“Don’t come any closer!” Miria’s warning shout, accompanied by the tightening grip on her sword, was enough to make Tabitha back off. Looking like a kicked puppy, the braided warrior returned to her side of the standoff.
“Please Captain, this is ridiculous!” she pleaded. “You know I’d never…”
“Better safe than sorry.” Miria interrupted.
“But she’s right Miria! After all we’ve been through, why would we…” Yuma insisted, trying to placate Miria.
“Just call it a precautionary measure.” Surprisingly, Cynthia’s voice was lacking its usual kindness, replaced with a wary edge.
“Galatea, make them see reason, please.” Clare said with barely-repressed annoyance. “This is ridiculous and you all know it.”
“That’s what you think.” the blind Claymore replied coldly.
And this is the scene that Helen and Deneve came up to : Galatea, Miria and Cynthia watching Clare, Tabitha and Cynthia like they were expecting to be attacked at any moment. While only the former group had their swords drawn, the tension between them was so thick that it would take little to nothing for the situation to explode.
Helen blinked several times at the sight. “What the hell is going on here?”
“It’s just a misunderstanding.” Clare stated.
“Please help us! They’ve gone mad!” Yuma shouted.
“We haven’t, we’re just being cautious.” Miria explained.
“More like paranoid.” Clare muttered.
Helen and Deneve exchanged confused looks.
“Come on Captain. Just because there were some… strange circumstances does not mean anything. You know we love…”
“Don’t finish that sentence!”
Deneve sighed before calling out to no one. “Okay, that’s enough. I’m confused, the readers are confused, so spill it! What’s going on?”
The only answer she got was a dainty giggle from a corner of the room. Looking around, she finally noticed the presence of an unknown warrior who gave them a friendly wave, a bright grin on her glossy lips. She had curly hair that was done in girlish pigtails and a mole under her eye.
Miria glanced at the unknown warrior and flinched visibly.
“YOU!” Tabitha screamed.
“Yes?” the friendly-looking Claymore smiled innocently.
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!”
“What did I do?” Roxanne of Love and Hate asked, a look of clueless bewilderment on her face.
“Because of you Captain is scared of me!” Tabitha shouted, looking like she wanted to cleave her in two.
Cynthia looked at Roxanne distrustfully. “Apparently, your attitude has caused a spread of paranoia around.”
“As if you wouldn’t be if you were in our place!” Galatea scowled. “Look at you! You picked up Yoki synchronization from Cynthia, just like Clare did from me. Considering how Roxanne turned out, we are a bit worried.”
“All right, what exactly has your panties in a bunch?” Helen asked. “I mean, having a copycat character in a manga isn’t exactly uncommon.”
“How about the fact that Roxanne was infamous for befriending other warriors she admired, learning or copying their fighting styles, and once mastered, said warrior would conveniently die shortly after?”
“They died in Awakened hunts.” Roxanne defended, unfazed by the thinly-veiled accusation.
“Right… and you were present in every one of those.” Cynthia shot back.
“Not to mention some of those ABs were weak…” Galatea continued.
“And you didn’t care about your comrades’ death.” Miria finished.
“Are you saying you think I had a hand in their death?” Roxanne gave them the most harmless smile she could. “Do I look like a cold-blooded murderer?”
“Ophelia looked like a nice person, for two pages.” Miria snorted. “Then she turned out to be a complete psycho.” She then turned to Roxanne. “And did you see how you looked in that panel where you saw Cassandra for the first time?”
“Like I was in awe of her?”
“No. Batshit insane.” the Phantom deadpanned.
Helen sweatdropped at the explanation. “I think I understand a little, but isn’t it a bit too extreme?”
“Consider yourself lucky Jean and Undine are dead, or you and Deneve would be busy defending yourselves.” Yuma sighed.
“Hey, I respected Undine. That’s why I…”
“Took up her fighting style.” Galatea finished sweetly.
“After she died! Same for Helen!” Deneve scowled.
Helen nodded. “But what about Taby? She didn’t copy anything from you, Miria. She merely idolizes you!”
“And that’s exactly how Roxanne started every time! Then she went from stalker with a crush to PSYCHO stalker with a crush.” Miria scowled while Tabitha went teary-eyed. "Actually, scratch that. Recent chapters have shown she's just plain evil, period."
"Standing on the side while an AB tortured a fellow warrior, causing your so-called 'friend' to lose it and cut through the others to get to you, and laughing as she did." Galatea enumerated.
"Come on, Ophelia threw Raki to an AB to try and make me Awaken." Clare snorted. That's nothing to sneeze at."
At that moment, Roxanne suddenly sneezed.
"Sorry, but Ophelia did have a redeeming ending. Roxanne is just a crazy manipulative bitch so far." Cynthia stated. Yes, sweet nice Cynthia actually insulted someone. The world is coming to an end.
()()()()
Claymore afterlife.
