[Kurush]

Well, I could show you some reviews that I got from Chaos Productions. He's a great aid to my improvement as a writer. I even save his reviews on a document.

Spoiler for First review:

P.H. Ch 1

By mere chance I happened upon this little story whilst intently scrolling down to Power of the Mind on your profile page, so I decided it could pay off to take a look at your first venture into the more M-Rated aspects of Negima. I must say, it was rather humourous on the eye, but unfortunately, I am a critic. I am not here to sugarcoat everything you did right and ignore everything done wrong, like the other two reviewers did. Fret not, however, for I am not as heartless as to focus only on the negativel; I pride myself on my knowledge of focusing on the good, the bad, and the ugly of a chapter, and now, it seems your story has stumbled unto my highway for its necessary dose of heavenly praise and scathing criticism.

Firstly, the Good, namely the idea you have present here. It's is almost excruciatingly hard to find a story with a believeable - and beleive you me, after PotM, this is MORE than simply believeable - thoroughly constructed plot amongst all the pointless, nonsensical KonoSetsu tommyrot, thus I already consider this fic a rather good one in my opinion. It's not a jewel just yet, however, it's more of a diamond in the rough, brought down to that status by the Bad and the Ugly which I will later unnecessarily tear apart. Considering your other works, Power of the Mind taken into deep account, I'd say that, with this work, you are quite a certified storyteller. This one, innovative and interesting or not, still fails to obtain my seal of approval, and here's why:

The Bad. As I said, being the critic, I will inevitably near-flame you for the appearances under the next two subtitles. While the idea you have is solid and well-presented, the narrative you utilize this time around could use some work, in my opinion. Narratives in a story, especially one consisting of a majority of crossovers such as this one, often rely on the narrative "telling and showing" but not "explaining" much - that is where the dialogue draws its role from. Your narrative, while well-structured and very descriptive, focuses too much on "Fact" - it sounds like you take most of the dialogue from a handbook posing as the birthchild of Science and English. Also, while I found the few author-related comments amusing, I stand by my own biased opinion that such notes hold no value or consequence in a story, serving only to make your more feeble-minded readers laugh at something that is, at best, intriguing for a brief few seconds.

And lastly, the Ugly: Seriously speaking, dear sir, I feel the only two Ugly elements within this chapter were your tense structure and plural and non-plural use. Frankly speaking, they're rather horrid. Plurals are used as objects and subjects, and even as nouns and pronouns in sentence areas where they shouldn't be, which successfully serves to confuse the reader to no end, and when confusion strikes a reader they tend to either sit for a few moments to decipher the nonsense the sentence is converted into, or skip it altogether, much like I almost did at certain intervals. Your tenses, too, suffer under the same symptoms; verbs and objects were used in the present and future tense in sentences that were constructed in the past and present tense. It serves, too, to confuse the reader to no end, and once again they consider either deciphering the nonsense they are presented with, or skipping it completely and praying they don't miss something important, much like considering staying in a burning building and waiting for the fire brigade, or bailing out of the window and praying there's an airbag below you - both cases being rather threatening, especially when such cases come to writing in general.

I profusely apologise if I sound like the beggest prick this side of the equator, but I honestly feel that, after the seemingly brilliant job you did with PotM, your pride can survive an honest football punt to the crotch. As i said, I am a critic; I tell things like they are, no sugar-coating or beating around the bush. Unfortunately, Vastler75 will inevitably be suffering the wrath of my scathing tongue as well.

But all in all, should you choose to do something about the few errors I have mentioned, good for you. I pray it works out in the next chapter. If not... I do not really care. Use it, don't use it, that's up to you. Should you wish to find out exactly what I mean with these scathnig critiques, or simply wish to tear me apart for speaking what you see to be utter rubbish, you know how to find me. Until then, I bed thee farewell, tally ho, and all that other nonsensical idiosyncrasies...

See you next chapter,

CP

Here's one. I suppose I expected too much when I said I wanted reviews earlier up there, but no one's perfect. Mostly what I get are "cheerleaders" as he dubbed them, and that's enough for me to continue writing PotM.

To answer yours, Merctrin: Well, no. They won't have a relaxing honeymoon. It was supposed to be, but then this merc showed out of nowhere.

I'll admit that the Dark Knight was an inspiration to the introduction scene of Sukh and her band, but hey, she was at least pleasant at the start, then it went downhill from there.

You obviously haven't seen Alien. Good for you. It takes a lot of willpower in order to withstand the nightmares. Fortunately, I saw the sequel shortly afterwards, and that helped, greatly.

As for the Disney part on Hades, they're the reason the "Everybody hates Hades" trope exists. When in actuality, he was a saint in comparison to his brothers. They did make his hair look cool, but they just didn't care who he truly was. They just thought "He's God of the Underworld. He's the Death God. That means he's Evil. Period." I swear to all the gods above, Abrahamic, Pagan, or Hindu, I will get myself a minigun and shoot them all down for image-raping Hades. Apologies for offensive words. But I'm not taking them back.