Actually, I’ll step in a little, since she did pm me with specifics of which I won’t mention here, but I think her meaning was slightly lost in translation.
@ narona – first off I think your concept of a date, in comparison to like me or Ledgem is different.
For us, we’re saying that when you get good vibes of someone on the first meet, when you see that they seem to share similar ideas and beliefs are you, the ‘date’ is just another meeting that could simply be at a café, where you continue to talk and find out about each other.
The media portrays a date as, fancy restaurants, lots of money spent, it can get to that stage but that isn’t the only environment a date can be in.
All depends on the people involved.
You said you wanna get to know someone better before going on a date, but then how are you gonna get to know then if you don’t go on a date…?
- Is why I was thinking your thoughts were somewhat judgemental.
Secondly, ideals of marriage and babies, well see to mention that straight up on the first few dates would probably scare most men, lol.
You kinda enter a relationship with the intention, though I can understand the guys who’re like ‘kids?! Marriage!? Uh no, let’s just mess around.’
Then sure, I can understand why you’re like ‘no thanks.’
But you’re 20 and basing a ‘1 person for life’ ideology from how your parents met (which may apply to most of our parents generation) and comparing that to the teenagers of society today, (which we all seem really fickle in comparison huh?)
It can’t be done, times change, attitudes towards sex change too.
I’ll give an example, a friend of mine is now engaged to the woman he hopes to spend the rest of his life with and have kids.
When they began, it was on a casual basis and they were friends for many many years.
Huge, big risk they took, but luckily for him it’s paying off.
Before that, he met the 1st love of his life when he was 18 and did everything for her, she was ‘the one’, kids, marriage, the whole bundle.
Up until life changed and she had to go abroad to study, (they were 24 by this time, so 6 years) – and she sadly was unfaithful.
You never know, you can never tell.
I think with Ledgem’s last point, he’s also saying ‘be careful not to delude yourself into staying in an unhealthy relationship’
If the person seems like the ‘right one’ but later in life he changes to the point where he doesn’t respect you, don’t think ‘but we share the same ideas.’ – marriage and kids are initial desires, but then when those are done what next?
What else do you share that’ll keep you interested in each other for life?
While some guys may not express that they want kids and marriage anytime soon, that doesn’t mean they don’t want it at all.
That also doesn’t mean that you’d have to have sex before marriage either, like I said it depends on the people involved. A relationship can go as fast or as slow as the couple involved want, it just matters if you’re both honest and dedicated to spend energy on seeing if something can work out between the pair of you.
While the ideals of our parents generation are seeming harder to find, since we’re all drowning in a sex obsessed world (within the west)
–remember there are people out there who feel the same as you, just the initial way of finding them may not seem as clear cut from the start as it was 30 years back.
Hence I said, give some people a chance, be patient too.
But you’re 20, so it gets to like 23 ish when guys may take kids and marriage into more consideration.
Be aware though that you can also be manipulated within the first few meetings or dates. While you may see someone who ‘seems’ like the perfect person, the further you dedicate yourself to them, the more trapped you’ll end up being when they show their true colours.
I guess the bottom line is to ‘keep an open mind’ – don’t refer to methods or experiences used 10,20 years back to find the one true love, keep your beliefs but don’t be so quick to cross of potential people who may seem not so suitable at first.
Sometimes it may take 2 or 3 semi serious relationships before you find them, instead of the 1, but through those experiences, you'll be a stronger, (hopefully) more confident person by the time you finally find the one for you.