"HER EVILNESS... IT'S… IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!" Riful shouted, a look of shock on her face.
“NO WAY!! I’VE BEEN OUT-CRAZIED!!” Ophelia shrieked.
“WAAHHHH!!!!” they both broke into tears in each other’s arms.
()()()()
By now everyone was backing away from Roxanne.
"So what? You think she's contagious?" Deneve asked blankly.
"YES!!!" all three paranoid warriors chorused together.
"This is the dumbest plot idea the author's ever had." Helen deadpanned.
*Hey, give me a break. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find anything funny in this manga lately? I wrote this after chapter 118 was out, changed it a bit to fit 119, and now 120 came out during proof-reading*
“Fine, fine. I’m sorry.” Helen grumbled.
“This is all your fault.” Tabitha repeated in a hateful hiss, drawing her sword and taking a step toward Roxanne.
“Taby, I don’t think this is a good idea.” Helen pleaded.
“Why?”
“Because she IS a former Number One and can wipe the floor with you without even trying?” Helen suggested.
This made Tabitha pause. She glared at Roxanne who smiled back innocently at her. Oh how she wanted to wipe off that smirk, but Helen was right. Still, justice had to be served so she needed to blame someone for pushing her beloved Captain away from her. Her eyes caught Raki who was casually passing near them.
“YOU!!” she shouted.
Raki stopped and gave her a friendly smile until he saw the look in Tabitha’s eyes. “Yes Tabitha? Is there anything wrong?”
“YES!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!”
Everyone stared at Tabitha’s sudden shift in target. A collective ‘huh?’ was heard.
“IT IS!” Tabitha continued. “If you hadn’t befriended Priscilla, she wouldn’t have stabbed you with her arm. Then you wouldn’t have been taken by the Organization. Then Dae wouldn’t have been able to resurrect those three. Then the rebellion would have succeeded and Captain would not be scared of me!!”
“Whoa! Nice anti-Raki rant here.” Helen admitted. “Though your priorities are a bit off.”
“You’re not helping.” Raki took a step back as Tabitha stomped toward him, sword drawn.
“DIE!!!” Tabitha roared as she threw herself at the man, and not in the good way the author usually makes Claymores do when Raki’s involved. No, this was more the ‘rabid Clare VS Priscilla’ charge. The vengeful warrior brought her sword down, carving a deep gash in the wall. Then she stabbed the wall again and again. Completely unaware that her target was a good ten feet away from her.
Everyone blinked in confusion as they tried to understand what was going on, though Miria and Roxanne were struck with a sense of familiarity.
“I did that.” a certain Claymore with anti-warrior training explained as she walked from behind Raki.
The young man breathed in relief and looked at her gratefully. “Thank you.”
Raftela’s only answer was a simple “You’re welcome.” Raki failed to notice how she looked away shyly, or the faint reddening of her cheeks.
The other warriors didn’t and groaned mentally as yet another Claymore fell to the Raki effect.
“Hey!” Roxanne protested. “This chapter is named after me remember!”
“And by the way, you’d better solve this ridiculous situation soon.” Clare demanded.
“Especially since we’re now outnumbered.” Yuma finished with an anxious look at the opposing side.
*Alright, let me think*
There was a short silence until, with a rumble of thunder (funny, that sounded like cheering fanboys) and a flash of lightning (oops, that’s a flickering light bulb), a familiar yet still dazzling figure was revealed. Her goddess-like body clad in her old warrior’s uniform, sword on her back, her long blond hair fluttering in the breeze and her kind yet confident smile on her face, Teresa of the Faint Smile was looking at them.
WHOOSH!!!!
The aforementioned gentle breeze suddenly turned into a small tempest that blew everyone’s hair and, if applicable, skirts.
Oops, sorry, wrong button.
They all fixed their hair and clothes and Raki discreetly wiped the slight nosebleed he had gotten. Who would have thought Cynthia and Galatea wore naughty underwear?
“Teresa?” Clare said in disbelief though she didn’t dare hug her long-lost mother figure. Any sudden movement might cause an attack reflex from the other side.
“What are you doing here?” Deneve wondered.
“And what’s with the halo?” Helen asked, pointing at the glowing circle above her head.
Teresa looked up and shrugged. “It’s necessary to distinguish the warriors brought back by Yagi and those brought back by the author. As for why I’m here, well, since you are all acting like children, I was sent to solve your little problem.”
“And what’s in for you?” Miria insisted with narrowed eyes.
“Oh, Miria, are you implying I was bribed? How dare you?” Teresa pouted, radiating so much innocence that Roxanne felt jealous.
()()()()
Flashback, Claymore Afterlife. Minutes ago.
“I COMMAND YOU TO GET DOWN THERE!!” a booming voice was heard.
“No.” was the simple answer.
“Oh come on! I’ll give you anything you want.” the author whined.
