[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Heatth

I see. But why the quote seen to belong to witty?

My bad, sorry.

Originally Posted by Ithekro

If Kyon the the theory remains the same...if it was Kyonko...then Kanon would be the an offshoot of the Genderbent reality...thus in Haruhi and Kyon's world...the Kanon people might be genderbent.....*sigh*

It's Kyon's idea.


Also.

Spoiler for September the Fifth, Day 4: After School- Walking Home:

Walking Home Alone


I once heard that it’s actually easier on the human body to go uphill than it is to go down, but despite knowing that, I can’t help but feel as though the opposite is true.

I’m walking home now, alone, and at an earlier time than I usually do. This marks a monumentous end to my hectic first week back at school.

…Am I wrong for expecting something more?

With all that happened this week, what with the ripple noises, the temporal distortions, the mysteriously appearing food in my fridge, and the intruders (Haruhi’s “mutant”), I half thought there would have been something more… sinister at work. But so far, nothing has really happened.

…I wonder. Could all of those things be connected somehow? Is there something building up in the background that I’m not aware of…?

It’s possible. I should probably call Koizumi or Nagato tomorrow and talk about all this, though I don’t think they’ll want to hear about my fridge.

Or is all this just my imagination, and I just want something big to happen?

…A few years ago, that definitely would have been true. But now, I don’t know.

What do I want? What do I want out of life?

I wrote on my tanazaku that I wanted to be rich and have a big house with a garden where I can give a dog a bath. Simple wishes for 16 and 25 years in advance.

…But is that all I want out of life? Is it wrong to want more than simple financial stability?

I find myself thinking things like this a lot lately. It’s probably because I never saw myself taking care of the well-being of the universe when I first started high school.

Have I said this before? I’m ruminating.

I guess all I want is for my situation to be understood by someone else. I’d like some help here, actually. All this is too big a burden for me, and the other three are little help.

I sigh out loud.

And with that, I had arrived at the bike racks without realizing it.

One step at a time. First thing I’ll do is contact either Nagato or Koizumi tomorrow, and try to figure out what the root of the weird things this past week is. Then on Monday, I’ll try to smooth things over with Haruhi. We’ll take things from there.

No point in getting worked up over something that hasn’t happened yet.

Unless, of course, it’s already happened. Or, alternatively, is happening right

*KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH*


Walking Home With Haruhi


Kyon: Did you know that it’s actually easier on the human body to go uphill than down?

Haruhi: Really? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Kyon: You’d think so, yeah, but it isn’t, for some reason.


I’m walking home with Haruhi, an unusual occurrence. It also marks a monumentous end to my hectic first week back at school.

And so, to make sure nothing goes awry, and I really don’t have a Sunday dinner guest, I should make sure to deal with this.


Kyon: So, what’s really up? You’re not one to cancel a club meeting just because the faculty yelled at you.


A grumpy look.


Haruhi: Who gave you the right to be so perceptive? …It’s like I said earlier: Everything I try to do recently just… backfires. It’s depressing.

Kyon: And that’s not entirely true. The backfiring, I mean. Wasn’t everything we did over the summer a big success?


Actually, that backfired more than anything we’ve done so far, but…


Haruhi: I guess… but still, the past few days, they’ve been so… unfulfilling. There’s all this stuff going on, but it’s not leading anywhere. There’s no climax, you know?


I don’t know, but I can sort of understand, yeah.


Haruhi: And then, when I think like that, I start thinking about what I really want out of life. Maybe it’s just back-to-school blues, but…


If Haruhi Suzumiya starts having an existential crisis, I don’t know what will happen. Let’s try to keep that from happening.


Kyon: Well, what was it you wrote on your tanazaku again? That you want the earth to rotate backwards? And that you wanted the whole world to revolve around you?


Isn’t that what you want out of life?

Another grumpy look.


Haruhi: Those are things that are supposed to happen sixteen and twenty-five years from now! What on earth am I supposed to do in the meantime? Also, I’m surprised you of all people even remembered my wishes.

Kyon: How should I say this…? They’re the kind of wishes that are hard to forget.

Haruhi: Hmmph.

Kyon: …You know, Haruhi, I’ve been thinking.

Haruhi: What?

