[Runty]

Originally Posted by Snowman24

Sort of, I had a idea for a fanfic that I couldn't pass up. It's VC unrelated, its a Dragon Age 2 fanfic. It was burning in my brain so much that once I opened up word processor, I started typing it instead of the Noel one. I wanted to get it down before I forgot.

I'll get back on the Noel one later, hopefully soon, even more hopeful I'll get it tonight sometime *A better preview, but for now, here's what I got.*

Spoiler for Noel tiny preview:

Three days... three long, terrible days the girls and their rebel enemies were stuck in this deep dark, dank basement. It smelled like mildew and other unpleasent scents that floated in the heavy air. What made it worse was that there was no food, and only a few cupfuls of water at the most.

Noel sat with her head against the concrete wall, her stomach growled constantly and she had never before been so hungry in her entire life. Her hand trembled from hunger and weakness as she attempted to continue writing in her small note pad, like a diary. She wasn't too keen on reading it when and if they got out in time, but it kept her mind off of everything else, so it was a welcome distraction.

“Day Three… is it morning, noon or night? I do not know anymore… Because it is always dark down here, except for that one tiny light bulb overhead that thankfully hasn’t gone out yet.

I’m starving… we haven’t eaten anything since we became trapped down here. We’ve been carefully sipping our water supply, which is almost gone. It was in a very large container and could have easily kept Susie and I alive for a week… if it were only the two of us. Sadly, it isn’t.

I don’t know how we got into a mess like this… trapped underground, along with two other Rebel soldiers who were wounded in the fighting earlier. There were five of them when we first got down here, but now… there’s only two and they’re in pretty bad shape.

I’m sad to write that we lost Derek last night… Susie tried her best to save him and is pretty torn up about it. But his wounds were just too severe and we still haven’t been dug out of this pit…

I can hear the other Class G students digging up above, but its dull and sounds pretty far away, even still. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, considering the size of building that nearly crushed us and blocked off the only exit out of this concrete prison…”

“Noel!” Susie called out, “Come here, I need to talk to you.”

Noel sighed, closed her notebook and stuffed it back into her rear pouch. She then shuffled weakly over to Susie and asked, “Yes… What is it?”

“Adam and Greg aren’t looking too well,” Susie whispered, “I’ve been cleaning and cleaning their wounds, but they looked pretty infected now… I fear we may lose them both if we’re not rescued soon.”

Noel shook her head, “I don’t mean to sound mean, but… have you ever considered how much of our water you’re wasting by treating these rebel wounded?” Noel asked, “I’ve still got my sidearm pistol… I think we should do the humane thing and put them out of their misery.”

“This again?!” Susie exclaimed, “I already told you, No! We aren’t going to do that! We have to help them!”

Noel shook her head again, “I just don’t understand you, Susie. Or how you managed to survive all throughout the last war…”

“I don’t expect you to,” Susie replied, “Not many of my former squad members in the last war understood me either. But I am who I am. And I’ll stick by these men and continue to help them.”

Noel gave up and sighed out loud, then turned and walked back to her section of the small basement room. As she sat against the wall and slowly shook her head back and forth, she recalled the events that lead them to this predicament...

It was quite difficult deciding where to start, and I'm not sure if this is the right way. I decided to start AFTER the battle, right down in the basement to begin with. What do ya think? Or should I start earlier?

Where it is now, it shows where the girls will end up, but Noel will think back to how they came to be here. Still... it doesn't quite sound good. Maybe I'll change it later, thoughts?

Definitely sounds like you wrote that a little hastily.

Spoiler for Suggestions:

I'd have it, for one, that Noel and Susie aren't trapped for a few days; a few hours at most. After all, if they were down there for 3 days, they would probably run out of air to breathe. Plus I don't think Class G would be permitted by High Command to stay for so long in trying to rescue Noel and Susie.

Your idea on the flashback would be neat, but IMO you should have it in the usual style of starting with Class G heading into the mission. That'd be easier to work with, IMO, and would allow for better preview cliffhangers!

You captured Susie's personality pretty nicely. Are you going to have her take on some of her anime traits (i.e. prone to fainting)? As a tidbit, it'd be ideal if you have it so that Susie never shot or killed anyone in the war. It'd make sense, especially in relation to her title of "Saint".