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His first requirement list really depends on what he thinks "ecchi" means.... technically, he's nearly bounced himself out of every anime made since 2000 if one is really strict about having no sexual elements at all.
Otherwise, I'm going to just blend the requirements and dump out the goo on the bottom and suggest:
Spice&Wolf and Toradora! (both romances are mature regardless of their settings, they involve rather complex people with faults, and the romance is long in development)
There's an old romantic comedy called REC!. Its short and involves two adults who start off with a night of passion after a very stressful event and then back into a romance. That's about as grownup as I've seen anime get in some regard (speaking as an actual grownup).
If you want action... there's a rather strange love story over a vast depth of time (involving a vampire) called Kurosuka. It has a seriously wtf ending but the journey and settings are fascinating. There is much blood...
Oh, there's a licensed anime series called, "Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit". Action, period setting, some super powers, very realistic, very mild romantic element. A spear-for-hire must protect a young prince with her various friends. The action sequences were fairly realistic (from my experience with combat re-enactments).
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