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Don't let my con-crit take the joy out of your writing. I've been criticized before for giving young Lelouch too mature a diction, so I'm sensitive to that issue. A goal of mine is to make sure that character personalities come out through their speech: Their words and way of talking should reflect their age, intelligence, so on. My problem was making everyone sound too rational/mature.
I feel Clovis' speech is flowery when he's comfortable and petty/snappy when he's insecure. I notice however that I've made him too "flat" a character; he should be smarter and sneakier than what most authors give him credit for. He did capture CC after all, and being a master socialite requires much people skills and smarts.
I'm not sure what to do with Marianne. Haven't given her much thought.
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