I'm reworking the first volume and as my own worst critic, I'm surprised anyone thought it was very good. Well, I think the story I'm telling is kind of interesting but my skill in telling it well is splotchy. Chapters are very sketchy, it isn't often clear who is saying what, there are continuity problems, you get the idea.
On the strategic level, I'm trying to decide if I took a wrong turn in my implementation of Glycerin. I'd always planned to have her be mostly the way she is with her dysfunctional shyness, her closet feelings about Tsika, her worship of Blar and Aina, and her suicidal tendencies over her loss of family. Originally, Little Snake was simply going to be a voice in her head who *persuaded* her to damage herself, one she spoke to only she could hear. It would not 'take over' like what happens in MPD patients.
I started reading about MPD and amplified Snake into a full shadow personality that would shift Glyc out of consciousness and we got what we see here.
Okay, this was interesting to me and all trying to write how that looks and feels -- I'm just not certain it was a good idea to put in this story.
I've written it in a way I can redesign Snake without having to rip too much of the plot line up but I'd appreciate any feedback on whether people think Snake is great, stupid, distracting, interfering, or whatever. As far as that goes, comments on any character or their believability would be appreciated. In short, voice-in-the-head? or full multiple-personality-disorder?
On a separate note, having seen polyamorous relationships in my life (not me but I've been friends with triples, etc) I hope I'm portraying the complexity well. I'm not saying it is sustainable but the group might be about to try it.
As I said at the start of this, I'm not writing a staple light novel of japanese sensibilities. I'm writing a western story that uses anime/manga tropes and in most cases, subverts them or flips them upside down. If you spot a trope being mangled, consider it an easter egg.
