[XenahortCharybdis]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Worry not ghaz, I'm putting the finishing touches on a new character as we speak. Haxxbusters, prepare for combat!

You must be crazy today, my boy...VERY crazy.

*cracks another bullet down the Black King*

*cracks his knuckles*

I'm ready for you.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Shortly after being placed in the SAFA, Xiro was partnered with Takamachi Nanoha. While his “partner in crime” was more interested in training new recruits than in testing new weaponry, Xiro took the opposite route, becoming a test pilot for a wide array of new advancements, including the prototype of the Blaster System, which he recommended to Nanoha under the condition that she exercise extreme caution in its’ usage.

It was during this brief time, however, that Xiro also began to develop strong feelings for his coworker. Attracted to Nanoha by her eternally-upbeat attitude and positive outlook on life (among many many other reasons), Xiro managed to ask Nanoha out on several “friendly outings” together, which Nanoha accepted under the belief that she was merely spending time with a friend. It wasn’t until several weeks into their one-sided relationship that Xiro happened to catch Nanoha and Fate in the middle of a private moment, shattering any illusions he’d had that Nanoha returned his feelings.

Hmmm...you ship NanoFate too...that makes you all the more my enemy.

*prepares to shoot Comart...*

Ah, what am I thinking? This is a h4xxbusting rifle, not a shipping-war rifle. You got lucky, I forgot to bring the other one today

And Shadow attacks? Too much Hollow/Ataraxia for me already, but I'll let that pass me a bit. Just a bit.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Xiro’s powerset revolves largely around his wind-elemental spells and his incredible speed. Xiro’s fighting style is as freeform and flexible as the wind itself. He can strike and fade like a sudden breeze, or unleash his rage with the explosive power of a hurricane. In battle he is extremely agile and skilled with his spear, Fragrach, and uses his wind-element spells to boost his speed and agility further than almost any mage in the entire bureau.

...God, Lancer, Lancer, Lancer. I said I'd let it pass, though, and so I will. Thank GOD lightning is faster than wind, though

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Spoiler for Device Details:

Device: Fragrach
Type: Storage
Magical Color: Scarlet
A.I. Characteristics: Fragrach is based on the form of a heavily-modified Storage device, and as such it contains a very limited A.I. possessing only the most basic functions. Unlike other Storage-type devices, however, Fragrach possesses multiple forms, a result of modifications Xiro made to the device’s frame and internal workings during his time as a member of the SAFA.

Storage Form: A small red arrowhead necklace.

Basic Form: A simple red spear with a bladed head on one end and a blunted tip on the other. The blade allows Xiro to use Fragrach as a cutting weapon as much as a piercing one.

Advanced Form: Xiro breaks Fragrach into two halves, which regenerate and reform into a pair of spears identical to Fragrach’s basic form.

Full Drive Form: Each of Fragrach’s two halves breaks into three parts which regenerate into a grand total of six lances. These lances differ greatly from Fragrach’s basic form, having a trio of blades arranged in a triangular pattern on one end and a bladed spearhead which vaguely resembles a dragon’s head on the other. Xiro typically holds only one or two of these lances at once and holds the others in a firm telekinetic grip, though he will sometimes control all six with his telekinesis at the same time.

@Ghaz: You needn't get frustrated. Fragarach DOES indeed control the wind *strikes the Celtic Wind off his list of usable weaponry*

But I MUST admit to you, the Fate/Hollow-Ataraxia refs are getting to me, staved off by my earlier promise.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

[SPOILER="Miscellanious Spells"]Telekinesis: The basis of many of Xiro’s abilities and the most fundamental part of his arsenal. Xiro’s telekinesis is a product of his wind affinity, which is at heart the manipulation of kinetic energy. Xiro possesses an extremely high degree of power and control with his telekinesis, and uses this ability to manipulate his lances, launch attacks, turn the environment into an arsenal of weapons, and turn off the alarm clock when he’s too lazy to get out of bed, among many other uses. While Xiro is able to use this ability on people as well as objects, any form of magical protection (such as a barrier jacket) is sufficient to disrupt his control and prevent him from flinging his enemies around like ragdolls.