Kyon: What if the gods don’t just grant wishes for no reason? What if they only grant them to people that deserve them, to people who work hard for their wishes?

[Note: I stole this from Umineko, sue me, but I think it’s a fairly universal concept.]

Haruhi: …

Kyon: So if you really want the earth to rotate backwards, I’d say you should aim to make that happen.


Another grumpy look—no, wait, it’s a smile.


Haruhi: Stupid. That’s not the Tanabata wish I can actually aim for, is it?


No, I guess it’s not.


Haruhi: …Thanks for trying to cheer me up, though.



No trouble at all. The safety of the universe, and my emotional-well being, depends on it.

That’s my only motivation here.


Without either of us noticing, we had arrived at the bike racks at the bottom of the hill, and this is where our ways part, I suppose.


Haruhi: I’ll see you on Monday.

Kyon: See ya.


…

I should make absolutely sure she’s fine.


Kyon: By the way, about our search for evidence of the mutant turning up nothing… I said before, right? They’re not careless enough to let you find them in one day.

Haruhi: Stop trying to comfort me by spouting out sappy lines, Kyon. Later.


Geh. I’m rather proud of that one, thank you very much.

At least she’s back to her usual self.

I seem to have to do keep doing that a lot recently, that is, cheer her up. Maybe it really is just back-to-school blues, as I’ve been feeling much the same way recently.

Especially in how there are weird things going on with seemingly no point to them.

I’ll have to contact Nagato or Koizumi tomorrow and bring this up, but there’s no point in worrying about things until they happen.

Unless, of course, they’ve already happened. Or, alternatively, are happening right


*KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH*


Walking Home With Tsuruya-san


Kyon: Did you know that it’s actually easier on the human body to go uphill than down?

Tsuruya: Huh, really? Never woulda guessed.

Kyon: It’s true.


I’m walking home with Tsuruya-san, who I’ve only really met once before this.

Exactly what am I supposed to talk about?

For that matter, she’s still attached to my arm. The rest of the students in the Going Home Club are staring at this blatant public display of affection. This is extremely awkward. Please let go of me, Tsuruya-san.


Tsuruya: Nope~.


Worth a shot.

I am extremely, extremely glad that Haruhi went home early. I do not want her to see me like this. Of course, since rumors have a way of getting back to her somehow, I’ll have to find a way to defuse this eventually.

Argh, and why is the only thing I can think of in this situation is how Haruhi is going to react? I can’t believe myself. I’ll never get a girlfriend like this.


Kyon: So, um…

Tsuruya: How’re things in tha Brigade?

Kyon: Uh, well, as strange as they usually are.

Tsuruya: Mikuru-chan said somethin’ about hunting all over tha school for a “mutant” o’ some kind…

Kyon: Aha. Ahaha. That’s just our Brigade Chief being paranoid of rumors.


Is she trying to push her breasts up against my arm like that? This is making it hard to think.


Tsuruya: Ah, yeah, rumors can be troublesome. This one probably started with that lunatic running all around the school. I tried to use my “senpai’s authority” to stop him, but, well, he wouldn’t stop.


Ahaha you certainly have a lot of authority Tsuruya-san wait what?

I stop short.


Kyon: You actually met him?

Tsuruya: Eh? Why so serious all of a suddens?

Kyon: What did he look like? Please, I have to know, Tsuruya-san.

Tsuruya: Um, well, he was pretty tall… about Itsuki-kun’s height, and… he didn’t really look like anything, ta be honest with ya.


Someone nondescript. Hmm.


Kyon: So you wouldn’t recognize him if you saw him again?


Tsuruya-san, in thought, unconsciously leaned against me. Gah.


Tsuruya: Hmm, probably not, nah. I don’t have a good memory for faces, ya see.

Kyon: Ah, that’s okay, Tsuruya-san.

That’s too bad, but I guess it’s better that I don’t get uninvolved people involved in this. Speaking of which, can you let go now, Tsuruya-san?


Tsuruya: But if ya’d ask me what tha girl looked like, hooo boy, she’s pretty distinct. My memory of her is as clear as day, nyoro~.


Tsuruya-san ends her sentence in an extremely cute fashion as she explains about the girl wait. What girl?


