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Yes and no. Your points are valid, I suppose, however it really depends on the harem. Some have been executed better than others, where a clear choice is made and others respect it, though still continue being friends with the protagonist (perhaps a little too touchy-feely still, though...) for example Shuffle, Ah My Goddess and Ai Yori Aoshi. I think the way they went is fine, really.
As you say, they do require a degree of suspension of disbelief. The premises are usually absurd to begin with, and all the girls flocking to guys who are usually mediocre at best is just... yeah. However they still make for amusing scenarios, particularly when a choice is made and the other girls continue their nonsense as if it doesn't matter. I would like to see series where solid choices are made and the other girls are firmly rejected, and more bad ends... not enough bad ends to be had these days.
I wouldn't go so far as to say they're jerks, though. Most harem protagonists are generally nice people, who are pushed around easily by girls who are fairly strong and independent, sans of course the quiet shy type all harems have, who just sit back and wait to get their chance. You can question their morality for being so ambiguous and leading the gaggle of girls on, but only so far, since the premise of pretty much every harem story is total nonsense from the start.
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