Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonbob0008
I imagined that her reason for not wanting to enter initially was that she was secretly afraid that she'd lose. She would never admit that, though.
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That's a good point. I do think though for your OC....don't make her a complete snobby, rich, annoying girl. And by that I mean, don't make her so one dimensional that Haruhi would cast her into oblivion without batting a lash. XD
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonbob0008
Don't worry. He'll figure it out...maybe... XD
Of course I couldn't resist having Naru screw things up. She's so hapless!  |
Well, I do have to make a counterpoint about that chapter. I love it like usual and will give a review sometime, but I do want to say something that I think you should focus on a little in your story.
I believe that you are putting a bit too much of the blame on Kyon. While Kyon is somewhat to blame, EVERYONE here has blame on Haruhi's situation. Especially Koizumi and Haruhi's Parents. I don't really expect him to completely rage and tell people off, but I do think you need to address how this situation is just plain not fair for Kyon. Haruhi chose him.
There's no reason for him to go oblivious and emotionally torn through the whole story, I just think he needs something to vent towards because that teapot is whistling away....