(Recording begins.)
Nova: Well then, let's welcome Corporal Tais Scien of the Central Science and Development Bureau, currently attached to the 108th Battalion, to this training exercise. Tais, this is the 37th Criminal Investigation And Apprehension unit, Team A, with Captain Halley Rainier from the 8th Information Archive Retrieval department joining us today.
(The team bow.)
Tais: It's a pleasure to meet you all. Wow, the Major looks really pretty for-
Yui: AHEM. Pleased to meet everyone; my name is Yui, and I am the AI assigned to get this boy out of whatever trouble he usually finds himself in. I must mention that Tais has an unfortunate tendency to vocalize his thoughts, so if he says anything stupid, please try to ignore him.
Nova: Oh, it's no bother. I'm sure any misunderstandings caused can be easily rectified with a nice chat and a bit of tea.
Tais: Hm, there really are a lot of cuties here. Of course, none of them can compare to Ginga-san in any way...
Rancer: Oh, expletive.
Ivey: Hm, he must mean Ginga-chan from the 108th. Reiz, I think we were just insulted.
Reiz: Huh? Oh, um, it's nothing, really, I don't think we need to-
Halley: Are you going to let this insult stand? We cannot simply step aside now! Our pride as women depends on it! We will crush this insect beneath our heels and laugh at his pathetic screams for mercy!
Reiz: Eeh?!
Tais: Wait, what did I do?!
Rancer: Corporal Scien. Out of interest, have you had many dealings with attractive females?
Tais: Um, kind of...
Rancer: And how did these dealings end up?
Tais: In a lot of pain?
Rancer: A tragic and yet unsurprising response.
Yui: I see you understand the situation very well, Captain LaSalle.
Rancer: Unfortunately.
Nova: The structure of this exercise will be a flag rush. Owing to Tais's D+ rank, training limiters have been placed on all participants of rank A and above. The objective for the 37th CIAA and Halley will be to prevent Tais from reaching and obtaining a target item, while Tais will, from three hundred meters away, attempt to retrieve the item. The setting will be a small warehouse, considered empty. Lethal and permanently cripping attacks are prohibited, and the target item is not to be moved by the defending team, but other than that, all tactics and powers are valid. The exercise will continue until Tais obtains the item or yields. Points will be given based on performance, and the one with the most points will receive a prize.
Yui: Points? Prize?
Halley: Leave it to us!
Ivey: That's right! If there's a job to be done, just call in the 37th CIAA, the A-Team!
Rancer: So what's the target?
Nova: Oh, I got a little something from Hayate-chan for this.
Tais: It's a- it's a plushie! Of Ginga-san!
Nova: Think of it as a sort of incentive.
Rancer: More to the point, why did Lieutenant Colonel Yagami have a Ginga Nakajima plush toy?
Nova: The exercise will begin on my signal. Everyone, good luck, and have a great time!
-
(The teams take up their positions.)
Rancer: Okay. From what I've researched, Tais has the advantage of extreme durability, at the expense of speed and stealth. That means that his primary tactic will likely to be a straight rush right towards the goal, shrugging off attacks along the way. He's also got some hard-hitting attacks, so Halley, be careful; you don't have any protection that can stand up to that.
Halley: He's a brick.
Rancer: What?
Halley: Brick. Slow, tough, hits hard. Don't worry, though, I made extra sure to load up Jammer Cannon with some special payloads.
Rancer: Halley, which part of "non-lethal" did you not understand?
Halley: He's going to be fine! Probably.
Rancer: Anyway. Our best chance is to deter him so much that getting the plushie will not seem worth it for the trouble. Ivey, I'm relying on your binds for this, and Reiz, you're running interference. Halley, you'll stay here, and the moment Tais comes in through that door, blast him. But non-lethally.
Ivey: And what'll you be doing?
Rancer: Making sure nobody does anything stupid- there's the signal!
Ivey: As all things fall into order, so shall all deeds be done. I cast in the name of justice; release your power to me! Mistral, set up!
Reiz: Impulse, set up! Rocketstream!
(Ivey and Reiz depart at some speed.)
Rancer: Please, please let all this turn out without any casualties. Repulsor Fin!
(He leaves. Halley looks around the warehouse, and then stares speculatively at the plushie.)
-
(View cuts to the outside, where Reiz has far outstripped Ivey, and is closing in quickly on Tais.)
Reiz: Impulse, cartridge load! Firewall!
