Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi
Saved by the bell
Length:8,000 words
Status: chapter -complete. Spellcheck -not yet. Card -not yet. diary entries- not yet.
ETA: Tomorrow night 100%.
Estimated length: about 9,000 words
I don't like the start of this chapter, as it's just random WAFF. Doesn't do anything for the plot, but does make characters get closer. Anyway, the END of this chapter I rather like. I got some great Precia/Fate moments and the diary entries will be great as well. Also got a TON of plot out of the way. So I think this chapter averaged out okay.
Oh, one thing though. I got a review saying that they felt as if this chapter was about "two American teens" and not really Nanoha/Fate.....Well, I don't know how much like the canon characters I can get them, as they don't use magic nor are interested in the military... Am I doing an okay job with them? Suggestions on how to improve it?
As far as "American" goes...well, I can't really see that. After school activities. Clubs. Cosplay café. School uniforms. I don't really know how I made them come off as "American"....I do intentionally use dollars in this story instead of yen. And first name first, last name last (which I don't know why...) But other than that, is there anything I can do to make this more....Japanese-y?
all help appreciated >.<
|
I honestly think you're doing a swell job with them, nor do I see where "American" fits in, either.
Other than that, You'll have to wait for someone else to comment, because I'm damn-near nil on Japanese culture and passtimes.