[Tamekichi]

Thank you OceanBlue. Some of the sentances in Chapter 3 are sparse on purpose to convey a feeling on anxiety. Maybe I'm not doing that well enough. :|

Spoiler for Chapter 4: Sanctuary:

The rain was strangely melodic. I didn't feel like sleeping at all now. I mean, I was exhausted, but too scared to close my eyes again. I might have another weird... vision. Maybe I’ll spend the next couple hours reading some of the French novel that Koizumi and I had noticed Nagato reading. I made my way over to her bag, and stuck my hand in. I felt around to make sure I wasn’t fondling any small black books with "diary" written on the front, and lightly lifted the thin novel out of the bag. It must be the shortest book I’d ever seen Nagato reading. That must mean her superior intellect is dissolving too, and she can’t read thick hard covers in a day anymore. The computer club will be very sorry to hear that. I carried the small book over to where my pillow was laying against the wall, and, taking care as I sat down, rested my sore body on the feather filled sack. I propped my back up against the wall and opened up the novel to the first page:

“Maman died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don’t know.”

The grey world outside washed over me as it peeked through the window over the city, the raindrops hitting the window pane as if it were a metronome, pacing my reading. It was indeed a strange novel. I'm pretty certain I don't understand it. I read for about half an hour before I couldn't pretend to know what I was reading anymore, and placed the book back on the table. I searched inside Nagato's bag for another book to read. My hands reached inside, only to be caught on the bag as they tried to make their exit. They were reprimanded by a hook on the outside, getting snagged, as the bag was pulled off the table and dropped to the floor. An assortment of school objects burst from the bag, finally getting to see the light of day together. I stared at the assortment of academic confetti on the ground. There were books and pencils and papers and whatnot. Even that familiar slender black book with the ribbon to match. The paper was all ordinary, except for one small piece that caught my eye. On it was a doodle: a cartoonish version of Nagato's head, with a thought bubble, the name "Kyon" floating in it. In the drawing's small, chibi like hands was a heart shaped box, with a large oversized tag coming off of it, bearing the words "♥ For Yuki-rin ♥”. Other small hearts floated above the cute Nagato drawing's head, as her eyes peered happily down at the present.

"a-ahhh?"

Just then I heard a cute squeak as I spun around quickly, hiding the contents of Nagato's bag. Asahina-san's sleep stricken eyes met me, as the back of her palms came up to rub the dust out of them.

"K-Kyon-kun? You're awake?"

Uh, yeah. I was just looking for something to read while I waited for you guys to get up.

I proceeded to hastily, and from what I imagine, incriminatingly, shove the books and papers, including the scrap paper with the drawing on it, back into Nagato's bag. I was frantically moving around. I hoped Asahina-san did not notice this. Please God, let her be too sleepy to notice anything.

Asahina-san looked around, getting her bearings. She then yawned the cutest little yawn I've ever seen, as she arched her back and widened her face, her eyes closed. Her unkempt hair reached down to her lower back. I noticed her chest putting a lot of pressure on her buttoned up pajama shirt as her back bent forward. If I weren't so respectful, I would wish those buttons would pop out. All of them.

I wouldn’t be so confused if this goddess of a woman was madly in love with me instead of Nagato. Actually, I would be somewhat confused at the sudden change of attitude toward our relationship. But whatever advances Asahina-san made, I would certainly go with them. She would do cute little things like acting shy and blushing a lot. Ahh. Just thinking about it makes me wish my dreams were reality sometimes. Although what Nagato has done, playing that song for me. That was really from the heart. It seemed a very serious, romantic signal to send. I wonder which I would prefer?

Asahina-san finished her long yawn and looked at me with half closed eyes. She noticed the book in my hand, the one I hadn't managed to conceal yet as I was frozen by the site of the yawning upperclassman.

"What are you reading?"

I looked down as the horror in my eyes suddenly became apparent. The book I was caressing in my fingers had a sleek black trim with a ribbon floating over my thumb. It was nothing other than Nagato’s diary. In my haste to conceal all the various supplies I had spilled I must have picked it up in the middle only to stop to admire the spectacle that unfolded before me in the pink pajama shirt, only to forget I was indeed still holding it, intending to shove it away as well. You've got to be kidding me, why did it have to be this one? Quickly, I covered my tracks.

"U-u-uh, n-nothing. I mean, nothing in particular, you know... just... this and that, and... uh... some of... y'know, whatever."

