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If I'm understanding what you're looking for I'd say "Legend of the Galactic Heroes" is something you'd be quite interested in.
Then,even if it's not sci fi, "Grave of the Fireflies" is a quite griping WWII drama made in the 80s.
That's all I have for what I think are "safe bets"
A bit out of the box compared to what you asked for but I feel you should give them a shot:
I know you said no 90s mechas , but Neon Genesis Evangelion went pretty much against all the conventions of the time and did focus about the trauma of war and the relationships between people (though it might not seem so at first)
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