View Single Post
Old 2008-10-25, 06:34   Link #304
Tk3997
Loveable Jerk
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Greensboro, North Carolina
Age: 37
Send a message via ICQ to Tk3997 Send a message via AIM to Tk3997 Send a message via MSN to Tk3997
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kha View Post
Now for ATX-4!

Spoiler for Tessa-chaaaaan~~~:
Hey she's based off an Ace too ya know.
Quick rundown of things I see:
Rank:
Captain is an OF-3 in the US Army and Air Force an OF-2 would be a Lieutenant First Class.

Romagna:

From canon it seems Romagna never actually fell, but I could see them evacuating some of there most valued people to a safer area, particularly scientist to allow them to work unmolested. Still given that this would be small scale thing it seems HIGHLY unlikely that a child would simply be lost during this process. A better option would seem to simply have her killed (or assumed so perhaps) in one of the early Neuroi raids, same effect with allot less silliness.

Arf:

Arf talking… I have issues with that despite some signs of noticeable intelligence familiars still appear to be animals and wolves do not have vocal cords. I’d consider Making it some kind of mental link that perhaps unusually many normal people can hear, still a stretch in my view, but more palatable. The transforming thing seems both totally unneeded and totally against the setting. Again ADAPT, don’t copy and paste. Using Arf as a base for a familiar is fine, but just trying to port her wholesale with almost no changes is not going to work. Much as we bemoan the shafting of Zaf in StrikerS I’d use how he acts there as a model, aside from the talking thing at least, well that and the crazy magic spells.

The Entire Neuroi Tech Nonsense:
I’d ditch the jacket. It has no canon support, and is you ask me is too far outside what seems possible in my view. Maybe in some future setting it might be more allowable (since “future” in many animes seems to involve skin tight cat suits for battledress), but in the current WWII setting it looks extremely out of place. It also seems to be based of something you just invented wholesale in most sources the Neuroi are simply made of metal, not some mysterious crap that seems vaguely based around what Necrons are made of… The scythe is the same deal and totally unneeded to boot as using magic witches can already slice up Neuroi with normal steel weapons, so good work wasting a million dollars to produce a mono-molecular butter knife, never mind that the OLD butter knife worked just fine.

They’re “Drive” also normally seems consists of propellers albeit rather too small to likely be able to support there weight, so some kind of mass lightening or such might be argued. Even so the humans just stealing and slapping this into a striker seems a big stretch to me. It also seems of questionable use as Witches are already faster and more maneuverable then most Neuroi indicating that there normal propulsion systems are of comparable or superior power. As such the logical avenue would be continue improving those not going off on a wild tangent trying to adapt an alien system that doesn’t produce noticeably superior results in most circumstances.

The Gauss rifle is just right out, Neuroi have never used ANYTHING vaguely like an EM gun. They used fairly normal cannons and machine guns, and then later in something of a jarring disconnect suddenly spammed beams, but no where in there did they have rail or gauss weapons.

I don’t like all this reverse engineering in general though for a simple reason: reverse engineering is fucking hard. WAY harder then most people seem to think, it’s one thing to build something when you have a guy sitting there telling you how it works, and what you’re doing wrong, but it’s another to just grab some alien shit you found in a ditch and suddenly produce a working copy in a matter of a few years AT MOST. Warlock was most jarring in that aspect and indeed quite a few people seem to wish it had never happened… I am to some extent one of them and would rather like to reduce the damage it did, not use it as an excuse to jam the knife in deeper and turn the tear in the universes tone and tech level into a gaping sucking chest wound, used to justify random crack that totally goes against the setting.

I also find this entire theory this stuff is based on rather suspect as frankly the evidence that the power DOES come from the core is rather great. For one what was clearly the Warlocks power source was rather blatantly either a salvaged core or a copy, and the rest of it looked to be more or less human built. If the core was merely the brain you’d also rather expect that when destroyed Neuroi units would simply crash, not EXPLODE.

So yeah I short I’m rather down on more or less everything to do with this reversed engineered shit. I have no problem with an experimental unit, but I’d rather that experimental unit being experimenting with stuff that would make sense liked advanced new model strikers and weapons. Not random alien shit, it’s not like there some shortage of things to test World War II is FULL of random experimental craft and systems that never quite got off the ground, and they’d almost all be much less objectionable then all this Neuroi tech. Or if you must make stuff up maybe consider some kinds of other slightly out there tech that at least somewhat fits the setting I'd be thinking steampunk more then sci-fi though.

The Singing:

The song thing I actually have no issues with I think you made it well balanced.
__________________




Last edited by Tk3997; 2008-10-25 at 07:44.
Tk3997 is offline   Reply With Quote