[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by yezhanquan

Being picky is good. In fact, I hope this fic would be as much yours as it is mine.

Spoiler for reply:

2) Yeah, well, I do intend to have more battles before the Imperial squad is truly won over. But, she starts from somewhere at least. From grudging acceptance to being won over, not to mention that since playtime's over, they had better buck up.

3) The Darscens wear hats to get people off their backs basically. I do intend to have a few chapter where the initial reveal turns up the tension within the squad, to the point where there is serious threat of them breaking apart. However, Louise herself never believed in discrimination. I take this aspect of her from Olivia Armstrong in FMA. So long as a team member is useful, (s)he can be of any race.

4) Well, that is more of writting from a game's perspective. For a fic, we can (and should) have back and forth captures, making it easier for both squads to empathize with each other. Ultimately, Louise's aim is to have Squad 7 serve under the Imperial Army, or at the least surrender without ill feelings. A battle for hearts and minds, if you will.

5) As for targeting Squad 7, maybe I can change that to the Imperial squad facing off against them by chance. In the first battle, both squads made off with members from the opposing team. From then on, they're onto each other's backs. This again can tie into the suggestion that the Rats get seriously messed up by Welkins and Selvaria is attached to help salvage the situation.

6) Thanks for the Welkin-Valkyria point. Well, since he did refuse to use Alicia even with Max at the end of the game... Yes, Alicia would have to disobey some orders. And damn, I was hoping that the Valkyria have noticeable powers even without their gear. I actually have in mind a MGS 4 style punch up for the girls. Wait, isn' t Final Flame what Selv used when she died? Now, if both ladies used it at the same time...

7) Name change: Marciel, perhaps?

Spoiler for reply reply:

2) Anything gradual works. Start with the easygoing and work up to the hardasses. It's similar with Squad 7 and Largo and Rosie; taking one side of the bridge didn't even budge them. The other side gave them grudging acceptance and the further battles solidified true loyalty. This kind of thing takes time.

3) I get Louise's POV (I find it necessary for the story too), but need clarification: so she allows them to wear hats just to make everyone feel a little better? If she doesn't care, that's the only reason I can think of that she'd have them wear the hats.

4) You can have missions in a game where you get some objective but are then forced to retreat. It's just a question of having the major issues in the battle offscreen (think the Batomys and Selvaria's Reveal), or imposing a time limit of survival as one of the objectives (think Edy's Detachment DLC, the first part) It's also possible to write a fic where we're essentially novelizing the game in question (I've done it before). Fanfiction is a relatively unlimited medium.

We could also have any battle that Welkin wins told (and played) from his perspective. Just for kicks.

5) I like the idea of the two Squads realizing themselves who their foil is, rather than it being forced upon them by Max or Selvaria forcing the issue.

6) And have both of them stopped? Jeez, remember how big one Final Flame was? We know how to stop Squad 7's from going off... but short of Max growing up and not being a dick anymore to Selvaria, how would we stop her once she initiates the countdown? Might be a great scene if we can figger that out.

7)

Originally Posted by MrTerrorist

Marciel as in Marciel the monkey? Bad name choice.

It's also still too close to Mark/Marcus. Change the first syllable somehow; make the name radically different.