Bah.

Another problem is, well she's done a lot for me. No she hasn't changed or done anything to help the relationship, but she's opened up a world of new things for me that I had never considered before, music, books, TV shows, everything, and part of me just feels so thankful to her for that, and I really do feel like I've grown as a person. If we were both more mature about things, I have a terrible feeling that we would work out, am I wrong in thinking this? Should I even think of this?

In my experience, what a person shows you of the world, is significantly less important than what they're able to teach you about yourself. Assuming you're not on your death bed (you seem to be of virile age), you'll have plenty of chances to have the world opened up to you. You simply have to be open-minded about both what you see, and what is presented to you.

If you were both more mature, you may indeed work it out. However, that's not the case, clearly. No matter what the reason, it would seem as though this relationship is headed towards its end. As many have said before me, it may be best for you to come to terms with that, and end it directly. You're welcome to still attempt a friendship with her, but don't be surprised if that option becomes unavailable when the relationship ends.

In my opinion, the person you're in a relationship with should not make you feel used. I think Zetsubo had one good point, in that relationships are about give and take, and both parties have to be willing to give and take a near-equal amount. From what you've described, it sounds like she's taking far more than she's giving. For me, the "open relationship" would be the last straw; now she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

I mean, I want to continue to be friends with her after this, but I don't want her to then turn around at an eventual point and go "Yeah, I think I'm ready to date you now," and me not be ready to or not even want to. Should I just straight out excise her from my life?

Like I said above, if you want to pursue the friendship possibility, you should do that. However, be wary of the way you were treated in the relationship, and take note of the fact that your friendship with her could turn out much the same way, if in a different context.

You'd think so, but I'm not just breaking up with her, I'm doing it in search of truth. I want to know what exactly bothered her so much about me to cause this distension. I want to know everything so that I can prevent myself from being the same way with other people.

I wouldn't stress yourself out too much about what you did wrong. The bottom line is, the relationship didn't work out. If you start freaking out about where you went wrong, or what your problem was, that's all that will be on your mind when you attempt to start that next relationship. Be confident in the person that you are, and certainly don't try to make drastic personal changes based on your very first relationship.