Quote:
Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge
No one can know everything about the universe around them. Two entities... both thinking that they're all there is. Both that they're the big fish in this pond. Both about to find out that they are gravely mistaken.
A ragtag mercenary ship.
An Enforcer and her aides.
Universes Collide.
(ETA: Page Claim! Page Claim for NEW LONG-FORM STORIES!) |
Read it. Well-done first chapter (except that you misspelled "fervor" in one place) from a "easy to read and understand" standpoint, introducing the new Empire which, one presumes, will be the hostile force.
That said, the problem with this prologue is that it really doesn't
tell me anything about the story. I
assume from the story summary and the details about the Empire being big on expansionism and conquest that it's going to be "hostile nation encounters TSAB," but not really how that plays out--it could be anything between a series of action-thriller engagements between espionage-type agents (let's face it, the TSAB is big, and if the Empire is itself large, simply flinging itself into a war that might end up being Mutually Assured Destruction isn't too bright...plus you identified Fate and Tea as the main characters), or it might be a sci-fi fleet-battles type of thing, or...well, you get the idea. The addition of the
Silver Blur and its crew makes me wonder where they'll come in...I'm mentally channeling any number of rogue-trader variant storylines there...
I find it intriguing that Quicksilver exists, with the same kind of relationship with its master as TSAB Devices have, although you neither confirmed nor denied whether that
is an Intelligent Device talking or something else entirely, so I'll try to avoid conclusion-jumping.
However, the first chapter being well-written and enjoyable. I'll simply wait and see what the next one brings. The advantage of serial fiction and all that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull
*points to RB* Another change I see :3
After what...2 or 3 days? XD
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Actually, she changed it, then changed it
back, and now changed it again.
She almost got to 48 hours before that first change, though!!! (Is there a 12-step program for avatar addiction?)