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Some jokes I heard while in Russia:
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President Nixon is visiting the Soviet Union. While there, he finds that one can make a phone call to Hell. Just for fun, he tries it, and after five minutes, is charged 20 cents. Amazed by the low price, he flies back to the United States and tries to call the underworld from his own country. After five minutes, he is shocked to discover that his five minute conversation cost him $2000 dollars. He asks one of his aides:
"Why is it so expensive to call Hell from here?"
The aide responds:
"Well you see, the call you made back in Russia was a local call."
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In a Soviet school, a student is asked the question:
"Who are your parents?"
He replies:
"Mother Russia and Comrade Stalin."
The teacher asks another question:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The student says:
"An orphan."
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Stalin appears to President Putin in a dream and gives him two orders:
"I want you to reinstate the Soviet totalitarian command economy and paint the Kremlin walls blue!"
Putin is confused:
"Why blue?"
Stalin smiles and states:
"Hah! I knew you would understand the first directive!"
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