[Triple_R]

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Now this sounds interesting. What do you think are some examples of Kyon's snark going overboard? I'm guessing that Sighs has some instances of this (I remember you saying that sometimes one might think Kyon almost hated Haruhi in that story), but do you remember any statements or passages that seem especially negative or harsh?

I'm going to evaluate a few examples of Kyon's snark going overboard, imo. Hopefully, this will help give you an idea of what I'm talking about. Kyon's narration is in quotation marks in order to make it easier to separate from my commentary. My commentary on the quote will be below a line after each one.

Spoiler for Novel 2, Prologue:

"I don't think anyone in the world would intentionally step on something that says "Warning: explodes when stepped on" in red neon lights. Even I don't have the courage to do that. If I had only known, I would not have talked to that stubborn girl who put up that unfriendly expression every day.

A normal high schooler who accidentally pressed a button that activated a time bomb, and is now being forced to carry that bomb around like a moron - that's me. And this time bomb labeled "Suzumiya Haruhi" doesn't even have a counter on it. I have no idea when it's going to explode, how much damage it will cause, or what else is inside. Even more importantly, I don't even know if this bomb is real. Maybe it's just a toy used to fool little kids.

I can't seem to find the trash bin labeled "Hazardous Materials Only" no matter how hard I try. Which means, this dangerous entity that I've activated is essentially covered with superglue, stuck to my hand harder than anything else could be.

Sigh... Where am I gonna find a place to dump it?"

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Now, the first two paragraphs aren't too bad, in and of themselves. In fact, I list them here purely for added context. I don't fault Kyon for feeling the way he does in the first two paragraphs.

But, the fact remains, he's basically saying that Haruhi is like a hazardous material, and that he'd like to dump her off somewhere and (presumably) never see her again. Now, maybe it's the trained Safety Officer in me, but seeing a living human being compared to hazardous waste really doesn't sit well with me.

Kyon's snark here is pretty cold, and harsh, imo.

The next instance is in Chapter 1 of Sighs...

Spoiler for Sighs Chapter 1:

Hanging out with this bunch, how am I supposed to peacefully live through this extraordinary high school life of mine? I really don't want to get involved in silly stuff anymore. Just thinking about it is enough to give me an urge to aim a gun at my forehead, or extract and burn the brain cells containing those memories. Though I don't know what Haruhi would say about that.

Maybe I was too busy thinking how to erase those memories of the past because I wasn't paying attention to what the annoying girl next to me was raving about."

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Now, I don't necessarily think that this is too snarky... but it is pretty strong. Suicide or forced amnesia - seems pretty extreme to me.

Anyway, it's this particular narration above that I have a very hard time reconciling with the last two sections of Novel 4.

One short narration in Chapter 1...

Spoiler for Chapter 1 spoiler:

"I would really like to drill a hole in Haruhi's head and replace the contents within. Sadly, I would find nothing inside and can only sigh. "

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Now, granted, this was brought on by the infamous "Spill hot tea on Kyon" scene.

Still, it always irks me when I see Kyon pretty much say that Haruhi is brainless... because it's patently false. Her excellence in school marks alone proves that. She's also a frequently eloquent speaker.

I don't mind Kyon calling Haruhi "crazy" or "eccentric" or "weird" or anything like that... but she's not dumb, and Kyon ought to know better, imo. This is far from the only example of him directly speaking lowly of Haruhi's intelligence.

Get a load of this comparison between Haruhi and Mikuru...

Spoiler for Chapter 1 of Sighs:

"If Asahina-san was a white rose blooming in the wild, then Haruhi would be a special breed of rose that doesn't even blossom and is full of thorns; it probably doesn't even have seeds."

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I guess that Kyon thinks that Haruhi is infertile, going by the lack of seeds comment... I have to admit, that's a funny line if you like strong satire... but whew, it's still really harsh. It's an epic insult if Kyon actually says it.

More Chapter 1 coming up...

Spoiler for Chapter 1 of Sighs:

"Haruhi mumbled, looking unhappy. Speaking of which, just who would expect anything from the SOS Brigade? Now that's something worthy for a questionnaire! The SOS Brigade has not even grown, the number of members has still remained the same, let alone being promoted into an Association. So it's best to maintain the status quo, but sooner or later, the Haruhi Express is going to derail someday. There're only five passengers on this train, at least find a replacement for me. Or perhaps just give me an hourly salary, even 100 yen would do."

This is one of his milder comments, and I actually got a chuckle out of the Haruhi express line, but the thing is... Kyon doesn't stop. He just doesn't stop!

All of the above, Dr. Casey, is from a Prologue and one Chapter, and I've left out loads of the milder snark!

Now, some short zingers... (my comments for each is in paranthesis).

Spoiler for Sighs spoilers in general:

"I'd rather memorize all the station names of the nearby railway than memorize your crap rhetoric. " ('your' referring to Haruhi)


"Haruhi declared passionately, like a grizzly bear in a zoo holding on to an ice cube during the hot summer. The surroundings no longer concern her." (Lovely mental image there, Kyon, lol )


"If people want to achieve time travel, just put Haruhi on a spaceship. Since she probably wouldn't give a damn about the Theory of Relativity anyway.

As I mentioned this to Nagato, all that the silent alien said was, "Your opinion may be correct."

For Nagato, this is very meaningful. For others, Suzumiya Haruhi is a joke."

(Again - this is just an untrue snark; Haruhi clearly cares about the Theory of Relativity as per what she said in Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody - how is Kyon not remembering that? Mind you, how is Yuki not remembering it? And the loathing that Kyon is displaying for Haruhi is just oozing off of the "Haruhi is a joke" line)


"There used to be a saying, "There's nothing more terrifying than not needing to pay." The thing is, Haruhi doesn't seem to care. If someone knows something that would make her terrified, please, do let me know. " (So... I guess Kyon would like to terrify Haruhi...)


" Running towards my side is Taniguchi, a classmate of Haruhi's and mine, a very simple single-celled organism, and as normal a high school student as you can find anywhere. " (Now... I know Taniguchi is a bit shallow, but "simple single-celled organism"? )

Anyway... does this prove my point? What do you think, Dr. Casey?

The only part where I didn't like Kyon so much (In the anime, I've never read the light novels) was actually his introductory diatribe about never believing in Santa Claus. There's no better way to come across as soulless and obnoxiously pragmatic than to describe at length how you lacked imagination even as a kid... not to mention that sort of conversation always annoyed me back in elementary school. "I stopped believing in Santa when I was six!" "I've known he's fake since I was three!" Yeah, congrats on being the most street-smart toddler around, I guess. I believed in him until I was 10 or 11 and enjoyed Christmas more because of it. The first impressions were forgotten quickly enough, though, as I realized that Kyon was not a pseudo-intellectual teenager as I first thought, but... well, Kyon. His negativity hasn't bothered me that much mainly because it's aimed at deserving targets (Haruhi and Koizumi; with everyone else, he seems pretty magnanimous and polite both in his discourse and internal monologues), but of course I haven't read the novels, where every line of exposition comes from Kyon and we get a better look into his head.

I felt the exact same way over the Santa thing as you did.

In fairness, Kyon's a fair bit better in the anime - they tend to edit out or soften some of his harsher lines. But in the novels...