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Originally Posted by Triple_R
However, I kind of agree with 2. I think a lot of "nice guys" get "friendzoned" because their desperation for love/sex comes through, the girl isn't interested in that (at least not right away), and so she friendzones him. Not to mention that I think that people who are desperate for love/sex often come off as "clingy", "perverted", "stressful", or "too high-maintenance" to those that aren't.
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Generalizing the process of friend-zoning is difficult, because there's a lot to it. The impression that I get is a bit different, though.
The open period that is often talked about is the period during which you're establishing the relationship, and are revealing yourself to the girl. The stereotype of men pursuing women still plays out even in our society of empowered women, and many girls are used to being hit on in various forms. If you show that you have great compatibility with a girl and also make it seem as if you have no interest in her then, unless she has an interest in
you, you are liable to be friend-zoned. The reason is that you have proven yourself to be compatible friendship-wise, and you are safe to promote as a trusted friend because you aren't expressing an interest in her. It's a stable relationship, one that won't be lost by her rejecting your advances and one that won't be put at risk by trying to make it into something more.
I think that the idea of the friend zone is often given greater importance than it really deserves, but it makes sense. Imagine if one of your friends were to become a brother-in-law, or a step-brother. You were comfortable with the relationship as it was before, but now the dynamics have changed. It could be for the better and could strengthen your relationship even further, but it could also just be... weird. There's a risk that the good thing that you had before will be lost. But if it's a friend that you made only recently, then it's not quite as much of a shock. Not only is the friendship likely to be weaker (so there is less to lose), you haven't grown accustomed to it. Whether it's lost or becomes something better, it won't affect you as much as if it were a friendship that had great meaning in your life.
I agree with you about desperation. I think that confidence can mask desperation, though. Someone who is trying to get what they want without confidence comes off as desperate and creepy; someone who is trying to get what they want with confidence comes off as driven, perhaps forceful. It's all in how you carry yourself and present yourself.