(A wall of flame leaps up in front of Tais. He simply barrels through it, not slowing down.)
Reiz: Oh.
Tais: It's nothing personal, but... beast that guards the gates of the dead, barrier-
Reiz: Impulse, cartridge load!
(The ends of Impulse flare up, and Reiz lays onto Tais with a dizzying flurry of attacks.)
Tais: That shields and- (Reiz attempts to trip Tais up) whoa!
Yui: Retro rockets engaged.
Tais: (balancing himself) Magagumo wizard pack, set up!
Ivey: Heeeere I come to save the- whoa, Doc Ock.
Reiz: (narrowly dodging a flailing tentacle) Eeek! (She bats a tentacle away with Impulse.) Impulse, cartridge load! Flares!
Ivey: Shard Stream!
(The twin assaults of fire and ice pepper the EVA to no apparent effect. The tentacles surge towards Ivey and Reiz.)
Ivey: Quick Bind! (A hasty bind appears around a tentacle, temporarily holding it in place.) Quick Bind! Quick Bind! Shard Stream!
Reiz: Fireball!
(Two of the tentacles cross in front of Tais, and whip the fireball back towards Reiz, who dives out of the way with a yelp.)
Yui: AT Field engaged. Cross Explosion.
Tais: (panting) Uh, Yui, I think we may be going overboard-
Yui: I'm trying to save your life!
Tais: But nothing bad has happened yet...
Yui: And I'm trying to keep it that way! The longer this keeps up, the more chances that something embarrassingly stupid will-
Rancer: (arriving on the scene) Barrier Inverse.
(A tentacle manages to snag Reiz, just as the confining barrier traps Tais and Reiz together. Tais's face ends up in Reiz's ample bosom.)
Yui: -happen.
Reiz: Fweeeeeh?!
Rancer: ... (releases Barrier Inverse) Sorry about that.
Ivey: I'm not. A distraction! Mistral Bind!
(The scattered pieces of Mistral's chain suddenly come together to form a nearly unbreakable binding, unfortunately with Reiz still in her compromising position.)
Yui: Tais, if you've nosebled all over the inside of your helmet, I am not helping you clean it out.
Tais: (muttering) In the name of fire, power of the flame...
Rancer: Huh?
Tais: Bestow upon me the strength to crush my foes!
(With the strength boost, Tais easily shatters Ivey's bindings. He continues lumbering forward at high speed, Reiz still in the grip of a tentacle.)
Reiz: Heeeelp meeee...
Ivey: ... huh. That's never happened before.
Rancer: Now isn't the time to be impressed! After them!
-
(View cuts to the inside of the warehouse, where Tais suddenly bursts through a wall, EVA looking significantly worse for wear, a desperately protesting Reiz still captive, ignoring the attacks by Rancer and Ivey, as well as going around or through any obstacles they set up, making a beeline straight towards the container with the plushie...
... which is not there.)
Halley: Over here, Juggernaut.
(All turn to see Halley, who is high up on a catwalk, aiming the Jammer Cannon directly at Tais, and the Ginga plushie nestled in her breasts.)
Tais: Ginga-san... Nakajima-sama...
Rancer: A berserker?!
Halley: Superglue rounds, fire!
(Tais is splashed with an incredibly sticky white substance as Rancer and Ivey unload all their binding and trapping spells onto him.)
Rancer: Barrier Inverse, double!
Ivey: Mistral Cage! Quick Bind, Quick Bind, Quick Bind, Mistral Bind!
(The end result is Tais, as well as a very unfortunate and whimpering Reiz, well and truly immobilized. Nova carefully steps into the warehouse through the rubble of Tais's entrance as Ivey is reinforcing a Crystal Wall around Tais.)
Nova: Well done, all of you. However, in this exercise, I will have to declare Tais the winner.
Rancer: What?
Nova: I did mention that the defending team was not to move the objective.
Rancer: Halley...
Halley: Ahaha... well, it's just a trivial little detail anyway. Don't worry so much about it!
Rancer: It's something to be worried about!
Tais: (mumbling) Ginga-san...
(Nova plucks the Ginga plushie from its resting place, and places it on the ground next to Tais.)
Nova: And your prize, Corporal Scien. You deserve it.
Tais: Ginga-san...
Reiz: Fweeeh... tentacles... sticky tentacles... fweeeh...
Yui: I swear, when I get back, I'm going to demand that the autonomous systems for the magagumo wizard pack be looked at.
(Recording ends.)