Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119
Look, I'm don't have low self esteem, I realize that looking for mercy dates will only end in failure. Like I said, I was feeling down at the time, and when I feel down and desperate, I have a nasty habit of coming up with stupid ideas.
As for that matter, I am sure I'm not THAT unattractive, at least not physically or intellectually, sure I'm far from muscular, and I don't have lots of money, but I am intelligent. I just have to play to my strengths.
And as for the whole idea of the world being unfair, cruel, deceptive. Trust me, I know. I probably shouldn't have said this to a girl (although we still get on OK, even if we're not dating), but this exemplifies that notion: "You say break up, I say opportunity."
Also, what exactly do you mean by aiming high if your willing to settle for something low? Are you implying that I should expect myself to end up with someone I don't find attractive, that I should expect myself to be discontented with my love/sex life?
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Sorry, I was feeling a bit depressed when I wrote that response to you.
Let me answer the last question first, because I don't want you to think that I'm saying anyone should expect to be discontented in their sex lives.
I guess what I'm really saying is that, when I was inexperienced sexually, I chased after women who represented physical and emotional ideals, because I thought that was what I wanted. Looking back on it, I think I would have been happier if I had chased after women more like myself: flawed in some regards and outstanding in others. Instead I caused myself a lot of pain by repeatedly chasing after women who I now see were transparently incompatible with myself.
It's true that some of these girls who I now see as totally incompatible were very attractive, and it is easier to say that they were bad news now then it would have been to stop my dumb self at the time when I had a hard-on for them. But it's important to be sure that you see girls for how their personalities really are and make sure that you're not just inflecting your wants on someone incompatible with them/you, just because of how you feel about them emotionally.
I'm sorry if I came off to you as sounding superior or like I was talking down to you. I don't think I'm a better person than anyone else because I've copulated with lots of women. I feel like the shellshocked survivor of many harrowing emotional experiences, much more so than I feel in any way triumphant. I just have a lot of experience with the vicissitudes of romance and so I thought that my advice might be helpful to you in your own experiences, but it also might be completely incompatible to your own situation.
I can see you are a cool and intelligent guy. I dunno if you made it, but your
Madoka avatar is awesome and clearly indicates that you have good taste and use discretion. It just also seems like you are maybe a little inexperienced and that your own eager emotions might be getting the better of you. Heartfelt feelings are of course the most important thing, but it's also important to look at things more pragmatically as well. It's great that you have confidence. Confidence is very important. But remember that a common mistake of brave, confident, inexperienced people is to courageously rush into a blunder because they haven't thought about it enough.
Anyways, the cynical thing I said about muscles, looks, brains and money was definitely extremely cynical, but there is some truth to this. Brains and money is very difficult to change, so you're lucky to be blessed with a good brain. Looks can be difficult to fix, but I really meant what I said about the muscles. If you want to get laid, then it really helps to be a little bit muscular. You don't have to look like an action hero or pro-footballer. A lot of girls are turned off by that. But a muscular, attractive, toned, physique (like Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler or Russel Crowe) is attainable and something you pursue?
Also, don't you want to be physically strong? I guess to be honest, I've always been motivated by the desire to be stronger (like a bad shounen character) and have chased after that goal for most of my life, so a good body is always something that I had as a side-effect of my own desires and mentality. I know it's not the same if you have no desire to say, cut down honeysuckle bushes with one slice of a machete, or beat someone in a street fight. But I can tell you, from my perspective, women are depressingly transparent about how much they like my muscles.
Don't get me wrong, personality is still far more important in determining relationship compatibility, but things like muscles can be a big asset, especially if you are interested in things like one night stands and casual sex relationships.
Anyways, I don't want to make anyone feel discouraged. If you pursue what you want, you will get it in the end (at least if it is something as mundane as finding love and getting laid). I wish you the best of luck and honestly hope my advice is helpful, or, if it isn't helpful, you can see it is worthless to you and disregard it.