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I can't say I'm all too convinced with the points you have brought:
1) It is difficult to accept that Menma doesn't realize she isn't affecting reality: she hugged people more than once with expressed reactions from them. She also made "cakes" that could be eaten by Jinta -and- other people.
It is just that no matter how I look at it, she could affect everyone without much subtility behind it. I know Menma is carefree, but that point doesn't make any sense considering she herself took actions in previous episodes that require the fact she realize she can affect the physical realm.
2) But why would she be able to make cake/muffin? She can cook, but can't write unless it is her diary...? What about the phone calls...?
3) The problem with this point is that none of them realized that this wish could lead to a farewell. This episode is an evidence itself: when Naruko mentioned that doing this would lead to Menma's disappearance, Jinta only realized at that very instant.
I should perhaps watch the previous episodes again, but there were no hints or subtle clues that any of them were worried about "post-wish" situation.
I don't exactly expect everything to be explained considering the nature of this series, and it doesn't take away the qualities and praises for this very episode. However, the series as a whole was hiindered by its very premise, which will lead to a difficult conclusion.
I will gladly enjoy a well written one, but I only expressed my concern, considering this episode just confirmed there was a crawling issue with Menma's existence.
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