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Originally Posted by Cal-Reflector
I liked how this one began, Marianne just standing in Clovis' bedroom and watching him sleep. It was a very powerful image that immediately engaged me. I was amused by the banter but became a little confused due to the randomness; how often the two went out on tangents in their conversation. I feel as though the conversation could have been more perfect had you made Lelouch's tone and word-choice more childish, so that the separation in age is more apparent. I know Clovis isn't brilliant and Lelouch is very smart, but they're still 7-8 years apart, if I remember correctly.
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Aw, thank you! *beams*
I agree that Lelouch could have acted more childlike, and I was actually rather torn over that until right before I posted it, especially since Clovis really isn't supposed to come off as an idiot. I wanted Lelouch to sound older than he should, but not so much that he would resemble his later canon self too closely - more like he does in some of the first few Sound Dramas, maybe (minus the bitterness and hatred). In the end, I decided not to obsess over it since it's crack and really just supposed to be amusing, but I'm aware that realism can add to the humour, so the concrit is definitely appreciated.
The randomness was intended, but if it was more confusing than funny, then it was probably a bit over the top. I will try to consider that next time!
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The Geass ficdom is large, and Marianne is an unexplored character with a lot of potential. Your Marianne was very interesting and I hope you can play with her in your stories some more.
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Ah, happy you liked Marianne. *grins*
I had quite a bit of fun writing here. And yeah, she's definitely a character with potential, even if I enjoy exploring certain other characters (*glances at Clovis*) so much I tend to forget that. Still, I'd really like to bring her up some more, and I think she only had a notable appearance in one other piece of mine. Speaking of which, if you're interested and don't mind some light shounen-ai, you could take a look at "Snow White", though Marianne only stays around for the first few pages or so even there.
Edit: Now that I think about it, even in "Snow White" Marianne's appearance is rather short. Oh well... I'm sure I'll bring her up somewhere again some time!