[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Mystique

You said you wanna get to know someone better before going on a date, but then how are you gonna get to know then if you don’t go on a date…?

That's largely the point I wanted to drive home, although it's more than just getting to know someone. You're also evaluating your comfort level with them, finding out what you dislike about them in addition to what you like and have in common with them.

But you’re 20 and basing a ‘1 person for life’ ideology from how your parents met (which may apply to most of our parents generation) and comparing that to the teenagers of society today, (which we all seem really fickle in comparison huh?)

If that was the PM aspect then I can understand some of Narona's thinking. That's sheer luck, don't bank on it. Someone quite close to me has parents who sort of did something similar. They were already "getting old" (late 20's/early 30's) and both wanted to have children. While I'd say that one had a relatively good amount of dating experience, the other had very little. They met each other, found that they both came from similar cultural backgrounds and had similar values, both wanted children, and poof - about a month after they'd started dating, they were married. They're divorced now, and their children suffered through that one. But if you speak to either of them, they'd tell you that it initially seemed like the perfect pairing, and what could have gone wrong? What went wrong, apparently, was a large number of incompatibilities and issues that might have been discovered or ironed out had they dated in the first place.

My parents are divorced, as well. Their divorce was arguably one of the better divorces that a couple could go through, but it was still painful and the after affects still cause strain to the family. You do not want to go through a divorce yourself, nor do you want to feel enslaved to a relationship that has soured. For this reason it's critical not to enter a relationship with the conviction that this will be "the one." Think about the future and how you might like to commit to it for life, but do not hold out like that.

You say that you're fine being single now, which is good - desperation usually doesn't lead to good things. Yet another concern I have for you is that you want to have children in the future. Once the biological clock starts ticking and you're in your 30's with no dating experience and no signs of a relationship, do you still think you won't feel desperate?

I think with Ledgem’s last point, he’s also saying ‘be careful not to delude yourself into staying in an unhealthy relationship’
If the person seems like the ‘right one’ but later in life he changes to the point where he doesn’t respect you, don’t think ‘but we share the same ideas.’ – marriage and kids are initial desires, but then when those are done what next?

Right again, my trusty British sidekick! Although it doesn't even have to be a case of a person changing such that there's an incompatibility. Something could come out or begin to grate on you. I'd always thought that people would easily recognize when their relationship sours or even becomes abusive, but apparently many don't. The first girl I dated admitted that her previous relationship had been bad, but she stuck with it for a year or so even after recognizing that it was bad (she simply didn't want to be single). Heck, even my own sister has had trouble dumping boys who were unfaithful to her. I'm sure it's hard for plenty of guys to do it, too. You don't want that to be you.