[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by stubby42

Ledgem you are a bastian of good advice and I really want to say that I appricate the fact that you go back through the topic to look at other peoples questions that might of got looked over (p.s thanks for everyone who replied) so thanks for that.

Glad you found it useful. I appreciate the compliment, as well.

Originally Posted by stubby42

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I screwed up
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I don't think of this as "screwing up" so much as missing opportunities. That is, you didn't do anything negative (unless you consider inaction to be a negative). Hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes - don't beat yourself up over it. Moving forward, just try to be smoother, I suppose.

Originally Posted by stubby42

Should I just call her and see what happens?

Is there any reason not to? Even if a romantic relationship doesn't work out you might still make a good friend. Female friends are a boon because they frequently lead to other female friends, meaning you have an "in" with a lot of other girls (and you're also meeting a lot of other girls). Positive benefit all around. (I also think girls make great friends over guys, but that's just me.)

Originally Posted by Narona

Good that you added the "probably", because I doubt you can read people mind to see if there is not even one who says the truth

Actually I can read people's minds. Want proof? Here it is:

Spoiler for Proof for Narona - top secret:

You thought I was lying just now.

How's that for talent - can read minds and even do it in the future.

(This was just a joke - I've been stuck in lab all day grinding up organs, give me a break and at least smile at my attempt!)

Regardless, I'll always throw in the "probably" or use "almost" in order to avoid making a widespread generalization, just because there'll always be people who don't fit the mold. Still, I'm confident in saying that for most people (at least, most people from westernized societies) that's the case.

Originally Posted by Narona

Anyway, attraction is not only related to physical appearance I believe. That's why even when people age, there are some couples who stay deeply in love and attracted till the end.

Yes, that's true.

Originally Posted by Splitpersonality

In the end, we worked out that we're still great friends, and we are it's not just one of us saying that or anything, we have a lot in common and we have fun together.

What she's mostly spooked about is, we're both each other's first relationship and we're both sort of scared that what we feel is not real love or whatever. So we both decided it was fair to mutually part, and date other people so that we can figure out exactly what we feel.

Right now, I feel sort of... ambivalent to the whole thing. It feels like nothing has really changed, except that I'm free to date other people if I so choose, same goes for her.

I had a similar deal with the first girl that I dated. In my case, though, I felt that she was being pretty cold toward me and wasn't really recognizing my affections for her. So when I broke things off by initially asking her if it felt like we were just normal friends (which, of course, she made me answer first) it felt like more of a relief than anything. I didn't have to worry about those feelings of obligation to her (which had become very heavy, as she wasn't returning positive feedback to me), and it just felt like a lot of things cleared up. A few minutes into the conversation she became very, very angry with me (I presume it hit her that she'd just been "dumped") but the next day she called me (again very angry), but I patched things up, declined her offer to retry dating, and it seemed that we'd stay friends. And it seemed like we had great compatibility as friends.

But I didn't hear from her again. I'd send her happy birthday messages and such, but never received anything back. I ran into her at random and discovered that she'd managed to "lose" my phone number; I gave it to her again but never heard from her. I'd never had high expectations, anyway, but in hindsight I'm a bit miffed that I still tried, but she ultimately wasn't a good friend (and she was a near-abusive date, as well).

That's my story that relates to yours. Don't be too hung up if you and she slowly (or quickly) drift away from each other. It won't happen for certain, of course - I've known some people who date (for a long time, too), break it off, and then remain as friends. I'd think that it must be kind of weird to be in a situation like that (especially once sex becomes involved) but it's doable.

Originally Posted by stubby42

Ok so right now my only realistic option with this girl is to write her a facebook message, but I've never really done this because I've over thought myself into inactivity.

I could go for broke and say anything and risk being over bearing or try a more relaxed aproach.

I dont know what to write I'm not good at this stuff.

Originally Posted by Splitpersonality

Be relaxed, be cool about it. Don't sound like you're desperate to get her number, just casually ask her.


Or even give her yours and see if she calls.

Don't give her your number and expect a call. Aside from the fact that some girls feel strongly about social mannerisms which require that the guy take the first steps, you're giving her a potentially easy out. She could always just say that she never got around to it, or something happened to her phone... etc. Take the initiative! Ask for her number.

Here, make it easy on yourself: imagine that all you want to do is be friends. You have a lot in common, so why not? Don't even think about your other motives. That way, when you write to her you won't be overthinking what you're writing ("does this make me seem like I want her too much?" "does this make me look desperate?"), because when you think things like that, your writing will most likely come off as being awkward and might really reveal your true intentions. So when you write, just imagine that you're writing to a potential friend (a guy friend, if it really helps) and you'll be fine. Then just click the send button and be done with it.

Keep it in perspective - this isn't a thesis proposal or a marriage license, you're just asking for her number because you're interested in doing more with her and getting to know her better. There's nothing wrong with that, and even if she sees right through you, it doesn't make you creepy or a villain. Shoot, what girl wouldn't love to know that guys have an interest in her? So worst case scenario she doesn't reply to you, but at least you might have brightened her day and her self-confidence. See, it's win-win - you potentially make a new friend (or even a lover), and at worst, you only end up giving a boost to a girl you like and get nothing else in return.

Let us know how it goes!