[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

By bringing up plans and chances of success you're already approaching it the wrong way (in my opinion). We're not insects trying to successfully mate and produce offspring. We're humans who are trying to find "the one."

Heh, funny you should say that. When you break it down to the evolutionary biological scale, our mating dance is no different than that of other animals. But it is unromantic to think of our "higher" actions as a mere animalistic ritual.

Most people can do background research on a person, observe them, and play to them such that the other person will be delighted, but you don't want to be playing the act for the rest of your life. It's not sustainable.

Now where did I say anything like this? Actually, in some of my past posts, I actually talked about how to push emotional buttons, but I also said it was something I couldn't do because I would be putting on an act, and I didn't want to do that. But putting on an act is far different from a general guideline of "subtly get her to talk about herself." If you you like her, wanting to get to know her should be second nature anyway.

I spoke up just because I remember being new to dating, and looking for "formulas" on how to do it. You know, things like the three-day callback rule, the two-month time limit between meeting a girl and making a move - all that garbage. If I'd read what you'd written, I'd have likely taken it to an extreme, believing it to be sound advice for a path to winning a girl's heart. Keep her talking about herself and she'll fall in love with you. That's how I interpreted it.

But I never said to take it to an extreme. It's just a variant on "getting to know her" that also has a 95% chance of making her like you more. It's a great trick, not just for dating, but for any new person you like. When you network among the job scene, it's a great way to make people think well of you. It's a standard component of human behavior, and while there are exceptions, I think you'll find the rule is in play more often than you realize.

And just to clarify, no, don't force it, especially if she shows interest in hearing your own opinion (and don't hold back too much offering yours). But it's a nice trick for making sure there aren't many awkward silences, too.

Look, you don't have to take my word for it. Google "People love to talk about themselves" and you'll run across tons of webpages on the subject. Perhaps it's something we don't like to admit, that each one of us likes to talk about ourselves. Perhaps that's what makes it so hard to accept.

But who knows - maybe I was just terribly foolish and lacked a sense that everyone else has. Oh well. I'm happily married now, so to anyone who is a fool like I was/am, don't give up - there's hope for all of us.

Haha, trying to imply something? Because I get the message "Well, I'm married and you're not, therefore my advice is better than yours." From what I know of you, I wouldn't think you'd take this route. People can be single for more reasons than just because they are following bad advice or something. Some choose to be single, and some, like me, have really raised their standards such that there probably aren't people who can meet them. I could go out and play the dating game and line up a string of women starting tomorrow(done it before), but it's not worth it to me. I have no desire to play games right now.


@Samari: This happens to everyone, and there's no real advice that we can give you. You are the only one who can evaluate your feelings for who you want. I will say that "Macy" is new, and new things are always more exciting. And it does take strong character to resist the urge to explore something new, and remain faithful.

Many people I've known, can get tired of the familiar, and toss them aside for something new. From my experience, the new thing usually doesn't work out, and then what are you left with? Do you really want to be a person who tosses people aside, and then find yourself at the end of a road, a bunch of burned bridges behind you?

Last note: You are witnessing something interesting in action: a guy with a girl, is more attractive to other girls. Once you have someone, the others seemingly start coming out of the woodwork. It's something you'll have to get used to. That's why this girl is into you. But if you leave your gf for her, somewhere in the back of her mind, she'll think the same thing can happen to you. There will be a small part of her that realizes you can be unfaithful. I don't think you want that.