Quote:
Originally Posted by tripleofive
Hello!
So, this is me, finally de-lurking - nice to meet you all!
Now, so as not to be completely off topic, here is the first chapter of what I hink is going to turn out to be an epic AU, what-if Claymore fic. I would be really thankful to know what people think of it, and any constructive criticism would be very much appreciated! Also, this focuses a lot on Teresa and baby Clare, so don't read if you're a rabid Teresa and/or Clare hater - are there any actual rabid haters in this fandom?
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This is just the first chapter, so I can't say very much about it.
I like it that you've chosen to align your narrative to a young Clare. It ups the ante, and the expectations that readers have. To clarify my point, I don't think Clare was a 'baby', but probably several years old. At least that's the impression that I get from reading. The thoughts, reactions, general worldview seem to be of a young child. If that's the feel you were looking for, then it's quite spot-on.
I like your style, the way you pack the action. One paragraph seems to only contain 1-2 major ideas or movements. But watch your sentences. They tend to be a contrast to your succinct paragraphs.
Also, I'm a bit worried about the future chapters. Partly because as a reader I don't have much idea on what the direction will be, except that it's an AU. Also, depending on both how AU-ish & grounded in the canon the story will be, I hope it won't just be a step-by-step detailed revision of the first few chapters of the manga.
Do you have another FFN/ FPress account so anyone else here can see your previous pieces?