I'll be frank: you're doing a better job at the feminine viewpoint than most of the rest of us. (I'll let Kaisos tell you how good he is at it; I know I'm rather craptacular at it. :/)
Also, keep writing.
/EDIT I do have the incredible urge to rewrite half of your Asakura dialogue though. I dunno, I have a kind of mindset about how Terminals speak.