[Vexx]

Originally Posted by Kerspunkle

Well, then you probably won't mind if I say I've noticed some errors with contractions. You've used "its" and "lets" when you mean "it is" and "let us." If you have trouble, just remember that when you want something to be "it is" you would use "it's." When you want something to be "let us" you would use "let's."
Ack! Sorry! I'm not trying to find problems with your work or anything, but it's always helpful to have an extra editor. Well, I think so. If you want me to shut up ever, just say.

Nope, that's fine -- now I know to look for those. Thanks! My friend (who is a professional editor) has been helpful but she's got a toddler and several work projects and she helps me in what little idle time she has.

We're your beta readers.

Yup. Originally, I just thought I'd tell a story for amusement of forum buddies, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to a least digitally publish it now. When I get a writer's block on volume two, I go back and work on the formatting, continuity, and chapter layouts of volume one.

I noticed last night that somewhere in the story the Gothic Fire bass player Torsten morphed into Torg. Oops. Then there's the "character learns something twice" and so on.

Ha ha. I like that.

The band demands regular meetings where they whine about who has gotten the most "time on screen".

I see. I was curious, so I thought I'd just ask. The pictures you posted were great to help me think of how you want to portray your characters.

I've been browsing our fine artists here on the forum (as well as occasional moments in deviantart) trying to find someone who does a style I think would work with the story. Depending on their cost in-story illustrations would be great but I'd at least like a group portrait of some kind.

Rather than saying he's a "Mary Sue," I'd just describe him as mature.

I do use the "mature" angle to sidestep the sort of cliche behavior one sees in an anime. A 30-something has already made a lot of mistakes and if they aren't stupid they're finding new ones to make rather than repeating the old ones.

I've finished reading through chapter six, and I must say I find each chapter becoming more enjoyable. I especially liked the chapter from Glycerin's point of view.

I made the decision early on to switch POV and choose the POV that best fit the events in a chapter. It keeps me from falling into ruts (I hope) and it lets me do exposition without it seeming forced. Its a bit of roleplay (something I've always been fond of in MMOs and D&D) as well.

Also, I just have to say that the "Tsika broke into the frigid dark refrains of the opening bass line..." part was pretty awesome. It was really descriptive.

I fret that I get too ... melodramatic/maudlin/verbose/hyperbolic. So far my editor buddy seems to like the stuff (there's a description that Blar made about Kpau while they're in San Francisco that she says required her to wipe coffee spray off her screen).