There’s no way Asahina-san knows about Nagato’s diary, and she can’t see the writing on the cover from here. Plus, she’s not too observant to begin with, so this shouldn’t be too hard to believe, right?

I jammed the diary back into Nagato's bag and walked away from my moral crime scene. Hey, I had done nothing wrong! I didn't even read it this time! Why do I feel like I did then?

"O-oh..."

Asahina-san weakly let out a response just to let me know she was listening. She didn’t care, it seemed she was still waking up. Man. If I could wake up to this sight every morning I would be one happy man.

She stared around the room some more, still trying to acclimate to the morning, as a harsher voice from her right startled her.

"Oh, it's raining? yuck..."

Haruhi was up now as well. She woke up facing the direction of the window, so the first thing she saw was the drab world outside. The boring, dingy, uninteresting world she so often tries to escape. She sat up almost in the same position as Asahina-san, who was next to her. Haruhi's hair was a little disheveled, but not bad looking. The left side of her gold hairband’s knot was now straggly and untied.

She glanced at me and let out a small snicker...

"Looks like you've been up all night Kyon..."

What? Why? I touched my hand to my head and realized I had a serious case of bed-head going. The gentle touch of my fingertips also reminded myself that my head was still faintly throbbing.

"Yeah, I guess maybe I was..."

"Hey Mikuru, did you sleep well?"

“A-ah? U-Umm, yes. I did…”

Haruhi ignored Asahina-san’s reply as she went through the same routine of wiping her eyes, yawning and stretching. I could hear her back pop and few times as she twisted herself around on her bottom.

"Ahh. I feel refreshed, that was a fun night last night. Let's go get some breakfast, and then get home to finish our school work."

I agreed with her for once, as I walked over to Koizumi. C'mon, you said you were a light sleeper. Or, at least, I think you did. I don't think I was imagining then.

I kicked him lightly in the back. He rolled over.

"ahhhhhhhhggg..." He let out a groan. It looks like he didn't have that great of a night either, but the handsome smiling esper did not have the mess atop his head that I did.

Meanwhile Haruhi was shaking Nagato to get up, as Asahina-san made her way into the other room to change. Asahina-san reappeared five minutes later, wearing her casual clothes, not the Tsuruya costume, I might note.

We all went and changed and then headed out of Nagato's apartment. I dragged my feet lamely as my head hung lower than usual. The rain was pelting the scruff of my neck. Nagato had only one umbrella, and it was being held by Haruhi with the other two female members of the SOS Brigade flanking her, taking comfort in the shelter the umbrella provided. This reminded me of that day Haruhi and I walked home together under the umbrella she stole from the staff room. That girl sometimes...

Koizumi walked slowly beside me, being nice enough to keep my pace. He walked with his head up, his face more tired than normal. I noticed he had bags forming under his eyes, and I thought I could faintly decipher the beginning of some crow’s feet at the sides of those same eyes. It seems he hasn’t slept well in a while. Even so, he’s always smiling, and this morning was no exception, as the trademark smile was being worn.

A little early to be smiling like that, isn't it?

"I guess. I sure am tired."

You said it.

"You didn't sleep well either?"

Nope. Nice observation Galileo.


We came to the oh so familiar coffee shop by the train station. It was decided by our fearless leader that I was to pay since I got last in the talent competition. What? I even got beat out by Koizumi's lame act?

Sigh. Alright. My wallet is about empty anyway, so what does it matter.

Haruhi talked through our breakfast about who knows what. I took the time to rest my eyes on the other members of our party, trying to block out the whining sound of the Brigade chief. Asahina-san adorably sipped from her cup. When the waitress came to refill us, she her some questions about tea leaves. I guess you really are serious about being a maid Asahina-san. I must admit, I do envy your enthusiasm for performing well at a position you were forced into.

Koizumi had some coffee, as did I, trying to wake ourselves up to the rain soaked world. Nagato sat on the end, staring into her glass of milk tea, sipping it with both hands, as if to take extra care not to drop it. What are these weird dream-like things I'm having about Nagato? And what was that drawing? I wonder if she doodled that absent-mindedly in class. Maybe she thinks about t me in class all day, eagerly anticipating the moment I walk through the club room door and wave to her. If Nagato really is being affected by love, the emotion is hitting her hard.

We finished as I paid the bill, the familiar waitress even casually remarking "Oh, you're going to take it again? What a gentleman."

