Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis
Work on your grammar and punctuation a bit. That's pretty much all I can find that's inherently wrong with this.
....
*snip*
|
Hmm...this may be just me, but how is this justification for the S-rank? Sure the time frame sounds reasonable, but manipulating concepts and stuff for your convenience made it feel a little forced. Forced in a sense that, "Project Fate can be used since it's such a convenient plot device". I'm not saying no, but I think this needs more working out. That said, I'm not sure if Project Fate actually allows you to make a clone that starts off as a baby. I'm pretty sure the clone turns out to be the exact age of the original, correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, this alone would make your idea pretty much void.
Pardon me though, I'm busy rushing to write articles (working in a publishing company) so my brain juices are currently fully occupied with that. I'd suggest that Iris not have anything to do with Jail, and move the incident with her family further back, making her age on par with Vivio. You can say she has talent to begin with, and started training at a very young age. Then possibly reset her rank to AAA+, being on the verge of S, this I feel sounds a little more workable. It may be a bit far from what you have in mind, but there's your extreme (I feel it's a bit extreme), and a middle ground I suggested. With that, just work your way up or down.
Hope this helps.