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Old 2011-03-10, 21:09   Link #21
Asuras
Dictadere~!
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: On the front lines, fighting for inderpendence.
I greatly enjoy the premise. Post-apocalyptic wars always seem to hit it strong in my mind.

Though I can find one major grammatical error. If I'm not mistaken, short stories are written in past-tense. all throughout your dialogue sections, you wrote in present tense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by felix View Post
Kou pauses and appears reluctant.
I believe it should be,

"Kou paused and appeared reluctant."
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