“You have nothing I want.”
“Money?”
“I don’t need it.”
“Adoring fans?”
“Remember who I am?”
“Men? Women?”
*glare*
“A lemon between you and Raki?”
*brief hesitation* “No.”
“… Changing the label on your shirt?”
“DEAL!!!”
()()()()
“… after all, it’s my duty as peaceholder.” Teresa finished as she looked around at the gathered participants. No one noticed how eyes lingered a split second longer on Raki. ‘Maybe I should have taken that offer.’
“Oh, I remember now! You’re that number one who had the lamest death.” Roxanne quipped in an overly friendly tone.
Teresa’s smile never faltered as she very slowly turned her head to the cause of this mess, her eyes meeting Roxanne’s overly friendly gaze.
Nor did it when she cracked her knuckles.
()()()()
In an effort to protect our pure innocent souls from the sheer violence of the incoming and much deserved thrashing, let us skip to a sweet, tender moment between two kindred spirits.
()()()()
“Rachel? Did you already reattach your limbs after chapter 118?” Rubel asked dreadfully as he backed away from his… Lover? Mistress? Torturer? Well, his something.
Who was wearing a dominatrix outfit.
Rachel only smiled sweetly. “Details, Ruby-poo. Now,” the smile then vanished, replaced with a beastly snarl, “I’M TRYING TO BE MORE DEMURE AND FEMININE AND YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH THAT MUSCLE-BOUND FREAK?! WELL NO MORE NICE RACHEL MISTER!!” she bellowed, still upset at Undine’s interference in the previous chapter.
“She ambushed me… Please… Have mercy…” the spy begged.
“I’m all out of mercy… BUT I HAVE THIS!! NOW BEND OVER AND TAKE IT!!”
“NO! NOT THE STRAP ON!! PLEASE… DON’T…YYYEEAAARGHHHHHH!!!” his broken plea ended in a high-pitched scream of pure agony.
“OH YES!!! WHO’S YOUR DADDY? HUH? WHO’S YOUR DADDY, BITCH!!”
()()()()
After the dust had settled, Teresa was seen wiping her hands, her infamous smile definitely on the smug side and absolutely unscathed. Behind her, the battered and dismembered form of the older Claymore had been face-planted into the ground. Roxanne had lasted a grand total of 0.8 seconds against the aptly-hailed strongest warrior ever, who had reaffirmed her status as ultimate badass of the series.
Damn, that was too fast. She should have suffered more.
The author's grumbling was suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Cassandra.
“You know,” she commented snidely as she crouched down and poked her with a stick, “’Dust Eater’ fits you pretty well too now.”
“You have dirt on your face.” Roxanne said before resuming her struggling to free herself, which was difficult without arms or legs. Even though she could not see the elfin-eared Claymore, she knew how she’d react.
“ACK!!” Cassandra shrieked as she predictably and frantically rubbed her face to clean it. As she did, the Macarena started playing in the background.
“That was a nice warm-up. Now,” Teresa said sweetly, “shall we go back to your little problem?”
By now everyone had huddled together and was hugging each other in sheer fright. None of them noticed they were all holding to Raki somehow.
“Problem?” Miria asked.
“What problem?” Yuma repeated.
“Teresa, I assure you, there is no problem.” Clare smiled a bit shakily.
“See?” Helen grinned as she threw her arms over Raki and Raftela’s shoulders. “We’re all pals.”
“Comrades.” Galatea confirmed.
“Best friends forever.” Deneve nodded.
They all ignored Tabitha who was still carving a tunnel in the walls, constantly shouting “DIE!” and showing no sign of stopping.
“Right. We can share skills, techniques, and, well, everything.” Cynthia concluded.
Raftela blinked. “Everything?”
“YES!!!” Everyone shouted.
“In this case, I’ll be borrowing him.” the anti-warrior informed before picking up Raki and quickly making away.
Stunned silence, then…
“WHAT?!”
“HELL NO!!”
“HE’S MINE!!!”
“IN YOUR DREAMS FOURTY-SEVEN!”
“COME BACK HERE!!!”
Teresa suddenly found herself alone with Roxanne and Cassandra. “Author-san?”
*Yes?*
“Is that offer still good?”
*One time deal sorry*
“Damn!” Teresa pouted. “By the way, aren’t we missing someone?” she wondered. “I mean, there were three resurrected warriors, yet there were only two in this chapter. Where’s the last one?”
*Well, you see, despite being the hottest of the trio, Hysteria turned out to be a self-absorbed bitch with no real personality. It’s like her sole purpose was to keep Miria busy. I mean, honestly, keeping on attacking Miria when there was an Abyssal-level Awakened next to her…So I couldn’t fit her here.*
Inside an Priscilla-proof broom closet:
“I HATE BEING IGNORED!!” the missing warrior shouted in hysterics. “LET ME OUT!!!”