Yes, even though I was being forced to do it every time.

The group walked outside as Haruhi told us we were dismissed, much quicker than usual. She took extra care to remind me not to skimp on my school work that was due tomorrow. She reminded me we had a Western Civilization quiz to study for. I had blissfully forgotten about that. Bah. My mind has too much to think about as it is.


I noticed my ride home on my bike was more peaceful than normal. I was able to get some thinking done. The rhythm of the rain hitting the ground, teamed up with my bike tires splashing through the small puddles, created a sensation of relaxation that I could not shake. It’s as if I were listening to some of that music that has an intent to put you to sleep. Why am I always tired? Maybe because I live my life constantly being forced to act in accordance with Haruhi’s whims.

Ah, what am I saying. Even though I complain all the time, it’s readily apparent that I would be very sad to not be travelling to the Literature Club room every day after school. It was pretty scary last December when Haruhi disappeared, and the SOS Brigade was gone. It seems to have forced itself into my life, fusing together with my other everyday shenanigans until it reaches the point that a lot of this abnormal stuff is exactly what I consider to be the norm. Besides, I would never have met all of these interesting people without meeting Haruhi first. And even Haruhi herself, that crazy eccentric girl. She pumps fun into every one of our lives with mystery and surprise. Maybe she really is saving the world by overloading it with fun. Maybe she’s saving our dreary lives by overloading them with fun.

No. Actually, a lot of the stuff she does is too ridiculous. Let’s just say I am glad I have Nagato and Koizumi, and even Asahina-san to depend on. I might not be able to depend on Nagato for much longer if what she says is happening to her is true. But even if she is an alien with no powers, I still want her to be there, always observing us. I still want her in her usual spot in the club room, reading her usual thick-as-textbooks hardcovers in some foreign language. I still want her to not pay attention to anything extravagant that happens unless it matters to her. I don’t want the Nagato I know, the one I’ve come to know in the last year and a half, to fade away. I want to be able to talk to her, even if she has nothing to do with some Integrated Thought Entity. I want to converse with her about everyday things. I want to be able to pick up on her subtle emotions. I want to be the only one to understand her. All of this that is happening, even though it confuses the hell out of me, there is one good thing. I’ve gotten to know Nagato better, and spend time seeing the real side of her. The side that played that violin song for me. The one I won’t ever forget as long as I’m breathing, and maybe even after that.

My mind continued to wander, not concerned with what was happening around my physical being, the tire treads beneath me gently snaking through the pouring rain.


I parked my bike on the side of my house as I slowly walked through the front door.

"Kyon-kun! Hey! Me and Shami missed you~!"

My sister greeted me warmly, and I greeted her back. I was in no mood to play around though, especially since my body was less than willing to even stand, so I started to head up to my room.

My mom called out a greeting to me as well. I said good morning, and continued walking. She informed me that she had called Kunikida's home, and that he said we were having a good time at his house. Good ol' Kunikida. I'll have to remember that I owe him one. Good thing I didn't include Taniguchi in the lie, he would have messed it up somehow, that idiot.

Ahhh. My room. My own sanctuary, at least for now. Everyone has their own sanctuaries, a little space in this world where they feel completely at ease, where nothing can be thought of to be wrong.

I collapsed on my bed like I had been shot by a 43rd floor sniper. My mind played over the clip of Haruhi reminding me to study, but I just couldn't bring myself to concentrate on it, so it would be pointless. Not to mention I had Algebra homework as well. When the homework is piled up high, the harder it becomes to climb to the top and start your descent through it. Instead, I spent the afternoon watching TV and flipping through manga again, trying to ease my overworked mind. I also took some pain killers to relieve my aching body and worn out head.

After bathing, I returned to my room and put my pajamas on. It was about 7 o'clock. I decided to just pass out there on the spot, again flopping onto my soft mattress. I might as well save up on sleep, I didn’t get enough last night, that’s for sure. This night should be better.

But, of course, it wasn’t.


"Kyon-kun."

"..."

"Kyon."

"..."

"Wake up."

My eyes slowly opened as I felt the gentle nudging of a hand against my bicep.

"Ah, good."

I looked to my left to find Koizumi Itsuki smiling back at me. He was in his pajamas, but his face was the same one I was always used to seeing. Although right now, I was more than irritated at seeing it.

"Ah jeez. What are you doing? I was sleeping."

