“So I’m selfish, and you’re sorry
When I’m gone you’ll be going nowhere fast
So who’s selfish, and who’s sorry?”
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He realized then that he had never really known her.
It was an odd thought to have, particularly at a funeral of all places; but then again, the whole day seemed odd and unfitting for a funeral. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, and he could even hear the faint sound of birdsong if he strained his ears enough. So somehow, it only seemed natural that Yuuno Scrya would realize he hadn’t really known Fate T. Testarossa when he was at her funeral.
He stood among the grieving as Lindy gave a speech about her adopted daughter, calm and composed if one didn’t look very closely at her tightly clasped, trembling hands, or at her cloudy eyes. Holding tightly to Nanoha’s hand as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, Yuuno gazed at the place where Fate would be buried.
Really, all he had ever known was the bare, basic facts that anyone could know about the woman from reading the report under the Jewel Seed incident. She had been abused by her mother, created as a clone of her dead daughter, and had been adopted by Lindy Harlaown at the age of nine. She had been one of the top Aces of the TSAB and an adoptive mother to Vivio Takamachi, and along the way had raised Caro Lu Rushe and Erio Mondial.
Even then, he knew that his knowledge of her went deeper than those simple facts. He’d known, for example, that Fate had always been a speed demon even in high school; that she had for many years nursed a crush on Nanoha that had never really flourished; that while she adored Lindy and Chrono, she had always still loved Precia in spite of the abuse she had inflicted.
Certainly, he had spoken to her many times in the past to have a grasp of her personality. Quiet but firm, gentle and slightly spoiling, with a wicked gleam of humor in her eye and a quick wit for any situation. It had always surprised and amused him how beneath the layers, there was even more of Fate to be uncovered.
But he hadn’t known enough.
At least, that was what he could only conclude when they had found Fate floating in the river two days earlier, and no one knew why she’d jumped. He’d racked his memory, trying to find some hint, some clue that connected the puzzle, but he saw no warning sign that could have saved her. Certainly, she had seemed depressed after finally accepting that Nanoha simply didn’t have it in her to love her the way she had wanted, but she had seemed happy enough, and almost back to her old self.
And now she was dead, buried too soon. And her friends and family were left reeling, wondering if they had ever really known the blonde at all, and if they would ever grasp why she had committed suicide.
Feeling his glasses blur, Yuuno grimaced and grinded his teeth together, his fingers tightening around Nanoha’s hand; as if sensing his warring emotions, the brunette squeezed back gently, but she didn’t stop crying.
It really was, he thought hollowly, an odd day for a funeral. It would have been more fitting if it had rained.