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Ok First everyone's forms are determined by their A.T. field. Rei was falling apart because she was losing control of her own A.T. field. Also when rei was appearing before everyone, she was removing their souls. Without the soul, no A.T. field, so their bodies broke down into the chemical components that they're comprised of.
The people that this happened to didn't die. They were stripped of their physical form. Their souls were then gathered in the giant rei aka Lilith. The souls were supposed to merge into one, creating a world where there are no seperations between people. That's why when you see Rei sitting on Shinji, she goes through him. Shinji rejects this new world, deciding that it's better for everyone to be seperate, even if that creates loneliness and pain. At this point you'll notice Rei removes her hands from inside Shinji's chest and is now actually on top of him. (maybe I should phrase that differently....) Because of that, all the souls return to earth, and the giant rei dies. At this point it is up to everyone to regain their physical form. Everyone has the choice to remain as just a soul or regain their lost form.
Now as for Asuka, she died before any of that happened so there's no way that could actually be her. That asuka was created by Shinji so he could demonstrate to himself that everyone was indeed seperate again.
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