Tsuruya: Obviously pretty short. Still taller than Mikuru-chan, but bless her, everyone’s taller than Mikuru-chan. Not much in tha chest department, though she made up for it by having this reaaaally cute ponytail. …Though, her personality didn’t seem too pleasant, the way she glared at me like that.


…A short, petite girl with a ponytail with an unpleasant personality.

There’s lots of those, I’m sure, but one person I’d never seen before until this morning comes to mind. A person I even gave Tsuruya-san’s shoes to.

…God dammit.

Goddammit!

She was with the intruder. So that’s why she was trying to steal my shoes!

Wait, on second thought, that doesn’t make much sense either. …Still, I’m going to have a few things to say next time I see her. Thank you very much for that, Tsuruya-san.

At that moment Tsuruya-san’s grip on my arm got even tighter, cutting off my circulation. As a result, the sensation of a pair of small, fluffy pillows pressing against me got even more intense.


Kyon: Ghhhh! I—what? What’s wrong?


For Tsuruya-san had dropped her usual smile, and was focusing on a point about twenty meters behind us.


Kyon: Tsuruya…san?

Tsuruya: Eh? Oh! Sorry, Kyon-kun! Nyahaha! Got distracted there for a minute!


She then noticed my hard-to-describe expression.


Tsuruya: Oh, am I squeezin’ ya too hard? Sorry, sorry.


Her grip loosens. Thank god, I was either about to lose my lower arm, or my sanity.


Tsuruya: Welp, c’mon then, time’s a wastin’! Let’s go!


She pulls me forward, and I have no choice by to comply.


In due course, we reach the bike racks at the bottom of the hill. This is (un)fortunately where I will have to separate with Tsuruya-san.

I tell her this, and she finally loosens her hold. I feel as though a great weight has been lifted from me.


Tsuruya: Ah, that’s fine. I usually get my driver to pick me up here anyways. Ah, here he comes now!


In any case, now that I’ve actually met one of the intruders (Girl A) I have to inform Nagato of this. I’ll be sure to call her first thing in the morning, when I’m fully rested.

I’ll have to figure out a way to explain away Tsuruya-san’s weird behavior when Haruhi inevitably finds out, also. And is that a limousine?!


Tsuruya: Er, yeah, haha, my family’s pretty well-to-do. Didn’ ya know?

Kyon: No, no I did not, actually.


I would not describe a family that possesses enough limousines to spare one on picking their daughter up from school as simply “well-to-do”. In fact, I get the feeling I may have to worry about rumors making their way to her father, or perhaps her Family, as well.

What have you gotten me into, Tsuruya-san?

Tsuruya: Welp, I guess I’ll see ya around, Kyon-kun.

Kyon: Uh, yeah, yeah, see ya.


I give a quick wave and turn towards where I park my bicycle every morning. I don’t want her driver to get a good look at my face.

A tap on my shoulder. By reflex, I turn around.


Tsuruya: Ah, that’s right. Almost forgot~.


She stands on the tips of her toes, and reaches around my neck, pulling me downward.

…! Her face is… so… close…!

And then, closing her eyes, she


*KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH*



Walking Home With Girl A


Kyon: Did you… know that…. it’s actually easier on the human body… to go uphill than down?

Girl A: Yeah, I…. I heard something about that once. Something about how… your limbs are actually better at it…. Or something.

Kyon: …Something like that.


I’m walking home with a girl I’ve pretty much never met before. A fitting end to a weird, weird week.

I’m also carrying an LCD monitor, and panting really hard. The reason for the latter is that we’re now at the bottom of the huge hill that our school sits on top of, having run down here in retreat from an angry Computer Research Society.

…I’m beginning to regard events like this as normal. Someone help.


Girl A: God… I hate that hill.

Kyon: So do I. Every day, up and down…

Girl A: The city should just get it over with and install an escalator.

Kyon: My thoughts exactly.


My kingdom for an escalator!

Of course, then it would have been much easier for the Computer Society to catch up to us.


Girl A: Speaking of which, here they come now!

Kyon: Tenacious, aren’t they…


Girl A runs inside the bike compound, runs straight to my bike, oddly enough, and… unlocks it?


Kyon: Hey, how did--?

Girl A: You’re slow. Get on.

