So, you really want to know? No, that's not it. You don't really want to know how I'm living a dream life. You don't really want to know how to make your fantasies come true.
What you want is to live it, now. It's the ends that matter, not the means. But you know that too. That's why you're sitting here, listening to me with a semblance of patience. I know. I have a lot of experience reading people.
I'll ask one last time. Do you truly wish to know? There's no turning back after you hear the truth. That's the nature of things, boom or bust. What's your decision?
Very good! This dinner shall be most excellent. Your life will change, surely, after tonight.
First, are you interested in mythology? No? I thought not. It is unlikely that you know the story then. But I shall ask nonetheless.
Have you heard of Zexox?
No, no, that's not my name. Neither am I a Zexox. I'll rephrase my question. Do you know what a Zexox is?
Haha, no, that's absolutely incorrect. A Zexox is not a machine, not least one so mundane. A Zexox is mythical creature, dating back to times before civilization itself. Unfortunately, the time of the Zexox is long past, and almost none remain; thus there are few records, save some cave drawings shrouded in prehistory. But at the same time they are not all gone, and occasionally Man does encounter a Zexox. On those rare occasions tales of the Zexox pass into apocrypha, to be read and disbelieved.
Now, what is a Zexox? Let's just say that is a creature that plays a role similar to that of a trickster in fiction and myth. Its form is variable with its whim, and is limited by neither shape nor size, by neither color nor age. A shape-shifter, if you will. In earlier stories a Zexox often takes on the form of an animal, perhaps a coyote, a spider, or a lion, and sometimes even a mix of these and other creatures. During those times Man was simpler— we were more naive, more easily impressed by majestic forms.
Yes yes, you don't want to hear those ancient tales. Admittedly they are too old to be of much relevance. I too want to skip them, but you'll just have to hear me out. Where were we... ah yes, about the Zexox of yonder. The Zexox don't appear as beasts anymore, not since late antiquity. Even the most recalcitrant of their number take on partly human forms, whether as half-animal, half-human crosses like centaurs or minotaurs, or as creatures that are sometimes man and other times beast, like werewolves.
What's important is this— the Zexox are magical creatures. They can grant wishes, though none do so willingly. Of course, what's relevant to you here is how to get a wish off a Zexox. Of course it sounds like it's no mean feat, and that's even assuming you've managed to find one in the first place, but actually... it's actually surprisingly easy, if you know how.
No, what do you think the Zexox are, leprechauns? You can't just catch one and expect a pot of gold! That's not how it works! Well, you can try, but it'll probably turn into some greater beast and consume you. Which they do, though it is not well recorded in written history. Not surprising, since only successes are chronicled, and failures forgotten.
The Zexox are whimsical, and yet one property distinguishes them from other mercurial creatures of myth. They seldom lie. Not because they have some queer and incurable obsession with the truth, surely not. If anything they find it tasteless and repulsive. No, the reason is quite different. You see, when the Zexox were crafted during the late days of Creation, they were made to carry a curse. It is a curse that runs counter to their blood, one imposed perhaps to check their very nature. A Zexox may be bound by its lies; that is their curse.
Nothing really happens when a Zexox lies; it is not hurt, damaged, or banished. After all, lies are just words, and who is ever hurt by mere words? Things are different, though, if a Zexox is caught lying. Then they are beholden to the exposer of their lie, and like other tricksters in ancient lore, are obliged to grant that person a single wish.
Bullshit, you say? I'm not lying about that. They really do grant wishes, fair and square, if you catch them correctly. They don't always give you such an opportunity, though; they have no particular desire to be bound to the whims of others. And yet they sometimes do lie, willingly. But that's not a good sign either.
Think about it. Why should a Zexox lie if it could help it? There is no reason for such careless indiscretion. It is only sensible to think that they must have something to gain. And indeed they do, though the facts are barely referenced in myth.
Don't you realize it yet? There are few stories where someone fails to uncover a Zexox's lies. Surely it's not the case that each and every lie was exposed? No, think about it. Think again, harder. The reason is simple. Nobody survives getting it wrong.
They don't just kill. They consume. They are creatures of great intelligence, perhaps surpassing that of Man, but ultimately the Zexox are bestial in nature. It is merely that they are forced to grant their prey the chance to turn the tables. But after the centuries the Zexox have grown cautious; now they do but lie once per hunt. Miss that lie, or accuse it of the wrong untruth, and your fate is sealed.
And now... Now I dine.