[tshouryuu]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

I finished my first draft of the prologue, but I think I made Kyon-ko a bit too feminine with all the shojou references...

Tell me what you guys think.

Spoiler:

Sometimes people ask me when I stopped believing in Santa Claus. Really, this kind of silly question, to me, doesn’t hold any real significance. However, if you were to ask me when I stopped believing that the old man wearing the red costume was Santa, then I can confidently say that I have never believed in Santa, ever. I knew that the Santa who appeared at my preschool Christmas party was a fraud. When I sat in his lap, I didn’t feel the eyes of a kindly old man looking down at me. In fact, it felt slightly disturbing to be sitting in the lap of some random old guy and espousing your deepest wishes. I was already wise enough to be suspicious about the existence of an old man who worked only on Christmas Eve.

However, it took me quite a bit longer to realize that the aliens, time-travelers, sailor girls, demons and espers in those effects-filled 'good guys versus evil organization' cartoons didn't actually exist either. No, wait, I probably did realize, I just didn't want to admit it. Deep inside my heart I still wanted those aliens, time-travelers, sailor girls, demons, espers and evil organizations to suddenly appear. Comparing those worlds to this boring, normal life of mine, those flashy worlds win every time; I wanted to live in that world too! I wanted my life to be filled with excitement!

I wanted to be the one who was kidnapped by aliens and imprisoned in a bowl-like fortress. I wanted to be the one saved by the handsome prince and taken off to live in castles happily ever after. Or, changing genres, I wanted to be someone who could banish demons and monsters with a single spell, engage in telepathic fights and save my one true love from danger!

But wait, calm down. I don't even have any special powers! None of the guys I knew in my classes did either!
Well then, how about this: one day, a mysterious new student transfers to my class. Except he's really an alien or from the future, and he has telepathic abilities. Then I’ll make friends with him, and his enemies, sensing a weak point, will come and kidnap me for ransom. Then he’ll come and rescue me and I can just sit back and wait. Oh my god, this is great, I am so clever!

Or maybe, if that doesn't work, how about this: one day, a mysterious power inside me awakens, something like a telekinetic or psychic ability. I discover that a lot of other people in this world also have similar powers, and then some sort of paranormal society recruits me. I'll become part of this organization, receive a talking animal companion and protect the world against evil demons!

Unfortunately, reality is surprisingly cruel... No magical prince came to sweep me off my feet. I've never seen a UFO. My dog never talked, even when I fed him alphabet soup. Two hours of intense staring didn't make my pencil move a single millimeter, and glaring at my classmate's head didn't reveal her thoughts to me either. I couldn't help but get depressed at how normal everything was. I began to stop watching for UFOs and paying attention to magical girl cartoons because I finally convinced myself it was impossible. I even reached a point where I only had a sense of nostalgia for those things.

After junior high, I completely grew out of that fantasy world and became utterly grounded in reality. Nothing happened in 1999, even though I kept hoping, just a bit, that something would; humankind hadn't returned to the moon or gone beyond it. I suppose, from the way things are looking, that I'll be long dead before you can book a round trip from Earth to Alpha Centauri.

With those sorts of ordinary, common thoughts in my mind, I became a normal, carefree senior high schoolgirl. That is, until…

Until the day I met Suzumiya Haruki.

Also, RmX, that scene that he's referring to in Vol 2. is the one where Kyon tries to hit Haruhi... somehow we're going to have to change that.

Hmm... Interesting but this version of Kyouko (or is it Kyonko?) doesn't sound snarky enough. The parts about getting kidnapped sounds rather too girlish(?) and doesn't quite convey the deadpanned tone of Kyon like the original if you get what I mean.

Originally Posted by Bean Bandit

*Ponders*

I have been considering the issue of 'Haruki' being an ill fitting piece of this puzzle. While I applaud the concept of Modeling him on Kamina and The Ouran male lead, I think he might be a little too generic still.

What I'm advocating is...in addition to Kamina and Tamaki...Mix in a dash of Sousuke Sagara as well?

Perhaps not so deadly serious, but an encyclopedic knowledge of Anime and Fiction devoted to his favorite subjects leaves him short on common sense? (The Cosplay Rape Scene with Mitsuuru makes me want to see Haruki tell Kyon-ko that crossdressers are a very important factor with groups of this kind)

As for the Why...Haruki, as he's shaping up right now, doesn't seem as likable as Haruhi. Her aggressiveness translates badly into a male character. (I think this has been said before) If we add something of an endearing blind spot to explain it (Like obviously having watched far too many anime: Something Haruhi {Female} Could also be said to have done, given her impromtu lecture on moe, in the anime, Kyon-ko might be less aggressively inclined. As in "He's not a Jerk, he's just an idiot.")

Side note: Kyon-ko muttering 'Baka' Ala Ruri Hoshino from Nadesico is too cute. @_@

Also, I would like to voice a vote against any influence from Shana in Kyon-ko's evolution. Her Charm comes from Worldweary Sarcasm and aplomb with which she tackles life. There are already far too many Tsunderes that yell and hit things, IMO.

Actually my suggestion for making Haruki is to not mix in Sousuke Sagara but Izumi Konata instead. The result is that you'll more or less get a GAR version of an otaku which might be an interesting character.

Btw instead of trying to think of the male equivalent of a bunny suit why not just put Minoru in the bunny suit (creating a trap for real) and have Kyonko join him after getting guilt tripped by Haruki.