"You are sleeping."

"What?"

"Kyon, you’re in a dream state right now."

"What?"

"I said you're in a dream state."

"I'm... I'm dreaming?"

"No. You are in a separate dream state."

"What the hell are you saying?"

I was getting slightly annoyed. Don’t talk in circles. I’ve had enough of that. If you’re going to wake me up, tell me the reason and let me go back to dreaming about Asahina-san in that Tsuruya costume.

Koizumi lightly pinched my arm.

Ouch! What was that for?!

"To show you that you aren't dreaming, and also to wake you up. Now listen carefully..."

Koizumi pulled my desk chair over to the side of my bed as I once again propped myself up on my arm to turn toward him.

"This is a dream state created as an alternate reality. Don't be alarmed. Even though it bears a resemblance to a sealed reality, it is not similar. This state does not have to do with Suzumiya Haruhi at all. This is a world that is reconstructed to look exactly like the world we live in now. Everyone here will act the same way as they would as if this were reality and you were living you're life. The only difference is that this is not reality."

"It's a dream then?"

"I guess you can say that, only we are fully awake in here, our minds processing at full speeds, and our bodies entirely responsive to our wishes."

"...so?"

"So what happens in this space will not have an impact on the reality outside it. It is just like you are free to do what your mind wished in here. Let your Id run amok, as in dreams, there is no Super-ego to keep it under control."

"Why... are we here?”

"You and I are here for a special reason. We are still semi-connected with our reality selves, the selves that are sleeping right now. We will keep this memory and perceive it as real even though it's like a dream. We will remember what happens in here, what is said, who says it, and why they say it, whereas the others who do not have this ability are just carbon copies that inhabit the dream state. They are not connected to their reality selves at all. For example, if I were to go toss a bucket of water on your sleeping sister, she would not remember that event happening when she wakes up the next morning, as it wouldn't have happened to her, only the "her" in this dream state. But you and I would both remember it the next morning."

Don’t talk about doing that kind of thing to my sister.

“Haha, I apologize. It was just an example.”

Koizumi, who did this? Why are we here?”

“Nagato-san creates these states. As for why, that’s something you have to ask her. It seems like you and I, as well as Nagato-san, are the only ones connected with our outside realities.”

“…”

So this is all Nagato's doing. I felt I have experienced this before. I wonder why she is doing this. I thought she was a normal average girl now?

"She is starting to turn into one, but the transformation is not complete yet. Creating this dream state is one of the last things Nagato can do with her powers."

"Wait, how do you know that stuff about Nagato losing her powers?"

"We talked about it last night, you don't remember? It was a separate dream state, where you told Nagato-san that you read her diary. She still remembers all those events, as I'm sure you do too."

"But you didn't hear me saying Nagato's name before that."

"I assume that was a separate dream state as well, one where I was not connected with my "reality self". You must have been saying Nagato-san's name in the dream space, and she heard it, going to your side as you woke up in the new dream space."

Man. Nagato's way of working is confusing. Dreaming within a dream?

"Why are you here at all Koizumi?"

"It's not obvious? I'm the messenger. I'm here to tell you all this stuff. To let you know what this is. Especially to let you know that this is not reality, and therefore the restrictions you may be feeling in reality will not be present here, as only a few people will remember what happens."

That doesn't mean you're going to come on to me, does it?

"What?"

"Nothing."

"In any case, I'm going to head back soon, I want to get some sleep before tomorrow. Just remember, if you ever wake up from being asleep, make sure to know whether it's a dream state or reality."

"How do I tell?"

Koizumi pointed out the window in my room. I followed his slim finger to see what was outside.

Small white flakes were floating to the ground, plastered against the black backdrop of the night sky. I looked back to where Koizumi had been sitting, but he was gone, only my desolate desk chair remained in the same position.

Stumbling out of bed, I made my way over to the window. I lifted the bottom sill to let the breeze of fresh air reach my skin. The snow entered my room as if each individual flake was an invited guest. My ears began to pick up the familiar sound. A violin was playing in the distance. The snowflakes entered my room, more and more coming with each passing second, until I was swallowed up by the white. This time, I just let it happen.

Nagato. I now know.

On another note, I will be gone for the weekend, so I am sorry to say, do not expect any updates on Chapter 5 soon. I don't know if I'll be able to get to a computer, but I'll try my best. Thanks to anyone and everyone who is reading.