Prologue
The wind blew harshly down the street and Tomoe shuddered as the freezing air slipped down her collar. She crunched the piece of paper in her hand, stuffed it into a pocket and then raised her chin a little and walked purposefully toward the metal door, trying to ignore the deep scratches and dents that were carved into it. To say she was at ease was to be downright lying and her steps became shorter and noticeably slower as she drew closer to the door. But she hadn’t been living the life of a delinquent for nothing.
Reaching out, she grasped the round handle and pushed open the door with her shoulder while she twisted the knob. It relented with a low screech, followed by a groan. A waft of warm air greeted her, and had it not carried with it a stench of alcohol and cigarettes, Tomoe would have found it welcoming.
As soon as the door opened, she snapped her head up and took a quick look around the bar. It was small, and the ceiling was low, giving it a stuffy, claustrophobic mood. There were only a handful of people, all who were scattered in separated corners. Three men seemed to be gambling in the left corner closest to the door and another two were bent over a low table with their heads together. One was shooting darts from a seat at the bar counter and another was sitting on the other end with a drink. The bartender stood in the middle between them, wiping an empty glass.
As one, all movement in the room stilled and silence followed. Except for the man nursing his alcohol at the counter, everyone turned to stare at her.
Her throat went dry and she had an incredible urge to try and back-paddle. But she pushed the feeling down and scanned the room more closely. There!
Her eyes latched onto the lean man with tied black hair; the only one who hadn’t turned to stare at her. She had no doubt it was him, since she had, after all, spent the past few days doing nothing more than staring at that particular back.
“Xavier!” she called and took one step into the room but a sudden movement directly beside her startled her enough to forget what she was looking for. It was a large, burly blonde man with a beard and one open eye. With one step, he closed the small distance between them and blocked her way.
“This is a bar, young lady,” he said in a gruff voice. His English was heavily accented but understandable. Someone inside snickered.
Tomoe frowned and found courage from the irritation of being mocked. She looked up defiantly at the man who stood more than two heads taller than her.
“I am aware of that, thank you for reminding me,” she said coolly.
“How can we help you then?”
“I’m looking for a man named Xavier Kan.” She shifted so she could see him again and was disgruntled to see that he hadn’t even tried to acknowledge her. Nevertheless, she pointed to his back, and said, “That one there.”
The doorman paused and Tomoe saw a look of genuine curiosity cross his face. He broke the eye contact and half turned to follow the direction of her finger.
“Expecting visitors, Monsieur Kan?” the man inquired. Xavier’s head moved a little but not enough for Tomoe to catch a glimpse of his face.
“And if I wasn’t?” came the smooth responding question.
“Then it’s out with you, missy,” the guard growled, turning back to glower menacingly down at her. He grasped the side of the door and took a step forward, forcing Tomoe to retreat.
“Hey, wait, Xavier!” she cried, furiously trying to get a view of him from beneath the large man’s arms. “I’ve been looking for you all day. I just wanted to talk to you. I’m not going back now, dammit, Xavier! Please!”
She almost gasped as the biting wind caught her again. The guard was sneering at her from just inside the bar’s territory.
“Buh bye, young – “
“Let her in.” Tomoe’s ears perked at Xavier’s voice.
The nasty look disappeared from his face and the man glanced over his shoulder with a frown. “Are you sure, sir?”
“I think you heard me, Stephan.”
Without another word, the man, apparently called Stephan moved out of the way and motioned for Tomoe to come back in. When she continued to walk towards the bar, he did nothing to hinder her and merely closed the heavy door with another creak. But it wasn’t until she lowered herself cautiously into the stool next to Xavier, that movement returned to the room and the grouped men started talking again.
Without sparing her a glance, Xavier eyed the bartender and ordered water. Within seconds, the ice and water filled glass was placed in front of her. It was only then that Tomoe was reminded of her thirst and realised that she had hardly stopped to rest the entire day. Gratefully, she picked up the glass and took a few long sips, once again marvelling at how delicious the water was in this country. Beside her, Xavier was staring at the surface of his clear drink, his thumb absently stroking the rim of the glass.
Well, it was clear that he was not going to help her start the conversation. She set down the glass and clasped her hands together in hopes of warming her freezing fingers. While trying to think of an appropriate way to start talking to him, she sent another quick sideward glance at him.
“See something you like?” he asked abruptly, making her almost jump. She immediately looked away.
“No, not really,” she replied in what she hoped was a light voice. He merely breathed a small smirk and took a swig from his drink. Tomoe looked up at the many shelves of liquor and waited for her internal battle to finish waging over what to say. And in the meanwhile, Xavier seemed perfectly content to remain in silence.
“I…wanted to thank you for helping me…last night,” she was blurting before she quite knew it, and suddenly, she was highly conscious of her heart drumming in her chest. She didn’t feel cold anymore and instead, a rush of heat was spreading through her like fire. She didn’t understand. It was just a simple thank-you, not a love confession. So why was she being so nervous? Why had it taken her almost a day to say it? And it wasn’t just about the night before; she had to thank him for everything he had done for her since they had first met in Japan. Because she had never had enough courage to say the words she had never before in her life spoken in sincerity. “…And – “
“You’re welcome. If that’s all, the door is that way.” He shoved his thumb over his shoulder to indicate the entrance.
That was it? After she had spent hours pondering and persuading herself to go through with this act, that was all he had to say? The anger bubbled quickly up her chest, swallowing any respect or gratitude she had previously felt.
“Asshole,” she hissed, tamping down on the overwhelming desire to strike out and hit him. The only thing stopping her was the humiliating memory of what had happened the last time she had tried to win by force. The last two times, in fact. They had either ended with being threatened at gunpoint, or with a twisted arm and a gun at her head. No, that hadn’t gone too well.
But the only reaction she received now was a nonchalant shrug and another sip of his drink. Feeling more irked than ever, Tomoe reached out and snatched the glass from where he set it down. She took one deep breath and without sparing her actions or its consequences another thought, she downed the liquor in several large gulps.
“Hey, whoa…” Xavier muttered, looking at her in mild bemusement. But she knew that was as close as he would get to showing any shred of surprise. She felt a fleeting sensation of smug satisfaction swell inside herself despite the bitter and burning sensation that was currently strangling her throat.
When the last of the alcohol was drained, Tomoe slammed the empty glass down at the same time she rose from the stool. Stifling the splutter and coughs by pretending to wipe her mouth, she glared down at Xavier, who for once met her eyes.
In an instant, countless thoughts swirled in her mind and she saw herself as if not from her own eyes. What was she doing there anyways? Why did she have to feel so angry? What was that churning, sickening clench in her stomach?
Distantly, she felt hot tears well up in her eyes and she forcefully bit down on her lip.
“I hate you,” she spat out, knowing that it sounded more like a sob but not caring. “I hate you!”
The floor tipped and the walls spiralled and Tomoe closed her eyes because everything was too dizzy and disoriented to keep them open. She swayed and felt the air brush against her skin but she didn’t know if it was just a hallucination or if she was really falling. The low voice that called out to her seemed too far away and she couldn’t understand what was being said. She found that she couldn’t quite bring herself to care enough to think about it either.
As a wave of blissful darkness washed over her, she wondered vaguely to herself, how this nightmare had all begun.
Oh, that’s right…it all started with our hitch-hiking prank…