Quote:
Originally Posted by RWBladewing
This seems to be the most common advice I see given to people who have never had a significant other but I really don't feel it's that simple. I think many of the people who say this are already confident themselves and don't truly understand what it means to have no confidence at all. Confidence is something that's easy enough to obtain more of once you already have some, but can be extremely difficult to obtain even a little bit of when starting from zero. There can be a very large emotional and logical barrier for someone to overcome when trying to be confident about something that they have previously experienced nothing but repeated failure in, and some may see "acting" as simply lying to themselves.
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I think it's a combination of the acting confident bit, as well as tangible successes/results in something one enjoys... It's much easier to 'pretend to be confident' when you have just accomplished something you're proud of. That's why hobbies are so important mentally. And I do not mean watching anime, but a more active hobby, like music, sports, crafts, automotive hobbies (I admit to ignorance in that field but it seems like a good example as an outsider), etc. Another thing is diet... if you put crap in your body day after day, you can't expect to be feeling good mentally. It's a simple viewpoint, sure, but it's true - your brain, like the other components of your body, simply performs better when properly nourished and taken care of.
The last thing about the pretending to be confident thing is actually telling yourself that on a regular basis throughout the day (I think it's even more important to 'trick' yourself than others... once you're fooled, you simply are confident, no?)... making a mental effort to combat feelings of unworthiness with 'delusions of grandeur,' if you will. If you have a thought where you are pitying yourself or thinking negatively, shake your head, and internally say "NO!" and start thinking positive things about yourself...
I know it sounds so silly, but people don't realize how powerful a trick it is. Part of the reason people have low confidence is that they dwell on their negative attributes... if you purposefully fight against your brain's tendency to do that, over time, you will naturally feel more confident. Bonus: you don't waste your time in self-pity.
Testimonial from someone who once had 'social anxiety disorder' according to a psychiatrist. I laugh at that label now...