I wonder what the HELL is the use of his Telekinesis, then, if he can't throw people around. If he has such a high degree of power, heck wonders why if a shockwave can blow a mage, BJ and all, backwards, a focused telekinetic wave cannot do the same. Misguided attempt to self-h4xxbust, I call this.

You just made a rather straightforward skill that I had no problem with (save the power level) a ridiculously paradoxical attack.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Slipstream: One of the secrets to Xiro’s speed. Slipstream is a wind-element speed boost spell that creates a bubble of air around Xiro. This bubble diverts the air in front of him away from Xiro while he is in flight, effectively reducing his drag to zero and allowing him to fly at incredibly high speeds.

Good Lord, Comart, where are your laws of aerodynamics? Do a lil' science homework before you tell me (or anyone else) that a bulbous shape reduces drag, thank you very much. I've only taken 2 years of Physics, but I do know that there is no army on earth or out of it that would commission a missile like that.

Even Magneto's "Magnetic Bubble" was more believable

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Zero Shift: Xiro’s Flash Move equvilant. Identical in most respects to other forms of extreme-speed spells, Zero Shift has the additional effect of obscuring Xiro’s form while in movement due to the large amounts of air this spell displaces while in use.

You might as well say that this spell leaves aftershadows, that would make a lot more sense, my friend, than an aerial distortion clinging to its source

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Struggle Bind: Xiro’s only binding spell, identical to Yuuno’s and Chrono’s spells of the same name. Xiro hasn’t completely mastered this spell, and must maintain his focus on the target to prevent the bind from unravelling.

Doesn't everybody have to do that? You've at least gotta tell me that he has trouble with it, or I won't believe this at all.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Sky Waltz: A basic platform spell Xiro used in his days in the GFA. Simple to the point where Xiro can conjure dozens with a thought, Xiro primarily uses these to make sudden changes in direction while in flight. For a slightly increased mana cost, the spells can be imbued with a springboard effect, causing anything that hits them to bounce off on a wild trajectory. Chains of these spells can be set up to create a pinball effect, as an enemy is bounced from one platform to the next without the chance to regain their bearings.

Oh, Aurion! Someone loves your skill so much he copped it.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Knight’s Garb: Much like the Wolkenritter, Xiro prefers to rely on his speed more than his armor, and dresses lightly for battle so as to not interfere with his movements. His knight’s garb consists of a simple blue bodysuit adorned with steel embroidery along the arms, legs, and torso, with a pair of large metal shoulder pauldrons being the most solid piece of armor in his entire ensemble.

Wait-a-minute. Isn't the Knight's Garb unique to the Wolkies?!

It was bleedin' commissioned by their Meister! A retouch job, actually, but heck that, at least Hayate has very good fashion sense, as can be especially seen in Vita and Shamal's dresses

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Thunder Shock: A wind-element spell similar to Vita’s Eisengeheul, this spell creates a ball of highly-pressurized air which Xiro can detonate on command, effectively acting as a magical flashbang grenade. The spell is named for the sound the spell makes on detonation, that of a crack of thunder. Fragrach is programmed to recognize the casting of this spell and redirect extra power to Xiro’s knight armor, allowing him to detonate this spell at short range and not suffer any ill effects.

Xiro: Pika-Pikaaaaaaaa-

-CHUUUUU!!!!!!!!!



The auto-reinforce is quite stupid really. Even Blade and Van Helsing knew to dodge their own phosphorus grenades, for heaven's sake. Any person throwing a flashbang would get out of the way pronto, and secondly, other than being really loud, blinding and altogether seriously irritating, there's not much else a flashbang can do to damage you.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Tempest Blade: Xiro uses Fragrach as the base of a powerful anti-magic shield while whirling the spear in front of him to deflect physical attacks.