Kyon: Yes, mistress. Who’s pedaling?

Girl A: You, of course. You think my feet can reach those pedals?

Kyon: Good point.

CSP: Death to those who would shame the Computer Research Society!


I shove the monitor in the basket in the front of my bike; I’ll have to keep it steady with one hand, I guess. Girl A hops onto the seat, her arms on my shoulders.


Kyon: We’re gonna be going fast, so you might want to hold on tighter than that.

Girl A: Hmm? Sure, I guess that’s fine.


She folds her arms around my body, and I can feel a softness pressing against my back. So, she has breasts after all, huh…?


CSP: You will pay for what you have taken from us!


And now is not the time to be thinking about that!

We clear the compound just as the President and his goons reach it. A narrow escape!

CSP: Nooooooooooooooo!


His cry of anguish resounds in our ears as I pedal in an effort to gain a lot of distance. Closer at hand, Girl A is trying not to laugh.


Girl A: Pffffffffhahahahahahaha!


And failing. And, for some reason, I start laughing too.


Kyon: Hahahahahahahaha!

Girl A: Ahahahahahahaha!


We must look even loonier than before.


Kyon and Kyonko: Hahahahahahahahahaha!


What a rush.


---

The Computer Society President sat in the middle of the bike racks in tears, utterly defeated. His minions, gathered around him, offered him words of encouragement. But he paid them no heed.

Eventually, however, he got to his feet, brushed the dirt off his clothes, wiped his eyes, and lied to everyone that he was perfectly fine.


Spectacled Minion: So, uh, what do we do now, President?

CSP: Nothing. We wait.

Fat Minion: Wait?

CSP: Don’t you see? They’ll have to return to school on Monday. We can get our revenge then.


A sick, boiling laugh rose up in his throat.


CSP: Mwwwaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahaha! Glory to the Computer Reseaaaaaarch Societyyyyyy! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fat Minion: A-Are you okay, boss?

Lightning struck. Even though there weren’t any clouds in the sky.

---


Kyon: …That’s probably what’s happening right now.

Girl A: Hahaha, that’s great. I love it!


It didn’t take long to get to Kitaguchi Station with that kind of adrenaline going through our veins.


Girl A: Seriously though, thanks for the ride, and all your help. I kind of wish I had more to offer you than seventy yen…

Kyon: It’s not really out of my way… although, you could answer a question for me, I guess.

Girl A: Sure. One question in payment, then.

Kyon: Could tell me where you got that new uniform from, just to satisfy my curiosity?

Girl A: …New uniform?

Kyon: The one I saw you in this morning was rumpled, as though you had slept in it. Also, you seem to have new indoor shoes that came out of nowhere.

Girl A: …Ah, you… noticed. Um. A friend of mine has connections, so she managed to get this to me today.

Kyon: The same friend you’re giving this stolen monitor to?

Girl A: Uh, yeah, actually.


An underground network of thieves, huh?

Girl A really seems to have trouble carrying the monitor by herself.


Kyon: You know, I could carry that for you the rest of the way…

Girl A: Oh, God, no. I mean, I’d be grateful, but the people I’m meeting, um, don’t take to strangers that well, so…

Kyon: You’re sure?

Girl A: Yes, yes, it’s fine.

Kyon: Well, see you around, then.

Girl A: See you around!


I realize as I watch her struggle with the monitor towards the café, that I never actually asked her name. I never thought of it, simply because… I somehow got the feeling I’d known her a long time?

I’d have called out to her, but… “one question”, huh?

I’m a moron.


The only thing left to do now is go home, and first thing tomorrow I’ll contact either Nagato or Koizumi, and try to figure out what the root of the weird things this past week is. I don’t doubt that they’re all interconnected.

And given the way she suddenly showed up, Girl A and her Thieves’ Guild are probably some part of this too.


And then on Monday, I’ll also have to smooth things over with Haruhi and try to avoid the attention of the Computer Research Society. …I wonder how much that monitor cost, anyway?

I certainly have a lot of things to

*KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH*

Refer to the now-Beta flowchart for how this is supposed to work, I guess.

Wow this was a lot of work.

Note: The static effects here have to extremely sudden for these to have the effects I want them to have.