Sigh...blatant Lancer rip.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Invisible Air: One of Xiro’s most commonly-used spells, this AA-ranked spell involves conjuring a lance of wind and hurling it like a javelin. Because it is made of air, it is impossible to see (save for a slightly visible disturbance in the air) and can only be dodged by judging the angle of Xiro’s throw. Possesses decent penetration power, but can be blocked by most autoguard spells. The lance can also be used as an improvised melee weapon if Xiro is disarmed.

Saber/Lancer rip...

Decent penetration power = can break ANY auto-guard spell. Auto-guards are known to be some of the more pathetic forms of defense in canon, and an AA rank direct attack spell should be more than sufficient to shatter it. Like I said, self-bust if you want, just don't make things sound outright ridiculous.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Storm Sickle: A magic-enhanced attack spell classified as AAA-rank, this spell imbues Fragrach with large amounts of magical energy as the spear is whirled over Xiro’s head. The spear is then released as a thrown projectile, transforming into a deadly six-foot long buzzsaw which is guided by Xiro’s telekinesis.

WTFreaking hell?!

Since when was a buzzsaw a SICKLE?! FYI, a sickle is something you swing, and kill a person with because of its hooking ability that comes with its shape and the form of swing. It isn't something that just grinds the hell out of the opponent from the front...

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Typhoon Sickle: The most powerful offensive spell in Xiro’s arsenal at present time, Typhoon Sickle is an upgraded version of Storm Sickle used with Fragrach in its’ Full Drive form. The enhanced attack status is applied to all six of Xiro’s lances, which are launched and guided with his telekinesis as per Storm Sickle.

I can imagine that this would make any of my OCs laugh, not because it was weak, but because it looks so ridiculous. And you say his Telekinesis is so weak that it is able to control six such huge roils of energy...but not penetrate a autoguard or a BJ.

I can see them laughing in my head now, those voices that drive me insane

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Alright, here's the latest headbanger for the haxxbusters to have fun with. If anybody looks at this and doesn't see a AAA-rank for whatever reason, try to keep in mind that Xiro (pronounced "Zero", just so we're clear) is supposed to have gained his rank through an absurd level of skill in melee, not through beamspam and overwhelming power.

I don't see the point of the challenge. If anything, it isn't a challenge to US. We can accept that just fine, even though your spell list tells me that his style is quite unlike what you say.

If anything, our OCs will take your challenge. They'll beat him down, as much as we'll beat you down the next time you send us a real challenge, and not some random non-threatening side-note like this

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

This isn't even HAXX. Your execution on this particular trait of Xiro is nothing but sheer stupidity.

How does one jump from the Ground Forces AKA the ARMY to the AIR FORCE?! Explain to me, how exactly does one, who has been trained in the art of war meant for the Ground, suddenly jump into training for something meant for the Air Force?!

Someone's already said something, so I'll hold my peace.

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

Okay that's just breaking canon into your own storyline.

The Blaster System, was Nanoha's own design! The Blaster System is part of Raising Heart, just as Excellion, Aggressor, and Exceed are part of the system that is known as Raising Heart.

Another thing, it's Nanoha's JOB to test every single new weapons system that comes through her department.

For Truth. Quoted for Truth. Although to have Xiro work with her isn't too bad, ya know. That poor heartbroken boy.

Which is why you realize that NOBODY in the Air Forces uses stuff that Nanoha designs, it's frickin' suicidal, and only someone like her would try it



OSHI-

*is blown away by STARLIGHT BUREKA*

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

FRAGRACH?! HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SEEN Fate/Hallow Atraxia?!!!! Fragrach is a bloody blade! Not some three piece Lance!

Relax, old fruit. It isn't so bad, and I'm grateful that this is one thing about his OC that isn't a blatant cop-off.

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

Very unoriginal.

I'm not going to even look at the other stuff, because I'm getting a bloody headache out of this.

This is NOT an Original Character. This is an amalgamation of various Fate/stay night references, along with pointless add-ons, and serious breach of canon.

You need to seriously stop taking major references, and make up your own concepts. All of my characters, all of Keroko's characters, heck almost everyone's characters are original. Their physical appearances may be based off of other material, but none of them uses the traits that those characters are known for.

They are unique.

They are different from the character that their appearances were based from.

They are ORIGINAL.

There is a second meaning to OC besides Outer Cadia: ORIGINAL CHARACTER

A headache, already?

Your H4xx-bust-Fu is too weak, Ghaz my good fella.

Just kidding, you're probably eons ahead of me, but you really need to hold your cool (at least in a tangible way aka on the Forum)

Honestly, Comartermis, while I used to be irritated easily by major refs, I've slowly become more used to it, and by now porting is perfectly fine by me since I can accept that it's a fact of life by now. However, this, just renaming a character and then spamming refs, without an attempt to disguise the refs, is a bit too much for my palate still.

And I will confess that Liingo is right in that most if not all concepts have already been tried, I'm one of those idealists that believes that there's still something out there that we still dare not try, and that there are more walls beyond the fourth. Also, even if that ideal fails, I'm willing to accept the reality, that many times we must use combinations.

So a piece of advice.

If you wanna port, then say you wanna port. SaintX says it, Shou says it, and I don't mind, since I already know, and I don't really care.

Don't try to hide porting under OCing.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

See, that's the kind of advice I like to get. Tell me what's wrong, give suggestions on how to fix it. Much better than "ZOMG this is stupid/unoriginal/haxxed-out-the-arse!"

Right, right, we have different styles of busting. Honestly, though, some of these problems are not with h4xx but with systemic contradiction in the effects of spells and such, which you should have considered before posting Xiro. Seriously.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Yeah, having Xiro be testing a beamspam machine doesn't make all that much sense now that I think more on it. What I wanted to do by having Nanoha and Xiro know each other through work was to create a kind of "ex-lover" situation here where all the emotion is on Xiro's side and Nanoha, for her part, is clueless. Xiro is essentially the outsider looking in at Fate and Nanoha, wishing he were a part of what they have, but knowing that it can never happen. And this isn't some lame-ass fic where he winds up in a harem with both of them, either. Xiro's gonna have to find someone else to get his romantic fix.

It wasn't supposed to be a bad idea...it's just that you got some of your facts wrong. If only you hadn't said that proviso about Nanoha first, I don't think I would have complained at all...

Romantic Fix Indeed. You little materialistic unromantic pompous arrogant-

*is driven insane by voices in his head giving him random thesaurus words to speak*

Originally Posted by Tormenk

Well Comar if the stuff you are posting are going to raised some eyebrows, it would be best to think hard and do a couple of self-edits before coming here. Haxxbusters are there to point out if something is off or not easily accepted otherwise, it's not like they are getting paid to haxxbust, nor do any of them seem to particularly enjoy doing so. So save them the trouble and think twice about your own work if you know it's going to cause them to headbang.

Hey, we h4xxbust you for FREE! In society, h4xx-busting comes in the form of a suspension or a sack, man, we're really kind already, now aren't we?

And like I said, we DO give you diaper money to solve your problems later

Originally Posted by LimitedEternal

Ironically, if I need advice on whether something might be haxx, I ask...one of the haxxbusters. :3

Better to run it by them before you set it in stone, than to post it and have them start shooting. Hell, my favorite piece of advice, for anyone, is to run a preliminary of any idea past someone else first. That second opinion can make all the difference in the world.

Now THAT is the model for safe OCing. I must admit I myself take a lot of risks in never running anything past people first...but it hasn't caused me major problems yet (except with PF, although you're one to talk about that, Phoenix )

Originally Posted by Keroko

While you could look at it that way, doesn't that also mean that it is Nanoha, not Xiro, that participated in its testing?

Not...entirely, I would think. Every system has not only ONE field test. With something as scary as that, it would need a lot of different tests, to be honest. If Xiro did one of the intermediate stages, and Nanoha brought it to its final fruition with her insane-ZOMG-beamspam field tests, I wouldn't complain at all.